I look in the mirror while we drive
away from Finneas and Aleksander.
This was obviously a stupid idea, I shouldn't have left Finn with him, the
only thing keeping me sane is knowing
I can view him in the meeting room.
I'm more than mad at my stupid
brother but I don't want to kill him
like Marceline does,
if she would just leave him alone then
we could be with each other again.
The worst part is that I see both sides,
but I see Marceline's more,
she trusted Aleksander and Finneas but
they tried to kill her, which is a perfectly
valid reason for her to be upset, but
Finn was so in love with Layla that he listened to everything she said to him.
Don't get me started on Hannah.
I can't just let my best friend kill my
little brother, I wish she'd understand
that but she has every reason to be
upset. I just want my best friend back.
I miss having someone to watch movies
with and laugh at my amazing jokes.
Now I don't have anyone to talk to,
every time I try to talk to Finneas he
gets upset and calls it "lecturing him"
"You know, you said Marceline has been
all emotionless and cold toward you?"
He isn't really asking, he's just trying to
ease the tension in the car. I'm
too tired to make jokes or even laugh.
My head hurts from all the stress
I've been under,
the last time I saw Marceline was when
she told me that she plans on getting
"revenge"
even though she cried she didn't show
any emotion other than that.
For one second she let me see how exhausted she was, then she picked
the mask back up and left the diner.
I wish I never said any of those things
in the cabin, none of it was true, I just
wanted a break; I felt stupid because
I couldn't find any information.
Every time I came back to her with no
good news I could feel her
disappointment, and she's one of the
only people I care about.
Her opinion matters to me, maybe
more than anyone else's; and I didn't
want to be hurt by myself, so I made
her feel a fraction of my emotions.
It was selfish and I'm tortured
by my own words every single day.
"Aleksander has been the opposite,
I mean sometimes he'll just stare at
anything, he won't speak to you he'll
just get lost in his own little world."
I wish I could tell him how Marceline's
been but I don't really know.
"Oh really?" I say, trying to help him
build the conversation,
watching him struggle to talk to me
makes me feel like a shitty person.
He nods and drives onto the highway, speeding past all of the cars,
making me feel a little anxious and
even a little nostalgic, I think about me
and Marceline driving fast on the roads, music blasting, windows down.
Hair flying everywhere, laughing,
crying, screaming.
It's something you have to experience
to understand the energy.
"He's always been very out of touch with
his emotions, it's like he's always distant," Xavier tells me, it sounds nothing
like how Marceline describes him.
"But then," Xavier says "He met her and
he suddenly he has all of these emotions,
I would see him laugh and smile occasionally but nothing like how he was with her."
"Marcy knows how to make people
smile, it's kind of disturbing."
I laugh and look out of the window
"She'll either be an absolute
nightmare or the best daydream."
he starts laughing and gets off
the highway, onto a private road
One that leads to the bar.
I start to feel uneasy, I never
told him where the bar was.
"Aleksander told me this was where
Hannah lead him, is this where she is
or not?" oh- the feeling still sits in my
stomach but I realize it's the paranoia
that I experience too often.
Xavier aggressively taps on the steering
wheel while waiting for the traffic to
start moving, he's clearly trying to mask
his road rage and it isn't going great.
The energy in here is very awkward,
I don't know what to say or ask,
I'm in too much of a depressive state
and until I can find a joke that makes
us both laugh, I'm stuck in it.
I blurt out a question, it's one I
shouldn't ask and something odd
for me to notice
"So, do you have road rage or are you
just-" he interrupts me, I don't know
if I should be happy about that or not
"No, It's just this idiotic fucking driver,
they can't even fucking drive
and I don't want to scare you but they
won't stop hitting the stupid
fucking breaks, no one else is doing it,
They won't just give it a rest!"
I start laughing, my bones feel sore
and my chest hurts
"Have you never driven before?" I ask
him and continue laughing right after
He throws his hands up in frustration,
making his hand hit the
top of the car "Fuck, Fucking, Fuck."
he rubs his hands and says
"I never had to drive! Aleksander is
too much of a fucking control freak
to let me drive his stupid car!"
