"Alright. I want everyone to clear out." The captain said. "Off of the deck. Now."
Glancing up from where I kneeled beside Greta, he suddenly looked much less jovial and much more stern. I swallowed, grasping Greta's fingers tightly. I wasn't entirely sure if I did it to comfort her or myself.
Slowly but surely, people began to disappear below the hull of the ship. Underneath Hugo, dark red blood seeped out of the stump of his arm and onto the deck below him. A dark circle began to slowly creep up the side of his navy shirt. The captain walked past me, and over to where Imanthi was crouched beside him.
His arm, now separated from his body, continued turning black, almost nothing left of it but an elongated pile of ash.
"Will he live?" The captain asked Imanthi.
"I think so." Imanthi said. "I can't feel any more holy magic coming off of him, so I believe we took care of that problem. He just needs to make it through the shock and the blood loss."
The captain crossed his arms.
"Alright. Do what you must. I will make sure you have space to work."
"I— I'm sorry for what I did to him." I stuttered out.
I was beginning to come down off the initial high of anger that had sent me into such a frenzy. The visceral anger that made me willing to do anything to hurt him was turning slowly into horror and regret.
It was the touch of the goddess that told me that killing was just. That it was deserved.
The loss of control of my own actions was feeling less divine and more invasive.
Now I understood the gravity of what I'd done.
The captain glanced over to me, his face unreadable.
"Don't apologize." He said. "I know that the Goddess keeps those whom she favors safe. I know she will do whatever is necessary. I respect the decisions she makes."
I nodded silently, but I still felt unsure. I had nearly killed his second in command, after all. Could it really be something he would brush aside so easily?
"Ayla, go to my room and get my surgical kit, please." Imanthi said.
The tall woman nodded, and quickly disappeared down below the deck.
"So the lot of you are working together?" Hugo asked. His voice was strained.
"Just trying to get out of the kingdom together." Imanthi said distractedly as she inspected the wound. "I'm not sure why it was of so much concern to you. Perhaps you would like to enlighten us as to your own intentions?"
"What do you mean by that-" His words broke off into a hiss of pain as Imanthi poured a bottle of clear liquor over his wound.
"You were clearly trying to find some excuse to take Judith away from us," She said. "I can only assume that there has to be something you would consider a very good reason for that."
Ayla reappeared with a small bag that she passed off the Imanthi. I watched closely as she unrolled a bundle of cloth, revealing a number of shiny silver instruments that glinted in the morning sun. Greta, still breathing heavily beside me, was strangely silent. It was very much unlike her.
Hugo hissed in pain as Imanthi started to suture what was left of his arm closed.
"Money." He eventually grunted. "A lot of it."
"Who was offering you money?" I asked. "Was it my convent?"
"No." He said, "The King."
"The Alexandrian King?" I asked.
"No. King Alistor."
Imanthi looked up from her work, her first break in focus.
"What does Vlansovia want with Judith?"
"How would they even know who I am?" I added. "I am no one. Is it just because they don't want me to become a vampire because I am a nun? Is it some kind of sin against your goddess?"
"No, no." Imanthi answered for him. "They wouldn't put such a high price on your head for just that. It has to be something else."
"It started with the church. They put the bounty on your head first. From what I've heard, it was said that The Goddess appeared before the entire convent not long after you left. She demanded that they bring you back into their fold immediately." He said. "She said she was going to use you to bring the Vlansovian Kingdom to its knees. Once Vlansovia heard of this, they wanted to capture you as quickly and as quietly as possible."
Imanthi's eyes cut over to me. The number of times I had seen her look nervous in just the past couple of hours was beginning to make me nauseous. I had never seen the woman look anything but effortless and confident.
"Judith, your goddess speaks to you, yes?" She asked me rather urgently.
"Sometimes." I said. "But I don't know why, and I don't ever know when it will happen either."
"Do you think she intends to make you a saint?" She asked.
To my side, I glanced at Greta. I could tell by the way she flinched at Imanthi's words that the very idea of such a thing upset her.
