The rest of the week is stressful. I hate having to keep things from Ella but since I know she'd freak out if she knew I made out with Negan for more meds, I have to hide them in her food. The other thing that's stressing me out is that there are only a few pills left and I don't know what to do when we run out. And the last thing that stresses me out is Ella herself.
She's been in the worst of moods ever since Ron died. All she seems to think about is how to take revenge on Negan and how to get rid of him and the Saviours and I don't manage to get through to her at all. She's been hanging out with Carl a lot and I have to say I'm kind of glad for it, because she hasn't exactly been pleasant company for me.
But we were supposed to have lunch together today and when she doesn't show up, I start to feel a little nervous. Even when we're not on the best terms, Ella usually keeps her promises. It's unlike her not to show up without letting me know anything.
Still, it could just be her acting up again. She also promised to help me cut bandages from old linen later this afternoon so I decide to let it go until then. I'm sure she will show up for that.
She doesn't. And I start to feel nervous. I've lowered her dose so the meds will last longer but I'm not sure that will keep her entirely safe from any attacks. Something might have happened. I'm sure she'll be annoyed if I come drag her away from her friends, but I don't care. I decide to go over to Rick's place to find her and make sure she's okay.
'Ella? Are you here?' I ask as I knock on the door and walk in without waiting for an answer. Nobody answers me, so I decide to go into the dining room where I find Olivia with her back to me at the table, carrying Judith on her lap.
'Olive', I greet her. To my surprise, she jumps a little when I call out to her and when she turns around to look at me, her face is full of anguish.
'What's wrong?' I ask worriedly.
'Nothing's wrong!'
I jump too when I hear a familiar voice calling out cheerfully behind me. I'm stunned into silence for a moment when Negan appears in the doorway to the kitchen, wearing an apron and carrying a large pot of pasta sauce. He smiles cheerfully at me while he walks over to the table to place the pot in the middle.
'Just a second', he tells me, before he walks right back into the kitchen.
'What the hell is going on?' I ask Olivia in complete amazement. 'Have you seen Ella? Is she here?'
'Yes, she's-'
'Chris!'
To my great relief, Ella stumbles out of the kitchen and runs straight into my arms. I hug her back uncertainly when she throws her arms around me and watch Negan walk out of the kitchen again, carrying a bowl of cooked spaghetti this time. Carl is the last one to appear, bringing a basket of bread to the table.
'Ella...' I begin, watching everything in confusion. 'What happened?'
'I'll tell you what happened, doctor', Negan announces. He appears to be in a good mood. That only worries me more.
'Carl, go get some plates', he orders before he does tell me.
Carl disappears into the kitchen again and Negan starts to untie the very uncharacteristic apron he's wearing.
'Your sister and pirate boy decided to pay me a visit. To kill me.'
He tosses the untied apron to Ella who glares at him furiously, but catches it anyway.
'Go put that away, sweetheart', he tells her. Reluctantly, she does what he asks and goes to the kitchen as well. I'm still trying to process what he's saying as I watch her walk away.
'What?' I ask a little dazed. 'No, there has to be some sort of misunderstanding. Ella would never-'
'There's very little to misunderstand about two teenagers trying to fucking mow you down with a machine gun, honey', he interrupts me. 'Kids these days, right?'
I take a step forward to hold on to a chair and keep my balance. What on earth is he talking about? This can't be true. But when Carl and her walk out of the kitchen again together, carrying plates and cutlery, I can tell by the way she's avoiding my eye that Negan isn't lying.
'Glad you joined us, doc', Negan says, pulling back a chair at the head of the table to take a seat. 'Now we just gotta wait for your dad, Carl.'
What on earth is going on? Why is he making dinner if Carl and Ella just tried to kill him? Is this some sort of trick? Is he messing with all of us before he kills them? If they really tried to kill him, I'm sure he won't let that slide. I remember how he reacted when I hid the meds from him and when Ella grabbed them from his hand and when I slapped him.
But while he got furious then, now he seems... cheerful. And I'm not sure I like that any better. Because I've no idea where this is going.
'Can I talk to you?' I ask him quickly, making him halt halfway of sitting down. I have to make sure he doesn't hurt Ella. I can't believe how foolish she's been and I'm furious at her. Does she want to get us all killed? But it doesn't matter now. I just have to fix this.
