ᴏʙɪ-ᴡᴀɴ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴍɪꜱᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴅᴀʀᴋ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ɪ ʟᴇꜰᴛ, but if I was being honest, that was an empty promise.
After I'd filled him in on the conversation I'd had with my mother, he'd been surprised, but to my shock, hadn't treated me any differently. He helped me to my feet, and gave me hug, like the day he had when I'd told him the truth about that day in Mos Espa. He told me I wasn't anything more than I made myself. Just because my mother was a mind witch, he said, that didn't mean I was one. He told me I wasn't a dark person. I wasn't even Emeré Naberrie. To him, I was just Em.
We parted ways as soon as we broke out of the Kamino system. While Obi-Wan was going to track down Jango Fett, using a tracker he'd placed on the ship before it had taken off, I was heading back to Coruscant--not just to avoid Jango Fett and my urges toward darkness, but to confront Kera. As much as I was trying not to listen to the words of my mother, I knew deep within me that she was right--about Kera, at least. She had lied. Again. As I thought back on our conversation about my strange ability, something stuck out to me, something I hadn't noticed then. I'd asked her, back then, if there was something else she'd been hiding. I hadn't really thought there was a part of the story she hadn't mentioned--I'd meant it more as a last minute retort--but when she'd answered, she hesitated. Kera never hesitated. She was always level-headed, always had an answer ready. Unless she was lying. She never hesitated, but she did that day.
She knew. She knew this whole time.
I still had yet to call her, like Master Windu had instructed. Whatever she had to tell me, she could tell me to my face.
I'd thought that the ride to Kamino was long; the ride back was excruciating. All I could do was sit there as I piloted simply back to Coruscant, marinating in all of the new information that had been dumped on me. My mother's voice had disappeared from my mind, but I could tell her presence wasn't gone. I could still feel it deep within me... buried, as it had been this whole time.
A mind witch. That was insane. As Jedi, we rarely ever heard of them, but sometimes, on Coruscant, we'd hear crazy stories of people confronting one. They were extremely powerful, and extremely wicked, using their way with the Force to project sensory illusions onto an individual, and using that link to then drain the energy out of the individual to use for themselves. They had extremely long life spans for that very reason.
But my mother... it seemed impossible. She may have been absent, yes, but I'd never, in my six years knowing her before I left, witnessed anything that would have made me believe she was proficient in the Force, much less a mind witch. She'd never struck me as an old soul, or any older than she appeared to be. She'd never struck me as someone so evil. My father couldn't have known, either. He never would have married her otherwise.
It didn't make sense. Yet so much did. Like Padmé's connection to the Force, like my unique power that came so naturally to me, but seemed so strange and abnormal to others. So many things that I hadn't been able to explain before suddenly made sense, impossible as it seemed, impossible as it was to believe.
My head was spinning by the time I arrived on Coruscant. I guided my way down through the familiar airspace, landing my ship in the hangar from which I'd gotten it, and hopped out, immediately making a beeline for Kera's room in the Temple. I tried to stay out of the way of major hallways, to avoid talking to others as much as I could. However, that failed spectacularly when I nearly ran into Master Windu in one of the side hallways, who looked like he'd been coming from Kera's room himself.
"Naberrie?" He asked, confused, squinting, as if he wasn't seeing correctly. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on Kamino, tracking down that bounty hunter as we discussed?"
I swallowed hard. I was glad my hood was up, so he couldn't see me sweating bullets. "Obi-Wan--Master Kenobi-" I corrected myself hastily as Master Windu narrowed his eyes at me in suspicion, "he's tracking him down right now."
Master Windu cocked an eyebrow. "So you just... what, left him?"
I shook my head. "Um, no. Um..." I silently cursed myself. I was never this lost for words. The amount of secrets coming to light and pressure on me was only growing, making me lose all sense of control over myself.
"Naberrie," Master Windu said, his voice a little softer. "Are you okay?" He seemed genuinely concerned, which was a first for him. But I wasn't about to admit what was bothering me.
