Reader Discretion Advised: Self Harm is mentioned and talked about in this chapter. Please do not read if this is triggering. There will be a authors note at the bottom of this chapter explaining it. I want you all to stay well and healthy.
They fall asleep in the forest, well Esmyrie does, Lo'ak can't seem to.
His heart is still beating rapidly in his chest.
She sees him.
Him, the trouble maker child. The rebel. The outcast. The boy alone in the world.
She sees him.
It doesn't seem real, it seems too good to be true. But here he is, laying with her on the forest floor, his arms wrapped around her protectively, kissing her forehead every time she shifts her body in sleep.
After the confession his only response was to kiss her, and kiss her, and kiss her some more.
He doesn't know how long they kissed but it felt like his life was complete.
Her hands running up and down his body, even getting a little handsy with him, always making his body crave her more when she would pull away.
He would try and kiss at her neck or pull her closer, but it always just resulted in his hands being above his head. Anytime he would whine and complain about not touching her she would just reply with 'Im taking care of you. Showing you I see you.' Which to him made her more attractive and want to touch her that much more.
It was a losing battle for Lo'ak though, because anytime she would kiss at his neck or have her hands on his waist he listened, stopping his whines and accepting the kisses and state he is in.
They whispered soft words to each other as they continued pecking kisses, laying down with her arm covering his chest, her hand right above his heart.
She fell asleep, listening to him talk about his day with Payakan, trying to help the dark memories of the Spirit Tree to leave her.
It seems to work and he sighs in relief, holding her protectively, letting his eyes close to bathe in the sound of her breathing, letting sleep finally wrap him up when he accepts the truth that he is seen.
He is loved.
He isn't a failure, not to her.
She can't escape Eywa now. Esmyrie doesn't know if she should want to escape Eywa or not, but she is getting real tired of seeing the bright light every time she closes her eyes.
She was just resting with Lo'ak, feeling the grass beneath her, his arms wrapped around her, and now here she is, the bright light once more.
She doesn't want to see the destruction anymore but she knows she will more than likely have to see it. She knows it is selfish of her, she should take Eywa's warnings as a gift, but she doesn't know how much longer she can see her brother dead before it absolutely gets to her.
She knows the routine by now, it's happened two times already.
Soon the forest will arrive and she will be stuck watching a grown Lo'ak with his kids. She finds peace in knowing he survives the war, but she always feels unwelcomed when Eywa shows her Esmyrie's lover at an older age.
She is right with the schedule, because there Lo'ak is.
He's the same age as all the other visions, but he looks tired, exhausted even.
He is laying on a mat, half of the bed made, as if it hasn't been touched in months. And there is a baby laying on his chest, pulling at his braids.
The rest of the kids are in the tent as well, Sivouk and Kaew in a fight.
"That's mom's bow! You can't just use mom's bow." Sivouk yells out, pulling the bow towards him.
"Mom let me use it last, it's mine." Kaew argues back, pulling the weapon towards him.
"Just because she let you use it doesn't mean it's yours." Sivouk argues, tugging on the bow but it not moving, Kaew being strong and taller than him.
"Let. Go." Kaew says, pulling so rough his brother goes tumbling to the floor, letting go of the bow in the process.
A few things happen at once. One, Sivouk hits his head on the floor roughly, his head ringing and feeling a gash open. Two, the bow hits the fire pit in a heap, the fire consuming the handmade and crafted wood bow. Thirdly, Kaew goes falling into his twin who was busy cooking dinner, making the food fall to the ground. Fourth, Neteyam walks in holding Zesate with a fish in her hand and lastly the baby starts crying.
Lo'ak seems to get out of his state when he hears the bang of his son hitting the floor and the baby start crying.
His eyes move to try and analyze what happened and when his eyes land on the fire, and the bow that is becoming nothing more than charcoal, he stands up, anger in his expression.
He tries to shush the baby, bouncing him on his hip while he walks over to the two sons who were just fighting.
He has to take a deep breath to compose himself, otherwise his anger will scare the baby.
The baby seems okay, almost sensing that his father has calmed down and goes back to grabbing his fathers hair, pulling hard even for a baby.
He looks to Nitzmi, who is shoving her twin away and then to Kaew who is scratching his arm in anxiety, a tick he got from his mother.
His attention turns to Neteyam, his brothers eyes widening, not knowing what to do with Zesate holding a dead fish excitedly.
Then lastly Sivouk, who is rubbing his head, blood soaking his hand.
