Chapter Forty: Practicing
It's been a while since I've felt this.
This feeling of peace, excitement, and just happiness. Ewan ko ba kung bakit pero parang ang saya lang ng magiging araw ko.
Everything feels perfect, everything feels good.
Paggising ko, pumasok ako agad sa banyo at nagsipilyo at inayos ko na rin ang sarili ko.
I did my skincare routine and made sure I didn't look bloated or puffy at all, meron akong shoot mamayang hapon, isang shoot lang for today.
After that may Zoom meeting pa 'ko mamayang mga gabi, meeting ko with my editor and the publishing company to give me more details on when they are going to publish my new novel, maguusap din kami kung anong gagawin namin sa marketing.
I kinda want to have a fanmeeting or fansigning for my new novel. Ang dami kasing nanghihingi ng event na gano'n galing sa mga fans ko sa Instagram at Twitter. It's been a while since I've had one so maybe this is the right to have another one.
Magluluto na sana ako ng almusal ng may marinig akong katok sa pinto, nilapag ko yung kawali at binuksan ang pinto.
It was Alexander.
He's wearing a black short sleeve button-down shirt, slim jeans, and a pair of black Air Jordans.
Ang laki rin ng ngiti niya at kita ko rin ang pawis sa may gilid ng leeg niya, mukhang handang-handa siya today for something special.
"Good morning." bati niya.
"G-Good... morning?"
Gulat lng ako na nandito siya sa harap ko, akala ko may trabaho siya, siya lang naman ang may-ari ng Cardoza channel station and agency so why is he here?
Wala ba siyang trabaho?
"Ang aga mo naman..." natatawa kong tanong sa kanya.
I don't know why but he just looks like he's ready for something amazing today. I can't help but think about it now. I could also tell that he just shaved and his chin is like a baby's butt.
"Yup, ang aga ko nga?"
"Tinatanong mo ba 'ko?"
"No. No! I... I just... you know, it's a wonderful morning, don't you think?"
Yeah, something's weird about him. 'Wag mong sabihing dahil nililigawan niya na 'ko, ilang araw pa lang ang nakalipas at hanggang ngayon din 'di rin ako makapaniwala na nililigawan niya 'ko.
This is like a dream, alright.
We eat together during lunch when we're not busy, minsan bumibisita siya sa apartment ko tapos manonood kami ng movies together.
So far, everything is good. Pero ewan ko lang ngayon kung bakit siya nakatayo sa harap ng apartment ko.
"Yeah, so what's up?"
"I am inviting you to eat breakfast with me."
Kaya pala siya parang handang handa for an event but the thing is it's only for breakfast. Natawa ako sa sinabi niya at napalo ko pa yung pinto ko.
Siya naman yung naguguluhan this time, he's really adorable.
"Anong nakakatawa?"
"No I... you look like you're going to work."
"I am going to work, I just want to look extra presentable for you."
"Presentable? You always look presentable to me, Alexander."
He's always looked clean, mature, and just a man, you know?
Kahit nung unang beses na'ming nakilala ang isa't-isa, he looked really mature at tsaka ang tangkad niya rin, magalang din, kumpara sa mga estudyante noon na anak ng mga mayayaman o mga artista siya lang lang yung anak ng mayaman na iba sa mga estudyante na yun.
He didn't talk shit, he didn't try to fight anyone, flirt, or use his money over anything else and it's one of the things that I love about him.
"And besides..."
Dahan-dahan akong lumapit sa kanya at hinila siya gamit yung kwelyo sa damit niya, agad kong naramdaman ang mabilis na tibok ng puso niya.
"...it's one of the things that I liked about you." I said.
Napangiti siya sa sinabi ko pero napansin ko rin ang pagmula ng magkabila niyang mga pisngi.
Mas lalo lang siyang naging cute, 'di ko napigilan ang sarili kong pisilin ang pisngi niya, muntik ko na ngang hinalikan ang labi niya pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.
We can't do things unless we are official. He's still courting me, he's still trying to prove himself to me.
"Really?" tanong niya.
"Yep, remember... I liked everything about you because I was in love with you."
"Are you still in love with me?"
Huh, would you look at that.
I'm not gonna answer that.
Hindi ako sure pero alam ko na may konti akong nararamdaman para sa kanya, I'm just not sure what this feeling is yet but it is growing.
"Can you give me a few minutes? Magbibihis lang ako, mabilis lang." I said, immediately changing the subject and slowly took a few steps backwards from him.
"Sure. I'll be here."
"Thanks, Alex."
Sinarado ko ang pinto at agad na nagbihis. Pantalon lang din at pink na t-shirt, medyo simple lang, I used a cushion foundation to put something on my face together with some blush, mascara, liquid lipstick, and then eyebrows.
Simple lang. We're just going somewhere to eat breakfast together.
This is our first tome eating breakfast together not as friends or best friends, but him being my suitor.
This still feels like a dream to me, ang hirap tanggapin and maybe it doesn't look like it but I really can't believe that this is happening.
Sinuklay ko rin ang buhok ko at gumamit pa 'ko ng hairspray, pagkatapos no'n tiningnan ko ulet ang sarili ko sa salamin bago ko binuksan ang pinto at nando'n pa rin si Alexander sa labas.
