This request comes from @fanfictionxpassion, you give me some suggestions so I made something from it. Please enjoy.
So this is going to be the last chapter I will uploaded in 2022. I haven't been writing a long time but i really love doing it! thank you for the support, request and votes I got.
I wish you all the best for 2023! Let's make it a year that is worth living and with (I hope) a lot of reading and writing!!!
As every morning the sun makes it's way through the darkness of the night. Making the moon disappear as the dark sky turns light.
Only if Seokjin could feel that right now. There was a time he used people to make himself happy, because if the were happy he could be happy. He gained form the happiness of others while giving a lot of happiness back.
But lately it feels like he can't turn the dark sky light again, he has been holding up a fake smile for quiet some time now. He knew he should have sad something, he knew the others would understand.
But it all went so fast and he needed to let it all sink in.
"You have a brain tumour, it is still very small and it can be removed."
"When?"
"As brain tumours are really important it can be in two days. This tumour is the reason ou have been feeling so depressed lately. I don't know if the depression is something that will go away as soon as the tumour is removed, but I know that it is now pressing on a part of the brain to let it all out. You just hae been hiding your emotion for a time."
This doctor visit was now four days ago, and the doctor was right. As soon as the tumour got removed he indeed felt different.
But the depression he had wasn't gone. He couldn't talk to his members, he was the oldest he couldn't be a burden for them. They didn't even know about the tumour or his visits. The managers made sure he got rest, as Jin told them to keep it between them and tell the members he just had the flu.
And of course the members really tried taking care of him and making sure he got everything he needs But they noticed something was wrong.
"You are sure you don't need anything else?" Yoongi ask looking at his only hyung. Who just nods.
"Yeah sure, just really tired." Jin says as he turns his head not looking at his friend again.
"You know I am here if you need anything or just want to talk." Yoongi says, feeling that something is wrong. Something was so wrong, he couldn't put his finger on it yet but he knows Jin is hiding something.
"No no, please go." Jin says still not looking up, feeling defeated Yoongi walks out of the room.
As days passes by Jin was getting better, the members still don't know about the real reason he was in bed for two weeks. But now here at the beach he is smiling again and laughing, joking around like nothing ever happened. It was a beautiful sunny day and they had some free time to go to the beach.
Yoongi really wanted to believe that this was real, that JIn was just acting like that because he was feeling sick. But there was something about his smile, something was wrong.
"Something wrong hyung?" Jimin asks as he jumps on the back of Yoongi.
"Yah JIminie!" Yoongi starts As he throws the younger one of his shoulder making him and Jimin laugh.
"Just enjoying the view." Yoongi says as a beachball is coming towards him.
"Ah let's go! 3 against 4! Footvolley!" Namjoon screams at the others that are running towards him.
Making teams is always the easy part, they just play a little and short game to decide. So the teams are Jin, Yoongi, Taehyung and Hoseok. Against Namjoon, Jimin and Jungkook.
"Ah why did we get Namjoon!" Jimin complains with a big smile on his faces making Namjoon and the others laugh.
But even a joke like that doesn't really make Jin laugh, he laughs but really he isn't listing anymore. He is so focused on the sea that he doesn't even notice the ball coming straight to his face.
Taehyung is just in time to save Jin from it, making again the other laugh as Taehyung feet get's high enough to save Jin but make him fall to the ground. Jin laughs hard but still he isn't feeling anything.
"I just sit at the side lines!" Jin says.
"you ok?" Hoseok ask a bit worried.
"Yeah yeah, just the smell of his feet." Jin says making the others laugh as they all know that is not the reason. Even at the side lines he is cracking up jokes and laughing with the members while his eyes are getting more and more focused on the beautiful blue see.
If he only could disappear from the world, if only the sea could just take him and never let go. But as he keeps on smiling the world doesn't seem to get better.
Jin really thoughed he could be happy, but the truth was even now the tumour is gone the depression is still there. It is not something he can make disappear again. It came so fast. The thoughts, the pian, the voices and they never went away.
He doesn't want to feel it anymore, he want to feel ok. He wants to feel alive. He wants to put a smile on his faces that is real and not fake like he has been doing all the time.
He really doesn't. but he can't help it.
"DO we really have to go already?" Taehyung says looking sad at the other members.