We both laugh so much, rocking back
and forth, hitting whatever is in front
of us, trying to control our bodies.
The whole car starts shaking, making
it look like fucking is in here.
Knowing that makes it even funnier.
"Can you play music, Aleksander never
wants any music and it's annoying."
I scoff and nod, I didn't think Aleksander
could get any worse but here I am, being proven wrong. "Abso-fucking-lutely"
I grab my phone and start the
music, playing my favorite song,
Xavier slowly turns his head,
looking me dead in the eye
"I love this song!" excitement runs
through my veins and makes me smile
See Marceline, I have great
music taste so I win, you lose.
After dancing in the car and basically screaming the lyrics of songs we get to
the gross bar, I don't understand why
she wants to work there, every time I look
there is only an old guy behind the bar.
"Is that?" Xavier says with a gasp,
I look up and see Marceline
and Izabella, dancing and laughing;
now I want to go in there with them
"Well, we found them," I say, hoping
I don't sound jealous, I'm not it's just
stupid that she keeps picking a
Petrov over me, I'm so much more fun!
And why is Izabella with her, if
Marceline thinks that Aleksander
is trying to kill her wouldn't
she want to hide from all the Petrovs?
I swear to God none
of this makes any sense.
Play song from banner ;)
Izabella grabs my hands and spins me
around, we laugh and sing the
song that is playing on the speaker.
We go around the bar and pour
another drink, for both of us,
grabbing the whole bottle and
dancing around the tables.
Izabella gets on a chair and sways her
hips while all her dark red,
almost Auburn hair spins around her.
This is the most fun I've had in a while.
I glance out of the window and see a
car speed off, faster than normal but
I know that I'm just being paranoid,
it's normal for cars to get caught in
traffic and start speeding the second
they move. The windows were tinted
so I couldn't evensee the person.
"Marcelee!" Izabella shouts that stupid nickname, I smile and look over at her
My eyes don't find hers but instead,
they find Celestes, she
has her arms crossed, and uses one
of her fingers to tap the opposite arm,
she looks so serious, like a teacher.
"What are you both doing?" Izabella
lifts her hand and says "Dancing!"
While spinning around, then stumbling
off the chair. I lift my glass bottle, filled with cheap alcohol "and Drinking."
She nods her head slowly and looks
us both up and down. "Marceline,
you have a fight in twenty minutes.
You shouldn't be drinking."
I take a large gulp of the alcohol
"Yet here I are- I mean am."
Another song starts playing and Izabella
points at the speaker while shouting,
very loud "THAT'S MY SONG!"
She pulls me toward her and
puts my hands on her bare waist.
She throws her head back and tells
Celeste to come with us, my eyes trail
down her neck, to her breast, to her
hands on mine. I don't feel anything
besides the humor in the entire situation.
I'm so drunk.
Celeste starts laughing and pours herself
a drink. Why does she get to get the
fancy alcohol, I want some, I want to be
so drunk that I don't even think clearly.
I'm planning on forgetting everything,
Celeste walks over to us and hands me
her glass "don't drink it all!" I drink
all of it, not even leaving a drop for her.
"Marceline!" she whines and I start laughing while coughing, so funny.
I feel tears in my eyes and Izabella
starts drying them and then someone
kisses me, their lips on mine, and then
on my neck. Izabella walks over
to the bar, making me realize it's Celeste
"How much alcohol have you had?!"
she laughs in my mouth "I can taste it."
the bar door opens, making the
bell ding and I hear footsteps
coming toward us, so loud,
and stompy, is that a word?
I turn my head and have to take a
breath to see clearly, my vision
clears, kind of like water but clearer,
I don't know if that is a word,
is word considered a word
because it's literally a word?
Is it possible to feel fuzzy,
I feel fuzzy and maybe a little dizzy.
How did I get on the floor?
It kind of hurts, I'm so sleepy.
