February 28th, 2021
Heeseung has been so adamant about making it up to me. He keeps buying my favorite snacks, buying me flowers and even bought me a new stuffed animal. It's another cat one but it's ginger so I named it Nogseun. Aka Rusty.
Ori, Eun, Soha, Goun and now Nogseun. Heeseung has been trying hard and now I feel really bad for what I said when I was drunk that one day.
Nobody deserves to suffer the way I do (except my parents). The more I think about it the more I feel bad and funny enough today was his day in my dorm. He's sitting on the couch while I lay in my bed.
I decided to climb down and sit next to him. He seemed surprised, almost confused. I frowned and hugged him. He slowly hugged me back as again, he was confused.
"Is something wrong Jeongmi?" He asked. I felt disappointed. He's stopped calling me love and I wish he would. Though I shook my head, he could tell it was a lie.
"Are you thinking bad things perhaps? Craving alcohol?" He continued to question. I shook my head once more. I took my phone out my pocket and quickly typed. "I'm really sorry Heeseung." Then I let him see.
A small frown took it's spot on his face. His arms tightened around my waist. "Don't worry about it ok?" He spoke rather quietly, our faces closer.
I felt my lip quiver so I looked down, not wanting him to see me cry again. "Don't be ashamed of crying Jeongmi. It's normal ok?" Heeseung tried his best to comfort me.
I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, laying a soft kiss on his nape. Heeseung seemed even more shocked by this and gasped. His arms slowly wrapped around me, rubbing my back.
"Are you sure you're alright? You don't normally do this." Heeseung teased, trying to get me to laugh. It worked and I let out a small giggle, backing off of him yet I still held onto the sleeve of his shirt.
"Like I said Jeongmi, it's fine. I couldn't possibly ever hate you." Heeseung comforted, rubbing my arm. I grabbed out my phone. I hesitated on typing what I wished to but I ended up going through with it.
"Do you love me?" I typed and then turned it to Heeseung. A bright toothless smile grew on his face as his eyes shined. He looked back at me with warm eyes.
"Always."
March 4th, 2021
Always it was. Me and Heeseung have gotten closer since then. It obviously hasn't been long but it's like we've known eachother forever. I've slowly began to talk more and have got more comfortable with it.
It feels so liberating to talk now. I think Little Jeongmi is healing. Heeseung is making me feel alive. I don't need alchohol or to hurt myself. I have Heeseung, Jay, and Sunoo by my side.
Even with the group, all of us have started to hang out with eachother more. I'm actually really starting to enjoy life. I won't have to die without love.
Oh and I haven't really asked him, but I think me and Heeseung should just become official. Not publicly of course but I'm scared of asking him if he wants to make the two of us official.
I mean we are back to loving all over each other and all that but I'm just nervous I guess. I decided to make a plan to ask him. Tomorrow, when he's at the studio, I'll dress up real nice and make him a nice dinner and then ask.
I'm sure he'd say yes but again, I can't be a 100% sure. I'll get him flowers and his favorite sweets. I really hope he'll like it. He's the type to do things for you and not expect anything back.
Well that's about to change.
March 5th, 2021
Heeseung is going to be back from the studio soon. He's so clueless and the adrenaline is starting to pump through my blood. I have everything set up and I'm making touch-ups on my makeup.
I'm wearing a rather tight black dress since I know he likes the color black. I also had some fancy black heels I recently bought to match the dress.
I was staring at myself in the mirror for a while. I've never worn something that showed my shape so well. I was still a bit uncomfortable with my body but for some reason tonight, I felt so confident.
I got lost in the mirror, checking every curve of my body when I started to here the code being typed in. I ran and grabbed the flowers just as the door opened.
Heeseung looked shocked, seeing the nice food, then his eyes laid on me. A big smile spread across his face. "What's all this about?" He asked, setting his bag down and taking off his shoes.
"I just wanted to have a nice date with you." I lied, which it wasn't truly a lie but somewhat I suppose. "You sure? You're quite dressed up hm?" He questioned, obviously not believing me.
I scoffed. "Just sit down it eat." I ordered. He laughed but did as I said. We both sat down at the island chairs and just talked casually while eating, my nerves growing every second.
I think Heeseung noticed something was off but he didn't say anything. Once we were both done, I stood infront of him on the other side of the island.
"Heeseung can I ask you something?" My voice was shaky from my nervousness. Heeseung was watching me carefully, examining my body language.
"Yes of course." Heeseung responded, on the edge of his seat out of curiosity. I took a deep breath, my hands trembling. "Can we be official? In the means of us dating because-" He abruptly stood up, making me stop talking.
He slowly walked around the counter and walked behind me, causing me to turn around. "Of course we can be official. You didn't need to do all of this nor be so nervous but I do really appreciate it." Heeseung responded with a small laugh.
I let out a deep breath, relaxing against the counter. His hands were suddenly grabbing my waist as he bent down to my height.
I suddenly just imagined his lips on my skin as his hands unzipped my dress. Butterflies stormed in my stomach and I had to look away from him. I'm going to hell for that. "What's wrong?" He asked.
I shook my head and tried to control myself, looking back up at him. He smirked and connected our lips. It turned very passionate very quick.
He picked me up, wrapping my legs around himself. His lips travelled to my neck. I gripping onto his shoulder as my other hand was in his hair.
I felt his lips curl into a smile as he continued to leave wet kisses of love all over my nape. He put me down on the counter, his hands travelling all over my body, then down to my thighs.
Our lips reconnected as his hands travelled to the insides of my dress. I think you can imagine what happened from there. I've never been so happy in my life to be honest.
I've never been able to trust someone with myself like I have with Heeseung. He was so loving and didn't care about the marks from my past that laced my skin. He loved every part of me.
That's all I could ever ask for.
March 6th, 2021
I woke up pretty late. I think it was about 11am. Heeseung had already woken up. I immediately realized I didn't have any clothes on besides some underwear.
I spun around as I was facing the wall to see Heeseung casually on his phone. He had all his clothes on. He looked down at me, seeing I was awake.
"Good morning love. It's almost 12 yknow." He teased. I whacked his arm. He laughed and ruffled my hair up. "Where's my shirt?" I asked. Heeseung seemed to get a bit flustered before climbing down some of the steps and grabbing a shirt from my dresser.
It was one of my oversized ones. He handed it to me while he sat back in his spot. I got a little shy and moved so my back faced him when I sat up. I put the shirt on and let out a little sigh as I turned around.
"You ok?" He asked, seeming worried. I nodded with a small smile, cuddling up to him. "I love you." I whispered. "I love you too." He whispered back, rubbing my back.
The perfect ending is what you could call this. I was with someone I loved, yes he did me wrong quite a few times but I always saw who he really was. No matter how mad I got and no matter what I said because of it, I always loved him.
He always ended up loving me too. Now we are to spend the rest of eternity with one another. Not to mention I have friends like Jay and Sunoo by my side. Oh, speaking of, I ended up contacting Dongyul and explaining what had been going on.
So add Dongyul in there too. I could never ask for anything more than what I have. I loved Heeseung and he loved me, always.
(Sorry that this is shorter than other chapters but I really hoped you enjoyed this story. Sorry for ending it but I'm starting a new series very soon that for once it is not enha related. I hope you are all doing well and stay healthy. Remember: there is always someone who loves you even if you think there arent. Even if not, you wont die without love.)
(Also, I put a lot of personally feelings into this regarding the mental health of the main girl, Jeongmi. I mainly used this story as a way to vent my feelings and show people that you are never alone. Not to mention, having Jay and Heeseung *sometimes* saying the words I wish I could hear. I'm proud of you for being so strong <3)