"Son, let me see your head." Lo'ak urges gently setting the baby down who crawls over to Kaew, begging to be picked up.
"Dad, it's fine." Sivouk tries to argue, his eyes moving to the fire. "Dad, mom's bow...."
Lo'ak briefly turns to the fire, clenching his jaw when he sees his wife's prized possession burn, there is nothing he can do though. It's wood and accepted it's fate of burning.
"Forget the bow, let me see your head." Lo'ak moved his son's hands that cover the wound to inspect it.
His eyes briefly cast to his sons hands. Five fingers. The only one out of his kids to have the shared gene with him.
"You're going to need it cleaned and patched up, don't want it getting infected." Lo'ak says, turning towards his brother who still stands there speechless.
Neteyam looks good. His hair is still braided in it's usually style but he looks older, more mature. She thinks she can even see dark patches scatter his neck and chest.
"Looks like you had a fun night, brother." Lo'ak teases, standing up and laughing when he hears his kids make gagging sounds.
The laugh wasn't all there though, it was breathy, as if he was holding himself back from sounding happy.
"I am not talking about that with your kids present." Neteyam shakes his head, moving the hand that isn't holding Zesate to rub at the back of his neck in embarrassment.
"Thank Eywa." Kaew mumbles, giving the baby a slight glare when it pokes at his cheek repeatedly.
"You should be happy for Uncle Teyam." Zesate says, even though she doesn't fully understand the conversation.
"Thank you, Zee. Now why don't you show daddy what you got." Neteyam urges, setting the girl down who runs to her father.
Once the girl is down, Neteyam moves over to Nitzmi, who is staying silent and cleaning up the mess on the floor, he notices how his nieces eyes cast to the fire and the bow that is now just splinters.
"Look daddy, I caught a fish." Zesate says, showing her father the fish in the arrow.
Lo'ak smiles proudly, scooping the girl up in his arms, his eyes holding happiness.
"Wow! Good job Zee! We can have that for dinner." Lo'ak says, even though he knows it would only feed one, maybe two of his kids.
Zee giggles before wanting down and running over to her older siblings to show them the fish.
Lo'ak looks towards Sivouk who is still crouched down, his eyes casting downwards to his hands that have drops of blood. His heart catches in his throat, remembering only months ago his son had blood on his hands, much more, and blood that belonged to his mother.
"Sivouk-"
"I'm... I'm going to go." Sivouk announces, standing up on wobbly legs.
"Sivouk-"
"It's fine dad. I'm just going to see papa and grandma." The boy announces, wiping his hands on his chest, causing a blood streak to form.
Lo'ak moves to follow his son but gets stopped by his brother, who has now stood up, shaking his head.
"Kids, are you okay for a second. I'll help you clean the fish Zesate, just give me a few minutes to talk to your uncle, yeah?" Lo'ak announces, giving his kids a small smile when they all nod.
Neteyam grabs his brother by the shoulders and helps lead his little brother out of the house, walking a little ways a way so the house is in eyesight but the kids can't hear the conversation.
"How are you?" Neteyam asks, his eyes trying to remain on his brothers by Lo'ak just looks in the distance to where Sivouk is, his son rubbing at his hands with Neytiri by him.
"Fine..." Lo'ak says, shrugging and moving a hand to hold the flower, he stops though when he realizes there isn't a flower there.
Neteyam catches this tick and his eyes move to where the flower would usually lay, seeing the space empty.
"Your flower is gone. I'll get you anoth-"
"No." Lo'ak interrupts, shaking his head.
Neteyam clears his throat, his eyes casting downward. Never, never has he seen his brother without the flower. And never had Lo'ak rejected getting a new one.
"Lo'ak-"
"What's the point? A flower isn't going to bring her back. It was just a stupid flower anyways." Lo'ak shakes his head, his hands beginning to tremble.
"It wasn't a stupid flower to you Lo'ak... It meant something. You know it's okay to grieve. Right?"
"I can't grieve, Neteyam. I have five kids to take care of... They need me."
"And yet you are destroying yourself! Mom sees it. I see it. Even dad sees it. You aren't eating nearly enough, you have dark circles under your eyes and I- I see the cuts Lo'ak. You can fool your kids but how many more times are you going to use the excuse 'it was my dad's Ikran, Bob' before the kids start to question it?"
"It doesn't matter... The kids are healthy, that's what matters." Lo'ak mumbles, no longer having the strength to argue with a loud tone.