My body hurts, and I hold myself
and take a deep breath,
I feel like I'm going to throw up, Gross
I think I already did, is that a goldfish?
I haven't had that since I was ten, where
is Louis? I want to dance with him,
he should be making a joke by now.
I look up and see wade, his sweater
looks ugly, who works in a bar
and wears a grandpa sweater?
that's mean...I don't want to be mean
"I'm sob- so sorry, Wadey!" he looks
at Izabella whose crying
while the vodka pours into her mouth.
Wait Wadey's talking, oh my god I
missed what he said I'm so
awful, no wonder Aleksander left.
I pull the ring out of my pocket and
look at the crystal; how expensive was
this? He might want it back, I should
take it to him, maybe we'll sleep
together and then he'll leave me again.
Or maybe I'll be good enough for him,
maybe he won't want to hurt me this
time. I can be better, I'll be
so much better, I promise, I swear it.
It's too bad that Izabella doesn't look
anything like him,
I would make out with her and maybe
I could feel the same things I used to.
It was so weird, it was like feeling
drunk but more tingly and cloudy,
where did the expression
"head in the clouds" come from?
Was someone in the clouds
and described it....
"Louis! I need help getting up....please"
He doesn't come to help me, did he
leave me too, where is he?
Why is everyone leaving, I can't
breathe, I can't even see, I can't
speak, and all I can do is listen.
We all turn our heads to Izabella when
she starts crying even louder, mascara flooding down her face. At least
I'm not crying that much, this eyeliner
took too long, I look so cool.
Why am I laughing? My chest hurts
so bad, I want to sleep, and the floor
feels so nice.
Maybe I should just sleep here.
Turn off the music bc it
would be weird to keep
it playing in this part 🤨
Nobody is going to help me, I feel
a hand in mine and when open my
eyes I see my mom, she really
does look so much like Hannah, well actually Hannah looks like her. Wow.
She let go of my hand "Wait, mom!"
I shout, hoping she'll stay,
please just stay, I can't lose her again,
I don't want to be alone.
She smiles at me, I wish she would
speak so I can hear her voice again,
I forgot the sound of it, and the way
it brought me comfort.
She disappears, so I close my
eyes, hoping she'll be there,
I hope everyone will be there.
I close my eyes, just for a few seconds.
•~~~~~~~~~~❀❀❀~~~~~~~~~~~•
So, I'm a little late to the fight.
Although I'm much more sober,
I still feel the alcohol in my system
but I told Celeste
I was going to fight so here I am.
I have no idea who I'm fighting,
I hope they can't tell I'm drunk, I don't
want them to take advantage of it.
I'm still so tired, I was falling asleep
when Celeste and Izabella were fixing
my makeup.
I have no idea what I was doing
but apparently, we were dancing
and drinking, in theory it's fun
but I never mix well with it.
Anyways, there is nothing I can do
about it now. I walk out of the back
rooms and into the room.
The spotlight blinds me, but I have
to pretend It doesn't,
my eyes slightly water because of how
much this light burns,
why did I agree to this?
The cheering is killing my ears, how
am I not deaf yet?
I think I'm going to throw up, I feel it coming up my throat and into my
mouth. I swallow it and try not to gag
I can still taste it in my mouth,
I'm starving, but
I don't need to eat anymore, I'll just
get this over with and go home.
I climb into the ring and see him, Emilio.
He smiles and shakes my hand, the
referee tells us the basic rules
and we just nod because there obvious.
Not long after the match starts,
he throws a few bad punches,
intentionally.
I'm not even sure how I do it
but Emilio falls to the ground
and I get on top of him, making
sure it stays that way. I straddle
him and hold his arms down.
This looks terrible but I just want to
get this over with. The referee counts
down and Emilio pretends to fight me.
He's so kind, it's weird and
unusual.I want him to stop
before I get too uncomfortable,
does he want something
from me? I have nothing to give.
After a few minutes, he stops
pretending to fight me and gets
slightly more aggressive, not so much
that I can't handle but more playfully.