Inobserbahan niya 'ko from head to toe, kinagat niya ang labi niya na para bang pinipigilan niya ang sarili niyang ngumiti.
"Hey... you look so pretty, Rina. No... you've always been pretty, you're Katerina Miranda." pambobola niya naman.
"Okay na, sige na, Cardoza. Dami mong bola." tawa kong sabi sa kanya.
"I'm just telling you the truth. You've always been the prettiest, most gorgeous woman I know. You are something else, I'm pissed at myself for not telling you that properly..."
Sanay akong marinig ang mga ganyang bagay mula sa ibang tao. I know, I know my own beauty and my own presence and how it affects the people around me.
But in my head, it didn't matter if I was not able to make the man I love fall for me.
"Can I...?" tanong niya sa'kin tsaka siya lumapit.
Napangiti ako sa kanya nang maramdaman ko ang daliri niya sa may kamay ko, I gave him a nod and he hold my hand.
It's been a while since I've held this hand.
For me, it's always been warm, comfortable, soft, and just precious to me. Moments like this with him have always been something memorable and special to me, I loved this man so much that I would adore and love whatever he does.
"You're acting as if this is a date, Alex."
"I am acting as if this is a date, Rina. Small things with you are important to me, I waited for this." he pouts as we enter the elevator.
"Awe, how cute, Cardoza." I chuckled.
"Walang nakakatawa, Rina. I'm being serious here."
"I know, you're too serious though..."
Alexander is not a very serious man. Oo, siguro may mga moment na kailangan niyang maging seryoso tulad sa studies niya o sa trabaho niya, pero never ko pa nakita ang version niya na ganito kaseryoso.
He looks nervous too.
Hinigpitan ko ang pagkakakapit ko sa kamay niya at pinatong ko rin ang ulo ko sa balikat niya.
To be this close to the man I've always adored is heaven.
We went to the parking lot and he opened the door of his car immediately for me. Pagpasok niya sa loob ng kotse, he buckled my seatbelt for me. I just smiled at him and his red cheeks.
"Alexander."
"Yes?" he answered while buckling his seatbelt.
"Ang cute mo talaga." tawa kong sabi sa kanya.
'Di siya suamgot pa at nagsimula na siyang magmaneho paalis dito sa parking lot ng apartment building. Hinawakan niya ulet ang kaliwa kong kamay gamit yung kanan niya ng mahigpit.
"How's your sleep?" tanong niya.
"It was amazing, actually. You?"
"Good."
"Really? Akala ko wala kang tulog kagabi kakatrabaho mo."
"Work is alright, I made sure to sleep well every night so I am prepared for my day with you."
Landi niya.
"You're exaggerating."
"Why would I exaggerate? I am serious about my feelings for you so I have to make sure that everything is perfect."
"Hindi naman kailangan lahat ay perpekto, Cardoza. Just court me the way you courted your ex-girlfriends before."
All of a sudden, I noticed the way he bit his bottom lip and how tense his body have become because of my words.
Teka lang, anong meron sa kanya?
Is he uncomfortable with me mentioning his ex-girlfriends?
"What?"
"Hm?"
"Don't tell me you're uncomfortable with me mentioning your ex-girlfriend? Bad memories ba?"
"No, no. I'm good."
"Then what is it?"
"What, Rina?"
"You look weird, tell me, may problema--"
Wait a minute.
It's not his ex-girlfriends, alam ko naman kung sino ang mga babaeng nakarelasyon niya noon, I'm not going to be the type of woman who would ask who the girl is because I know them so I'm good.
"Alexander."
"Ano nanaman, Rina?" nakangiti niyang sagot.
"Nanligaw ka na ba dati? Niligawan mo ba yung mga ex mo?"
Natahimik siya sa tanong ko. Oh my gosh. Wait, what? He's never courted before?
"Oh my--"
"No, I have. 'Di ko lang sineryoso."
"At bakit 'di mo naman seseryosohin? You liked them, didn't you? That's why you courted them?"
"That's not how it was."
Paano yun?
Paano ka manliligaw tapos 'di mo seseryosohin yung relasyon pagkatapos mong manligaw? 'Di ko gets?
This reminds me of Silas and Brent.
Silas does court but it lasts for days, paano naman kasi, 'di raw makapagpigil yung nililigawan niya tapos hiwalay agad. Brent courted someone before, just one time. I heard he dated someone for two years and that was it, nothing serious daw.
"Don't look at me like that."
"No I..."
"You look at me like the way you look at Silas, I don't like that. I'm not like him, Rina."
"I was just shocked."
"I didn't take it seriously because I already am in love with you at that time."
Gano'n talaga katagal?
Kaya ako nagtataka kung bakit ang tagal niyang hinintay na aminin sa'kin ang katotohanan na may nararamdaman pala siya para sa'kin.
I also wanted to know why he kept pushing me away.
There has to be a reason why and that is why I want to take this courtship slowly and seriously so I know everything.
