One month later
Hearing his phone ringing, he accepted the call without looking at the caller ID, only to be surprised at what he heard on the other end of the line. Someone he didn't expect.
"Hi" she whispered over the phone, answering the call.
"Hi" he croaked out, clearing his throat because this had to be a dream. She wouldn't call. There would be no way.
"Theo-" He could almost hear the smile in her voice, but the crack at the end of it, made him realise that she wasn't happy, she was upset
"Baby?" He questioned, hoping that she'd respond to his name for her, only her
"Please" she sniffled, "Please just stay on the phone"
"Can I ask why?" He asked quietly, hoping That deep down nothing terrible had happened to her. She sounded so low. So down. So not herself. Not her. Not his girl.
He heard her take a sharp breath in as she shakily exhaled.
God, the anticipation was getting to him but he didn't want to snap and ask her to just tell her what the hell was going on or else he'd probably scare her away
"I can't sleep" she finally said, "I havent slept since..." she didn't want to finish her sentence but she knew she had to, "Since we ended, I keep tossing and turning, but I just want you. I know I shouldn't. I know it, but I- I just. Fuck, I need you with me. Theo I need you"
"Baby...." he sighed because she couldn't be calling him like this. She shouldn't of been calling him.
He was the one who did something wrong
He was the one who walked away.
He was the one who made a mistake-
"I can't do this Theo, I need you" she breathed out, just needing him
"I-" he paused not knowing what to say
"I love you Theo" she said once again and it was just like that day all over again.
Theo shook his head. He just couldn't deal with her saying those three words to him after everything
After he left her.
"I love you Theo" she repeated
"I love you"
"I love you"
"I" was the last thing Theo heard before he gasped for air, having his eyes snap open, only for his chest to be rising and falling heavily in his sweaty state.
A dream.
Another dream.
A dream about her.
About the girl he betrayed. The one he hurt. The one he knew he wasn't good for him and yet there she was, in his dreams.
"Shit" Theo cursed, hating that he even in his sleep state, he was still thinking of her, wanting her.
Running his hand through his dishevelled bed head, Theo pulled the covers off of his body and began to make his way to the bathroom.
He needed to, especially after his bed was soaked with sweat.
Yes, sweat because these so called dreams he was having about Naomi, were practically nightmares with how he felt about the entire situation. How he ripped his own heart out leaving her, doing that to her and how he tore and took her heart out with him.
With what he did.
What he said.
Turning the nozzle and stepping under the hot water, Theo sighed to himself. He needed to get out of this mindset. He needed to get over her.
But he couldn't, he just couldn't
Drying himself off, and changing his sheets - Theo climbed back into bed, grabbing his phone.
Now, this had become a bit of a routine for him. No, a habit - a bad habit at that, but he had to.
He had to do it.
Scrolling through his camera roll, he couldn't help but reminisce as he stared at picture after picture of the girl who stole his heart.
Absent-mindedly, he clicked on her contact and began to call her. He knew he shouldn't. He really shouldn't - but he just wanted to hear her voice.
He just wanted to make things right.
Letting the phone ring, he didn't hold his breath, waiting for her to pick up. He knew that would be a miracle in its self. It would be-
Hearing the phone stop ringing and instead of the familiar dial tone greeting, Theo was met with the familiar soft sigh of someone he knew too well
Someone he missed dearly.
His heart was beating out of his chest as he opened and closed his mouth about three different times. He just didn't know what to say. She'd really done it. She'd picked it.
He has to blink several times to realise this was real. To realise, as he watched the time under her name tick away at how long she'd been waiting for him to say something on his end of the line.
Shit, he needed to say something or else he'd lose her. He'd lose this one opportunity.
"Hi" he whispered, knowing there was a five hour time difference and he'd probably woken her up but right now - even if she accidentally answered in her sleepy state - he'd take it over the deafening silence of a month without her voice
He probably sounded like a fumbling mess on her end that after all this time the first thing he said after thirty seconds of silence was a barley audible hi - but what else could he say?
How was he meant to sound?
This was the girl he couldn't stop thinking about. The one who was practically the air he breathed at one point in time. The one who was his reason for looking forward to waking up everyday. But she was also the one he left.
A whole month ago he walked away
He walked away and she left
She went and pursued her dreams because she had nothing holding her back.
She didn't have him because he messed up.
