It was the next morning, and my naked body was intertwined with his. My sheets hung from my lower hip and covered his bottom half, my head laid against his chest while his hand casually combs through my red locks. I've now discovered my favorite sound, and it's his heartbeat and the way he calmly breathes.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked, my voice coming out as a mere whisper.
"You, I'm always thinking about you." He says, softly.
I smiled, my stomach was fluttering with butterflies. My body slid across his, my arm flipped my hair across to my other shoulder. "Penny for your thoughts about me?"
His fingers were still combing through my hair but his eyes were staring right at mine this time, he held eye contact without looking away for even a second.
"Your eyes, your hair, your smile, your flowery scent, your laugh."
My smile grows larger, it makes me happy that he's so mesmerized by me. "I know, I know, I'm pretty mesmerizing." I said, playfully.
"It's hard being this irresis-"
"How much I want you to marry me, how much I want you to have my last name." He said, bluntly.
My smile slowly faded away, and so did the butterflies. The atmosphere switched from a sweet, goofy one to a more serious one which made me want to sit up and focus. I see it in his eyes, he was being dead serious with me right now and that frightened me just a little. His hand stopped combing before carefully slipping under my chin, lifting my chin so my eyes were more visible to his.
"Is that such a crazy thought, darling?"
I was silent for a couple of seconds, my eyes were blinking nonstop along with my mouth slightly parted. His thumb stroked my chin waiting for a response or a body movement that'd reveal my feelings. I want to be scared but I can't, I've loved him this entire time and he no longer scares me. My therapist told me that I was the one standing in the way of my happiness, and I don't want to anymore.
"It's not crazy." I whispered, gently.
He exhaled in pure relief, his head falls back just a little. "There's something I've been keeping from you."
He gently removes my body from his, curiosity filled my eyes as my eyebrows scrunched together. He reached inside the back pocket of his pants pulling out a small white box, my eyes harden on the box that could possibly hold something I once feared. His thumb skimmed over the box that was in perfect condition, freshly new, and unopened.
He turned back around, his eyes connecting with mine. My breathing slowed down along with his, my eyes fluttered to the box between us with my mouth parting slightly.
"I've carried this box for nearly five years." He whispered, quietly and his words somehow brushed against my cheeks. "That day when we lost our baby, I was on my way to give you this but I couldn't and I'm sorry."
"That day was the worst day of both our lives."
I nod my head, tears gathering around my eyes remembering that dreadful day. I lost a part of myself that day that I'll never be able to find again, it probably was one of the lowest parts of my life and I've had many.
"I was engaged to your son, and you believed it was his child, I get it." I responded, softly.
"No, it's not okay because even if it were his child, it was a part of you and I love every single part of you." He said, shaking his head while biting his tongue. "I should've never walked out that door, I should've stayed there with you all night and day while holding your hand through it all."
"I'll never forgive myself for that, never."
This is the closure I need, I didn't even know that I needed it till it left his lips.
Tears slowly trailed down my cheeks, my lips pulled together holding back the sob of relief because it finally felt like a brick lifted from my chest after all these years.
"I forgive you even if you can't forgive yourself." I whispered, my hand cupping his cheek as he nods expectedly.
I love even the bad parts of him, the darkest thought he'll ever have will never be the darkest but the lightest. Just like he loves every part of me, even when I don't think I'm good enough he'll still love me.
"Talitha Cardoso, the moment I first laid eyes on you was the moment my entire world shifted. All I remember was trying to find a flaw, just a single flaw about you and there were none. All I saw was your bright ginger hair, beautiful smile with dimples on both sides of your cheeks, your scent of floral with a hint of rain, the sound of your voice, and the orange dress with multiple pearls running everywhere." He said, calmly and very collectively.
My breathing hitched and a small smile appeared on my lips, he remembers everything about me the night we met even down to what I smelt like.
"Speaking to you felt natural, felt like I had done it a million times. I remember feeling that instant spark with you and having to play it cool because it scared me that I had never felt that type of spark before with anyone. I couldn't sleep that night, nor the next few nights. My thoughts, my wishes, and my vows were all surrounding you. Your existence has always meant everything to me, loving you has been the easiest thing I've ever done in my life."
There was practically a puddle of tears underneath me, I couldn't stop them from falling as much as I couldn't stop loving him even more. His words were beautiful and have been evolving throughout the years, and it makes me feel like I've always been lovable.
"You are my person, and you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. In many different stages and versions, regardless of the change, whether that be good or bad, I want to experience it with you and only you." He says, his fingers opening the white box revealing the most beautiful ring I've ever seen. It was a five-stone white diamond ring with a gold band, it's like he knew which ring would fit my personality the best. "Will you marry me, darling?"
Speechless only because I'm currently choking on my tears from how much I was crying, my hands started fanning my cheeks trying to stop the waterworks but it wasn't helping.
"Are you sure? Because once I put that ring on you'll never be able to get rid of me." I said, my voice cracking mid-sentence.
"Baby, I don't want to live another second without you." He reassures me, his voice softening while looking deeply into my eyes.
"What if tomorrow you wake up and want your life back?" More tears fell, no matter how far I'll be in life the trauma my father embedded inside me will always be there, not being good enough or even lovable will always be there and yes he makes me forget but there will always be a whisper in the back of brain.
I hate my dad for everything he's ever done to me, it doesn't only hurt me but it hurts the people that try to love me, because in my head everything is fake and a lie.
"I'm scared of that, Kaz. I'm scared that you'll eventually fall out of love with me, I'm scared I'll never be enough for you." I whispered under my breath, you could hear the fear in my voice. I'd never been this honest with anyone before, it felt easy with him.
His other hand cupped my cheek just like I was cupping his, his thumb slowly wiped away my cheek while leaning closer. "Talitha, I can't breathe without you."
I exhaled quietly, my forehead gently falling against his with my eyes shut just enjoying his scent. "I can't without you, either."
"I'll never hurt you, darling." He says, so softly I almost missed it if I was t hyper-fixated on his voice and in general his face.
I like that he reinsures me, it makes me feel like my feelings are being heard and valid even if they aren't.
We pulled apart, and his eyes that I'm so fond of stared back into mine. I smiled, and my eyes fell on the ring that was perfectly made for my finger and holds every single quality I want in a ring.
"Talitha Rhodes, has always had a ring to it, don't you think?" I asked, playfulness in my voice and fresh tears against my cheeks.
He smiles, it was the biggest smile I'd ever seen. He very quickly pulls the ring out while I held my hand out for him, he slipped the ring on and it fit perfectly on my hand like it was meant to be there. I finally had a ring I loved, finally someone I truly love put a ring on my finger and it wasn't for money or my father, it was for me and us.
Once I was down gawking at it, I attacked his lips with mine and fell against his naked chest. My hand touched his cheek deepening the kiss, the ring was glistening in the sunlight. His hands roamed across my head combing my hair back, his breath mingled mine like it was so natural.
"My mom's funeral is today, will you come with me?" I asked, my voice was quiet and sounded fragile.
"If you're there then I'm there." He whispered.
I leaned back in, my lips very softly touching his. Our breath mingled like it was something so natural, his lips felt soft and so loving against mine that it. His chest was heaving up and down slowly, and my hands touched his skin so effortlessly.
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there's still a storm ahead..lol