"I-" I paused and shook my head. "I don't see why she would do such a thing. I haven't done anything to earn such a privilege. If anything, I have been actively working against earning her favor. Especially with my behavior as of late."
"She hasn't revealed anything to you that would make you believe such a thing? Anything at all?"
I thought for a moment. She had initially revealed the information about the flower to me, and she did continually encourage me to seek retribution- but I had always assumed that she would tell me something so important. She had never asked me outright to return to St. Meredith's.
"She hasn't ever asked me to go back." I said. "The only thing she has implied to me is that she wants me to remain mortal."
Again, I could tell that hearing this upset Greta. Her eyes lingered on the floor. I tried to turn my attention back to Hugo.
"Are you sure that information was reliable? I don't know why the goddess would reveal such information to everyone except me." I said. "It is about me, after all."
He hissed in pain as Imanthi returned to her work.
"It was reliable enough information that the King views you as a threat." He said. "And if I had anything to say about it, I would agree that you clearly are."
Imanthi finished dressing what was left of his arm and stood, her hands stained dark red with blood and viscera. She rubbed as much of it as she could off onto her hands.
"Judith, would you allow me to speak to you in private?"
I swallowed and nodded.
"Yes. Of course."
I pulled away from Greta, untangling our fingers. She didn't want to let go, I could tell by the way she gripped my hand. I didn't want to leave her.
But I did.
I stood and I followed Imanthi. She led me to the stair that descended down into the hull of the ship, and we lingered there in the stairway. Normally I was comforted when I was around her, but now I only felt fear. Was she angry with me? Would she try and get rid of me now? Before I could cause them any more problems?
"Imanthi... I-" I looked to the ground. "Are you going to kill me? If you are, can you do it quickly?"
She frowned and tilted her head to the side.
"What? Judith, why would you ask such a thing?"
"I feel like I have... become a liability to you." I said. "Or perhaps, you wouldn't want me near you if I were a saint. Or maybe the money is worth more to you than I am."
She shook her head.
"Judith, I am a liability to myself. I can't count the number of enemies I have, most of whom would have no problems hurting my friends to get me to do what they want." She said, "I'm not going to kill you or give you to the king. I don't care about his money and I don't care about Vlansovia. We have been at odds ever since they executed my husband two hundred years ago. Since that day, we will never not be enemies."
"I just- I don't want what happened to me before, to happen again." I said.
"I am not going to send you to your death and I'm not going to do anything to hurt you." Imanthi said. "We consider you our friend."
"Then why... did you want to see me alone?"
"Because things have changed now." She said, "I need to know what you want to do. If you intend to return your convent after learning what Hugo has alleged, I won't stop you. As always, you are free to make your own choices. I didn't want to ask you this in front of Greta. I know how much it would upset her, and she is clearly already very upset."
I pulled nervously at the hem of my collar.
"Are you sure that you still want me around?" I asked.
"Of course. Do you want to stay with us? You can go back to your convent if that is what you wish."
Of course it was a desire I had always had. It was the aching of my heart, every night, for so long. The wish I had that the family that had raised me would want me once again. That I could belong once again.
But it felt hollow.
I didn't want them to be forced to love me. I didn't want to go back to my painful memories and fear and resentment. I wanted to undo the things that they had done to me, to trim away the abuse and the pain, so that only happy things remained.
But I knew that was impossible.
Once a bowl was broken, you could repair it, but you couldn't unbreak it.
My relationship with them would never be the same again. I couldn't just go back and expect things to be the way that they had been before. That life was gone, like a wisp of smoke in the wind.
But I had found friends. Friends not only of circumstance, but of individual respect as well.
I had found Greta. I wanted Greta. Part of me felt like I needed her as well, despite everything.
"I don't want to go back." I said, "I don't ever want to go back."
It scared me that I was able to say such a thing so easily. After all, who knew what the goddess would do to me for disobeying her wishes. I just hoped I would make it through winter alive.
Okay, so do you guys think Judith is going to stay mortal, or become a vampire?? I want to know. ٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)