"It does matter!" Neteyam says, grabbing at Lo'ak's arm when he begins to walk away, only hearing a hiss in response.
Neteyam let's go instantly, his eyes catching on the fresh self inflicted cuts Lo'ak has.
"Just drop this." Lo'ak whispers, bringing his arms to his chest, looking to try and hug himself.
"Lo'ak-"
"I'm fine!"
"You aren't fine!" Neteyam argues back.
"Okay! Yes! You're right! I'm not fine! I'm anything but fine! My wife is dead! And now I am alone trying to raise 5 kids! I'm not fine! But I have to be! Don't you get it? Even though I'm self destructing I have to be okay, I have to act okay, I have to seem like this doesn't effect me. Because my kids need me! How am I supposed to be okay? I- Sivouk was there when she died, he... I know there are days when he wishes it was me that died and not his mom. I know that... Look, I know you don't get it or understand why I do this" Lo'ak gestures to his cut arms "but it stops me from feeling the pain in my heart, if only for a little bit..."
Neteyam pulls his brother into a hug, hating how his brothers body shakes in sobs. He has only heard his brother this heartbroken once before, and that was right after her death. It's a memory he never wants to relive.
"I wish it was me. I wish it was me." Lo'ak cries, digging his nails into the palms of his hands.
Neteyam doesn't know what to say, so he just continues to rub Lo'ak's back until his brother stops crying.
"You know, it might be good for you to go to the Tree of Souls." Neteyam suggest.
"No." Lo'ak shakes his head. "Because she isn't actually here. It would bring me joy but then I would remember she is dead and it- it wouldn't be good."
"I can watch over the kids if you-"
"They are my responsibility. It's fine." Lo'ak shrugs.
"Will you stop hurting yourself?" Neteyam weakly asks.
"Probably not... Hey, I have to get back to the kids.." Lo'ak says, now being done with the conversation. "Happy for you, bro. Really." Lo'ak says, pointing to the hickies that surround his brothers neck.
Lo'ak walks away, heading back to the tent, and Esmyrie begins to walk away when she notices Neteyam is still standing there, his expression turning blank, looking right at her.
She thinks it's her imagination but when she moves to the side, his eyes follow hers.
Neteyam can see her, but why?
She slowly walks up to him, and begins to move her hands to touch him but stops. If she touches him would she be pushed out of this image.
Her thoughts get interrupted when Neteyam puts his hand on her shoulders, making her eyes widen.
"Don't save me, Esmyrie. Don't save me." Neteyam shakes her shoulders, and just as the words leave his mouth, her eyes open.
She gasps for breath, causing Lo'ak to wake. He instantly can feel her fast heart beat and grabs at her face, trying to push the sleep away.
"What's wrong?" Lo'ak asks, seeing that it's still Eclipse and they have a few more hours until morning.
Esmyrie looks at him and shakes her head, grabbing at his arms aggressively instead.
Lo'ak doesn't understand but lets her drag his arms to her eyesight, allowing her to check over them.
Her eyes look towards his arms and she sees no cuts. No scars. No blood. She then looks over towards his eyes and sees that there are no dark circles, just tiredness from just being awoken.
She looks around her quickly, as if Neteyam will be right there, telling her to not save him over and over again.
"Esmyrie, what's wrong? Talk to me." Lo'ak whispers, his voice hoarse from sleep.
Esmyrie moves her attention back to him, back to his eyes and then to his arms that are free of cuts.
"Nothing... Nothing, just a bad dream." Esmyrie whispers.
It seems Lo'ak wants to ask more but holds himself back from doing so, especially when she lays back down pulling him a little closer to her.
It was just a bad dream, she thinks. It's not real, it won't be real. It won't become real. It's just a bad dream. It's just a bad dream.
It's just a bad dream, right?
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First interaction with Neteyam in the future and can somehow see her?
For anyone who skipped this chair here is a Summary: Esmyrie and Lo'ak go to sleep, where Esmyrie wakes up having Eywa show her another vision in the future. This one is months after her death and Lo'ak is with his family. Neteyam visits him and Lo'ak and him have a talk, where Neteyam mentions Lo'ak's SH. Lo'ak eventually leaves saying he probably won't stop SH, where Neteyam sees Esmyrie and says not to save him.
Do you like the flashes I do of them in the future, honest question.
And no, they didn't bond yet. Just made out with Lo'ak being a horny shit.
What do you think Esmyrie is going to do with this new information
Maybe another update later today where Norm comes in and checks on Kiri and Esmyrie