"Fine," I forced myself to say. "The bounty hunter got away from us on Kamino. Obi-Wan stuck a tracker on his ship so we could track him down. He told me to come back here and discuss with the Council while he takes care of it himself," I lied.
Master Windu blinked. "That seems like a terrible idea," he mused. "If that bounty hunter could overtake you and Master Kenobi together, perhaps he needs more backup, not less."
"No, no, I'm sure he's fine," I stammered. "I just really need to speak to Master Hollbar, so if you'll excuse me-" I edged my way around the Jedi Master, who turned around, staring after me in massive bewilderment. I knew my behavior was bound to raise some red flags, especially in Master Windu, who knew me well, but this wasn't the time to worry about that.
Her room wasn't too far from where I'd met Master Windu. Rocking on my heels, I rapped on her door with my knuckles, trying not to let my inner anxiety rip me apart. The second the door was cracked open I had it thrown open, and I stormed into the room, slamming the door shut behind me. I spun around to face Kera, who looked astonished and puzzled at my sudden entrance.
"Re?" She asked, her brow furrowed. "What are you doing here? I thought-"
"I was on Kamino, yes, I know," I snapped, waving my hand. I didn't need to go through the same conversation I'd had with Master Windu again. "Yes, I was. But I needed to come back."
"Come back?" Kera was still lost. "Why?"
I crossed my arms, staring her in the eyes, hoping I could convey all of my anger with one look. "Do you know what I found out while I was there?"
"Something about the bounty hunter?" She guessed. "Though that wouldn't explain why you're seemingly angry with me."
"Angry?" I spat, my voice rising. "That doesn't even begin to cover it, Kera. Angry would be... me stubbing a toe and you laughing at me. This is nothing compared to that. When I find out that the person I care about the most has been lying to me my whole life, my emotions go way beyond anger." When I saw something in my old master's eyes click into place, I nodded in disgust. "Yeah, that rings a bell, doesn't it?"
"You mean..." Kera swallowed nervously. "You found out about your mother."
"Found out?" I thundered. "No, I didn't just find out. Kera, she's been in my head this whole time without me knowing. For ten years she's been there, putting dark thoughts into my mind, making me do terrible things, pushing me against the Jedi Council. I never knew... I never once thought she was there, because I had no reason to."
Kera looked astonished, but more importantly, devastated, and extremely guilty. "Re..." she began.
"No. Now's not your time to speak," I hissed. "How would you feel if you spent ten years learning to resist the dark, just to find out later that your power is innately tuned to it? If you'd been having these dark thoughts that you were tormenting yourself over, thinking they were your own, then suddenly getting told that it's not just you--it's your mother, who you never knew was a bad person, much less gifted with the Force, because your Master never thought to tell you?!"
"It's not that I didn't want to tell you, Emeré," Kera whispered. "Please, believe me. I wanted nothing more than to keep you safe."
"Well, it's too late for that, now, isn't it?" I glared at her, shaking my head. "You know, you could have told me. Especially when I asked you specifically about my ability and my parentage ten years ago, hoping to prevent something like this from happening."
Kera had tears in her eyes. "I couldn't, Re. I couldn't do that to you."
"What?" I demanded. "You couldn't tell me the simple fact that my mother was--is--a mind witch?" My voice cracked, and some of my rage subsided, letting in some of the sadness I'd been trying so hard to push aside before now. "That... that I am, too?"
"Re, no," Kera murmured, edging her way closer to me. "Please don't believe those lies. You aren't anything more than you make yourself." I don't think she was aware that she was crying, but it was a sight to see nonetheless. I hadn't seen her cry since she'd found out about Qui-Gon's death.
"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to sound mad, but ended up sounding more confused and mournful than anything.
"I mean that her power may have been passed onto you," she began slowly, "but that doesn't mean that you have to use it for bad, like she does. I know you've had your close calls before, but like you told me ten years ago, you have used that ability for good. You can continue to do so."
I shook my head despairingly. "Not while she's in my head," I squeaked. "She's there, watching me, listening to my thoughts. She wants to turn me dark. She wants..."
