Chapter Forty Four: You Can't Tease
"Wow, so... fancy, Alexander~" saad ko ng inilagay niya yung pagkain sa harap ko, may kasama pang Iced Matcha latte pa sa gilid.
Ang bango bango rin ng niluto niya, he did promise to cook something good for us, for tonight's dinner date here inside his apartment.
I've never actually heard of or seen this food before.
Maybe I have pero nakalimutan ko na.
It also looks appetizing too, he did keep his promise and now I'm really really hungry.
"Here, a bit of rice too." dagdag niya at inilapag yung plato na may konting kanin.
"Alam ko na diet ka pa rin, so konting kanin lang, kahit na ayaw kong nagdidiet ka."
I smiled at him right after.
I'm not really on a diet anymore, and whenever I mention 'diet' I don't actually mean diet where I starve myself, I just try to balance my weight now.
Masaya na 'ko sa timbang ko at tsaka maganda naman ako kahit na mataba ako o kahit ano pang timbang ko.
"What is this?"
I'm so curious about this meal, it looks good, smells good, and now I want to know if this actually tastes good.
"Chicken Piccata, this is technically from Italy but I tasted this for the first time back in the states, it's one of my favorite meals that I've eaten in my childhood..." he says, chuckling.
He sat across from me with his matcha and plate full of food.
"...and I thought it'd be fun to try and cook this for you." dagdag pa niya.
"This is going to be good for sure, Alex."
"Oh, it will be good. Pinaghirapan ko 'to, ilang beses akong nagpractice."
"At ilang beses ka ring nakasuno--"
"Katerina Grace Miranda."
I laughed.
What?
Bawal bang mang-asar lang ng kahit konti?
Siguradong masarap 'to, I just need to humble him a little bit, it's something that a friend would do to another friend.
"I'm just messing with you, alam mo naman na proud ako sa'yo at sa pagluluto mo, at least this time you didn't burn anything--"
"Rina, c'mon." he laughed.
"Fine, fine.. whatever."
Binigyan ko ng pansin yung pagkain sa harap ko, hiniwa ko yung manok and finally took a bite of the food.
This is actually good.
For some reason, this tastes healthy, and I actually find it delicious. There's some lemon taste in there but it's good, really good. I can't believe it, he did it, he cooked something really good for me, for us.
"So..."
"It's good, Alex. It's really good."
"Talaga?"
I could tell how happy he was from the compliment.
'Di naman sa 'di siya magaling magluto, it can be a hit and miss, sometimes when he works really hard for something he really does it successfully.
"Yeah. Masarap talaga, tingnan mo 'ko, uubusin ko 'to, I'm sure I will finish this."
"That's amazing, ha..."
Natawa siya sa sinabi ko, yung tawang 'di siya makapaniwalang nagtagumpay siya sa niluto niya, 'di na lang siya nakaluto dahil masarap din yung niluto niya.
Sinubukan ko yung Matcha na nagawa niya, he knows I'm really into Matcha these days and it's really healthy.
"You can cook better than Genevieve now..."
Shit, Genevieve would kick me if she heard this from me.
I tease her every now and then, 'di kasi siya mahilig magluto pero sinusubukan niya, kaso nga lang dahil 'di siya sanay, minsan hit and miss den, more misses than hits.
"That makes me feel so much better."
"Wag mong sabihin sa kanya na sinabi ko yo'n sa'yo, okay?" sabi ko pero natawa nanaman siya sa sinabi ko.
"I will try not to."
"Promise me you won't."
"I don't know about th--"
"O gusto mo bastedin kita?"
Nawala yung ngiti niya agad sa sinabi ko, naku, 'di yata pwede 'tong klaseng joke na 'to sa kanya.
Imagine if he had waited for me this long while holding back and then now he's holding back again while courting me--only for me to reject him.
That would suck.
Naisip ko na yun, kung babastedin ko siya since ilang beses niya 'kong sinaktan at pinaghintay.
Pero 'di pwede, 'di ko na yata kakayanin kung gano'n dahil alam ko na nahuhulog nanaman ako sa kanya, I'm falling in love, I know that.
So I'm not sure if I could even reject him.
I don't think I could do that.
Besides, my high school self would have hated me if I were to reject the man we both love.
"Looks like you're enjoying your food, I feel amazing."
"Don't be overconfident, you know you can do better, you know that right?"
"You know what, why don't YOU cook for me?"
"I've cooked for you before."
"Yes but... it's different now, you are going to be my girlfriend and as your boy--"
"Oh, shut it."