"Hi Theo" he heard echo in his ears, which only made his heart skip a beat at the sound of her voice. At the sound of how she sounded so cute, and yet he could hear the annoyance in her voice of his call at this hour, but a smile on forcing itself onto her lips unwantedly at the fact they were finally talking after so long
The first time after he walked out on her.
"I've missed your voice" he admitted as he closed his eyes, trying to envision her - not wanting to take it a step too far by pressing the FaceTime button and potentially cause her to end the call all together
"I can't - we can't do this Theo" she finally said after a minute of silence after his statement
It had been what, a month since they ended and now here he was - calling her. Calling her after everything, after the embarrassment he put her through.
"I know" he sighed, knowing this wasn't the best idea, but he needed her, he still wanted her, "I know baby, I know" he whispered - not missing the sharp intake of air on her side of the phone from the nickname 'baby'.
"I have to go" she lied, knowing she could spend all night on the phone and wouldn't care but the sound of his voice
That goddamn, honey smooth voice
His voice brought it all back
The memories
The good times
The fights
The heartbreak
And finally the love
That love that couldn't even be thrown away despite him spending the night with another girl. Despite him doing the one thing she asked him not to and yet here she was, an idiot in love - answering his phone call, when she knew she shouldn't of.
"Wait. Before you do, before..." he trailed off, not knowing if he would ever get this opportunity again, he asked a question which had been pondering on his mind over the past month. "I just have to tell you I'm sorry"
"I know you are. You already told me".
"Baby...I have to ask...Did you mean it?"
"Mean what?" She asked acting oblivious to the actual question she knew he was asking
"What you said to me that night. Did you really mean it?"
After a moment and a sigh, Naomi finally answered as Theo heard her shuffle around, sounding like she was getting out of bed and then he heard the sound of a door sliding open - and then he was met with the common sounds of the New York Streets as Naomi had clearly gone to sit on her balcony. "I did- I do love you, you know"
Biting back another unwanted smile at the memories of her love for him and all the reasons why, she continued quickly - "Of course I did...It doesn't just stop Theo. I can't just turn it off. I couldn't stop even if I wanted to and trust me, I did" she admitted
She wanted to forget it all. To forget the two years of love she endured with that boy, and yet here they were - two magnetics, forever connected.
"I love you too baby" he whispered
"Don't just say that-" she shook her head, not needing his pity because she'd said it so many times that night, "Don't say that because you think that's what I want to hear-"
"I'm not" he interrupted, "I've loved you since...Fuck, I've loved you since Halloween in first year and I just couldn't tell"
"And I can't, I can't just leave you with our last conversation with the way it went"
"I love you and I needed you to know"
"I needed you to know that I did, I always had - but I was so angry that day. I was so angry and I took it out on you. I took it out on our relationship. I just- fuck, I don't know I guess I just hated how you didn't tell me and I didn't stop to think of the reasons why you wouldn't of. I guess, I, Ugh I don't even know, what I want to say. Fuck I-"
"She meant nothing" he finally said.
The elephant in the room. Of what he told her before she left. How he spent the night with another girl.
Some other girl. How he threw away two years of their situation to relationship on some random girl
"But you still did it" she said in a monotone voice
"I was drunk and-"
"Intoxication doesn't justify cheating. You did what you did and you need to own up to it Theo. I am not your babysitter. I do not need to hear your apologises" she reminded him that they were not together anymore - she did not have to sit on this phone call
Yes he was sorry, but he couldn't undo what he did and Naomi needed him to know that
"Yeah...I know" he sighed, swallowing down the itching pain of wanting to sob at the sound of Naomi being so distant. So emotionless with him - but he knew the reason for it. He knew he was the cause and there was nothing he could do about it.
"You said I didn't know how to communicate and now I am Theo. I am, I did and you didn't - instead you just hurt me. You-"
"Fuck, Naomi you don't think I know. You don't think I feel pain every fucking day knowing what I did. How I fucked with you. How I hurt you." He stressed to her
"So then why did you do it? Please just give me the reason why and don't fucking say that you were drunk"
"I-I don't have another reason. I just- I'm sorry Naomi" he whispered
"You could've just broken up with me. You could've just ended it. Why did you have to cheat? Why did you have to go that far?"
