8. Red roses
Freya
I was waiting for my mom to stop talking with Kalf on the phone. I kept on spinning the spoon in my tea mug as I kept on staring at mom under my eyebrows, mad. She looked outside of the window, and then she turned her eyes on me. She stayed silent for like a minute while Kalf was explaining something. We kept that eye contact, I saw that my gaze made her uncomfortable. When the call ends, I will tell her everything that I feel. I think it's finally time. She needs to understand that this is my life, and I won't do things like she would.
"Okay, say greetings to Aud and have a nice vacation." Mom finally said to Kalf. Now it was my turn. She lowered the phone away from her ear, and then pressed the red button.
I let go of the spoon and I rested my hands on the table, I leaned a bit closer. She put the phone away.
"Kalf and -"
"Now you listen to me mother." I interrupted her. She looked uncomfortable and a bit worried. She was nervous.
"I feel like you never truly understand me, I feel that deep inside you're always judging me. You think that there's always something I could do better. When I told you that I want to study photography and start doing a career of it, you laughed. You wanted me to be a doctor. You never supported me while I studied photography after high school!" I started from the bottom, and slowly I would come to present. By now mom was staring at her tea.
"You were so good at school, you easily had the possibility to get in to university." She was shaking her head slowly while checking her nails.
I laughed disbelieved.
"You do it again. Don't you get that I'm not like you? You started dating with dad when you were, what, twenty? And soon you got Kalf and couple of years later me. Sadly when I was one year old you two break up, and since that I had to deal with you comparing me to Kalf. Even though we lived in different countries. And when Kalf quit the job as a doctor, you got mad." I continued my sermon. She raised her eyebrows.
"It must've hit your ego. With Kalf we're just some employees to you and you're the manager and you want us to do everything that you want. Oh, yeah, you live your dreams through us." I smiled a little, but not from happiness or anything. I smiled sarcastically. She didn't like that.
"Do you even understand how disrespectfully you're talking to me?" She said strictly with poker face. I tilted my head a bit.
"You need to face the truth. I'm so tired of you giving me those stupid advices how I should live my life. Do you really want me to live my life with Gilbert's money? And in his house that he got from his parents? Don't you want me to work at all? That I would be just a housewife or something? I am a woman god damnit! And it means nowadays that I'm free to do what I want and I want to make my own money if I want to." My tone started heating up as I was spitting the facts to the table.
My mom stayed silent after that, she only nodded slowly. My mom raised me to be a strong woman, since she raised me alone. And I can't believe how she's talking now, that I should really do all the things that she told me.
Then suddenly it looked like that she would start crying.
Fastly she wiped her tears and tried to stay calm. I didn't know what to do, should I apologize? Making my own mother cry is the last thing I want to do.
"You're right. I've been.. a bad mom." She took one tissue paper from her bag and kept on wiping her tears. I sighed silently, I leaned closer and put my hand on top of her's.
"You're not a bad mom." I mumbled, my tone was sad.
Then when mom cries, I know that something has hit her deeply. She never cries, and it's also a bad thing. You need to show your emotions, no matter what the situation is and what might be the reason.
When I was a kid, I remember once when mom was crying in the kitchen. I was listening to her behind the corner and I was worried and also a bit scared. Firstly I was thinking that someone had died. I was so nervous to go closer and look behind the corner. But I did it, and I saw her sitting around the kitchen table, her hand was on her forehead. Her eyes were closed and it was late night, I was supposed to be sleeping already. But I couldn't sleep without her singing the lullaby, wolf song. I was about seven years old then.
And when I finally dared to ask that what was wrong, she wiped her tears away and tried so hard to smile.
"Don't you worry about me." She said then, her voice shaking. I didn't believe her.
And when I told her that I can't sleep and I want her to sing to me, she stood up and walked to me.
She kneeled in front of me and hold me by my arms.
"Life goes up and down. But you make me feel very happy. You're my little girl, and I won't let anyone change it in this world. I love you so much."
We hugged after that, and it made me feel much better.
She placed her other hand on top of mine and it made me look at her in the eyes.
"I have pressured you to do things that you don't want to. I don't say this often but.. I am very proud of you. I'm so sorry..." She almost whispered because of the tears. I felt my eyes getting wet too, and I pressed my lips together tightly.
"I just.. want to feel like.. that I'm still your little girl." I said quietly. She placed her hand on my cheek then and wiped the tears away with her thumb. I closed my eyes.
"You are." She whispered.
