A woman needs a minimum of four good dresses in her closet: one for a funeral, one for a wedding, one for church, and one for a date. Well, at least that is what my mom always said.
I didn't always listen to my mom's advice. Today, I am glad I did. Since I met my friends from Duskwood, I have needed all four in quite a short period of time.
The first dress was black. A long somber a-line that was devoid of sleeves and much personality. Whether Richie deserved to be honored or not, which is something that my soul hasn't settled on yet, he was a person that I loved. His funeral was quiet. Family and friends gathered to say goodbye. Jessy couldn't face it and Dan refused to come, staying by her side. Jake was still in hiding, but in my heart, I knew that he was safe. I would wait for him because really, there would never be another to speak to the corners of my soul. Tears were shed for the person that Richie had been, one that I had only seen glimpses of. Hannah was inconsolable, though Thomas was doing his best to cheer her. She carried a large amount of unnecessary guilt for what had happened both with Richie and before all of that. Lily and Cleo were quiet hostesses and made sure everyone's sorrow was diffused by full bellies. It was a hard day, but it allowed us to begin the process of moving on, and it allowed me to heal a little.
I brought Jessy and Dan back food and we talked and ate. Dan and I drank a little as was our custom. Jessy finally cried. It was the cry of longing and regret, one of missing the things that will never be. She remembered him in her own way. Hers were happy thoughts that were destroyed by deception, a conundrum that she couldn't make sense of. Dan, ever faithful, held her hand and listened to her speak of her love for Richie while his heart was breaking for both her and himself.
Somewhere in the early morning, my phone buzzed. It was a simple message from an unknown number.
I know today was hard. They are the luckiest of all to have you in their life. I am equally as fortunate. I will find my way to you. Soon, but not soon enough. I love you, MC.
The second dress was peach-colored silk, the dressmaker called it sunset blush. My hair was up in a loose bun and adorned with eucalyptus leaves and peach-colored ranunculus. Lily and I stood under the canopy watching as Thomas and Hannah professed their undying love to each other. The setting was beautiful with an ivy-covered brick wall set as their backdrop. The wedding was outside, under the stars with Edison lights strung about. There was something simple and pure about the way that both the decoration and the ceremony displayed elegance of Hannah. I looked around at people who know the couple watching faces of mixed emotion. Some were truly happy for them, others concerned this was a decision made too soon. Still, others hoped this wasn't just a bandage attempting to heal Hannah's pain. I saw a figure in the back, hiding almost entirely in the shadows. It must be him. A smile crossed my face and I tried not to detract from the vows. This was not my moment, I reminded myself. But it was, in a way, because as I stood there, he ever so slowly stepped into the light and showed me his handsome face. The world around me faded away at that moment. It took all that I had in me to not run to him. He smiled and my heart melted. Then he held up his finger to his lips and stepped back out of the light. I could still feel him there as he watched his sister as she exchanged her vows, I could still feel his eyes on me. My mind drifted to the day when he could have his arms around me. The ceremony ended and he was gone. I looked for him and found nothing. My phone alerted me of a message from Jake.
My love, that is what you are, the one that holds my broken heart. I know I said I will find a way for us to meet and I will. It is not safe yet, for you or for me. It took all of my willpower to keep my feet from running to you and taking you into my arms. I can't wait for the day when we can be unencumbered and can freely express our love for one another. Soon, it has to be soon. You were a vision today. More beautiful than I could imagine in my wildest dreams. I could not take my eyes off of you. The look on your face when you saw me filled me with pride and gladness. I will find a way for us. I simply can not be without you. Don't worry about my safety. I won't let anything happen to me that will cause our eternal separation. Dance and have fun. Soon, you will be in my arms. You already dwell in my heart.
A tear fell as I read the message, but I wiped it away. His wishes were mine as well. We would be together soon. He promised. I had some dancing to do and this dress was perfect for that. I approached my friends. Jessy was still recovering from the ordeal, but tears came less and less. I slipped off my heels and dragged her to the dance floor where the group of us flung our arms and stepped on each other's toes until the early morning. Finally, we sent Thomas and Hannah off to their new lives amidst confetti and cheers. Hannah was happier than I had seen her. Thomas was beaming with pride. Their love was unhindered and innocent, despite the turn the last year of their life had taken. When we were done cleaning up, Cleo brought us a cake with tears in her eyes. I knew she missed her best friend. Weddings are always bittersweet, goodbyes mixed with the joys of new beginnings. I wrapped my arm around her and we sat and waited for the sadness to subside. Each of us carried our own sorrows, but the peace of being with people who cared for us made the pain bearable. We stayed that way as the sun came up, not talking just being.
