The next day, I avoided any potential contact with Harry, all while secretly hoping deep down that he would approach me and apologize. I spotted him multiple times that day. He had plenty of chances, yet he took advantage of none of those opportunities. Instead, I would see him talking to his friends and forgetting my existence. He had the audacity to yell at me yesterday and could not even say sorry. Maybe he thought I would just brush off the incident and forget about it. However, he is most certainly mistaken.
I informed Hermione and Ginny about the incident after Potions class.
"That's not like Harry at all," Ginny had mentioned after hearing my story.
"He does have a temper," reminded Hermione as if I was not already aware. "Perhaps he will apologize now since he has calmed down since yesterday."
Hermione happened to be the one who had gave me such false hope. Her words presumed to be convincing enough, but I knew I had to prepare myself in case I was let down.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how uncomfortable I felt around Harry. I used to feel special and loved when I entered into his presence. However, I cannot lie to myself and say that is still the case. Nothing just has been the same. Everything seemed to be falling apart, people were turning their backs on me, and I was doing everything I could do to stay together.
In fact, I was doing too much.
I had glanced at Malfoy at one point during my morning journey through the corridors. Every time I laid eyes on him, I thought about the fight and how Harry had fooled me.
The person who loathed me told me the truth, and the person who loved me told me a lie.
It was about 7:00 p.m. Kasper and I lounged in the library on the soft, cozy couch, copying off each other's notes from Transfiguration class. After we finished that, I had to help Kasper do an essay on the reign of Gerret Grindelwald, an evil wizard who sought to take over the world before You-Know-Who.
"You can also add something in there about Nina Scamander, Willow Abernathy, and Professor McGonagall too," I commented after reading his essay.
"That story happened after his death. It just has to be about the time when he was alive," said Kasper.
"He would have risen from the dead if it were not for them," I added.
"That's true," he considered.
"Just turn this in," I replied as I handed him his essay back. "You should get an A."
Before Kasper could thank me for my help, someone entered into our midst unexpectedly, causing the atmosphere around us to suddenly shift. My heart rate increased when I recognized who stood not too far from where me and Kasper were seated.
"Hey Holly," said Harry, fidgeting with his hands. "May I have a word with you?"
I looked at Kasper in need of some support. He just glowered back at me as if it were only my decision alone. I then peered back at Harry, who was glaring at me intently, waiting for an answer.
"Yes," I replied.
Kasper then leaned in closer to whisper a few words in my ear. I nodded my head before he made his leave.
"So," began Harry rather awkwardly, "I just have a small proposal to offer you."
I glared at him, failing to understand his intentions.
"It's merely a suggestion," he added carefully, "for our relationship."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "What is it then?"
"Well, from what I see-" Harry sat down on the couch, leaving a good bit of space between us. "-we just have not been getting along lately."
I continued to listen closely to see where he was going with this.
Harry continued. "We also don't talk as much anymore."
He is actually aware of our communication problems. Maybe he will offer to talk to me more in order to fix it! Things are looking up already.
"You're right," I remarked, "I have been wanting to discuss this problem with you too."
"I'm glad you have noticed it too." he replied. "Therefore, I've been thinking that perhaps we are not ready for a relationship."
My heart dropped and I felt my stomach twist. This was certainly not happening the way I had planned in my mind. I expected a different approach. I expected him to take accountability for his actions. I expected him to apologize.
I took a deep breath.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, my chest beginning to tighten.
I folded my hands in my lap to hide the fact that my hands were shaking.
"I just do not like dating at my age. It's so stressful. I say that we simply stay friends for the time being. Then, when we are older, we can date again. That way, things will be easier."
My head began to spin. I went into such a great state of shock that for a moment, the reality in front of me seemed to be a blur. I appeared to have forgotten who I was for only a short second.
My heart thundered in my chest.
This could not be happening.
"Forgive me, Harry, but what makes you assume that things will be easier when we are older. Surely things will only be harder."
"Just trust me, Holly," he pleaded. "It is just hard dating at this age."
I did not understand at all from where Harry was coming from. His proposal was incredibly random and unfitting. It also seemed unreasonable.
"If you don't enjoy dating at your age, then why did you ask me to be your girlfriend in the first place?"
