Coughing erupted from the other room, making the two boys break their kiss, the magical atmosphere dissipating. The coughing continued, Chuuya being able to clearly hear it even through the closed door of the reading area.
"Is that Odasaku?" the redhead asked, a concerned look on his face. "Is he alright?" Chuuya started walking towards the door in order to check on Oda, but Dazai grabbed his arm, holding him in place.
"He's alright," the boy said, looking at the ground with an empty look in his eyes, his jaw slightly clenching at the continuing sound of coughing.
"Well, he sure as hell doesn't sound alright," Chuuya countered his words.
"He hates being seen like this," Dazai said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"What are you talking about?" Chuuya asked, the coughing finally stopping.
"He has lung cancer," Dazai's words filled the quiet room, ringing in Chuuya's ears. The bandaged boy faced the redhead, a sad smile appearing on his face. "He doesn't know I know. He still tries to hide it from me," a humorless laugh escaped from his lips, "So please don't mention it in front of him."
Chuuya didn't know what to say. It seemed like Dazai and Odasaku had known each other for a long time, so he felt like it wasn't his place to interfere in their business. Even though he was trying to hide it, it was obvious that Oda's sickness was affecting Dazai, and Chuuya desperately wanted to take his mind off of it, but, at the same time, he was curious.
The redhead sighed, taking Dazai's hand in his own. "Let's go back to our room. He probably wants to be alone right now," he said, the two of them leaving the reading area. Oda had a tissue up to his mouth, red stains being noticeable on it.
"You boys already leaving?" he asked, trying to form a smile only to break into another coughing fit.
Dazai's grip on Chuuya's hand tightened as he averted his gaze from Oda. "Yes. Good night," he simply said, rushing out of the library. As they walked back to their room, neither of them spoke.
Their room was just as dark as the rest of the building, but their eyes had already adjusted to the darkness, so they didn't bother to turn on the lights. They just walked over to the bed, getting under the covers, both of them too tired to change their clothes.
For some unknown reason, Chuuya felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to take away Dazai's pain -the pain he was trying so hard to hide. The redhead adjusted himself in bed so that he was nestling his head against his chest. Dazai tensed for a second at the sudden show of affection before relaxing in Chuuya's arms, wrapping his own around his waist while planting a small kiss on his collarbone.
Silence filled the room, both of them finding comfort in each other's arms.
"Why did they send you here?" Dazai suddenly asked, startling Chuuya.
Chuuya thought about it. It wasn't like he was trying to hide his past, but no one had ever asked him about it. And it was obvious that his roommate needed to think about something else. "I was just a really messed up kid," he answered after a few moments. Dazai stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue. "When I was really small, my parents abandoned me and I was taken to an orphanage. For the first few years, I didn't even talk," he laughed a bitter laugh remembering. "But after that, I started socializing with the other kids. I was one of the smallest, so a lot of bigger kids ganged up on me and beat me. I never fought back. I was too young to win against them. But then, a family picked me up. They welcomed me in their home and I thought I would finally escape. But they took me back to the orphanage after only three weeks. Fuckers said I creeped them out cause I was always so silent," Dazai listened to Chuuya's words, not interrupting him at all.
"After that, something inside me finally snapped. I began to fight back. When those bigger kids tried to fight me, I stabbed one of them with a fork I stole from the kitchen. After that, they sent me to another orphanage. I was angry at everyone-at the other kids, at the families that kept bringing me back because I wasn't good enough for them, at the entire fucking world, but mostly at myself. The cycle just kept repeating itself. I went from one orphanage to the other because I was too much to put up with. At the last orphanage I went to, I didn't even try to act like a good kid anymore. I gave up on the hope that I might get adopted. And then, a fucker tried to pick a fight with me and I beat him so hard that he almost died. I'm pretty sure he went into a coma, and that was the last straw. They sent me here," he finished explaining, Dazai rubbing comforting circles with his thumb on his waist.
Chuuya had a question burning in his mind, but he wasn't sure if he should ask it or not. He wanted to know the truth, but he didn't know if it was the right time.
However, curiosity got the best of him.
"Dazai?"
"Mhm?"
"Why are you here?" he asked.
Silence filled the room, neither of them saying anything else. Chuuya began regretting asking him that. He wanted to know more about him and his past, but he wanted Dazai to tell him when he was ready. He opened his mouth to take back his question, but Dazai broke the silence first.
"I killed my father."
Chuuya closed his mouth, his eyes widening in shock.
"My father was Mori Ougai, the head of the Yokohama mafia," he continued, not saying anything else, as if he was waiting for Chuuya's reaction.
The redhead was taken aback by his words. He knew that at least some of the rumors going around about him had to be true, but he still didn't expect this. Despite this, he held him tighter against his chest, gently running one hand through his hair. "Go on," he softly urged Dazai to continue, letting him know that he wasn't going to run away.
Dazai instantly let out a small breath of relief, relaxing in his arms before continuing to speak. "I'm not even sure if I was his real son, since I never found any birth certificate or documents that indicated my existence," he laughed a humorless laugh.
"He was a cruel man. If you've heard anything about him, which you probably have, then you already know that. But he was also powerful. He had an entire mafia under him. Yokohama was his. But he needed a succesor. That's where I came into the picture. I guess he saw something in me. He saw the potential of a monster. So he molded me into one. His monster. He didn't have too much work to do though. I guess I always had it in me. It didn't take me long before I made a name for myself. The demon prodigy. That's what they all called me. That goddamned name followed me even here. I was feared by all of them. I was ruthless. I truly was his monster. I never felt an ounce of guilt for any of the things I did. I stole, I killed, I tortured," Chuuya took in his words, still running his hand through his hair in a comforting manner.
"Oda was a part of the mafia too," he said, surprising the redhead. "He was a lower ranked worker. He basically just took care of the papers and documents. He was a good man, even then. And, for some reason, he didn't see me as a monster. We got close to each other. I think he was the only reason why I didn't completely lose myself in there. He made me realize that I didn't want to take over the mafia and spend the rest of my life as a ruthless leader. So I killed my father. I had planned that I would also kill myself after that, so there would be no one left to take over, but Oda found me before I could end it all. He stopped me and promised me that there was another way out of this. He helped me make it look like I killed my father in self defense. The scar I have on my cheek, I made him cut me with a knife so that it seemed real. He put the knife in my dead father's hand and he used it to slice my cheek. When the police arrived, they didn't really try to incriminate me, since most of them were involved with my father's drug business and they knew I could fuck them over, so they just agreed to send me here. None of them knew who Oda was, so it was easy for him to get a job here, in order to keep an eye on me and make sure I was alright," Dazai finished explaining, finally looking up at Chuuya. The look in his eyes made the redhead's heart break. He had an accepting smile on his face, his eyes filled with a sadness the redhead had never seen before. He was sure that Chuuya would leave him now.
Instead, he cupped his face with his hands, planting a small kiss on Dazai's forehead. "I'm glad you got out of there," Chuuya told Dazai, hugging him closer to his chest.
"I'm glad too," Dazai whispered against his neck, but he wasn't referring to the fact that he managed to get out of the mafia. He was glad Chuuya was there with him.
To be continued...
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