We stood before double doors, Althea by my side, and Erix following steps behind like a shadow dressed in silver metal and worn leather. As we waited for the doors to open I fussed with the smooth silk of my tunic, flattening out non-existent creases. I had never dressed in such finery, and I was far from confident in it. I felt more like a fool, an imposter just trying to fit in but failing miserably at it.
It didn't help that Erix's gaze had hardly left me. Whenever I looked to him, he was looking at me. If I passed the shimmering reflection in windows or mirrors, as we paraded towards our destination, his focus was on me.
Perhaps he could see through the cracks of this forced illusion. In the small glimpses I had risked, it was hard to read his emotions. He was stern with an expression straight and void of his usual grin.
Eroan had almost cried as he studied me in front of the mirror back in the room. His nimble hands brushed over the outfit's blend of a storm grey silk tunic, charcoal leather belting and the tufts of white fur that rested over both my shoulders which draped into a deep navy cloak that trailed behind me. The boots he had laced came up to my knees, hiding the form-fitting leggings that matched the same stormcloud hue of my tunic.
This clothing was a far reach from the worn and usually ripped options that sat crumpled in a drawer back home. The dull and moody tones that Eroan had dressed me in made the darks of my hair and eyes stand out. Eroan had explained his choosing was very much inspired by the fashion of the Icethorn Court, a colour palette taken from the snow-tipped mountains and storm pregnant skies of the court. Even the silvered arm braces blended into the outfit, separated from my long-sleeved tunic by the hem of fur beneath it. The colours were a statement. I had realised when Althea had come for me dressed in an elegant gown of rust browns and deep, burnt orange. She, as the others I had seen during our walk, all looked like they belonged in the court entrapped by an eternal autumn. Whereas I would have survived during the gale of winter winds, or just the storm of strangers I was about to find myself surrounded by. It was clear that I was dressed to embody the court of my mother.
Right up until we stood before the doors, listening to the muffled chatter of countless fey beyond it, I had to stop myself from turning and fleeing back to Father.
But it was too late now.
"Remind me again of what I have to do if it all becomes too much?" I asked, looking out the corner of my eye at Althea. Her poppy-red hair was scraped back from her face, showing the sharp bladed curves of her jaw. A thin, circlet of brass wiring which glittered from the dark rubies carefully placed around it held her hair from her face, not a strand out of place; unlike mine which seemed to fall over one eye no matter how many times I pushed it out of the way.
"You will quickly come to know that someone of our prestige never has the opportunity to escape an awkward conversation," Althea said, raising her chin as she stared ahead. "But for now, Erix will remove you from the festivities if required. At least until the council meeting begins after the fanfare. There is no getting out of that I am afraid."
I nodded, swallowing audibly as I waited for the doors to finally open. Clenching my hands into fists, I felt nothing but nerves; they filled my lungs with each shuddering inhale.
"I have no idea what I am supposed to say, let alone do," I admitted. "What if they ask me questions that I cannot answer? Really, I am starting to think this is a bad idea. I could just-"
"No one is going to ask you anything," Althea interrupted, releasing a sigh of frustration. "You are the heir to the Icethorn Court, they will only speak to you when you address them. If you would rather not engage in conversation, then simply keep your mouth closed."
"Encouraging," I muttered under my breath as a shuffling of footsteps behind the door caught our attention. Someone spoke atop them all and the noise of the crowd beyond stilled to silence.
"Do not leave Erix's line of sight," Althea warned, voice full of tension. Something was bothering her, but I had no time to ask as the doors swung open and her face split with the most enchanting of smiles.
Before us waited a balcony which overlooked a grand room, one so large that I could not see where the walls nor ceiling came to their end. My lips parted in awe as the scene before me blew away the cobwebs of nerves with one, strong breath. Althea stepped forward first and I quickly followed. Around the balcony was a banister, posts of interwoven wood, on either side a staircase flowed down like the rivers of a waterfall, carpeted by a runner of deep red material that complimented the polished wood of the flooring beneath it. It was all so... expensive.
I overlooked the banister to the room far below and the scene turned my stomach inside out.