His idea was beyond ridiculous, yet I refrained from voicing my opinion. I tried to see how this would solve our lack of communication problems, but from what I can observe, his "solution" will only just make matters worse.
Harry opened up his mouth to reply, but I wish now that he had not. "I wasn't thinking clearly."
I wasn't thinking clearly.
You mean you were not thinking clearly when you kissed me in the Astronomy Tower? You mean you were not thinking clearly when we would spend hours together in the Room of Requirements? You mean you were not thinking clearly when you made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world?
Instantly, it was as if a match was struck, igniting a fire within me. Such a poor choice of words. Such a lame excuse. If you were never thinking clearly, then what did I ever mean to you?
"You were not thinking clearly when you asked me out?" I asked, rage beginning to reveal itself through my speech.
I shot up from the couch, too heated to sit on the same sofa as Harry.
"No," he answered.
No sorry. No apology. No effort.
Nothing.
"Harry, no offense, but that's the stupidest idea I have ever heard."
He gazed at me confused and slightly offended.
"It's not stupid," he protested.
"You can't just get rid of me when times get hard. That's not how a relationship works," I clarified.
"I'm sorry, but it is for the best."
If he would have proposed this outrageous proposal to me just a month ago, I may have agreed, considering how vulnerable I was. Yet now, I am aware of how horribly I have been treated. I have been set aside, ignored, and forgotten.
And I am tired of it.
"No," I demanded, "that's absurd! I'm no doing it. It's now or never."
"I'm not absurd! You're just hard-headed."
Now Harry stood up too and I glared at him darkly. I was bound to release a fit of anger that I was going to regret much later. I may have thought for a moment that I was going insane.
"You know what is actually hard-headed?" I inquired, my voice bitter with fury. "Lying to me about something stupid."
My voice was shaking with uncontrollable rage, and it was reflecting onto Harry. I noticed the exact moment when his temper began to rise.
"I have no idea what you are talking about. You're being delusional," retorted Harry.
"Don't you dare gaslight me! I know you started that fight with Malfoy back in January. I may be a lovesick teenager, but I'm not a dumb one."
"So what if I did? Why does it matter?"
His tone rose just a bit. If this argument continued, I would be screamed at in the end.
I would take my chances.
"It does not matter, but what does matter is you lying about it. What are you hiding?"
"Nothing! I'm hiding nothing!"
"You're lying again!" I proclaimed.
"You can believe what you want, but if you are not going to accept my proposal, then I suppose we have no other choice!"
His voice was submerged in rage, and the volume from which he spoke was deafening. I turned away swiftly towards the open window, letting the cool breeze dry the tears in my eyes. I attempted to slow my breathing.
This was it.
This was how it would all end.
"I'm breaking up with you," I stated, still with my back facing towards Harry. I could not look him in the eyes. I did not want to say it. I did not desire any of this.
"It's your choice," he commented, his tone low and heavy with indignation, "not mine."
"Well, clearly you want nothing to do with me, hence why I'm practically doing you a favor," I replied coldly, returning back to the sofa to gather my belongings back into my backpack.
"What? I never said that! I just said we could stay friends until we are ready to date."
"Just accept the fact that you fell out of love and quit lying," I lashed out at him out of resentment.
The room fell silent. The signs were obvious, and I had been blind to it all. I just figured it out right then.
Harry was no longer in love or interested in me.
He also never denied it, which meant I was right.
I pulled my backpack on my back, ready to leave.
"Well, I guess we are no longer dating," he snickered as if this were all some kind of joke to him.
"Seriously? We just broke up and it is just a joke to you?"
"Calm down! I was just trying to brighten the mood."
I rolled my eyes and walked a little way from Harry.
"Fine then," he retorted.
I stopped in my trail and turned around once more.
"And by the way," I admitted, "I was not the only one listening to the conversation."
Out from behind a bookshelf came Kasper. Earlier, he had whispered in my ear asking if he needed to stay. I had agreed by nodding my head.
"Of course!" Harry threw his arms up in the air out of irritation. "Have anything to say, Norman?"
I was about to shoot back an insult or possibly even a spell, but Kasper presumed to have had a response of his own.
"I do," replied Kasper, "but it's not very nice."
Harry gave no answer, but instead departed from our midst. Kasper and I made our exit shortly after.