9. You won't go near him
Freya
I sat down to the couch, sighing and burying my face against my hands. I was at Tommi's place, and he was standing near me, his hands crossed against his chest. I dropped my hands down, and slowly I closed my eyes. I was so tired and frustrated.
Lydia was also here, and she was at the kitchen making me some tea. Even though I said that I'm not thirsty or hungry. I can't think about eating anything. But she still wanted to make tea for me.
"This reminds me of that one night when you argued with Joel, and then we drank that vodka." Tommi said calmly, but he was still serious.
"Yeah well.. this time it's not about Joel.. and it's not me who has drank vodka." I quietly told him. He frowned a bit and I could see how he studied at me.
I just wanted to sleep and forget everything that had happened with Gilbert.
We stayed silent as long as Lydia came with the tea mug she was holding. She sat down next to me and handed me the tea.
"It's chamomile." She smiled a little. I tried to smile back but it was hard. I took the warm mug and stared at the tea.
As I was taking the first sip, Tommi sat down to a chair and took comfortable position. He looked like a therapist, and I think that I need to explain after all.
"Is it about Gilbert then?" He looked curious. I sighed and moved my gaze to my legs.
The longer I stayed silent, I got more anxiety and my throat felt like a prison. I couldn't talk, like someone was choking me harder and harder. My chest felt heavy, and my hands were sweating hardly. I wiped them to my trousers and I just wanted to leave.
Lydia saw my reaction, and carefully she placed her hand on my shoulder.
"Would it be better if you tell us later if you want?" She carefully asked. I nodded and gave her the tea mug. I had to get up and go to the balcony. It was dark and the city was going to sleep. I needed that fresh air before sleeping too.
I leaned my hands against the railing, and I took deep and long breaths. The anxiety in me started slowly disappearing, but somehow I felt more and more uncomfortable in my body. I wanted to scratch my skin and rip the clothes off.
I heard Tommi clearing his throat behind me, I didn't react. I was so frustrated that screaming sounded like a good option.
"I'm worried and I don't want to be annoyingly curious, but I just want to ask one question." Tommi's low tone was calm. I was biting the skin around my fingernails, I just mumbled something as an accepting answer.
He then walked next to me and also leaned against the railing with his hands, I didn't look at him.
"Did he do something physical to you?" He asked. Fastly I turned my eyes on him, maybe a bit shocked.
"No. Nothing like that. He was just.. being an idiot." I explained a bit panicked and immediately he nodded understanding.
"But I see how anxious you are. I don't believe that your behaviour and everything is just because 'he's an idiot'. There must be something deeper." He told me, and it made me a bit irritated of how well he sees my anxiety.
I looked at him, and his eyes were already on me. I sighed, I think I need to explain...
I told him about how Gilbert has been acting since yesterday night when he came back from the bar with Olli. Then I told every detail about our argument and how he was drunk a while ago, how he had bought roses and then asking if I'm going to Joel for the night. But I didn't tell him about the message from the unknown number, asking if I prefer yellow or red roses.
He was suprised and I saw that he was also disappointed. He sighed and straightened his back.
"I don't comment this situation.. yet. It's only better for you to talk to someone, it's important. And if anything happens, then there's someone who can testify for you." He responded wisely.
Immediately I smiled a bit amused and hit his arm calmly.
"Nothing is going to happen." I said.
He turned his head to me, but his face was serious.
"I'm serious. After these crazy people like Ruut and Emilia, I don't show any sympathy to people who are acting like that. First it seems harmless and they apologize, then the rollercoaster begins. I can only say that.. be careful." His tone was low and calm, but still determined. I understood him and nodded slowly.
But Gilbert isn't like them.. he's not. He's very gentle and loving guy. This one time doesn't mean that he's a bad human. He's just having a lot of stress and anxiety, I understand him. Even though he had been drinking and then telling stupid things.. I have no idea what's wrong with him, but I'm going to find it out.
The next morning felt stressful. The couch was nice to sleep in, but somehow I felt so pathetic. I ran away from a problem, again. And I felt so much shame for coming to Tommi's place where he was spending little vacation with his girlfriend.
Or I have no idea when this vacation is going to end since the band doesn't have any idea when's the next tour is going to be. And I felt so fucking stupid and bad person, because it's kinda my fault.
I left Joel, and it was so hard for him that everyone is suffering about it too.
I should just disappear or something. Forever.
I sat up, Tommi and Lydia were already eating breakfast. I looked at the clock on the wall, and it was 10am already. It made me stood up quickly.
"Uhm.. I.. I should go. It's late and I don't want to make Gilbert worried." I stuttered as I took my bag from the floor and some clothes from there. I still had my pajamas on.
"Don't you stay and eat breakfast?" Lydia asked worried. With shaking hands I started changing my shirt and pants, my back facing Tommi and Lydia. I didn't care that they saw me half naked.
"I.. I don't want to bother. He.. I mean Gilbert is probably thinking that where I am." I explained quickly. I started walking towards the hallway. Tommi stood up from his chair and he came in front of me, I stopped and carefully I looked up at him.