Kera stepped even closer and held out her hands, as if to hold my own. She looked into my eyes meaningfully, waiting for my permission. "May I?"
I hesitated, but nodded, placing my hands in hers. She led us over to a nearby couch, where she sat, and nodded at me to do the same. Once we were seated, she looked me in the eyes, breathing in deeply.
"Emeré," she began, closing her eyes briefly to compose herself, "please, just let me explain." She reopened them and looked at me genuinely. "I told you that Master Yoda knew about your ability, and that he asked me to keep it a secret. I agreed, and like I said ten years ago, I've regretted that ever since. But he never knew about your mother," she admitted. "No one did." She looked away, squeezing my hands. "I kept it a secret from everyone, out of fear--not for me, for you," she added when she saw me open my mouth. "I knew the second I told everyone would be the moment they all started judging you for who your mother was, and not who you were yourself. In all honesty, I don't think Master Yoda would have granted me permission to start training you if he knew who you really were," she explained. Finally, she looked me back in the eyes. "I wanted to protect you."
"Then why didn't you tell me?" I whispered, my voice breaking.
Kera sighed, blinking a couple of times. "For the same reason, Re," she admitted. "I didn't want you to judge yourself or who you were too early. I know it was wrong of me to keep such a big part of your life from you. I understand that. But..." she steeled herself. "Stay angry at me if you want. I deserve it. But... I don't regret what I did. Without the thought of your mother and your past clouding your mind, you were able to become who you were meant to be. A valorant, reliable, trustworthy, confident young woman who I am proud to call my apprentice. My friend. My..." Kera scrunched up her nose, like she was about to start crying again. "My family."
I didn't know what to say. "Kera..."
"I know," she said, cutting over me. "I know you're angry. Furious. I know the choice of hiding your parentage wasn't mine to make. And I don't care if you're mad at me for the rest of your life. This was all I wanted... you becoming the good person... that you were meant to be." She dropped my hands and looked away, her face flushed with emotion. "I'm sorry," she finally whispered.
I still couldn't find words. But I didn't need to speak. All I needed to do was lean forward and wrap my arms around her, burying my head in her shoulder as I tried not to cry.
Kera stiffened for a split second, as if she'd been expecting to get punched. Then she turned to look at me, incredulity in her eyes, and embraced me back, her body wracked with silent sobs as she held me tight.
"Thank you," I finally brought myself to say, surprised by how strong my voice was. "Thank you for apologizing. But hating you for the rest of my life won't be necessary." I heard Kera laugh shakily through her tears. "And... thank you. Thank you for showing me that Jobal Naberrie isn't my real mother." I pulled away from Kera to look her in the eyes. "You are."
Kera's eyes widened, amazed. "Re..."
I just smiled, blinking tears out of my eyes, and pulled her in for another hug.
I wasn't able to get that far. I felt something within me--that presence I'd found earlier that contained my birth mother--growing.
No, her voice said, but it wasn't that tiny voice I'd come to know over the past ten years. It wasn't tiny anymore... not even close. The voice seemed to reverberate through my skull, coming from every direction, flooding my hearing and all of my senses. The message was simple, but continued to repeat, growing louder and louder. No. No. No. No.
It continued to repeat, growing in size and amplitude, before I couldn't take it anymore. "STOP!" I screamed, throwing my hands up to the side of my head, trying to block out the massive headache surmounting within me.
No. No. No. No.
"Stop. Stop, please!" I begged, scrunching my eyes shut.
No.
"Re?" I could faintly hear Kera's voice, sounding alarmed, way far in the distance. "Emeré, are you alright?"
With each 'no', I could feel the darkness inside me growing. Everything I'd felt in the past when facing my inner darkness, everything with Padmé's attackers, Darth Maul, even Jango Fett... all of that was bubbling up at once. It was strong... too strong... stronger than anything I'd ever felt before.
"Get away," I pleaded with Kera. "Please, I'm dangerous. Get away, before I hurt you!"