Countless faces looked upwards, each a mirror of my own bewilderment. And they all looked to me. Not a single pair of eyes flirted with the notion of looking at anyone else. Not even Althea who glowed brighter than I.
It was I who commanded their attention, their awe. Disbelief rolled off the crowd in gargantuan waves that I could almost taste it across my dry tongue.
Gods, I needed a drink.
The crowd of fey were dressed like a bed of resting autumn leaves. From my height it was as though I looked down upon the bed of foliage, where red, oranges, golds and brass tones melted together as one.
I gripped the banister, catching a glimpse of the grey of my shirt and felt even more like a thorn among roses.
"Robin," Althea whispered through a smile, eyes widening as she flicked them toward the stairway. It was as though my name was the loudest noise I had ever heard, as the silent crowd still watched me. She extended a hand, her skin shimmering beneath the sheer gloves that went up to her elbows. "Take my hand."
I did as she commanded, slipping my shaking fingers into her warm hold. Althea gripped onto me with support, so grounding that I felt she could have held me up by that one hand alone. Then she guided me towards the staircase and we began our descent into the crowd.
I hardly looked down to make sure I did not miss a step as I studied the guards waiting for us at the bottom. They had formed a path of such through the crowd. And with each step downwards, the conversations and whispers begun to grow until the crowd no longer stared in silence.
In a single breath it was like I was no longer here. Instead, they stared out the corners of eyes as they forced conversation with those around them. Hiding their interest. Concealing their thoughts in hushed murmurs to one another.
"Not so bad, was it?" Althea said.
"Was it not?" I asked, a nervous grin tugging at my lips.
"Nothing wrong with a little attention. You are going to have to get used to it. And quick."
My mouth was dry and mind a whirlwind of thoughts. "I need a strong drink."
"You deserve a drink." Althea looked over my shoulder to where Erix waited. I did not need to turn to confirm it. He was taking the personal guard claim very... well, personally. "Think you can handle the hungry looks alone?"
A shiver spread up my spine and across my neck. I was trying my best not to engage with anyone's eye contact, focusing solely on Althea. It was exhausting. Whereas she seemed so at ease among the bustling crowd, which set me at ease, somewhat at least.
"I will be fine," I replied. "But make it strong!"
Althea smiled, and for a moment I believed it to be genuine. "That will be the gravest of mistakes you have ever made. I will be back in a moment, unless I am swarmed by my family. I know they are lurking around here somewhere."
Her comment actually made me look away from her, scanning the dense forest of bodies for a glimpse of red hair, trying to spot one of her siblings.
"Are they-" I began, trailing off when I noticed she had disappeared.
The space in which she left was soon filled with bodies connected to smiling faces and outstretched hands. Discomfort riled through me, but I held my wince in and kept my chin raised.
"Hello... thank you... excuse me."
I spoke in a string of short, precise words as I fought my way through the crowd. It was impossible to simply stand and wait for Althea's return for fear I would be suffocated by the many, waiting faces of those who longed for me to engage with them.
A few times Erix had to clear his throat, stopping a seemingly harmless fey's attempt to get close. I smiled and muttered my apologies, pushing forward to some unknown destination. I needed some space.
My mind went back to Erix's inquest to find out what I feared. I felt like I was adding another answer to my list. Being buried alive by bodies. Yes, that thought was frightening and feeling too much like a possibility.
This place was miles different from being at the tavern, surrounded by the swaying, singing bodies of drunkards as we welcomed the first day of spring after a long winter. Even with sticky arms and the beat of thick ale breath upon me... it never bothered me.
I would have chosen the tavern if I could have swapped places. Without question.
Ahead of me a female fey carried a round tray of thin, delicately stemmed glasses filled with golden liquid. I did not care what was inside, only that whatever bubbly concoction it was took some edge off my overwhelming anxiety. I grabbed two glasses, swiping them from the tray with each a hand.
"Wait," Erix called out behind me, voice a gasp.
In seconds I had downed each glass, long before the shocked girl even noticed. Erix was before me in a blink, ripping the glasses from my hands with such furious speed I was certain they'd break under his grip.
"What is wrong with you!?" I shouted out of surprise, catching the attention of the crowd around me once again.
