"What?"
Gwyn had stopped crying, breath escaping her lungs as she stared at Aurora. Aurora stood from her seat, wiping her sweaty hands off on her pants. Her pulse was racing. Maybe she wasn't alright with it, but the gesture may make Gwyn feel better about the situation.
"Come with me and we can ask him if he will touch you," Aurora said, trying to keep her voice calm. She didn't want it to shake, she couldn't let it. Gwyn swallowed hard as she stood as well.
"Are you serious?" Aurora nodded and began walking to the stairs. If she was questioned any further, she'd fall back on her plan. Gwyn's soft footsteps were heard behind her. Aurora did her best not to stumble or tremble as she led Gwyn to her bedroom, where Azriel surely was. She lifted her chin, letting her eyes fall shut for a moment. Everything was telling her that this was a mistake, that it would hurt to hear Azriel's answer. Would he want that? Possibly in the way that Nesta and Cassian had Aurora, together. Aurora cringed at the thought of watching Gwyn be touched by her mate.
Her mind had been far too preoccupied because the next moment, Aurora and Gwyn were at the door. She sighed shakily, cursing herself before opening the door. Azriel was laid on his side, sleeping soundly with a pillow tucked into his arms. His shadows seemed to be resting, too. Aurora walked over to the bed, glancing over her shoulder to see Gwyn shutting the bedroom door.
"Az," Aurora whispered as she brushed his hair from his brow. He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. Aurora leaned down and pressed a lingering kiss to his temple. "Azriel," she said again. This time, one eye opened slowly. They didn't lift to Aurora, they settled on Gwyn just behind her. His brows furrowed and he turned his head to look up at Aurora.
"What's going on?" He asked, voice laced with sleep. Aurora felt guilty for waking him up when it was so early in the morning. She willed the candle beside the bed to light, flame lifting from the wick. Azriel sat up at that. The blanket fell to his waist and Aurora knew he was nude beneath it, the guilt rose further.
"We have a question for you," Aurora explained, lightly grimacing when her voice broke. Her eyes flicked to Gwyn, who was standing a few feet behind her, looking between them.
"Okay?" Azriel murmured. Aurora bit her lip and looked at Gwyn again. The sense of her being in the room was making it more difficult to speak to him.
"Gwyn had mentioned a lack of intimacy," Aurora began, and Azriel's eyes shot to hers. She swallowed before continuing. "And I thought, maybe, that you'd be willing to give that to her one more time?"
Azriel looked back to Gwyn, his throat bobbing. Aurora clenched her jaw, not sure what she hoped the answer would be. Her eyes burned, her throat was sore. All she wanted was for this to be over with.
"Is this true?" Azriel's voice was low, intimidating. Aurora thought back to how he had spoken to her earlier that day and her stomach twisted more. His eyes didn't leave Gwyn, so Aurora guessed that question was for her.
"It is, only if you and your mate are willing," Gwyn said breathlessly. Azriel nodded slowly, turning his head to look up at Aurora. She didn't meet his eyes, she couldn't. If she saw any sense of him agreeing, she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be standing. She watched his hand lift to her chin and she closed her eyes when his knuckle pressed into her skin and lifted her face.
"Aurora," he whispered. That's when she felt his shadows caress her, urge her to open her eyes. Her bottom lip caught between her teeth as those mental touches got to her. Aurora opened her eyes, those brilliant golden irises in view. He looked between her eyes, around her face, her lip that was surely bleeding now.
"No," Azriel said simply. Knuckle still to Aurora's chin, he turned his head to Gwyn. "I'm sorry that you don't find intimacy right now, but I will not touch you simply because you believe I'm the only one to give that to you." Aurora didn't look at Gwyn, she kept her eyes on her mate.
"I understand," Gwyn said. Aurora could hear the way her voice shook.
"I'm truly sorry for the things I put you through, the hope I gave to you and then took away, but, Gwyn, having my mate ask me to fuck you? That isn't right. I can tell that she offered this to you, but I know that you pushed her there. I am not the only male who will pleasure you, you will find another. There is no shame in trying things out, do you understand?"
Aurora didn't breathe. She didn't look away from Azriel, even when his finger fell from her chin. Gwyn was crying, that she knew. She could hear the gasping breaths, the shaking.
"Yes," Gwyn breathed out. Azriel looked around the room, as if searching for his next words.
"I know that I am the first to show you how delicate sex can be, how gentle it can be, but Gwyn, you will find another. You don't need to lock yourself away in the library. If you feel comfortable enough to go into town, do it. There are other people down here that I'm sure will give you anything you wish. I am with my mate and I am happy this way. I will not search for pleasure from anyone else unless it is her that suggests it, and for her own pleasure, not because she feels that it is a good deed. I wish the best for you, Gwyn, and I know it will reach you," Azriel ended in a near whisper. Aurora heard the shaking cries and the soft footsteps retreating.