"Yeah sorry Tae, we need to get ready for the interview and we still have to eat." Hoseok says putting a arm around him and dragging him with him towards the things to gather everything.
They make there way back to the dorm and make themselves ready for the interview, Jimin and Yoongi are in the kitchen today making lunch as the others are doing their own thing.
Jin stares at the ceiling.
"Maybe the world is better without me." He whispers softly.
Just then Jungkook runs towards him and jump on the bed.
"Yah-ah Jungkookie!" Jin says laughing.
"Let's go eat!" Jungkook says, Jin isn't hungry, he hasn't been for the last weeks. He knows he has lost some weight, he knows he hasn't been eating well, but he just doesn't care anymore. So just like any other afternoon he goes down and let the others believe he eats.
Then they went of to do the interview with was going well, they talked, laughed and had a really good time. ARMY and members would never notices something was wrong with Jin, he knows how to act. But as soon as Jin got a moment alone his fake smile disappears again. He looks in the mirror.
Why is he even here? Why is he so wrong?
Then he as soon as he sees the others again a smile appears on his faces again.
"Hyung?" Jungkook asks as their sitting in the car back to the dorm.
"Kook?" Jin ask wondering.
"can I lean against you?"
"Of course."
With that Jungkook falls asleep against his brother. They come home and Jin and Jungkook are now in the kitchen to make diner. The day went by pretty fast and Jin could feel he was running out of energy. The smell of the food he was cooking was not making him feel any better.
"You ok hyung?" Jungkook asks as he notices a little changes in Jin eyes.
"Yes yes." Jin answer back. But he was lying and now everyone was going to know.
He could feel the blood running through his body he could see the world spinning but before he could do anything. The darkness that was in his mind the whole time was now taking over him.
"HYUNG!" Jungkooks scream could be heard everywhere in the world as he drops the food he was holding and runs towards jin.
He turns Jin around and lays his head on his knees as he strokes Jins hair.
"kook what happened?" Yoongi ask as he was the first one to arrive.
But the others can be heard running around everywhere in the dorm.
"I don't know he just fainted!" Jungkook says still in panic.
"Let's get him to bed." Yoongi says, not knowing how to handle know.
"Doesn't he need to go to the hospital?" Jimin ask.
"No, we give him some rest. Give me a wet towel and then help finishes Jungkook with diner. I will take care of Ji hyung." Yoongi says as the others nod. Together with Namjoon, they carry the unconscious boy his room and lay him down.
"Do you know something hyung?" Namjoon ask looking at Yoongi.
"No but I am pretty sure something has ben wrong for a time now."
Namjoon nods as he leaves the room to let Yoongi talk to Jin once he wakes up.
It doesn't take really long before Jin opens his eyes and sees Yoongi.
"You always make me jump." JIn jokes to Yoongi.
"Hyung, I am done with these jokes and fakes smile. Spill the tea." Yoongi says not giving his hyung time to get around the subject.
"Yoon everything.." Jin start.
"Everything is not fine. I don't know what is wrong with you but please tell me. I am here for you."
"Nothing is wrong."
"Something is! You just fainted in front of Kook. He is terrified! You are so light as a feather and something is wrong with you!" Yoongi is almost screaming now. But not so loud that everyone could he it. Just to make Jin realise that is time to tell.
It stays still, nobody says something.
"I had a brain tumour..." Jin starts. Yoongi eyes grow big.
"When?"
"I figured it out around three weeks ago. They took it out that is why I was sick. But I didn't want to worry an of you. But the tumour was pressing the depression out of my head into my whole mind" the way he says it makes Yoongi more confused.
"I really haven't listen that well. But it was the reason I got depressed, but I was already depressed I just didn't know it yet. And now it won't go away." Jin starts to cry, Yoongi sits there not knowing what to do.
"I am proud of you." Yoongi says, not really knowing what to say now.
Jin looks up, as he keeps on crying and leans in to Yoongi.
"We are going to get through this, together."
"Just the two of us please." Jin says, hoping Yoongi would agree.
"Fine, but one day you are going to have to tell them. And you really need to eat more! Jin beauty means eating!" Yoongi says hoping that Jin would gain some weight now that he know Yoongi will be there.
"I try."
"We can do it."