"Wall Rose has been breached."
***
Levi stormed through the corridors of Headquarters, in search of the tall Commander, intent on finding answers. I kept pace with him, soldiers scurrying in all directions of the place and skillfully avoiding the path of the raven haired captain.
Turn after turn, we finally arrived at a room, Levi slamming the door open and striding in with a look of fury on his face.
"The wall's been breached?" He said, an icy tone lacing his words.
"It has." Erwin confirms as he sat in a chair behind a desk, eyes not rising from some papers that his hand glided across as his fingers hugged a pen.
"So what are we doing then? Last I checked, soldiers are freaking the fuck out but none of them are readying themselves for a wall examination to see where this fucking hole is." The Captain shoots back instantly.
"You aren't doing anything." Erwin's eyes finally rise and meet ours, gaze flicking between both Levi and I. "Neither of you are."
"Why not?" I ask. "It's not like I didn't just participate in a particularly dangerous mission containing a human controlled titan."
"Because even then, you're both still injured and midway through the healing process. Coming up against hordes of titans can further affect your performance in future missions if you don't rest and let time take control." He reasons bluntly. I eye him carefully, his deadpan expression set in stone.
"I can still fight." Levi says.
"No you can't. Heal, and you'll be back on the field." Erwin's words hit Levi harder than I had expected. I hadn't been able to see his face contort into one of shock as each one of those words sunk it's claws further into his skin. A bucket of realization dumped itself all over him as he slowly came to realize he wasn't to participate in anything until his leg was fully functional again, and at less risk of exposing him to higher danger to further worsen his injuries. He couldn't change Erwin's decision until the commander changed his mind himself.
I, however, felt anger. Albeit I was still injured, and at nearly to the point where I had a broken limb of sorts, I was still able to benefit the regiment during the mission to capture the female titan just a few days ago. A few days that just now had began to feel like an eternity ago.
Levi's adamance was almost something I added onto, hoping that both of us together could try and convince our Commander that we were both still fully capable of riding horses and wielding swords the same way we do every other expedition. But because of Erwin's stubbornness, convincing a man of such characteristics was something that would be edging closer towards impossible with each passing second.
I hated sitting back from missions. What's the point of being a soldier if you aren't on the field like the rest of your comrades? What's the point of healing from internal and external wounds if you're going to gain them back later? What good does any of this fighting do if we start back from square one every injury we gain?
"I'm sure we can come to some sort of agreement." I say, hoping for him to change his mind on at least one of us. His eyes panned to me, his face eventually turning into one that could mirror the same blank image Levi's usually takes on.
"There is nothing make an agreement about." My brows furrowed, a simmering feeling of frustration placing itself deep in my gut. "Stop arguing, both of you. I've already sent out a few squads, and Captain Miche should be on his way to assess the situation with his squad and a few of the 104th."
It took me a second to realize that some of my former students were out there, vulnerable to the hands of the titans. Whether or not I were to go out and help regardless, would I make it to them in time to benefit them and somehow feed the starved longing for selflessness that laid caged at the back of my mind? The temporarily docile, mental beast that was chained to the darkest corners of my mind that craved some type of interaction between blade and enemy.
But would potentially injuring myself further be worth it, even if I did manage to have some type of impact on the result of the invasion of Rose? The risk was much too high, and worsening my condition could end with me having to sit at the sidelines for far longer than I'd prefer.
In a huff, I bring my fist up to my chest, the opposing hand resting behind my back as my lips pressed against each other in an attempt to suppress any arguing statements that threatened to break loose and engage in a verbal battle with Erwin's own ones. My face took on the expression of a blank piece of paper, not breaking character before I dismiss myself from the superiors office, leaving both he and the raven alone in a cold, thick silence that I had left in my wake.
Maybe this was for the best. Maybe it's about time I began worrying more about myself than the others who I seem to have a never-ending worry for. My hand rested on the doorknob, knuckles taking on a pale color that seemed nearly inhumane. I allow my lungs to replace old air with the new, a relieving sense of freshness clearing my somewhat cluttered mind.
Why is it that a decision to keep both myself and Levi safe had made me so mad? Am I even entitled to have this type of anger brew in me, even when my well-being has been tucked away because of the safe decision of the commander? Am I so mad because I was actually fearing for my students lives, or is it for some type of self-satisfaction and a thirst I wanted to overcome due to being holed up for so long because of my own mistakes?
My legs gained a mind of their own as they took me somewhere. My look caressing everywhere my eyes looked, though I wasn't focusing on anything at all. What was I to do while my comrades strayed out beyond the safety of Sina? I knew I wasn't capable of keeping my mind from wandering back to the thoughts of my friends safety, despite their years of fighting and their ability to be able to keep themselves and our new soldiers safe.