As I climbed into bed that night, visions of Jake danced in my head. I reread the text about a million times, like a schoolgirl reading her first love letter. I couldn't help it. Jake was my match in every way and he was finding his way to me.
The third dress was a maybe too low-cut emerald beauty that hung close to my skin. Its long, tight sleeves showed off the hours I spent at the gym impatiently waiting for Jake to find and keep me. My black stilettos showed the hours I had invested in running as a way to get rid of the nervous energy I felt while waiting for him to return to me.
It felt naughty to wear such a dress to church on Christmas morning, but I liked to mix the naughty with the nice. I loathe being a stereotype. I'm not much of a church girl, but it is Christmas and I should pay my respects to the Creator. When Cleo asked me to come, I couldn't refuse, but the cheeky me had to make sure my attendance was noticed. I drove to church and greeted the gang. Everyone had shown up knowing that we would go to my place afterward and exchange gifts and share the day. I guess we all felt like we owed it to someone. Dan was in a tie, which didn't even happen at the wedding, his hand on Jessy's back, pushing her toward the door. She saw me and we exchanged hugs. Dan and I did the same. He had been a true friend through all of this, standing unfailingly by Jessy's side and by mine.
I have this habit of always leaving the seat beside me empty just in case he can sneak in next to me. I have done it since the day at the mine and my friends know it is my way. Even if it was all that we have, a few stolen moments of hand-holding and feeling the warmth of each other, it would be enough to sustain me until the next stolen moment or until he is free. The choir began to sing and I could feel a body slide in next to mine. I was about to tell him that the seat was saved when I felt a hand grab mine and intertwine our fingers. I looked over and saw that it was my Jake. No one else noticed as the warmth rose from my hand through my body, into my soul. I was afraid to move, afraid that he would leave.
He leaned over and whispered in my ear which caused me to shiver. "MC, my love, that dress is incredible. You are incredible. I love you. Merry Christmas." He placed a quick kiss on my cheek and squeezed my hand. I looked into his ocean eyes as he released my hand and disappeared. Before the choir finished singing, I lost my heart. I didn't know how I could continue this. I was about to give in to the sadness, and I probably would have had I not gotten distracted as the pastor began to speak of love that came in the form of a baby.
Everyone filters into my house slowly. Some had gone home to change. Some had come directly, bringing food and snacks with them. The dress code was pajamas. I bought us all matching ones to wear. They were hideous, with snowflakes and reindeer, but the rule for the day is that each one of us brought a family tradition that we all had to participate in. My tradition was these pajamas. I bought a pair for Jake, hoping that he would show up. I never forgot to be prepared for his return to me. Dan looked the most uncomfortable, It made me chuckle. I needed that today. Cleo's tradition was a yule log, which we all ate greedily, Dan's was switching from whisky to peppermint schnapps for the day, and so on. We all participated in these activities and opened presents. It felt like a family. It was wonderful, but my mind kept wandering to the fact that Jake wasn't there. I had all of the hope in the world for our eventual union, but I missed him. I missed the feeling of his hand in mine, of his breath on my ear.
My phone rang, and I answered immediately.
"MC, Baby, how is your Christmas?"
"Good, I am here with all of the people I love except you. I miss you, Jake. I can't wait until Christmases and all of the other days are spent together. What about your Christmas? What did you do today?"
"Well, I saw you, that was the best part of the day, then I grabbed some Chinese food which made me miss you more," he paused, "We won't have to wait much longer, that is a promise. I love you, MC and I really need to be with you."
"That will be the best Christmas present I could ask for. I do have a gift for you."
"I just need you in my arms," Jake says longingly. "That will be the best present I could ask for."
"I understand you completely. I have to go watch "Home Alone" with the gang. It is Jessy's tradition. I can bring you on the phone with me. That would be fun."
"I would, but I can't right now. I will talk to you soon. Have fun with your friends. I just wanted to let you know that I love you and that I am counting the minutes until we can share everything together."
"Merry Christmas, Jake."
"Take care of yourself, Love. I will be dreaming of you tonight and that green dress. We will talk soon."
We watched the movie and laughed and sang. We did all of the things friends do on Christmas. I watched them sleeping on my floor, some in sleeping bags, some not. Jessy's head was on Dan's chest, his arm holding her close. He had a smile on his face while he slept. I was so thankful for my friends that had become family.