"I want to say the answer but you already know it and that's no excuse and I know it isn't good enough. I know and- fuck" he wanted to break down in tears with the way his heart was breaking at the sound of Naomi's voice and the lack of warmth in it. Her side of his bed, empty and cold. Her products in his bathroom, unused.
"I know and I can't take it away. I can't and it was a huge mistake on my end. A massive one...And I'll regret that every day for the rest of my life. I'll regret losing you"
Not even wanting to entertain this conversation any further, Naomi bluntly said, "I can't just forgive you...it doesn't work like that"
She knew she still had love for him and probably always would, but he did one thing that didn't sit eight with her and he knew that and he should know that an apology wasn't going to make it all okay.
"I know. I know it'll never be that easy. But that doesn't mean that I won't work for your trust" he stated, not giving up
"I love you Naomi and I was an idiot to not tell you inperson" he remembered the hurt on her face when he said that he couldn't say those three words
He couldn't because he didn't believe he did. It wasn't until he lost her that he realised what he truly had. What he truly felt.
"I love you and I want you"
"I want you to be the girl I have by my side. The girl I get to wake up to in the morning. The mother of my children. The one I get to come home to."
"Theo stop" she breathed out, not wanting to hear this
"I needed you to know" he swallowed, "I need you to know what I feel"
"Theo...Thank you. I guess, thanks for telling me that" she whispered, "But we can't do this. What happened, happened. Now we're in different countries, both setting up our futures and it's just-"
"No I get it" he sighed, "I get it and I hate it. I hate that it took me an unforgivable mistake to realise what I've lost. I hate that we're so good at what we do and now we're so far away from each other"
"If would be easy to fall back into our old selves and just try out long distance, I would do it in a heart beat, but-"
"We can't" she finished, "we can't because that's not us anymore, we're growing up" she said as Theo hummed in agreement, hating that they were both right
They weren't right for each other anymore. They brought out the jealous and ugly side in each other and it wasn't healthy for either
"Exactly" he sighed
"But remember I do love you Naomi"
"I love you too Theo" she closed her eyes, keeping her tears at bay.
What could she do - lie? Say that she didn't love him when she did. He was everything to her - yes he did the one thing she asked him not to, but he was Theo. Her Theo over all of it
"I guess this is goodbye" she whispered
"I guess it is"
"Oh, and Naomi" he paused - waiting for her response because he didn't want to miss anything
"Yes Theo?" She asked - feeling like this wasn't how breakups weren't meant to go. This wasn't meant to be the end of them, but it needed to happen
Yes, they technically broke up the night before she left for New York, but this was now a mutual understanding. This was them telling the other that despite all the hurt they endured, they'd always and forever have this love for the other. This was their end and they were accepting of that. There was no more anger. Yes there was hurt and pain - and a whole lot of it, but they'd never speak ill of the other, they were Naomi and Theo - an amicable breakup.
They were just them
Their own separate people
If they were destined for each other, it would happen at some point in the future - but now, right now, they needed to be their own people.
Grow up
Clear their heads
Uncloud their thoughts
Stop waiting on the other
"After" he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat as he said this. He couldn't believe he was saying this, but he had to.
He needed to.
"After we hang up.. I'm going to call you again" he spoke calmly, not waiting for Naomi to question him as he needed to get this out, he needed to say this,
"I'm going to call you and...And I need you to not pick up this time" he whispered, "baby I need you to not answer the phone. Please don't pick up" he begged - hating the shape intake of breath Naomi took on her end of the call , "Can you promise me that?" He asked
Silence
That's all he got
The sound of Naomi's soft breaths were all tang he could bear
"Baby?" He called her, "baby I need you to do that" he said, "I need you to promise me. Please promise me" he pleaded
After a beat, Naomi finally said something
"I pinky promise" she reluctantly promised as she couldn't help but let a tear fall down her cheek as she closed her eyes,
"Happy birthday Theo" she whispered, knowing what today was for him and if this was truly their fair well, she wanted him to know that she remembered, she'd always remember.
She heard him whisper something under his breath, but couldn't interpret it as she removed the phone from her ear as she ended the call
Naomi watched her phone screen become brightened with Theo's name flash across the screen as the oh so familiar sound of her phone ringing echoed into the New York night.
Watching it ring felt like a life sentence until it stopped and she was left with the busy New York night again
Seeing her phone light up again with the notification of a one missed call from Theo appear, Naomi whispered,
"I promised."
The end