I couldn't hear Kera's response. The voice inside me was growing, blocking everything--my hearing, my vision, my touch...
No. No. No. No.
"STOP!" I screamed. And that was it. All of that darkness, building up within me, was let out.
I swallowed, refusing to open my eyes. It couldn't have been that easy, could it? "Is that it?" I asked, barely breathing. "Is she gone?"
I waited for Kera to say something, to assure me that it was all over. That maybe, after disowning my mother, I'd been able to banish her from my life, from her place within me. Kera didn't say a word.
"Master?" I asked quietly. When she still didn't say anything, I tried again. "Kera?"
A terrible feeling began to take over me. I slowly allowed my eyes to open, and almost had to do a double take. Fear clutched hold of me as I looked down at Kera, who was sprawled across the couch, one side of her head pressed against the cushion. She could have been sleeping, but I noted the shallow rise and fall of her chest, and the weak beats of her heat. She was unconscious, barely alive.
Terrified tears beginning to fall now, I reached out with shaking hands and picked my master up from her terrible contortion across the couch, allowing me to see the other side of her face.
"Ker..." I couldn't even finish her name. My throat closed up as I saw what I'd done.
Stretched across the entire right side of her face, from my point of view, was a huge cut, stretching down from her temple to her jaw, just barely missing the outer corner of her eye and grazing her upper and lower lip. It was deep and gruesome, dripping with blood and what looked like little specks of black.
I'd done this. I'd hurt her... nearly killed her... the woman I'd just called my mother.
My whole body shook with sobs, my hands shaking with terror as I reached down with my cloak, wiping exceess blood from her face and trying to close the wound up. "Kera?" I whispered, my voice quavering. "Kera, please answer me."
She didn't say a word. Her breathing was even shallower now.
"Kera," I begged, brushing some hair out of her face, shaking her rapidly. "Kera, please!" I shook my head, and raised my voice. "HELP! SOMEONE HELP, PLEASE!"
When no one came, I shook my head. I wasn't letting Kera die here... especially not because of me. Calling upon the Force to help me, I settled Kera in my arms, and staggered to my feet. I made my way to the door and pressed the button to open it with my foot, trying hard to keep my balance and not fall. As I made it into the hallway, my arms began to ache with the amount of weight I was carrying, but I told myself I didn't have to make it far, just to the health center, which was... two floors away...
I had barely made it halfway to the stairwell when the weight became too much, and I fell to my knees, trembling. I let Kera down as gently as I could and touched her cheek, tears enveloping my vision. "Don't let go," I begged. "Stay with me. We'll find someone. Someone will come this way-"
"Naberrie," a stern-sounding voice came from behind me.
If I hadn't been so desperate to find someone, I would have been annoyed to have come across Master Windu again, but in the moment, I needed someone--anyone.
"Master Windu," I said, turning around on my knees to face him. His eyes widened, probably shocked at the amount of blood on my hands and robes. "Master Windu, help me, please. Kera--she's hurt, I hurt her, she has... has this huge cut..." I turned around, back to my master, sobbing and gasping for breath.
Master Windu immediately fell to his knees next to me. His eyes were wider than I'd ever seen them, his lips pressed into a thin line. "How did this happen?" He demanded. "You said you hurt her?"
"I didn't mean to," I sobbed. "We reconciled. I forgave her. But then... my mother... she didn't like it, I guess, and all of this darkness... built up inside me, and..." I couldn't go on.
"Naberrie, you're making no sense," Master Windu snapped. "Get a grip on yourself."
He shocked me into silence. I stared at him, tears still trailing down my cheeks, stunned.
"Now... what happened?"
I closed my eyes, trying to remember. Not much of what had happened in the past couple of minutes made sense to me, but if it would help save Kera's life, I would try.
"I was mad at her when I came back here," I admitted, deigning to leave out why. "That's why I seemed so on edge when I ran into you. But when I confronted her in her room, she apologized, and I knew that as much as her actions had pained me, she'd done the right thing." Master Windu nodded, leaning over my master with hands extended, as if feeling for the extent of her injuries. "When I forgave her, I... I told her she was like a mother to me. I gave her a hug, and..." I didn't know how to explain this part without addressing Jobal.