Erix's face was pinched with anger, but as he spoke, he did so calmly, even though his lips were pulled taut and his eyes practically bulged from his head. "You cannot just drink or eat anything you so desire!"
"Who do you... think you are?" I slurred, pushing an awkward hand into his chest. The drink had been sweet and light, filled with bubbles that seemed to pop and burst, revealing more flavour as it traversed my insides. I had a strong stomach for alcohol, having started at a young age when I would steal goblets at the tavern and drink them beneath the tables with the friends who had dared me. But, only two glasses in, I felt as though I had drunk thrice the amount.
"It is not safe for you. You are permitted to eat and drink only when your taster has done so first."
"Taster?" I questioned, flashing the girl a grin of apology before picking up my pace and walking away from Erix. I blinked, lids heavy, as I stumbled through the crowd.
"Where do you think you are rushing off to?" I heard the click of glass as Erix forced the empty glasses back onto the tray, then the thundering of footsteps as he chased after me.
"I can handle myself." I hiccupped, breathless. "Just give me some... space."
"You are the only living heir to the Icethorn Court. Your life is more precious than all these fine men and women combined. It is a precaution."
I waved him off, feet feeling as though I had lead at the bottom of my boots. "I was thirsty, and Althea has not returned with the promise goods. Call me... resourceful."
I should have probably worried about the threat of harm, so much so that someone had to taste my food or drink, but the bubbling, sweet and frankly morish liquid I had devoured kept that worry, as well as others, at bay.
"You are not listening to me." Erix caught up to me, reaching for my arm. "Robin, stop."
And I did stop, dead in my tracks as though what he had said was the most offence thing I had heard. "Why did you call me that?"
"What...?"
My chest warmed; words slightly slurred. "Robin, you called me by my name."
"That is what names are for." He glared at me with those large, bright silver eyes. His brows furrowed inward, causing lines to crease his forehead.
"Then you should... should use it more."
Erix grinned slightly, relaxing his annoyed expression. His full lips parted, and his eyes filled with an emotion I could not place. "Little bird."
"Urgh." I could hardly string words together now. The world seemed to spin, so I leant against the wall closest to me for support.
"Althea will have my guts for supper if she knows you have been exposed to that drink. I suggest you are in need of some fresh air to help clear your head."
I blinked, and for a moment too long I kept my eyes closed. A bubble of a laugh traced up my throat, only stopped by my fingers that pressed against my lips. "Fresh air sounds... promising."
It did. The sensible part of me which the drink had imprisoned at the back of my mind longed for fresh air. Not only to clear my head, but to get me away from the many who watched on.
Erix stepped closer to me, his body shielding me from the many stares.
I craned my neck upwards, keeping my stare fixed to his.
"Follow my lead," he said, voice full of quiet command.
Erix's hand found the curve of my lower back and he applied a gentle amount of pressure.
Soon enough the crowd thinned out the further we travelled to the outer edges of the room. Then a wall, towering and endless, reached up to shadowed heights before us. Curved, windowless archways gave way to the gentle breeze of evening beyond. The decorated guards nodded to Erix who urged me outside into the illuminated night.
Lanterns glowed across the stone banister, reminiscent of the one that I had not long looked over. Below this one was a painted scene of a sleeping city, likely because most of its occupants now prowled in the room we had just left.
I took a breath in, filling my lungs with the evening breeze. Instantly I relaxed, noticing that not a single person was out here, only Erix and I.
"Your cluelessness is not endearing," Erix said, finally releasing his hand from me.
"I do not remember caring," I replied, closing my eyes as the breeze cooled the skin around my neck. Already the immediate effects of the liquid were easing, as though the very air snatched it away. Instead, I was left with a faint headache behind my eyes, but nothing that another sip would not cure.
"Next time let me do what I have been tasked to do and keep you safe."
"What is the worst that could happen?" I snapped, leaning back against the stone barrier. "Is a Gryvern going to poison my food or swap my drink with stale water?"
"You are a fool to believe the Gryvern are the only beings wishing you harm. There is much you do not yet know, so until you do be cautious, for your sake as well as mine."