Dito nanaman siya papunta pero kahit na alam kung saan siya papunta heto ako kinikilig at ngumingisi pa, grabe.
Was I really like this back then or was I much worse?
"What? Mali bang isipin ang kinabukasan na'ting dalawa?"
"Wow? Kinabukasan na agad? Ba't 'di mo muna isipin yang 'hold back hold back' na pinagsasabi mo tapos hahalikan mo ko—"
"Rina, let's not go there, alright?"
I'm not gonna lie, kinilig ako kanina.
'Di ko inaakalang makikita ko siyang gano'n habang nasa lugar pa kami kung saan kami nagtatrabahong dalawa.
"Bakit? Kasi gusto mo pa rin ba akong halikan?" asar kong sabi habang ngininguya ko yung pagkain.
"You know the answer to that question, Rina."
You know what, I might have asked the wrong question.
Kung ano ano kasing pinagiisip ko, kung ano ano rin ang lumalabas sa bibig ko, baliw yata ako.
Ewan ko ba kung bakit pero parang may nagbago sa pagitan na'ming dalawa pagkatapos niyang sagutin yung baliw kong tanong.
"I still want to kiss you. Every day, every night--"
"Alexander--"
"--whenever you're with me, across me, when I'm looking at you--"
"Alexander, kumal--"
"--ever since I turned 15..." tinaas niya ang boses niya.
What 15?
"...ever since I turned 15, I knew I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to know what it would taste like, but I know it would taste like heaven for sure, Rina."
Maybe, 'di ko na siya aasarin pa.
Napalunok ako at ramdam ko yung pawis sa may kamay ko bigla, ninenerbyos nanaman ako.
"Uhm... I should get some ri--"
Tatayo na sana ako ng bigla siyang tumayo at ngayon sobrang lapit nanaman na'ming dalawa sa isa't-isa. Kita ko yung mapang-asar niyang ngiti.
"You don't need rice, Rina. You didn't even finish your own bowl yet." he smirks.
Fuck.
"I..."
Great, Rina.
Ano nanamang excuse mo ngayon?
"You see, Rina... when you start teasing me, don't expect me to not tease you back, love..." bulong niya.
Oh, wow.
Dinagdag niya pa talaga yang love love niya ha, wow, just wow Alexander.
Muntik ko ng makalimutan na e'to yung lalaking minahal ko for almost a decade, whatever he does never failed to drive me crazy.
"Love?" I repeat, chuckling right after.
"Practicing, I told you..."
"Practicing?"
No, Rina. Don't.
You can't do it, you'll regret it, you'll fucking regret it.
"You've been practicing that, what about the other thing?" I ask, wiping my bottom lip in nervousness and excitement.
"What... other... thing?"
"You holding back, Alexander." I smirked.
Nababaliw na talaga ako. Ewan ko ba kung pero gustong gusto ko kapag malapit na siyang bumigay sa'kin.
I could tell that he was gonna give up earlier when he kissed my hand.
And it was... something else.
There is clearly something wrong with me..
"Wow, Katerina Grace Miranda. You're still teasing me, huh?" he said, taking a deep breath.
Papalapit siya ng papalapit sa'kin at ako naman ay umaatras, nawala na yung nerbyos sa katawan ko at sinakop na ng excitement ang dibdib ko.
Fuck. Fuck!
"But you can't Rina, you can't keep teasing me like this..."
I could feel his hot breath against mine and the moment that my back hit the wall, I knew that something is about to go down.
"...you can't keep teasing a man who's obviously in love with you."
Bakit, Alex?
What would happen if I tease the man who's in love with me?
"Because... you're going to give up, hm? From your 'holding back' thing, hm?" I pause, pulling him closer by his collar.
Bumaba yung mga mata niya sa labi ko at binalik naman niya agad yung pokus niya sa mga mata ko pagkatapos.
He's tempted, isn't he?
This is so fun.
"Rina... don't..."
"Don't, Alex..."
I want him.
I want him so bad.
He started it and I'm just here to continue.
"...don't hold back anymore."
Pagkatapos kong sabihin yo'n, hinila ko siya ulet and there it is.
We are kissing once again.
It's been a while since we've kissed, since we've touched each other like this but damn... this is it, I swear.
His hands were all over my body.
Starting from my upper back down to my waist and I know that he wants to go down a bit further but he's holding back, he knows it's wrong to touch me there so he's not doing anything wrong.
Never once have I ever let my suitor touch or kiss me like this, except Alexander.
Because this is him.
The man I used to love.
The man I dream to be with since I was in 6th grade.
"Rina... I..."
He's so beautiful.