I couldn't use the distraction of someone else's voice at the moment. No one was engaging in a conversation with me, the raging soldiers flurrying around me bearing the sound of a professional assassin of some sort, one that had gone through decades of perfecting the movements of their steps and the weight that was pressed into each of their limbs to avoid even the smallest of sounds. Or maybe that was my head choosing to ignore my surroundings, a cage of some sort to keep my head from being invaded with sounds that were too excessive or much too intrusive for a mind too vulnerable to withstand.
I glance around aimlessly, soldiers, men and women alike, all running passed me and not sparing me something as small as a glance. Maybe that was a good thing, that they chose to ignore my presence. A single second of eye contact would have me ripping apart their gaze as their silent pleas for help reached for my attention, and I would be riding side by side with them to wherever their own horses took them.
Taking on the position, the role of a soldier unfamiliar with their own squad. An intruder, one that means well but is also disobeying the order of the overall commander of the Scouts. A woman who simply just wants to lend a hand and be there to witness first hand the guaranteed safety of her friends.
Am I doing too much? Am I possibly overreacting and underestimating the abilities of the regiment? With Miche out there, are they under enough protection to be able to make it back to the safety of the innermost wall?
And what of the wall titan? The news of the walls having their interiors made of titans nearing the size of the colossal, the same titan I had witnessed break in both Maria and Trost. It was always a mystery to me, how the walls never had a scratch. The grey surfaces of the fifty meter tall stone structures always seemed perfect, almost too perfect to have lasted through thousands of years where humanity existed alongside the titans. Though, the titans were always threatening mankind, was there ever a time where titans never even existed in the first place?
I found myself wandering outside, forgetting about everything stressful for now. Erwin, Eren, the wall titan, Annie, Hange, Levi. They all vanished momentarily from my mind. I paced down a couple of steps from Headquarters, taking a seat with a sigh involuntarily escaping my mouth. The sky was bright, blinding to the point I wasn't sure if it were blue or grey. The unique buildings, stores and residential buildings alike holding a rich finish that felt all too wealthy for most to even glance at.
The people were always my least favorite thing about this place. Or, the entirety of Wall Sina in general. I could never deal with the snobby women or the spoilt children that had never known a life without their riches. All of them living carefree under the nose of the King that supposedly held rules that overrode everything else, despite no one really ever having seen his face before. How is it that we're to listen to a man who would be ordinary if he wasn't wielding the power of a piece of jewelry as simple as a crown? Would people look at royalty different if it were a woman to take the throne and declare her reign over the last of humanity?
My chin laid on my palm, people passing by often catching me out of the corner of their eye, my presence earning vitriolic stares as they recognize the Scouts signature crest. Children who looked as though they had only just began speaking in full sentences, eyeing me in curiosity as they sat soundly in their mothers arms, frequently seeking refuge by burying their faces in their mothers necks as they fed their offspring nasty lies and influencing them for the worst. Taking advantage of their young minds, finding it easier to twist their minds to look just like their own and create more people who despise the ones risking their lives to keep theirs safe.
Imagine that. Adults, even teenagers had the ability to influence children, make them believe your beliefs, follow your footsteps, thinking that putting impulsive thoughts into younger generations was the best path for humanity to be set on. They genuinely think what they're doing is right, that what the military does for them is wrong. But we still fight for them, because we want answers. Our Commanders, our Captains, the government, the royal family, they demand answers. But where are answers to be found if there aren't any future generations wanting to join the military and help fight, leaving the hope for the truth in a corner to gather dust?
"Fancy seeing you here." A warm voice broke through. I only blink in response, not sure where I was as I snap myself out of a dull trance and glide my gaze upwards. The bronze eyes of the waiter from the cafe an hour or two prior stood before me, a smile adorning his lips. He radiated warmth, small crinkles as his eyes smiled with his lips.
"Hello." My voice was rather hoarse, perhaps from the lack of speaking for however long it had been since I had left Erwin's office. I couldn't help but return the smile, though it didn't quite reach my eyes the way his did. His mouth parted before his eyes darted to the bare spot beside me.
"You don't mind, do you?" He asked slowly slipping his bag off his shoulder as if he'd anticipated I would say yes. I respond simply with a nod, a subtly worrisome look overcoming my features as I realize the current events. I couldn't tell some stranger that the wall had been breached, and even so I couldn't trust him to not freak out and gain the attention of Sina residents. I wasn't in the mood for being scolded on why I was sitting on the steps of Headquarters rather than going out to find the hole, even though I wished that were the case.
He took a seat beside me, his mouth breaking out into a toothy smile as he peered over the people walking by. So many civilians walking around in the safety of the walls, not knowing that Rose citizens might have to seek refuge in their own homes if that hole isn't found and fast. They seemed so carefree. Maybe that's why I wasn't too keen on the people living in Sina. Quite possibly because they have nearly nothing more to worry about than the numbers that made up their wallets or the reputations of their names. How I wish life were that simple, even for the military.