"And...?" Master Windu prompted.
I glanced at him. He nodded at me. As tough as he usually was on me, and on everyone else, I could tell he meant well... he only wanted to help.
"I've been hearing a voice inside of my head for the past couple of years," I confided. "I recently discovered that it's the voice of my birth mother."
"Jobal Naberrie," Master Windu recalled.
I nodded slowly. "It, um, it turns out, she's a mind witch."
The Jedi Master hesitated and turned back to me, forgetting Kera for a moment. "A mind witch?"
"Yes," I whispered. "Um... she's been in my head for years, whispering things to me that I thought were my own thoughts. She's been gearing me towards darkness, towards accepting the dark side of the Force. I thought she was gone, but when I told Kera I thought of her as a mother... my real mother did not seem to like that." I shook my head, closing my eyes in sorrow as I was reminded of what had happened. "I can't explain what happened. I just heard her voice, growing louder and louder. The darkness within me was somehow... awoken. It was released all at once, and..." I gestured down to Kera, who was laying eerily still on the floor.
The hallway went silent as I finished my story, the only sound occasional shallow breaths from Kera.
"So you're telling me that this darkness within you... attacked Master Hollbar?" Master Windu queried.
I shook my head miserably. "Like I said, I'm not certain what happened. All I know is that when I opened my eyes, Kera was barely alive."
Master Windu turned his eyes away from me as he finished his assessment on Kera's injuries. "A lot of internal bleeding," he said finally. "Her right leg and left arm are broken. And, obviously..." he gestured to the mark on her face.
"Will she be okay?" I asked desperately, not tearing my eyes away from Kera's face.
"Okay is relative," Master Windu reminded me sharply. "She'll have a permanent scar from this. It will take a while for her limbs to heal. I don't know if they will ever function normally again."
"But she won't die?"
Master Windu didn't look at me. He picked the woman up nimbly, cradling her in his arms much easier than I had. "Not if I get her help right now."
It was what I most wanted to hear, but also what I least wanted to hear. If Kera couldn't walk anymore, if she couldn't wield a lightsaber or fight anymore... all because of me...
I got up beside Master Windu, looking into the pale face of my mentor morosely. "Is there anything I can do?" I asked pleadingly. "I can help you carry her, sit with her-"
"You've done enough," Master Windu interrupted me coldly, still not even looking me in the eyes. "Stay right here until I get back. You hear me? Don't move."
Without another word or glance at me, he walked off, his robes swishing behind him menacingly. Kera's arm fell out of his clutch as he walked, dangling uselessly above the ground. I followed the two of them with tearful eyes until they were out of sight.
I didn't know what to do with myself, or who I even was anymore.
The only thing I knew was that there was no way in hell I was waiting there until Master Windu returned. So with a deep, shaky breath, I glanced one last time over my shoulder toward where Kera and Master Windu had disappeared, then turned the other way and raced off. I didn't know where I was going, or what I was going to do. But anything... anything was better than here.
✧✧✧
Hi everyone!! I know it's been a while, and for two reasons: for one, I'm in my junior year of college, and this semester was insane. Secondly, I finally finished this series outside of Wattpad, and writing that (Order 66 and such) emotionally destroyed me, and it was hard to come to terms with the fact that I actually finished this whole series! But I'm back, and more excited than ever to post and show you guys what I've been working on.
We got to see a little more of Emeré's internal struggles and inner darkness within this chapter, and a little more about the dark connection she shares with her mother. Not to mention, Kera is now extremely injured. Emeré has really hit a low point in the story... but things might be turning around for her soon ;)
Thanks again so much for reading and bearing with the break! I really appreciated all of your kind comments last chapter! They were really encouraging to read, so thank you :) I'm excited to get back to posting, and for you guys to see what I've written! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and see you in the next one!
~ ᴋᴀᴛᴇʟʏɴ ~