Me and Lo'ak arrived at the eating place, hand in hand. All eyes were turned on us, and a suspicious tone was in the air. I gulped and led Lo'ak to sit down, I glanced at Neteyam who was looking at us out of the corner of my eyes, it was as if everyone knew something was different.
"So," Neytiri began as I got me and Lo'ak food. "Where were you two last night?"
"Uh- just, out." Lo'ak stuttered. But quickly steadied his tone, and simply shrugged, "We spent the night in the forest, like usual."
"Mmhhmm," Neytiri tilted her head and squinted her eyes.
"Look if you two mated that's fine- '' Jake started but Lo'ak quickly spoke over him, gritting his teeth.
"Dad can we please not talk about this right now?"
Neteyam snickered and me and Lo'ak shot him a glare. Jake continued, "I think this is the perfect place to discuss this matter!"
Lo'ak sighed and shut his eyes, "Maybe, maybe we did."
I blushed and to my surprise, Neytiri jumped up and hugged me from behind. "Yes! I knew it! I have yet another daughter!" She pecked my cheek sweetly, and returned to her original position, smiling at me.
I blushed and returned the smile, not remembering the feel of a true mother's love. As I thought about this, I felt tears stinging my eyes, and I had to bite my cheek to keep them in.
"Finally!" Kiri exclaimed, smiling as well. "You are officially my sister!" She nudged my shoulder and Tuk jumped in my lap.
"Yay! Are you going to live with us? Is there going to be a wedding?" She spoke rapidly, overwhelming me with questions.
"Tuk!" Lo'ak groaned, covering his face with his hands in embarrassment.
"Well they may want their own hut," Jake spoke. "For, you know, privacy reasons."
At this, Neteyam burst out laughing and Lo'ak practically screamed into his hands.
"What is this?" a stern and angry voice spat.
I looked up to see Tarsem, my father, towering over us and glowering. "Oh- uh, Tarsem," Jake cleared his throat. "Well you know, they're adults now so-"
"Not in my view, this girl," he looked at me, "Is no adult, she's immature and childish. You should see the way she cries and screams at the tiniest things!" He sneered. I looked at the ground in shock, I could feel everyone's eyes on me; like the whole clans. Tarsem pursued his mission to humiliate me, "And with your son? He has demon blood!"
Neytiri and Jake looked too shocked to say anything but Lo'ak sprung up, attempting to take a step towards my father. Neteyam pushed him backwards, and I abruptly stood up, fuming at the man in front of me.
"I will not allow you to mate with this alien." Tarsem stated.
"Since when do you care?" I exclaimed. "And he is no alien! Plus, it is too late."
"Too late?" Tarsem yelled. "What are you saying?"
"We are mated before Eywa, it is done."
His lips curled inward and he grabbed me by my braid, I shrieked from pain as he dragged me away. I heard commotion behind me and Jake yelling after us. Tarsem eventually let go, tossing me away when we reached a more private space.
"How dare you!" He yelled.
"How dare I? How dare you! Humiliating me like that! Really? You would stoop that low, you have no heart!" I screamed, my hands balling into fists.
He scoffed, "You are the future Tsahik! You must mate under my command!"
"I will never fall under your command! And I never have!"
He scoffed, "Really? That's not what I remember! Shall I recall you just weeks ago, sobbing and asking why I didn't care about you? Here, this is my proof I care about you!"
Tears started to pour down my cheeks, "This is not caring about me! This is caring about yourself! You want to control everything! Well guess what? You can't dumbass!"
He suddenly slapped me across my face, and my hand flew to my cheek. I just closed my eyes and looked over my shoulder, this was a regular occurrence.
"Did you just hit her?" A very angry Jake asked behind us.
I spun around and saw Jake and Neytiri. Neytiri stood in shock and quickly ran beside me, whereas Jake was obviously filled with anger. Neytiri placed her hands on my shoulders, holding her ground protectively beside me.
"Jake it is fine-"
"How often does this happen?" He demanded, speaking over me.
I began to speak but was cut off by Tarsem saying, "It does not concern you!"
"She is my son's mate, to hell it does!" He turned to me, "Li'laak?"
I just looked to my feet, not wanting to give him the answer he already knew. "You son of a bitch," his voice cracked and he took a step back from Tarsem. He grabbed my upper arms and shook me to get him to look at me. "Are you alright?"
I nodded my head as more tears started to spill out of my eyes. "Let us go," Neytiri said harshly, glaring at Tarsem.
"She is my daughter! She will stay with me!" Tarsem called out after us as I was led away.
"She is our daughter now, she will stay with us," Neytiri replied dominantly.
We walked past Home Tree and I glanced at everyone looking shooken. I saw Neteyam and Lo'ak arguing, Lo'ak saw me standing with tears streaming down my face, both his parents holding onto me and guiding me to his home. He ran after and caught up with us, Neytiri and Jake stepping away as he placed his hands on my shoulders.
"Are you ok? What happened?" He asked, anxiety filling his voice.
I just looked away and Jake spoke up, "Lo'ak, let's just go home, alright?"
"Is she coming with us?" Lo'ak looked at his father.
"Yes," Neytiri answered for her mate, sighing afterwards.