"I'm glad that you took me here for the night. Can you.. move?" I suggested even more carefully.
"I drive you there. And I won't allow no as an answer." He said determinedly as I was about to say no to his suggest. I sighed and nodded.
I took the spare key from my pocket with my sweaty hand. Somehow I was really scared to open the door and face Gilbert. Tommi was standing behind me, he really wanted to come with me.
I opened the door and walked in, I started taking off my shoes as Tommi closed the door behind him.
When we arrived to the living room where Olli and Eevi were sitting on the couch, Gilbert catch my eye.
He was already standing, his hands were crossed against his chest and the burning gaze through me made me nervous.
I have no idea why Gilbert looked mad. Like this all is my fault. Eevi and Olli were also looking weird.
Oscar was on the floor, sitting and playing with some stuffed toy.
"Where were you? We all were worried." Gilbert's voice was dark and his whole being was so.. strange.
I frowned and let out a frustrated chuckle, looking at Tommi who was near me.
"I left because you were drunk. I didn't want to stay here, don't you remember?" I questioned irritated.
Gilbert laughed in disbelief. I was fucking confused.
"Why do I remember that you were high when you came here then? I had bought you roses to compensate our dispute, you were mad at me and then you said that you're going to fuck someone." Gilbert said. I was in shock. My mouth was a bit open, and I was too stunned to speak.
"I can tell you that Freya wasn't high at all." Tommi's low voice made Gilbert look at him. He raised his eyebrows.
"So.. she came to you. Did you guys have good sex?" Gilbert looked mad again. We changed looks with Tommi, we both were so confused and stunned.
"Oh.. my.. god! Gilbert you're insane! Eevi and Olli, do you believe that bullshit?" I pointed at them. They looked at each other, then me. Gilbert turned around and for some reason gave a strict look to Olli. He swallowed and shrugged his shoulders then. Eevi rubbed her forehead, and I'm sure she looked like that she was going to fall asleep. What is happening in here?
"I didn't sleep at all last night. I was only wondering that where you were. I just.. go to sleep, okay?" Eevi mumbled as she stood up and took Oscar from the floor. She walked past me and then gave me a one handed hug.
"Gilbert.. maybe it's the best for you to leave." Tommi said strictly. Gilbert looked at him irritated and then took two steps closer, it made me back up until my body touched Tommi. Gently he placed his hand on my arm, and Gilbert looked at us confused then.
Then his eyes were filled with sadness. Deep inside me I felt bad. But he lied. Everything he said was a lie. Does he do this in purpose, or does he use drugs or something? That would explain his weird behavior. Is that the thing he's hiding?
I wanted to know everything, I needed the answer. I was about to go closer, but Tommi tightened his grip so I couldn't move.
Gilbert saw that I tried to get closer, so for a second his face looked brighter, but then again sad.
"You won't go near him." Tommi whispered silently to me.
"What if she wants to?" Gilbert said back. I was suprised by his words. I didn't know what to do, so I decided to stay still and keep breathing. Finally Olli stood up from the couch, slowly he made his way towards us.
"Tommi, we have a meeting with the band. We should go." Olli said, staring at me for the whole time when he was talking. It was strange.
Then he walked past us to the hallway. Tommi was unsure, I looked at him and gave him a small nod. He let go of me, and then quickly glanced at Gilbert.
"Call me immediately if anything happens." He whispered to me for the last time and I smiled a little to him.
Then they were gone.
It was silent between me and Gilbert, he took one step closer again. He put his hands on his trousers pockets, I was somehow nervous.
"Why did you lie?" I asked straight.
He smiled a bit and then looked down at his feet.
"A little lie here and there. Not a big problem." He casually said like it was fun. He walked to the kitchen and I followed him carefully.
He poured some water from the kettle to mugs, there was teabags already. He gave me the mug then, hesitating I took it. He smiled a little.
"But you don't lie usually. I knew that something is wrong, so tell me about it." I said more confidently.
He took big sip of his tea. I followed his actions and did the same.
"It's.. too sensitive thing. Is it okay that I tell about it when I feel confident enough?" He said carefully.
I frowned a bit, I didn't know if I should scream at him and make him talk, or wait. He has bad mood swings, and I don't want to be too oppressive.
He looked at me with puppy eyes under his eyebrows, I had no other option but to nod.
If he uses drugs or something, maybe I should dig his stuff and look for them, if he has any.
After a while when we had drinken our teas, he came even closer. It didn't make me anxious anymore.
"But.. to be sure.. did you fuck him?" His voice was lower and a bit raspy. I frowned and shook my head.
"Of course not. He's my friend, and he's dating. As am I."
He smirked when I said that. I felt my body being heavy, maybe it was all the stress that was coming out of me.
"I think you should talk with Joel soon, and after that we could go to.. Caribbean..?" He suggested seductively.
"I'll think about it." I tried to sound interested and happy. I had to do my everything that he wouldn't get mad or anything. I wanted to be as nice as possible, so eventually he would tell me what's wrong with him.
Or I would find it our first.
Is Freya getting closer to Gilbert's secret?
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