I don't even know what I'm doing,
I'm too in my mind to focus on fighting.
He grabs my waist and pushes me
down, onto the floor of the ring, it didn't hurt but it wasn't exactly painless.
My back hits against one of his
hands and his other goes around
my neck, what about the rules
and all the people watching?
The referee is sitting on a black stool
next to the bar, drinking his hours away.
"I love no-rule matches, don't you?"
he whispers, he didn't even have
to considering how loud the crowd is.
Oh shit, that's what the referee was
telling us, he was saying what rules
didn't apply. Underground clubs like
this do no-rule matches all of the time.
Emilio lifts my head up and smiles
"Having fun?" he asks, maybe I am.
I use all of the strength in my legs
and flip us over,
making his back hit the floor and his
legs under mine "I am, are you?"
He nods and flips us over again.
His clean breath hits my lips and
his eyes stare into mine.
He pushes his knee between my legs
and tightens his hold on my waist.
I feel warmer but not the same as
earlier and definitely not in the way
others have made me feel before.
I really shouldn't compare Emilio to Aleksander or any other relationship.
But maybe I'm not supposed to feel
the way Aleksander made me feel,
the outcome was awful,
but the feeling was so, insanely good.
I wish I could drink that feeling;
it's better than any drug I've ever had.
Why couldn't he feel the same way?
I don't know what I did that was so
wrong, he should've just left me alone.
Men are awful, pretty, but awful.
Ringing fills my ears and the crowds
cheer, neither of us actually won
but the fight has one more round.
One of the people in my corner
of the ring hands me my phone,
I don't know why but then I see
Celestes contact and the call button.
I look over at the bar and see her staring at
me, holding the phone up to her ear.
I lift the phone to mine and hear her speak,
her voice is so quiet, making me turn the volume up. "Marceline, you need to listen
to me, okay?" I nod my head even though
I'm not looking at her.
There is a certain warning in her voice
that makes me realize I need to
be careful about how I react.
"Marceline," she says so carefully
"He's here, Aleksander and everyone
else. They're here and it's
time to move to plan three."
no fucking way, it's not happening.
〈𝒫ℒ𝒜𝒩 𝒯ℋℛℰℰ〉
𝒦𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓌𝒽ℯ𝓃 𝓉𝒽ℯ
ℴ𝓅𝓅ℴ𝓇𝓉𝓊𝓃𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝒶𝓇𝓇𝒾𝓋ℯ𝓈.
I'm not ready for this, I don't want things
Like to end this way. "No, no not now."
I look up at her and laugh, hoping it masks
the tears I'm barely managing
to hold back, what's wrong with me?!
She scoffs "Yes now, this has to happen now, it's the best time Celine, they know you're alive now!" how are they even
here, did Louis really tell him,
was he that mad at me?!
"I lead them down here so we can get it
over with, we don't have to wait anymore!"
she's crazy, Celeste Marlowe is insane.
"No, I won't kill them." I look around the
room full of people, where are they?
But more importantly where is Aleksander?
Shit, did he see me in here?
I must've looked like an idiot,
hopefully, my makeup looks good.
I climb out of the ring, making the crowd
yell and laugh, I'm too scared and shocked
to be embarrassed.
Wait a fucking minute, Oh my god, I'm such
an idiot, Izabella is standing with them, and that's when it happens.
My eyes find the ones that hold so
many colors, gold, brown, and green.
Maybe others that I haven't noticed.
He's looking at me, he looks scared,
or maybe just confused, possibly angry.
I guess he's all of those things; I would
be if the person I killed wasn't dead.
"Aleksander fucking Petrov."
I hear Celeste say right next to me,
I move past her, I take the staircase
that's in the back rooms.
which leads to the dumpster.
I feel the cold air hit the back of my neck
and then I run, I run until my muscles are burning and my feet feel numb.
Then I hide, in an alleyway with trash and
rats, and people who can't afford
a place to stay and maybe even people who
are hiding just like me.
___________________________
𝟤-𝟪-𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟥