First of all, I'm so sorry for not updating after the past two months and thank you so much for waiting for the update, guys.
Well, guys, I'm officially a 2nd-year medical student now. I can't believe I have successfully passed the 1st-year jinx.
But the workload is still a damn nightmare. So, please understand my reasons.
I won't keep you waiting any longer.
Here we go.
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~Two months later~
//Knock, Knock//
"Son, Beam. Please come out and have your lunch. It has been more than 24 hours since your last meal.
Beam, I know you can hear me. Open the door," Mrs Marla called for her son.
Her phone buzzed with a new text from Beam.
'I'm trying to complete my project, Mom. Will be out later.'
"That's bullshit, mom. We don't have any projects. Beam is doing it again. He does this every time, Forth visits here," complained Leo from her side as he peeked into the text.
"Beam, son, Forth left yesterday itself after lunch. You would have known about this if you had lunch with us. Please come out. I promise, he is not here," she tried again.
Despite her soft begging, Beam stayed in the room and at last, she had to ask Leo to get his Grandpas.
It's been months since they put a stop to their DDT case and also their relationship. Apart from Beam, everybody was against his decision to break up with Forth.
But, they couldn't do much as Forth agreed with him.
Nope, not the breakup. But Forth agreed to give their relationship a break instead. Forth understood Beam's reasoning and gave Beam what he desired.
Since that day in the restaurant, Forth and Beam were not on terms of seeing or talking. Beam avoids Forth like a plaque while the poor guy tries his best not to be offended. Forth visits the Jaturapoom as he finally gets to be with his past family members.
P'Mew was more than happy to have his younger brother beside him again. Forth would visit them every weekend for catch-up purposes or gives surprise visits whenever he misses his Beam.
But Beam was true to his words as he never tried to meet or chat with Forth when the guy visited them. Whenever Forth came over, Beam would lock himself in the room and refuse to come out till Forth left.
Phana and Kit tried to talk Beam out of his decision multiple times in the past month, but the stubborn guy was strict with his decision.
He even precluded Phana from supporting his now grandson. Forth could only watch Beam from far as he hid behind the canteen pillar to steal glances from his love of life.
Sometimes, He wanted to say 'Screw it' and hug Beam tight. But he had to respect Beam's decision and give the insecure guy some time to come up with terms for his own prejudice.
He promised to give Beam 90 days to test his theory. And it ends next week.
Leo reached their living room and saw the grandpas chatting with Dad Bane. He was scared shitless about Dad Bane and Grandpa Mew before he came to Thailand.
But, as Leo lived with them, Leo figured out that their angry face was a facade to hide their deep hided wound. Now, as all the issues get settled, he calls or talks to them without a bother. It seemed like they had adopted him as an unofficial son in their households.
"Grandpa Gulf, Mom Marla called for you. Beam is doing it again," complained Leo as soon as he reached them.
"This spoiled brat!" cussed Grandpa Gulf as he stood up to follow Leo.
Soon they got in front of Beam's bedroom door.
"Beam...Beam, open up," he called softly first. But they received no response.
"Beam, if you don't open up in the count of three, I'll get your Grandpa Mew to drill down this door for good," warned Grandpa Gulf.
He motioned Leo to get the drill machine from the toolbox in his room. The obedient Leo was more than happy to bring the tool to him.
But, Still,
"1," no reaction.
"2 (with driller machine starting sound)" no response as well.
"3!" with that, Beam's door got a hole beside the door knob.
Before Grandpa Gulf could drill another hole into his door, Beam blasted open the door with a disbelief look on his face.
Who needs Grandpa Mew to pierce the door when Grandpa Gulf could drill it just fine?
"I can't believe you did that!" Beam said, a bit angry.
"And I can't believe you're still stubborn.
You're old even to know better than causing your parents to worry, Nong Beam.
You better come down to the dining table in five, or else you know what else I could do," warned Grandpa Gulf, enraged.
Mrs Marla and Leo were stunned by Grandpa Gulf's action too. The elder constantly blackmailed Beam about drilling down his bedroom door for being stubborn, yet they never expected him to drill down the poor door.
They quickly left the scene with Grandpa Gulf as Beam glared at them with an angry pout.
Soon enough, he walked down the stairs to the dining table to only get a bowl of porridge. The pumpkin porridge made him feel like going back to his room again and never coming out.
"Stop glaring at the food and eat. That's what you get for skipping food for more than 24 hours.
Do you think that your stomach got made of steel?!" scolded Grandpa Gulf as he brought freshly cut fruits for him and sat beside him.
"I was not hungry," Beam answered in a small voice.
He hates getting scolded by his favourite Phi/Grandpa.
"Look at yourself, Nong. You have lost a lot of weight and don't look happy or healthy. Obviously, the break in your relationship with Forth is hurting you. Why are you doing this? Grandpa can't understand, na," said Grandpa Gulf, worried.
"I- I am okay. I was busy with some project work and was lack of sleep," Beam tried to reason it and hoped his Grandpa to drop the topic.
"I have known you for more than 30 years, including the old days. I can clearly see that you're lying. We agreed to let you both be, as Forth requested us to give you time. But, the longer the time, the dull you get, Beam," added Grandpa Mew as he joined them at the dining.
"I am tired. I will get better," reasoned Beam again as he bent low, hiding his eyes with his now long bangs.
"Why did you want a breakup, Nong? What bothers you? Did Forth make any mistakes?" asked Grandpa Mew softly.
"No, he didn't do anything," replied Beam in a whisper.
"Then, what's the damn issue?!" asked Grandpa Gulf, intolerant of their hide-and-seek game.
"It's my mistake. I expected a lot. I expected a love that lasts forever, but..." before Beam could complete his lines, tears streamed down his cheek.
"What do you mean, Nong? What happened?" asked Grandpa Gulf, more worried than before.
He hated watching his grandson crying.
"Forth doesn't love me, Grandpa Gulf", said Beam crying.
"What??!" questioned the Grandpas, dumbfounded.
"He loves the happy gleams of me from the past.
He loves the old me.
He doesn't love or likes the present me.
I'm just a sad replica of the past.
Forth didn't have any other options in the past than me.
Because Forth was head over heels for me in the past, but now is a different story. Forth can like or love anybody he fancies.
He doesn't have to be stuck with me," replied Beam as the last line came out as a whisper in his hoarse voice.
"What made you think that way?
God! Did Forth say that to you?" asked Grandpa Gulf angrily.
The Jaturapooms are inadequate with words. Complicated emotions are not their tea, and Grandpa Gulf can guess what the former Jaturapoom might have done.
Instead of explaining his point of view or reasons, Forth might have stayed quiet, which could have led to this scenario.
"Tell us exactly what happened, Nong Beam. If the mistake is on Forth's, I promise to punish him," added Grandpa Mew softly.
"You don't have to do that, grandpa," replied Beam as he giggled between crying.
"But, we can't see you like this. Beam, You need to get a better closure than suffering alone," said Granpa Gulf.
"Tell us, Beam," pleaded Grandpa Mew.
~
~Two months ago~
"Let's break up, Forth," said Beam with a sad smile.
"What??!! Tell me you're kidding, Beam," requested Forth as he felt his soul leave him with that single sentence.
"I want to let you go, Forth. I'm not your responsibility anymore. You may like or love anybody that you find attractive. I won't hold you back anymore," said Beam with his sad smile as tears decorated his eyes.
"What are you talking about, Beam?! Why are you saying this? What made you think like this?" asked Forth, agitated.
"I'm not the Beam Baramee, the campus Casanova or the Son of Liam Baramee.
I'm not a strong-headed man with a self-confidence level off the roof.
I'm not your lover or your husband anymore.
I'm not him!"
"Beam, I don't understand. I don't see you tha-"
"You don't have to make excuses for me. Let's end it here, Forth.
I'll let you go this time. You deserve that much...," said Beam, shedding silent tears.
"Beam Jaturapoom! I don't know what you're talking about, but I'll let you do what you want," added Forth in an angered voice.
Beam cried more as he heard that. He wanted to end it all, but the stab he felt in his heart when Forth agreed to his terms was beyond just painful.
"But listen, I'm not breaking up with you. I'll let you breathe without my presence around you. I won't bother you for the next 90 days. That is just how long I could stay away from you cause you literally hold my heart.
See you soon, Beam," stated Forth in a melancholy-filled voice as he was on the brink of crying.
Forth left Beam in the restaurant and made his way away from Beam by saying that.
Beam sat there crying till his eyes became puffy and too tired to stand or leave that place. Eventually, Leo came to fetch him back home as if he got requested by someone.
Unknown to Beam, Forth watched him leaving safely with Leo as he vowed to be away from his love.
~
"You didn't even let him explain his part of the story, Nong Beam. You decide by yourself. You must have listened to him before deciding anything," added Grandpa Mew, worried after listening to the whole breakup scenario.
"I wonder where you got this stubborn behaviour?" grumbled Granpa Gulf.
"Maybe, that's why Forth was giving that sad face every time he visited here," added Leo from the kitchen entrance.
"You guys don't understand...," argued Beam dejectedly. It felt like everybody sided with Forth, leaving him alone.
"Maybe, you wouldn't doubt his love for you after listening to this," said his dad as he joined them in the kitchen with his mom on tails.
"What's that, dad?"
"Forth left it for you yesterday. Forth wanted to give it to you before Forth leaves for good," added Beam's mom.
"Leaves for good? Where is he going?" asked Beam, worried as he checked the MP3 player his dad gave him.
"Why would you want to know?" asked Leo to bug him.
"Dad, please tell me. Where is he going?" asked Beam, desperate now.
Is Forth finally done waiting for him?
Is he giving up on them?
"Forth left for his internship under Umbrella corps," answered Grandpa Mew.
Beam looked at the calendar frantically as he checked the date.
"But, it's Christmas tomorrow.
Why would he leave now?"
"Why are you suddenly asking so many questions about him? Didn't you avoid him like a disease or something? Let's call off for the night. I'm tired," said Grandpa Gulf as he left the kitchen.
One by one, all left him alone at the dining table with his now cold pumpkin porridge and the MP3 player.
"You should listen to it, son," said Dad Bane as he patted his shoulder before leaving the kitchen with Leo.
Beam slowly made his way back into his room after doing the dishes. His mind got filled with so many thoughts and worries.
Beam sat on his bed as he stared at the MP3 player longer than he intended to. After taking a few deep breaths, he finally pressed the play button.
"Huh, is this thing even working?!
Never mind, I'll say what I need to tell you from day one.
Hmm, okay.
When I first saw a glimpse of you in my dream, I thought you were just an image flashing through my eyes. Something not real.
I wanted it to be not true.
Cause the image I saw was you sinking into the deep ocean while holding my hands.
Who would want to remember a tragic glimpse like that?
As if my mind had heard my wish, I didn't get a glimpse like that again until the day I met you again.
But, somehow, whatever happy peaks I got after that only made me sadder and more depressed. I felt this piercing pain in my heart every time after the nightmare, and the ocean became my pathetic solace.
Even though it made me sad in its own way, the sea made me feel like you're not just a glimpse into my dream. You're more than that. That's why I found a professional therapist to overcome my Thalassophobia.
Believe me or not, I looked for you everywhere that I could. I even asked my therapist about this gleam. They tried to convince me that I imagine things and that I should stop. They said that I should be living in real life. Not the imaginary dream world where I could only look at someone from afar.
But I believe you're my missing piece, and I'll find you somehow. You have no idea how happy I felt when I meet you in real for the first time behind the bus on campus.
You said that I didn't love you but a glimpse of you from the past. Now tell me, baby, how could I love someone based on a few glimpses?
I indeed wanted to find the person in my dreams. I admit I might have liked him.
But I fell in love with you when I met you and saw how amazing of a person you are. I wanted to protect and save you from your nightmare without knowing I was the cause.
Before I got my memories back, I always thought that those glimpses were the universe's way of guiding me to you.
After I got my memories back, I can't believe the universe did bring you back to me.
It proved to me that my feelings were valid, and I was so glad for not giving up on my glimpses of you.
When you said that I don't love you, but the past version of you, It broke my heart. It made me feel like I made you think that way.
It made me feel like my actions were not good enough for you to believe in my love for you.
I don't blame you, though.
I didn't chase you as the past Forth did, or I confess and ask you to be mine first like the former Forth.
I-I didn't do anything to make you feel my love.
It's valid that you don't trust it.
Even I would have doubted myself if I was in your shoes.
Despite that, I want you to remember that past or present, you are my Beam, and I will love you till the moon and back.
Baby, I know I love you with all my heart and soul. You know I'll do anything to make you happy because your happiness and peace of mind matter the most to me, both in the past and now.
But all those don't matter anymore, as you have already decided none of my feelings is authentic.
I recorded this thing to give you my early Christmas Gift, or you may consider it as my last gift.
In these past two months, I thought you would eventually understand my love for you and will return to me. But it made me realise that all I gave you in my past and present lifetime were only painful memories and sorrow. You don't deserve that, baby.
It also proved to me that you don't need me anymore. You are capable of living your life without my presence. I give you 90 days to sort out your feelings. It seems like you didn't need that long.
So, I won't bother you anymore.
My Christmas gift for you is your freedom from me.
I won't hold you back anymore.
I won't pressure you to understand my love for you, and I won't ask you to stay with this unreliable man anymore.
You're free from me, baby.
I'm leaving our former house under your name. That's the only thing I could give you, baby.
No matter what the future holds, I will love only you. As I said before, you may leave me, but I'll keep my Beam with me, in my memories, till the end.
Let me say this one last time, baby.
I love you. I love you so much, Beam.
I wish you only experience happiness in your life after this.
Stay safe and happy, baby."
When the recording ended, the only sound coming out of Beam's room was a loud sobbing.
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End of Chap 20.
TBC.
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Alright, guys. Only the epilogue is left, and I'll officially wrap this story after that.
Don't forget to vote and comment, guys. I'll let you guys guess what the ending would be.
What do you all think? Will it be a happy ending or the sad ending? Comment your thoughts below.
I'll try to update the last chapter as soon as I can.
See you, guys. Buh bye.
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