I glared at him, gripping the cold stone. "Since you wanted to learn so much about me earlier, let me give you another lesson. Do not treat me like a child. Even my own father did not, so you also have no right. Perhaps you, Althea, and everyone else should simply sit me down and lay all the secrets out on the table. I do not appreciate being kept in the dark at all times."
"It is not my place to council you," he murmured, mouth pulled into a frown. "It is to keep you unharmed."
"I can look after myself," I snapped.
"Can you?" he said, moving towards me in a single, long step. "Do you really believe that? Perhaps you were stronger than the humans you grew up with, faster and luckier. But here, you're weak. Untrained, uncontrolled and a complete liability."
"Would you like to test me?" I asked him, knuckles white as my nails dug into stone. A punch would not hurt him, but the swirling of cold that rattled in the trunk inside my chest would do some damage, that I was certain of.
"Do it." Erix was inches before me now, shadows cast across his strong face from the lanterns around us. "Show me that you can look after yourself, and maybe I will believe you."
"There is nothing I need to prove," I replied through gritted teeth. "Especially not to you."
Erix breathed deeply, the tips of his boots touching mine. "There is something entirely infuriating about you... little bird."
"Back to nicknames?" I asked, jaw tense. "I feel like I should have one for you..." I pushed off the banister. "Any suggestions? For you seem to have a lot to say."
Erix did not move, not even flinch as I lifted myself up as far as I could to get in his face. If anyone looked at us they would think I likely looked pathetic as I leaned up on my tiptoes as the hulking giant of a fey leaned down over me.
"Suddenly so silent?" I mocked, voice no more than a whisper as the final dregs of liquid courage dissolved.
"Your eyes are endless and beautiful. I can see the storm within you."
My mouth parted, breath hitching as his words settled over me. Erix's hands brushed over my own, tickling upward on each of my arms; his touch left a trail of fire in its wake, melting away the cold of night.
"I have never known someone so equally..." He paused, lips pursing as he contemplated his next words carefully. And I longed for him to say them, speak them aloud before he changed his mind. "Striking yet intoxicating."
A blush spread up my neck and filled my cheeks with warmth, only urged on as Erix's gentle touch moved over the ridges of my shoulders and stopped only when he cupped my face.
"Erix..." I breathed, unsure if I wanted him to release me or if I wanted to urge his touch to deepen.
"Yes?" he asked, head tilting as though he regarded me as a dog would a bone.
What I did next shocked me. Perhaps the strong, fey spirits had not entirely left my body for I reached up, wrapped my frozen fingers over his hands and held him in place. I did not pull them down, I did not tug them away or urge him to release me. I just held them, pressing upon the gloves and keeping him in place.
I risked a glance to the curve of his lips as they lifted into a smile. They parted ever so slightly, and my stomach jolted as the pink tip of his tongue escaped and trailed a line of glistening moisture across his lower lip.
The world no longer mattered, as that subtle movement entrapped me in a charm.
"Erix," Althea's voice sounded, shattering the moment of frozen clarity.
That single word had him pulling away from me, letting my own hands drop awkwardly to my sides as he stepped back.
I glanced to Althea, recognising a familiar stemmed glass in each hand, then back to Erix who rubbed a hand over his chin in embarrassed contemplation.
"Perhaps I should take over your... duties for the remainder of the evening. Next time you will be the one to fetch the drinks." She glared at Erix, hazel eyes raging with the ember of fire I had seen her conjure. "Robin, do you care to join me for a toast?"
I looked at Erix a final time, wondering why he did not meet my gaze. Instead he looked everywhere but me.
"Has this been tasted?" I asked as I plucked the glass from her hand, voice void of everything but accusation. Taking a small sip, I started to walk away from them. "Wouldn't want to risk the chance of being poisoned this early in the evening."
"We will discuss this later," Althea hissed back toward the dark balcony where Erix clearly lingered, then the click of her heeled shoes sang across the ground as she chased after me.
I was sure to keep ahead of her as we lost ourselves back into the crowd, not because I worried about how I was going to explain what she had walked in on; I cared little to try and unwrap that. I was more concerned she could see the lingering warmth of his touch where he held me, and that I did not wish for the feeling across my cheeks to disappear.