It was the next day now, I barely got any sleep last night. I sat in the chair next to a window, I pulled my sleeve over my fingers that were wrapped around my mug filled with coffee. My knees touched my chest, snow was falling from the sky causing the ground to look completely white. I brought the mug to my mouth gulping down the warm liquid, I desperately needed it to wake me up.
"You've been gone for four years." His voice was heavy and groggy, and my body slightly jumped.
I turned around, he was sitting with his back against the bed frame. Last night I removed his shirt since it was covered in vomit, and his body was covered in dark purple bruises. I stood up and placed my mug down on top of the table, my feet carried me to the bed and I sat right in front of him only inches away.
"The bruises," I whispered, my hand hovering over his lower stomach. Last minute, I decided against touching him. "who did this to you?"
His eyes stared back at mine, his breathing deepened with my closeness. "I paid someone to do that."
"Why would you do this to yourself?"
"Because I deserve it."
I pulled my hand back, my harsh eyes demanding his stare. "No one deserves to be abused." I said.
I should know, he's forgetting I use to be covered in bruises. My breath met his, my cheeks were flushed and my mouth was parted from the confusion. He held nothing in his eyes, no softness, no understanding. The man I loved was gone and it was my fault, he has no son, he has no friends, he has no happiness and it's all because he chose me.
"How long?"
"How long what?" He asked, his eyes looking everywhere else but at mine.
"How long has it been since you've spoken to your son?"
His jaw tightened, and I could see the pain written across his face. "I haven't seen or spoken to him in four years."
Four years? Four years without his son, no wonder why he wants to punish himself. He did a terrible thing but there's no question in my mind that he loves his so more than he'll ever love me, more than he'll ever love anyone.
"In our last conversation, he was upset, and called me by my first name."
"I'm so sorry." I whispered, guilt was thick in my voice and my head lowered from the shame.
I can't look him in the eyes any longer and act like I didn't ruin his life, all because I love him and wanted to be selfish for once in my life. I've hurt multiple people and the only person I regret hurting is him, that's how I feel about him. My hands were shaky just thinking about letting him go for good, it was true, I can't live in a world where he doesn't exist and he's definitely on the path of never existing again.
"I should've stayed away and gotten help for you from a distance, I'm sorry." I said, stuttering like an idiot. "I'm still ruining your life."
His hand touched both of mine, my breathing stopped and my body froze. I stared at his familiar hand, his touch brought me back to life. My eyes slowly trailed up his arm to his face, his eyes finally showing some sort of emotion.
"You could never ruin my life, it's impossible." He whispered, and he held my eyes with confidence. "It was my choice to love you, and I don't regret it."
"You don't regret me?" I asked, just trying to confirm because he's probably the only person that doesn't regret loving me.
"Not even a little." He replied.
My eyes started fluttering and my stomach held a cage of butterflies, he meant every word and that's what made my heart stop.
"But I can't anymore."
"I don't understand." I said, the butterflies disappeared along with the warmth that was once in my chest.
"I can't love you anymore."
His eyes were watery and his hands pulled away from mine, and my body instantly started aching all over. I looked away, my mouth stuttering over unknown words of what felt like heartbreak. Was the room closing in? Or is it all in my head?
"We'll destroy each other and that's the last thing I want for you." He whispered under his breath, my brain couldn't wrap around his words. "You've healed so much, you don't want this."
This? As in him, as in a relationship between us but doesn't he understand, that's all I've ever wanted.
"You need to go back to Seattle after the funeral."
Pain, confusion, anger, sadness, with all the emotions I felt at this very moment. I couldn't even think of numbers to count backward to, the walls were closing in on me. I pulled away my hand from his iron grasp, I can't be touching him as he practically breaks my heart.
"Until you fix your problems or forever?" My voice cracked, unintentionally.
I could see it in his eyes, the answer I didn't want to hear, the answer that will keep me up for days and not let me breathe.
"Forever." He mumbled the haunting word, who knew I'd ever despise that word.