"Thank you," Gwyn whispered, and then the door opened and closed. Aurora wondered who she directed that to. Azriel stared forward a moment before looking back up at Aurora. She hadn't realized she'd been crying until he reached up with both hands and held her face, thumbs wiping at the tears.
"Aurora," he said softly. She closed her eyes again. Her hands lifted and settled on his wrists, head dropping forward. "Come here," Azriel murmured. Aurora blinked at the tears and climbed onto the bed. Azriel tugged her down by the waist so that she straddled him. His face was so close to hers now but she could hardly see him in the blur.
"I'm sorry," she gasped out. Her throat burned from the sobs that built in her throat. Azriel leaned forward and kissed a tear below her eye, wiping the others with his thumb.
"Why, Aurora? Why bring her in here when you didn't want to?" She shook her head, chest trembling with silent cries.
"We spoke about our pasts and she told me what you've done for her. It was so similar to how you saved me, I couldn't help but think how I'd feel if someone stole you away," Aurora answered. She wasn't sure he could understand her words as she cried.
"Aurora, you do not owe her anything. She's been through a lot, but so have you. I know that Gwyn said something to make you think of this, and she shouldn't have. She tried to manipulate you into this, and it never would have worked. The moment those words left your lips, I was pissed at her. I watched the way she reacted to me looking at her, and I saw the way she looked at you, the way her face changed when she looked at me." Azriel clenched his jaw, eyes fluttering shut as he shook his head. He swallowed roughly before meeting her eyes again.
"Her trauma is not your responsibility, my love. I may have done a terrible thing by not telling Gwyn when I decided I didn't want to be with her anymore, but that is my responsibility. That is why I didn't rip her head off, I knew I had to be gentle because she is in a fragile state. I don't want you to ever do that again, okay? Never put someone's needs before yours." Aurora flinched at his tone. It was harsh, as if he was scolding her.
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I made you upset," Aurora whispered. Azriel shook his head, brows furrowed. His thumb ran over her cheek again.
"You didn't upset me, Aurora. I'm furious with Gwyn, not you. Why would you think that?" His voice had calmed, shadows running up and down her spine while his hands held her cheeks.
"Because I brought her in here when you were naked, I violated that privacy, that trust." Aurora couldn't bear the thought. Her chest ached with the sob that left her. Azriel kissed another tear.
"You didn't know I'd be naked, did you? No, you thought you were doing something kind, even if you didn't want to. Aurora, don't hold this over yourself. Just understand that I couldn't imagine touching another person. It's only you, Aurora, only you."
Aurora didn't understand how he'd be so kind after she let Gwyn in the room. She didn't question it anymore, she just wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her face into his shoulder and sobbed. She cried for the past she had brought up, the past Gwyn had, the way she had just treated Azriel. Everything hurt. She hadn't allowed herself to cry like this in so long, and Aurora was praying to the Mother in thanks that Azriel was there to hold her through it.
He laid back against the pillows, Aurora still clinging to his torso with her arms and legs. He brushed her hair away from her wet face, hummed a song she didn't know. Azriel reached down with one hand and tugged the blanket from beneath her legs and over both of their bodies.
Aurora cried until her voice went hoarse, until her eyes were surely swollen. Azriel didn't say anything as she did, he just held her. When her sobs quieted and the shaking stopped, he turned his head to face her. Aurora kept her face hidden in his chest and neck.
"Do you want to tell me what you two spoke about? What triggered a situation like this?" Azriel asked so softly she barely heard him. She parted her dry lips, sucking in a breath.
"She told me what happened to her in the temple, and I told her everything," Aurora rasped. Azriel didn't speak for a moment, long enough that Aurora thought he may have fallen asleep.
"What do you mean 'everything'?"
"I mean everything. I told her about my childhood, the marriage, the cellar, the soldiers, Tamlin. I told her everything." Aurora cringed at the sound of her voice. It was not her own, yet it was. This was the voice she had when she first came to the Night Court, the voice that was torn apart by centuries of screaming.
"You're brave, strong, beautiful," Azriel began to whisper, brushing her hair back again. "You didn't deserve a single thing that happened to you, Aurora. You've overcome so much and I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for being the person that despite your feelings, you'd do anything for someone in pain, but I beg you, allow yourself peace."
Aurora thought about what he said. She did put everyone before her, even when she deserved to be put first. She allowed people to walk over her because she was too afraid to upset them. Aurora nuzzled her face further into Azriel's neck, pressing a soft kiss into his cold skin. He knew well enough that it was a 'thank you' that she couldn't voice in that moment.
Aurora wondered what her life would be like if she put herself first all the time. The only time she could think of was when Rhysand forbade her and Azriel to be together, yet they slept together because she couldn't handle the thought of not touching him a moment longer. Aurora wondered if she should put herself first from now on, and how different her life would become if she did.