"Come on," Jake jerked his head towards their Home Tree.
Lo'ak pinned me to his side as we began to walk, and I held one hand to my forearm, looking at the ground blankly. Lo'ak looked at me worriedly, he recognized that blank expression, and it only occurred when something terrible had happened.
We all arrived at the Sully hut. Neteyam, Kiri, and Tuk followed soon afterwards. As soon as Tuk saw me she ran to me, asking quickly, "What happened? What happened Li'laak?"
I heard Neteyam mutter to his father the same question, and embarrassment washed over me. I did not want everyone to know my problems with my father, and now the whole fucking clan knew. I mean of course everyone knew that me and my dad didn't have the best relationship, but they all assumed it was because I was a teenager or because of my mother's death. Shit, my mother's death.
My breathing became ragged, and I knew that I needed to get out of there soon. I abruptly stood up, and my body started to shake. "I am going to go get some of my things," I said quickly with a shaky voice.
Everyone's heads whipped to me with concern, which just worsened things. "Should we come with you?" Jake asked kindly.
"No!" I snapped.
Everyone looked at me confused and I just turned around, swiftly getting out of the house. I knew someone was following me, and I knew who it was. I didn't want him to see me like this, but I guess it was inevitable. My hand went to my forehead, and I came to a stop, knowing no one was around.
I started to pace shortly and wave my hands rapidly, trying to breathe properly. The tears started to come again, and I felt a hole rip in my heart. I just needed my mom. I just need her. I kept repeating in my head.
"Ma Li'laak?" A quiet voice asked.
I didn't open my eyes to see Lo'ak standing there confused. No, I wasn't ready for him to see this. "No no no no," I repeated out loud this time, my voice cracking violently. He took a step closer, taking my face in my hands.
"What happened?" He demanded, shaking my face.
I just shut my eyes and silent tears started to stream like ribbons down my face. They were not silent for long though, and my head collapsed onto his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my head, making comforting sounds. He had seen me cry and rage, but I had never let him see this kind of crying and rage. They were mixed together in an uncomfortable, disastrous mess.
I backed away from him and my hands grabbed my neck, as I struggled to breath. Muffled sobs breaking out every once and again.
"Hey, hey breathe," Lo'ak knelt down and rubbed my sides. He looked extremely confused, but his touch helped me calm down a bit. "Breathe from here," he placed one hand on my stomach, and the other over my heart. I slightly smiled at the sweet memories from the reef. "The way of water has no beginning and no end. It is your home before your birth, and after your death. The sea gives, and the sea takes."
I knelt down with him, our thighs interlocking with each other. I breathed like he told me to, steadying myself with his shoulders. His hands caressed the sides of my torso, and he placed his forehead on mine.
"I don't understand, please tell me. What's wrong?"
"I can't- I can't explain," I gasped for breath as I started to lose it again.
"Shhh, it's ok it's ok. Will this help?" I opened my eyes to see his queue held out in front of me.
Yes! That was perfect! Then he would understand everything! I fumbled rapidly to get my own queue and quickly connected them. It took us both a minute to gather ourselves, the feeling always being a shock.
I felt his worry and concern and love for me, and a raging hate for my father. He pulled his head away from mine, he searched my eyes and his started to well up. "What- Ma Li'laak, you- you never told me."
"I just-" I stopped, not having the energy to talk and also knowing that he would now understand. He started to cry, and his head fell into the nape of my neck. I could feel his overwhelming sadness and his guilt for not seeing what was really going on.
I spoke to him through our connection, reassuring him that I made sure he didn't know on purpose. He hugged me tightly, muttering, "I'm so sorry."
"Don't be sorry," I sighed, not hugging him back. "Don't be sorry," I repeated, and I felt an unexpected wave of emptiness wash over me.
Lo'ak felt this too and his head snapped up to look at me. "Don't do that."
"Do what?" I asked, even though I already knew what he meant.
"Ma Li'laak, don't do that!" He shook my shoulders.
"I have to," I replied, a sorry look in my pupils.
"Ok, just, just stay with me. Like, forever?"
I laughed gently, trying to keep my eyes open. My head fell to his chest, and I whispered, "Of course."
He stood up, taking me with him. He carried me back to his, or should I say our home with me wrapped around him. We were still connected, and he could sense that I was embarrassed to go back and face everyone. "Don't be," he cooed, stroking my head.
I nuzzled farther into his neck as he disconnected our braids, and he stepped over a root that separated the outside from the house.
"Where'd you go?" Jake asked sternly.
"Is she alright?" Kiri asked as well, but instead worriedly.
"Shh," Lo'ak silenced them and shut his eyes, laying me down. I was ready for him to be next to me, but he was not. In fact, he was leaving.
I groaned and grabbed onto his bicep, begging, "Don't leave."
"Just one second, I'll be right back. Go to sleep baby," he kissed my forehead and then walked away. My arm fell limp and I listened hard to see where he was going.
I heard Jake call for a family meeting, and I heard little bits of their discussion. Jake and Neytiri were telling them about the secret I kept about my father and what had happened previously. I curled into a ball, a few tears starting to fall. I gave into it, silently crying myself to sleep.