I clipped my hair back with my light pink claw clip while pulling the front strands out, my black long sleeve hung off my pointy shoulders showing off my dainty neck along with my gold jewelry. I lined my lips with an old dark red lipstick that brought back so many memories, I grabbed my grey furry coat and plopped it on.
I was nervous, my black gel fingers kept picking at each other. I kept spraying myself with expensive perfume trying to distract myself from what I'm about to do, maybe he won't like my new style or my personality anymore. I pushed that feeling back and slipped my shoes on, I walked out of my room shutting the door behind me.
My hands were shaky around the wheel, my chest was heaving up and down uncontrollably. Thank god my brother has a GPS system in his car because I'd be lost, I've never been on this side of town. It looks scary and gloomy, for some reason it made me double-check my locks. I parked right in front of the bar, my very wobbly hand pulled out the key from the ignition.
What I'm I doing? What I'm I going to say after being gone for four years?
Snow was sticking to the grass and in the air, it was freezing outside as I clung to my coat before pushing through the glass doors. The building was covered in dangling, colored lights and it reeked of cheap alcohol. There was a huge bar in the center that was wrapped around a wall filled with all kinds of alcohol, I couldn't see the whole bar. I carefully removed my coat and hung it on the back of the chair before sitting down, I crossed my legs and leaned against the table.
"What can I get for you, honey?" The bartender said, she was completely shirtless and braless. My eyes widened as I quickly glanced away, my eyes were trying to look anywhere else but everyone there was topless.
"I'll just...I'll get a perrier." I stuttered, quietly.
I only drink once a month and it's only on special occasions, she didn't question anything before prancing off to the fridge. I looked around more but he was nowhere to be found, I sipped on my water wetting my very dry throat. I got up and left the water behind along with my coat, the stage was directly behind the bar where naked women were dancing on poles.
I could feel everyone's eyes on me, they probably think I'm lesbian. Wish I was, it'll probably be a whole lot easier with a girl.
My body froze, a man was sitting in the front with his back facing me. I could just tell it was him, it was like my body naturally gravitated toward him. My eyes fell on the pink-haired girl sitting on his lap with a string of fabric covering her private area, she was leaning against him with her head thrown back and a phony smile.
I walked around trying to get a better look at him, my mouth was parted as I held my red purse closer to my body. He was filthy drunk, his head was hanging low and his arms looked way too flimsy to be sober.
"This one's taken." The girl with obnoxious pink hair said, her voice sounding like she smoked 40 packs of cigarettes before opening her mouth. "Move on."
I nodded my head while my teeth bit down on my bottom lip, and a dry chuckle left my mouth. "If you touch him one more time with your cheap acrylic nails I will shove my fist so deep in your throat, you'll be shitting cash for the rest of your shitty life."
"Did I make myself clear?"
"Crystal." She said while pushing off of him, his body immediately fell to the side.
She walked away leaving a trail of her cheap perfume, disgusting.
I stared at him, I don't wheater I'm happy or mad that he was at a strip joint with girls grinding all over him. I dropped my purse next to his chair before bending down to his level, my hands hesitate at first but gently grabbed his cheeks.
"Kaz." I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.
His eyes opened, but there was nothing behind but pure alcohol. It was a look I was familiar with, a look my mother raised me with. He tried sitting up a little bit he couldn't, his sloppy hands pressed against my cheeks causing my hair to cover his hands.
"Darling." He slurred, and even his voice sounded super drunk.
"Don't darling me, asshole." I warned, quietly.
I grabbed my purse and forced it around my arm before hooking my arms under his armpits, he smelled like a bottle of Jack Daniel's. I held on tightly to his arm while walking past a bunch of people, he felt like dead weight leaning against me.
"You reek of alcohol." I seethed.
"I'm just drunk, that all." He mumbled before tripping against my car, he was trying to walk away but he couldn't even manage to stand up straight.
"You're going to hurt yourself if you don't get in the car." I said.
"You're just a hallucination." He gently flicked me with his hand, and my hand grabbed his shoulder balancing him. "You're not really here."
My hand grabbed his chin squeezing his jaw, our heavy eyes meet and his breathing slowed down. "I'm here, okay?" I said, every letter was soft and held a promise.
The cold air brushed across my bare skin, and my body involuntarily shivered. I could see the fog of his breath along with mine, his hand slowly lifted to tuck my hair behind my ear before leaving his hand there lightly touching the side of my cheek.
It took him a few seconds to recognize my touch. "Okay." He mumbled, all his attention was on my eyes and the feel of my touch.
I opened the door for him and helped him inside, it took all my strength to help him sit down. He fell asleep right when his head touched the seat, I was thankful, to be honest. I couldn't even listen to music while driving, my mind was completely consumed by him. He didn't look like the same man I left four years ago, he seems way different and possibly has an issue with alcohol now.
When we arrived at my brother's house I had no choice but to ask for him, there was no way I'd be able to carry him up the stairs. Tiago carefully threw him on my bed, while I grabbed a trash bin just in case he can't make it to the toilet.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to take him." I whispered.
"It's okay, I owe him." He replied with a sad smile, he glanced at me again before walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.
The room was empty and quiet, too quiet for my own good. Tears blurred my vision, and my hand touch my shaky lips trying to hold back the sob that wanted to escape. He's drunk and according to everyone, he's drunk every day and it's because of me. I paced back and forth while running my fingers through my hair, I wanted to yank all my hair out and just take back everything that went wrong.
I inhaled and exhaled deeply, I counted backward in my head just like my therapist taught me. I roughly wiped away my tears, and my hands fell to my hips.
I heard grunting before watching him practically fall off my bed and sprint to the bathroom, he fell to his knees while lifting the toilet seat and vomiting everything. I bent down next to him, my hand softly rubbing his back hoping he wasn't in pain. I grabbed the towel that was hanging against the wall, I brought it to his mouth wiping the vomit off.
He was crying, his eyes were bloodshot and honestly scared the hell out of me. "The alcohol," his voice sounded raspy because of the bitter taste in his mouth. "I just wanted it to end." He says, choking on a sob.
My eyes become watery, he's broken. "No, don't say that."
"It's the truth." He cries, and my heart just started bleeding for him.
"Don't ever say that, I wouldn't want to live in a world where you no longer exist." I whispered, my voice cracked. "I couldn't bare it."
He nodded while his lips tightened together, and his forehead fell against my chest inhaling my scent that probably was familiar to him.
"Promise me, promise I'll never have to live in that world." My hands touch the back of his neck while lifting his eyes to meet mine again, I needed to see his honesty.
"I promise." He says, under his breath.
I brought his head back to my chest, my lips pressed against the back of his head hoping to stay in this moment forever.
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So much is broken, will they be able to repair everything?