I've grown, I've healed enough for the both of us. I can finally allow myself to love him without worrying about what might ruin us, I've tried loving other people and I can't because he's the only one for me. I'm scared of what might happen if we're not a part of each other's lives, that would destroy me.
I love him, I'm in love with Kaz Rhodes and I think I've always been since the moment my eyes met his, the moment he defended me against men that have abused me, the moment his touch started to feel like home, the moment his words kept me safe, the moment he jumped into that pool and every moment after that, I've loved him. I've never loved anyone before not like I love him and that scared me but I'm not scared anymore, he's the first man that's never scared me.
"No, I can't do that." I said, my voice finally holding confidence and security.
"Talith-"
"Why are you afraid of water?"
He was surprised at my question, I switched the topic is what he thought but in reality, I didn't.
He swallowed hard, his gaze settling on mine. "My mother drowned herself in our backyard pool when I was a boy." He said. "I couldn't even step inside to drag her body out, I was too afraid."
"Yet you jumped in to save me." I said, quietly.
He was quiet, he didn't know what to say until he whispered these faint words. "Because I'm in love you."
My heart became soft and mushy, he always gave me that effect. I wanted to hug him, I wanted his pain to transfer into my body just so he wouldn't hurt anymore.
I nodded softly, my lips tugged together holding back my raw tears. "I don't like strip bars, my dad would blow through most of our money there leaving us with no food." I said. "My mom always acted like she was never hungry so my brother and I had more food to eat."
"That's why I haven't stepped foot in one till last night."
His eyes softened, and now he wanted to ease my pain. "Why would you do that?" He asked, his hand rubbing his forehead upset knowing it might've hurt me to walk inside that bar.
My fingers reached out to grab his wrist, our eyes were locked as I slowly dragged his arm back to our legs. My fingers clutched his as I exhaled deeply, we feel each other's sadness, happiness, confusion, and anger, we feel it all and we deserve each other despite all the years I've tried pushing those feelings away.
"Because I'm in love with you." I whispered, his jaw instantly unclenched at the sound of my words. "I would do it a million more times."
Tears brim my eyes, and my cheeks are flushed with a light pink color. A tear trailed down his cheek, and a small smile graced his lips as he stared deeply into my eyes. His hand touched my cheek and everything else disappeared, it's always been him and I hate that it took me so long to realize.
We both leaned into each other, our lips touched softly while my hands held the back of his neck. He exhaled into the kiss as he could finally breathe again, his thumb tilted my face higher allowing his kiss to deepen. He smelt like my shampoo and body wash, it somehow made me feel even more content. Shives crawled up my back while his tongue plunged inside my warm mouth, his other hand touched the small of my back pulling my body on top of his.
My legs straddled his thighs, and his hand left my back and gripped my thigh. His touch felt like fire against my skin and I loved it, his other hand pushed my messy hair away from my face. We pulled back just a little, we both were breathing hard and our eyes were filled with so many emotions.
"Welcome home, darling." He whispered against my lips, teasing my bottom lip. "Did you really think I'd let you again?"
I laughed quietly, my fingers touched his wet cheek. "You tricked me." I said.
"I just needed to be sure, I never want you to be unhappy again."
I nodded my head, of course, he did because all he cares about is my safety and my happiness.
I stared at him as I slowly reached for the hem of my shirt, he watched me carefully as I pulled it over my head and dropped it to the floor. I was completely bare underneath with just a small pair of green panties, his warm hand trailed underneath my breast where a small tattoo of the space needle in Seattle sat.
"Lucio never allowed me to have a tattoo." I explained, softly. "I got it my first week there."
"I love it." He replied while meeting my eyes again, his lips slowly lowered against my tattoo and kissed my skin.
Everyone was out of the house, it was only us.
•
Instagram: @ sexsationel
Twitter: @ sexsationella
Tik tok: @ ellasbooks_
Not me crying, just a couple more chapters to go!