Negan looks up at me and grins.
'Sure, doc. Rick's nowhere to be seen yet, anyway. To the kitchen?'
I nod and follow him to the other room. Ella looks up at me in passing and I throw her a murderous glance.
Stay here', I mouth at her silently.
If we make it through this dinner alive, I might kill her myself for being so incredibly stupid.
Once inside the kitchen, Negan closes the door, shutting us in together. Then he takes a few steps back and crosses his arms as he looks at me expectantly.
'What do you want to talk about?' he asks me.
'I just', I stumble. Honestly, I don't really know what to say. I just want him to not kill Ella for this. This entire act of making spaghetti is making me more nervous than if he'd walked up to our house with a gun to her head.
'It's... She didn't know what she was doing, she's just a stupid kid... Please don't hurt her, I'll... I'll keep her in line, this will never happen again.'
Negan raises his eyebrow and the corner of his mouth pulls up into an amused smile.
'I feel like our conversations are just the same thing on repeat', he says, moving a little closer. 'You or your sister pulls some stupid shit, I tell you not to do it again, you promise me it won't happen anymore, but then we end up right back where we started.'
'I know', I say, dropping my gaze to the floor... 'I'm so sorry, I-'
'You remember what I told you and your sis after she tried to take those meds from me?' he asks, interrupting me.
'Yes', I answer meekly.
'What did I say?' he asks tauntingly.
'You said, uh', I say nervously. 'To take your seriously.'
'Yes, I did', he says, raising my chin with his finger to make me look at him. 'And do you think that girl takes me seriously? Jumping on one of my trucks, trying to fucking shoot me?'
'I didn't know', I say desperately, feeling the first tears fall down my cheek. 'If I had known what they were going to do, I would have stopped her.'
'Oh, Christina', he says soothingly, wiping my tears away with his gloved hand. My heart is in my throat when he moves closer again. 'Pretty Christina. Don't cry, sweetheart, we'll figure it out.'
When he leans over and kisses my cheek, I freeze. I don't want him to kiss me. But I can't risk pissing him off again like I did last time.
'Just, please... don't kill her', I beg him pathetically. 'I can't lose her, she's all I have.'
He looks at me intently with his hand still on my cheek. I'm not sure what to make of his expression. If I didn't know any better, I'd almost think there was compassion in it.
'I don't kill kids', he says finally, running his hand from my cheek through my hair. I'm not sure what he's doing. It's he actually trying to comfort me?
'I'm not gonna kill your sister', he continues. 'But I'm sure you understand that I can't let this kind of shit slide. They killed 2 of my men.'
My eyes go wide when he tells me that. He must see the shock on my face, because he frowns a little as he takes me in.
'What?' I ask stupidly. 'No Ella has never... She wouldn't kill someone, she could never do that.'
'Honey', he says, taking his hand back, to my relief. 'Maybe you haven't been paying attention, but that girl has murder on her mind. She wants me dead. But I've got too damn much to live for. So, you tell me. What the fuck do I do about this situation?'
'Um', I stumble, caught off guard by his question. He never takes his hazel eyes away from me and it makes me feel incredibly nervous. 'Well, if you could- I know what she did was out of line and I have no right to ask you this, but... If you could forgive her... them, I mean, for this mistake, I will make sure nothing like this ever happens again.'
'How?' he asks, raising his eyebrow.
'How?' I ask confused. 'What do you mean?'
'How are you going to make sure nothing like this ever happens again, doctor?'
'Oh', I say, blanking out entirely. 'You know, I'll... talk to her.'
'You'll talk to her', he repeats, a slight smirk on his face. Then he suddenly raises the bat he's holding into the air, making me flinch. But he only holds it up to his face to look at it. 'You know, in my experience, talking only takes you so far. If you really want to get people to do what you want, you gotta make them feel it.'
I look apprehensively at his bat and take a step backwards to put some more distance between myself and the object. When he notices, he lowers it back to the ground.
'Maybe I should kill someone', he says coolly, looking back at me again. 'I don't want to kill those kids, so it will have to be someone else. I'm sure that will get them to listen.'
'No, please...' I say anxiously. I can feel my heart pounding, but I lie a trembling hand on his arm, in an effort to appease him. 'You don't have to do that. I'll make her listen.'
