Unmatched Hatred

Chapter 33

So...

There really is not much to say, is there? All I can do is lay in my bed and watch the water from outside my window ripple like waves. I laid there wide awake, secretly admitting to myself that Malfoy had been sharing with me the full truth in the garden on that particular day. However, I had somewhat of a difficulty coming to the conclusion that Harry was a liar. 

I cannot say I'm angry at Harry, although he did deceive me. I should not validate his wrong doings, but perhaps he had a reason that I would completely understand. That was what I hoped for, and normally my hopes were always let down. I just cannot reason with myself as to what Harry's motivation might have been for fabricating the situation. I had previously refused to ever believe that Harry was capable of such unnecessary violence, yet all I can do now is accept the truth.

Now, looking back on what happened with Harry and Malfoy while I was visiting Kasper in the Astronomy Tower, I would like to consider the fact that perhaps Harry's crude words towards Malfoy were understandable, yet not justifiable. He actually put words in my mouth that I never spoke to him. 

I did not believe Harry at first, you know?

Malfoy had been referring to that incident.

All I wanted to realize was why Harry felt the need to twist the story. I probably would not have even become angry if he would have just said he started the fight. Honestly, I would have most likely congratulated him.

Perhaps there was more to it that I was not supposed to know.

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I recognize that I had made a promise to aid Harry in creating a plan to help him win the first task of the Triwizard Tournament. However, as it may be quite predictable at this point, I failed to formulate a solution for I could not get past the fact that Harry lied. What is actually even more peculiar is that he did not hide the truth when telling me about when he threatened Malfoy while I was in the Astronomy Tower, yet he concealed the truth when I asked a simple question about an event which I was partly present for. That in itself caused me to acquire a new issue, another hidden secret unknown to me. Last night, I officially made a new promise, except to myself. I promised to not continue to procrastinate. I was going to speak to Harry about my concerns for him and our relationship. Things such as this certainly cannot go on. Instead, we would get to the bottom of this. 

That morning, I happened to be daydreaming as I strolled through the corridors and accidentally bumped into Malfoy. 

"Sorry-" I whispered, embarrassed. 

Suddenly, when I glared at him, I portrayed Malfoy in a different manner. I gazed at him with this new way of seeing him. He had been telling me the truth in the garden that one day, and I completely disregarded his experiences. I knew I could not feel sorry for him or ever possibly forgive him, yet, in a way, he had been a victim of Harry's temper, even though he might have deserved it. He also never came to me to tell what Harry had done to him, simply because he never believed Harry's lies at first.

I later realized I should have listened though.

Yet, what Harry said to him had not been true at the time. Except, it did not matter if he knew that now or not. It was just meant to be a forgotten memory. 

Malfoy must have noticed some sort of slight change in my eyes, because he appeared a bit confused. Out of nowhere, Parkinson came up behind Malfoy, basically toppling over him. Almost immediately, Malfoy's expression switched from concerned to cocky. 

"Do we have a problem here, baby?" asked Parkinson in a babyish voice, peering at me with vicious eyes.

"A staring problem," he stated with an intense and penetrating gaze in my direction. 

"I can fix that," claimed Parkinson, stepping between me and Malfoy.

"I was just leaving," I quickly answered, annoyed as I paced away quickly.

"That's right! Go on and run," she called out to me in the busy hall.

I just kept my glower facing the front, not even daring to meet eyes with either of them once again.

I resumed the rest of my normal day after that. I did the usual thing one does on a Monday at Hogwarts. I copied paragraphs of notes, finished my homework early, and made a high score on my Charms examination. I also ate lunch with Blaise and Kasper at the Slytherin table. Luckily, Kasper is much sneakier than I am at eating at a different table apart from my sorted house. I have never even seen Kasper as a Gryffindor. I always imagined him being in Slytherin, but I suppose the Sorting Hat would like to argue otherwise. 

After school had finished for the day, I knew it was time. 

I asked Ron where Harry might be, but he said he did not care where Harry was. I had forgotten those two were still bickering with each other, which greatly surprised me. I then had no other choice but to search every place he could have potentially been. I examined the Great Hall, the library, and even questioned some of his other friends. None of them knew. 

At last, I spotted Harry storming across campus, quite heated. I noticed his temper immediately yet decided to approach him anyways.

"Harry!" I called out to him and rushed over there near him. 

He stopped, glaring at me as if he were...

disappointed?

"Harry," I began, rushing my words without meaning to, "I have something I must ask you."

I had previously been mentally preparing my speech during the time I was trying to find Harry. If I did not get it out now, I do not presume I ever will.

"Holly, I'm sorry, but Ron and I- can I just spend some time alone?"

"Of course, but what I have to say is really important. I should only take a few minutes of your time."

"You can tell me later," he demanded, beginning to pace away swiftly.

"Every time you say later, I'm beginning to see more and more that you truly mean never. You tell me to tell you something later, yet when I try, you always have some sort of excuse."

"Well, I mean it this time."

I followed after him, continuing to persist that I must say what I have to say. I suppose I underestimated just how infuriated Harry was.

"Please Harry-"

Harry stopped abruptly and spun around to meet my eyes.

"CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! Can't you see that I really don't care at the moment?"

The world seemed to slip away from me for a short moment. My heart stopped. The reality in front of me did not really appear real and present at that point in time. The amount of shock and betrayal I had just experienced was unbearable. I casted a downwards glance at my shoes, refraining from revealing any emotions.

I did not even get to apologize before he stormed off. Actually, perhaps he owed me an apology for lashing out at me like that. He has never done that before. Did I do something wrong? Did he intend to make me feel silly and guilty for nothing? All I desired to do was sort some problems out and figure out the reason for his lying, yet I only developed more conflict.

[Always the fool with the slowest heart.]