"You don't look too well, you barely touched your tea at the cafe." The man said, his eyes scanning over my features before I pulled them back into a passive state. My eyes met his once more, a fake smile plastering itself on my face out of pure reflex to satisfy his worried emotions. I had found myself trying way too hard to convince him nothing was wrong, even more so to convince myself that there was nothing wrong even though the thought had already carved its way far too deep for me to forget.
"I'm fine. Just tired, thank you for your concern though." I reply half heartedly. Was that the truth? Partially. Was it convincing? I sure hope so, and it did seem to work out perfectly as he responded with a grateful nod.
"So the military, huh?" He tried small talk. His eyes traced each feather of the wings of freedom that sat soundly on my shoulders. I shrug slightly, his gaze following the gesture as the crest moved along with it.
"It's definitely something, having been switched between regiments and part of life-endangering missions for nearly half my life. Routine you eventually get used to, unless something catastrophic decided it's time to turn a somewhat peaceful life into a rather chaotic one." I respond with expressionlessly. Talking about being in the military was slowly turning into a chore I don't want to do, I find myself often thinking about the memories I had made here with my friends, the laughs and the cries, only the cries created memory graves in my mind. I couldn't bring myself to lock away those memories of my late friends, they were always too dear to hide away and always a good topic to bring up when the time was right.
"I expected as much. It would be pretty repetitive, yes?" He asked, eyes gleaming as they met mine.
"Most people would think so, though sometimes drastic changes take place and you're forced to adapt to them. Changing schedules and communicating with different people when the time comes is always a difficulty for me. I'd prefer to not speak with anyone new when it came to my occupation, I know who I can work with and I can do it well. So why swap things around when they were perfect, and have us adapt to working with others when the chances I'll see them again are near zero?" I say, partially talking to myself. It was true, the constant change of people I were to work with was always a necessity in Garrison. I hadn't ever gotten used to working with anyone other than the Felix squad, names were a struggle for me also.
Most of the other squads I had worked with barely even saw me again, nor had I heard from them again.
"You make things sound like you know them like the back of the hand, you speak with such familiarity it makes me feel like I have act formal around you." The blonde says, a smile still evident on his face but his eyes furrowed with certainty.
"Please, don't take my formality into consideration and allow it to influence you. I assure you, I prefer to word things as though I'm speaking to myself." I word. A gentle smile gracing my lips as a physical addition to my reassurance. He gave a grin back in return, allowing his features to wash over with relief.
"I'm glad." He said, relief washing over him. "So, about the-"
"Oi." A familiar voice said from behind. The man visibly froze at the sound of Levi's voice. Clueless, I turn and face the voice with an expression of question present on my face. Levi's eyes panned up and down the man I hadn't even caught the name of.
"Hold on Levi, give me two minutes and I'll be right in." I say, giving him a reassuring gaze to say I truly wasn't going to take long. His eyes were glued to the man, a blank look only I could read as distaste evident on his face. His gaze eventually made its way to me, sapphire irises making an effort to display some sort of gentleness before he gave a hesitant nod, turning his body before his head followed and disappearing back inside. My look returned to the man, tilting my head in curiosity.
"Can I get your name?" He asked. I snorted subtly before showing a grin.
"A name merely to get a know one? Why not just strangers able to confide in one another without personal details being exchanged? Merely nameless friends?" I suggest, an innocent smile adorning my face.
"Such a mysterious woman." He mumbled to himself, whereas I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear.l
"Where's the fun if it weren't for a little mystery? After all, it's better to trust strangers rather than those you know personally." I voice, his eyes brightening a little at my suggestion.
"Sure. If you want to be, this, 'nameless friend' of mine then so be it. Though if our friendship were to linger for far longer than expected, surely you'll tell me your name." He says. My smile falters a little with a tilt of my head. With the way he speaks, and the way he described me to Levi at the cafe earlier, he must have some type of 'more than friendly' intentions with me, did he not?
"With time, we'll tell. Until then, we'll remain as is. Nice meeting you properly, nameless friend." I smile. He returned the smile, his taking on a more peculiar tinge than my own.
And at that, he farewelled me with a sincere wave and a genuine smile, watching at the bottom of the stairs as I disappeared after Levi into Headquarters, anxious, in a sense to see what he has to say about Erwin's decision on our absence during the wall examination.
Or maybe it's something different from that?
***
HAPPY NEW YEARS MY HUSBANDS AND WIVES!!!
I LOVE YOU ALL SM!!
We. Are BACK to the midnight Saturday updates!
Anyways hope you ALL enjoyed this update and I'll see you next Saturday!!!
Aishiteru!!!!!!!
jazz<3