His blue eyes that light up whether the sun shines at him or whenever midnight hits and he shines brighter and beautifully than the moon.
His cheeks that blooms into color red and made me adore him every single fucking time because it compliments his blue eyes.
His broad shoulders that works so well with his arms down to his strong and huge hands.
And those lips, that turn red and get swollen every time I play with them and make it mine as if it is... mine.
And just him, in general.
This man is fucking beautiful.
I am in awe every single time.
Maybe until now, I am still in love with him.
Akala ko nawala na, na okay na 'ko. Pero kahit na itago ko o sabihin ko sa sarili ko na wala na, this is still Alexander.
I can't just pretend that I don't love him anymore because it will always be him.
And shit, even the way he tries to breathe again after making out with me, fuck... he's so hot.
"What?" bulong ko sa kanya.
He smiled.
And that was it.
He didn't have to say anything, I knew I'm just fucked up.
I want him.
I want him bad.
I want everything about him and him.
I'm crazy. I'm always crazy for him.
I pulled him into a kiss again and I might have gone aggressive.
I kissed him as if there is no one in this world but us.
I kissed him as if he was the only one for me.
I kissed him as if he was the only oxygen I breathe and live in.
I kissed him as if he was my home.
I kissed him as if he was mine.
Not was. He will be mine.
He is mine.
I didn't think na magiging possessive ako dahil sa kanya, nagselos ako noon pero never ako nakaramdam ng ganitong bagay kung saan possessive ako sa isang tao.
"R-Rina... I..."
Binuksan ko ang mga mata ko at doon ko napansin ang nagawa ko.
'Di ko na siya hinahalikan sa labi, nasa leeg niya na 'ko at napatingin ako sa mga pulang marka na nahalikan ko.
Fuck. What have I done?
He was blushing even harder now and I watched his eyes shaking, finding the right words to say.
No, ako dapat yo'n, hindi siya.
Uh oh. I might have gone too far... than I might have expected.
"Hoy, kanina ka pa diyan."
Huminga ako ng malalim at inubos ang iniinom kong bote ng tubig, jusko naubos ko agad yung tubig ko e 'di pa nga siyang nagsisimulang magdrive papunta sa Jollibee.
"Sorry... I'm just... thirsty, alam mo naman..."
Nakita ko yung pagtingin niya sa'kin sa sinabi ko, alam ko yang itsura na yan, parang may gusto siyang sabihin pero 'di niya maintindihan kung ano nga ba yung gustong sabihin niya.
"Anong meron? Nag-away nanaman ba kayo ni Cardoza?"
"We don't argue anymore, Diamante."
"Right."
'Di ko gusto yung tono niya, ako naman ang napatingin sa kanya, medyo offended din yung mukha ko.
"May gusto ka bang idagdag, hm?"
"Nope, wala, wala... gutom lang."
"Sinasabi ko sa'yo--"
"You and him are way too close these days." sabat niya.
See?
Alam ko na diyan siya papunta.
And this is why I've thought that maybe it's better if I don't tell her that he's courting me.
'Di pa 'ko handa sa magiging reaksyon niya.
Isa siya sa mga taong tinulungan akong makabangon mula sa napagdaanan ko noon dahil kay Alexander.
I'm not sure what her reaction would be if she learned that Alexander is now courting me.
I mean, inaasar niya pa rin ako pero alam niya kasi na okay ako, it doesn't mean anything other than that.
"Magkaibigan kami, Genevieve, at matagal na kaming close tulad na'ting dalawa, but you're like my sister, my sister, he's my best friend--"
"Best friend lang? I don't think you guys are best friends, you two don't look like that."
"Anong ibig mong sabihin?"
Natawa siya sa sinabi ko and hit the brake at the stop line while the red light is beaming at the traffic light.
"Nothing."
"Genevieve Dahl--"
"You guys look like a couple. Tawa ng tawa kapag magkasama, may pa kilig kilig, parang high school nanaman pero mas matindi." she said, chuckling.
Is that how she sees it?
Medyo nagulat ako sa sinabi niya, tahimik muna ako habang iniisip ko yung sinabi niya.
"C'mon, are you guys in a relationship now, huh?" asar niya.
Buti na lang at magaling na 'kong umaktong okay ako kahit na hindi sa sinabi niya.
Sorry, Genevieve.
I can't tell you that he is courting me... yet.
And... I can't tell you that we've been making out lately and that I have gone too far.
Fuck.
Paano ko na siya haharapin ngayon?
Rina, iwan ka pa kasi ng pasa sa leeg niya, sige.