"I was hiding my feelings for you, I found other girls who seemed compatible with me but it didn't last as long because it's still you. I... I wanted to tell you everything but I--"
"Hey." hinigpitan ko ang hawak ko sa kanya at ngumiti.
"It's alright."
"I wanted to tell you, Rina. I wanted to tell you everything, please let me tell you everything." he begged, stopping at the red light.
"I'm willing to wait, Alex, kung handa ka ng pagusapan yo'n. Kaya mo nga 'ko nililigawan 'di ba? You want to prove it to me, that you are serious and that you do have feelings for me. I'm okay." I laughed after.
"Fine, you win again, Miranda."
"Oh please, you love me, Cardoza."
This is also like a beginning for the both of us.
Ewan ko ba kung bakit pero pakiramdam ko lang simula sa halik namin at sa panliligaw niya sa'kin, it feels like this has been a long time coming from the beginning.
Kaya kong maghintay ulet hanggang sa tama na ang araw o panahon na maging opisyal kami, bakit parang ako pa yung nanliligaw dito?
Nagpark siya sa parking lot ng restaurant, more like at the front of the entrance. Ito yata yung restaurant na pinaguusapan ng mga nakatrabaho kong mga model na masarap daw yung pagkain doon.
I've never tried it here because I was just not in the mood on trying new things or new food, it takes a while for me.
Magkahawak kaming pumasok sa loob ng restaurant, there are a few customers inside and the waiters immediately looked our way with a smile.
"Magandang umaga po sa inyo." bati nila sa'min.
"Magandang umaga rin." bati ni Alexander at bati ko rin sa kanila.
We read the whole breakfast menu and they all just sound good to me.
"Tapsilog sa'kin, ikaw?"
"I'll get the same thing. Dalawa pong tapsilog, tubig lang din, salamat."
Umupo kami sa may table na malapit sa transparent na pader, kita mo rin yung magandang view ng iba't-ibang building din dito malapit sa kung saan kami ngayon, I could also see the train and the bridge here.
And the sun? Damn. This is a perfect view and the fact that it's just the two of us in here?
Nang binalik ko ang atensyon ko kay Alexander, he was actually taking pictures of me while I was looking at the view right outside.
"Anong ginagawa mo?" tanong ko sabay hablot ng phone niya.
"Taking pictures of you. You look lovely, Rina." he smiled softly.
Bolero. I looked at the pictures he's taken of me, I also looked around his whole gallery and realized that he has a lot of pictures of me, not just recent pictures but basically pictures of me back in elementary and high school.
Oh my. This man has every picture of me, huh?
'Di ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko pero grabe, ang dami ko pa yatang pictures dito kaysa pictures ng pamilya niya, binalik ko ang phone niya.
"You have a lot of pictures of me in it. Are you obsessed with me?"
"I told you, you're lovely and I wanted to get every picture that you are in so yeah, I am obsessed with you."
"Ang landi mo."
"I've been holding myself back, I'm just saying what I've been wanting to say for years, love."
Ano raw? Anong love?
"What?" tanong niya habang iniinom yung malamig na tubig na binigay sa'min nung cashier kanina bago kami umupo.
"Did you just call me... love?" I ask, shocked.
He looks back at me with a smile on his face, the fuck? He really called me love? Bakit? Just what?
"I've been thinking about what to call you once you officially become my girlfriend."
"Are you seri--"
"I told you, I am taking this seriously."
I bit my bottom lip and covered half of my face due to shock. What the heck is with this man? Pati ba naman pet names sineseryoso niya rin?
Natatawa ako, oh shit.
"I wanted to call you babe but I think love is better, it makes it more romantic, and besides I love calling you love, Rina."
"W-Wala pang tayo..."
"Alam ko pero gusto ko lang na tawagin kang love, practice lang, wala namang mali doon, 'di ba?"
This is crazy. He's so cute. This man is so cute. Ang bilis na rin ng tibok ng puso ko at halos 'di ako makahinga sa bawat salita na lumalabas diyan sa bibig niya, at ang laki rin ng ngiti niya pagkatapos.
Practice raw.
"Seriously, Alex."
"Yes, seriously, love."
This reminds me of back then when I used to imagine kung maging kami nung nasa high school pa 'ko. Nababaliw din ako kakaisip kung tatawagin ko ba siyang babe o baby. Baliw po ako noon.
Baliw pa rin po ako ngayon.
At siya nanaman ang dahilan, ikaw nanaman, Alex.
"Ganun din ba 'ko?"
"Huh?"
"Pwede rin ba kitang tawagin na love kapag naging boyfriend na kita?"
Nagulat siya sa tanong ko, napaubo ba siya at ininom niya agad ulet yung tubig na nasa tabi niya.
Napansin ko rin ang pulang namumuo sa pisngi niya.
"Alexander?"
"Y-Yeah, of course."
This is fun.
"Okay then, love."
Natigil siya sa sinabi ko at nakangiti lang ako sa kanya. This is so fun!
"Ano? Practice lang naman, 'di ba?"
Kung ganito pa lang kaming dalawa na 'di pa kami opisyal, paano pa kaya kapag kami na?
Kapag opisyal na kami?
I cannot wait to call him love over and over again.
My high school self would have screamed.