The fourth dress is my favorite dress. It is blue, the color of his eyes, It is a form-fitting dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. I am wearing the same shoes from Christmas. They make me three inches taller than my normal height. I leave my hair loose, flowing down my back.
He had texted earlier today. It was a short text.
I am taking you on a date. Finally. 4:30. Be ready. I love you.
The clock says I have five minutes when I hear the doorbell ring.
I open the door and see him standing there. He is wearing a green shirt and some black pants but that is about all that I see before he ushers himself inside the apartment, dropping his bag on the floor. As he walks toward me, he shuts and locks the door. I am worried. Is he running from someone?
"I am sorry that I slammed the door. I just wanted to be able to do this properly." He says as he locks his lips on mine. I thought it was incredible to hold his hand, but this was life-altering. My knees go weak as he pulls me closer, refusing to leave the kiss. One of his hands holds my neck, allowing him to support my head while the kisses grow deeper and deeper. His other hand rests on my back, he slowly lowers it down and it settles just below my waist. I am caught up in the moment enjoying the feeling of his arms around me, of his lips on mine.
His lips move from my mouth to my cheek. I miss the contact but am grateful for a chance to catch my breath. I don't know how to do it while I am still in his arms. I can feel every part of his hand that touches mine. I can not escape the feeling of him on me.
"I have been waiting to kiss you properly for too long. I couldn't wait to... I messed up your makeup." He brushes a strand of hair off of my face and then traces my face with his finger. "My, you are gorgeous, it should be illegal to own a dress like this." His hand slides down to my hip slowly. His eyes move over my body in a way that gives me chills. His hand stays there, on my hip, dangerously close to my ass. I refuse to move farther from him.
We stay still for a long time just watching and sharing all of our love as we stare in each other's eyes.
"You are here? Is it safe?" I ask, breaking the silence. I suddenly realize that I have no idea how he is able to be here.
"Love, I am safe for good and so are you. I would never have come here if it brought any danger your way."
"So, you..."
"I told you that I would find a way for us to be together, Do you still want to be with me?'
"Absolutely," I say as I throw my arms around his neck. I lean back and kiss his face repeatedly. They are sloppy kisses, but I don't care. This is the happiest moment I can remember.
He laughs and smiles. "Are you always this enthusiastic.?"
"No, but I really really want to be together... with you."
He grabs my face with both of his large hands and pulls me in for another kiss. This one is lighthearted, almost playful.
"So, do you need to fix your makeup so we can go out?" His feet still haven't moved from their place.
"I have a better idea."
"Oh yeah?' He says raising one eyebrow.
"Let's stay home and call in for food. We can watch a movie, or whatever." I wink.
"Well, I did want to take you out, show you off, and enter the world without being afraid of getting caught, but there should be plenty of time for that. Are you sure that you don't mind staying in?"
"I don't mind, in fact, these shoes are killing me. I wore them for the wow factor."
"They are certainly wow." He checks out my legs approvingly.
I slide off the shoes and head to the bedroom. "I just need to get out of this dress."
"I could help you with that?" He says slyly.
"Yeah, if you can catch me." I tease over my shoulder. He runs and quickly scoops me up in his arms, carrying me to the bedroom where we proceed to liberate ourselves from our clothing and test out the firmness of the mattress.
We lay on the bed in the afterglow, clothes scattered about, sheets tangled, and our skin glistening, he looks at me.
"I was going to take it slow with you, you know." He says in earnest, rubbing his hands through his hair, "I was going to come here and take you dinner, wine and dine you, drop you off and give you a nice kiss goodnight. Maybe bring you coffee in the morning to ask you for a second date, and a third. But in that damn dress, I couldn't resist your charm." He looks at me softly, then his eyes turn dark, "...and your ass, how do you have an ass that perfect?" He rolls me over to admire it.
"Well, I had a lot of extra energy waiting for you all of these months so I joined the gym. I was there a lot. And for the dress, you can thank my mom. She always made sure that I had a date dress in my closet."
"I will have to remember to thank her when we meet." He rolls us over so that he is on top of me and meets my eyes. His hand goes to my waist and he leans in to kiss me.
Before my brain leaves me to mind-numbing bliss, I think about this man and how much I can feel his love. I think about my mom and this blue dress that lay on the floor. I think about the year that I have had. One that has changed me in ways too numerous to count.
I lean in and kiss him back. The future looks bright and hopeful and full of joy. I wonder if I need a dress for that? I should call my mom.