He looks down at my hand on his arm for a moment and the smirk on his face widens. I don't really like the look in his eyes, so I lower my hand again and cross my arms over my chest.
'Honey, I haven't forgotten that you slapped me right in my face just a couple of days ago. I'm not sure if you're the right person to get that little troublemaker in line.'
'I'm so sorry about that', I tell him quickly.
'Like hell you are', he grins, walking up closer. 'You've been wanting to do that ever since I first walked through your doorway. I didn't think you'd actually do it, but do you want to hear a secret?'
I turn my face away when he leans in closer and whispers into my ear.
'It turned me the fuck on.'
You're fucking crazy. The words are on my lips again. But I don't say them this time. I can't risk it after what Ella has done. But I'm breathing hard as he leans back again, grinning while he takes in the effect his words have on me.
'I shouldn't have done it', I say breathlessly, choosing to ignore his last comment. 'And I shouldn't have called you crazy. I'm sorry. Can we just... move past all this? Please. I promise we'll be nothing but compliant from now on.'
The corners of his mouth pull up into an even wider grin and I don't know if that means something good or something terrible. But nothing could have prepared me for what he says next.
'Be my wife, Christina.'
His wife? Did I hear that correctly? The question hits me so unexpectedly that my vision goes blurry for a few seconds. But when I can see well again, he's still standing in front of me, watching me expectantly as he waits for my answer.
I feel like this is exactly where he's been leading me. He told me about his wives the first time we spoke. He's been making me shift my boundaries by making me kiss him for the medication. Now he has me right where he wants, vulnerably at his mercy for what Ella did today.
But a kiss is one thing. Being his wife is another.
'Ella will definitely kill you if you make me your wife', is all I can think to say.
He laughs heartily at that. Personally, I fail to see the humor in the situation. I shift awkwardly on my feet while I wait for him to stop laughing. Fortunately, he soon turns a little more serious again. I try not to recoil when he reaches out his hand and brushes some of my hair back.
'Things have been hard on you, haven't they?' he asks in a softer voice than I've heard him use before. 'You've been taking care of your little sister all this time and judging by what I've seen that can't have been too easy. Aren't you tired?'
I lower my eyes to hide my feelings. Of course I'm tired. I know we've had it pretty good here at Alexandria compared to everyone out there, but still... It hasn't been easy ever since we lost our parents. I wasn't ready to be taking care of a rebellious teenager that suffers from epilepsy on top of it. We were doing alright though. Until he came along and ruined everything.
Negan moves a little closer and gently lifts my chin up with his finger to make me look at him again. Again, I'm struck by the many faces this man wears. He seems compassionate now, caring even. But I haven't forgotten how he slammed me against the wall just a few days ago.
'I could take care of you', he tells me softly. 'It doesn't have to be so hard for you. As my wife, you won't have to worry about anything. You and Ella will have everything you need, including those meds. I'll forget about all this bullshit if you come with me. Take your sister, we'll set her straight real soon at the Sanctuary.'
'What's the Sanctuary?' I ask confused. My heart pulses quickly again with his fingers on my skin. His body so close. The hairs on my arm stand up when he lets go of my chin and runs his thumb softly over my jaw.
'That's our home', he says, leaning in closer. 'It could be yours, too.'
I can see him getting closer. His lips only inches away from mine. For a second, I'm tempted. All our worries would be over. Ella would have her meds, so she wouldn't have to suffer any pain. We'd finally have some decent food again. I wouldn't always have to worry about her, or about my patients that I can't help anymore since he took all our supplies. Maybe I could just let it all go for once.
But they need me here. I'm their doctor, even without the right supplies, I can still help. I can't abandon my friends. And I can't take Ella away from hers. She'd never leave Alexandria willingly, she'd rather have an attack every day and die of starvation. And on top of all that, I'd have to sleep with a murderer.
At the very last moment, I turn my face away, so he misses my lips and his mouth ends up beside my ear.
'Hm', he murmers. 'Too bad. I was really looking forward to fucking you.'
Then he quite suddenly snaps back up and takes a few steps back. He strechtes and grins like nothing noteworthy ever happened and starts to make his way to the door to the dining room.
'So', he says, glancing back at me. 'Let's have some dinner.'