After talking a little more with mom and spending time in some shops, we both were like different persons. It felt like that. I was way more happier and for a moment I could forget all the stress and anxiety, I could only laugh with her and remember the old times when I was a kid.
And when I got back to Eevi's and Olli's place with a taxi, I had to swallow in front of the house and take deep breaths.
I remembered the argument that I had with Gilbert in the morning. How he acted, raised his voice and was like totally a different human.
I still don't know if I believe him.. he's hiding something. Why he would've acted that way then?
I have no idea if he's back from wherever he went.
Nervously I opened the door with a spare key, and there were no lights. I closed the door behind me and took my shoes off, then my jacket. I left my bag on to the floor and took the phone out of there.
I walked further and it seemed like no one was home. It was completely silent.
I placed my phone on the kitchen table, and when I lifted my eyes up since I saw something that hasn't been there before.
There was a vase. And in that vase there was a bunch of roses. Red roses. I freezed for a moment. That text I got from the unknown number came into my mind.
Do I.. uhm.. am I just being.. paranoid or something..? I frowned when I looked at the roses.
Do I have to be worried? Shall I run? What if there's someone in this apartment who doesn't belong here?
With side-eye I looked a bit around. I didn't dare to move.
Then I felt someone's presence near me. I heard soft steps coming behind me.
I put my hands on wrists, just in case I have to punch someone.
Then the steps stopped, I heard breathing.
"Freya..." His voice made me flinch a bit. I turned around and it was.. Gilbert. He was standing there, hands in his trousers pockets. He looked humble. I dared to breathe again as I released my hands from being ready to fight.
"You brought roses." My tone was a bit cold. I was still unsure. He took couple steps closer as he nodded.
"I did. I'm sorry. I.. overreacted." He swallowed.
"Did you? Or were you mad because there's something that you're hiding?" I questioned, not caring if this is escalating again. He came closer and stared at me with his sad eyes.
Carefully he put his hand on my shoulder, and then he touched my hair that was open.
He smelt like vodka.
"You've been drinking. That's not how you deal with things usually." I said disappointed as I turned my head and took couple steps away from him.
I had to turn around completely, I took steps to the living room. I couldn't look at him.
"Dear.. I'm sorry." He was whining. I bit my teeth together nervously. I hate when people drink after arguments and then they think that everything is better after some apologies and roses.
I shook my head.
"Whatever. I'll find other place to sleep in tonight." I sighed as I turned around again. I almost walked past him, but he took my wrist and it made me stop.
"Why? What do I tell to Eevi and Olli?" He mumbled. The smell of vodka that came from his mouth made me feel sick. I scrunched my nose.
I stared at him under my eyebrows.
"Maybe tell the truth. It's kind of your fault, so you need to find a way how you tell them." I pulled my hand away from his, luckily he let go easily.
He was about to say something back when I opened the door to the basement, but I was fast enough to walk the stairs down so he stayed silent.
I grabbed some bag and put some of my stuff and nightwear there. I'm only going to stay for one night somewhere else, I can't be in the same building with Gilbert now.
I went the stairs up and started putting my shoes on in the hallway. I tried to find my phone from my pockets, but I sighed as I remembered that I put it on the kitchen table.
I tried to be fast as possible as I walked past Gilbert again, he was just standing there and his eyes were almost closed.
"Where will you go? To Joel? Will you fuck him?" He whined and mumbled and his whole being was so pathetic right now. I went to him and I tried to get an eye contact with him. It was impossible since he was almost sleeping.
"Go to sleep. You're fucking annoying when you're drunk." I strictly said to him.
I took both of my bags and left the house.
While I was waiting for my taxi I tried to solve the problem that where would I sleep. Hotel didn't sound very tempting.
One person came up to my mind, and he wouldn't be too curious to ask that what's wrong.
Me: Hi. You can say no if this suggestion comes too fast, but I need a place to sleep in tonight.. I have a small problem.
I waited for the answer, only hoping that he would text me faster, because the taxi already arrived to the yard. I opened the door and hopped in, and when the driver asked that where shall we go, I received a message.
Tommi: The couch is yours.
I let out a silent sigh of relief as I read that. Tommi texted his address, and I told it to the driver.
Feels bad to leave Gilbert there drunk, but I had to leave. Maybe tomorrow he's in better mood to talk to.. and not drunk.
Is it just a coincidence that Gilbert brought red roses to Freya?
Thank you for reading this story, I love reading all the comments and thanks for voting! <3
I wish a good week for you all.
Stay safe and strong, sending hugs🖤