My alarm rings, waking me up like it does every day at 5am exactly. It's pretty early and most people would complain, but I am used to it as it's been my morning routine for the last year. To make up for my brothers act of selfishness, I have to give out food to the factionless every morning before school. Marcus believes the more selfless acts I complete, the more likely I am to want to stay in Abnegation and not leave like Tobias did. He is wrong. The more he forces me to be someone I'm not the faster I want to start anew.
I look into my wardrobe and it's not hard to pick what to wear as everything is identical. All I have is plain, grey dresses which are down to the floor. Marcus likes me to wear the same so I don't stand out and he thinks this is appropriate clothing for women. I don't have a choice in this. The only piece of clothing I have which is different is a set of Dauntless training clothes which was given to me by my Dauntless friends. However, that's not in my wardrobe; it's hidden in a very secure location that Marcus will never find.
I quickly get dressed and creep down the stairs. I can't wake Marcus as then he will punish me as he thinks it's selfish for me to disturb his sleep as he is the leader of Abnegation so always needs to be in his best state. I think he has a different definition of selfish than the rest of us.
I leave the house at 5:15 exactly which is what I have to do. Marcus even checks the log to see that I'm not a minute later as that would be a waste of my time and it would mean that I wasn't being as efficient as I could be.
I go to Abnegations main building which is conveniently a five minute walk away, but I guess Marcus needs to be close to it as he is supposedly the leader of Abnegation. There I take a basket of food and head to my first section. Every morning I give food to the factionless in three sections which takes approximately half an hour each, which means that I get home for about seven. My routine is identical every single day. It gets boring and very repetitive.
I always zone out when I am walking as it's a simple task to give the basic rations to every factionless member I see. Sometimes it does get a bit violent as they want more than I give them, but there are Dauntless patrolling the area so they always break it up before it goes too far or I am hurt. That's one of the reasons which inspired me to become Dauntless as I saw how important they were and the exciting life they lead. It made mine seem even more dull in comparison. However, the main reason was because of my Dauntless friends; Marlene, Lynn and Uriah. They helped me when I needed it the most; the time when I was punished at home by my dad for Tobias's departure and I was bullied at school because of the articles Erudite started to release about Abnegation. They taught me how to fight so I could defend myself at school and with a combination of my new skills and the support of my new friends no one bothers me anymore. However, I still face the pain at home because I can't stand up to Marcus as he will just make the punishments worse.
I didn't think our friendship would last. I thought they would hang out with me until I wasn't bullied anymore and then just leave me. I thought they only helped me because they felt sorry for me, not because they actually wanted to be friends. I was always waiting and dreading the day that they would finally abandon me as that would be the day that I was alone again. However, it never came. I got rid of the bullies and became more confident and they still stuck by my side. They helped train me in skills for Dauntless initiation, not just skills to keep me safe. At parts I truly felt like I was Dauntless and those moments are the times where I forget about my past and just live. However, I always hit reality. I always came home. But not for much longer as it's the choosing ceremony tomorrow and I'm not going to stay after that. I am going to go to Dauntless and not think about Marcus or Abnegation ever again. No one is going to stop me.
"Oi you," a dangerous looking factionless calls to me, pulling me from my thoughts.
I turn to him, but don't know what to say as I don't want to provoke him as he would easily beat me up.
"These rations aren't enough, I've got a family to feed."
"I can't give you more unless I see your family," I stutter stepping back.
"You saying I'm lying? That I don't have a family and I just want more for myself?" he asks menacingly closing in on me.
"No... it's just the rules," I stammer, with no plan in my mind. How can I get away from this man when he will easily over power me?
"I don't care about the rules," he growls, "So give me all the food."
I don't want to give him the food as Marcus would find out I didn't fulfil my duties and punish me, but I can't not give it to the man as he would beat me up. The man takes my indecisiveness as defiance and grabs my throat pinning me against a nearby way.
"Listen Stiff," he spits, "Do what I say or you will be in deep trouble."
My bodies trembling, I am so frightened and I can hardly breath. I've never had an experience this bad. He could kill me. I was just about to have a better life. I can't lose it. I feel tears streaming down my face as the man goes to get something from his back pocket. Does he have a knife? A gun? What is he going to do?
"Drop her," I hear a man shout and the grip around my neck loosens, but doesn't completely slack.
"Drop her now and leave or I will shoot," he says again, but this time more fiercely.
The man holding me doesn't pause this time. He lets go and runs. I collapse to the ground, holding my throat and breathing deeply. I am in shock of what just happened. I could have died. He was about to kill me.
"Are you okay?" a kind voice asks from above me.
I look up and connect with a pair of unfamiliar, friendly brown eyes and not trusting myself to speak I nod.
"You don't seem like your fine, do you want me to take you back to the centre?"
"I- I need to continue," I say nervously.
"You need to recover."
I shake my head, "No I need to finish," I persist more confidently as I am not going to give Marcus any excuse to punish me.
"If you're going to go round, I'll come with you," he says taking my hand and helping me up.
"No," I argue, "you don't have to do that. I don't need help."
"I want to make sure no one else hurts you and nothing you say is going to change my mind so lets get going."
With no argument left, I start to continue with the Dauntless man following. It's comforting having a presence with me as it's quite eerie going round by myself and it's nice having someone to talk to. I find out he's called Aaron and has a variety of roles round the compound. He doesn't tell me specifically what he does, but tells me about the faction in general and the environment there. I have heard most of it before from Uriah, Marlene and Lynn, but there are parts that they missed out. In turn, I tell him about Abnegation and the life I lead. Aaron is pretty shocked about how simplistic and boring it is and is convinced he could never live a life like this. However, I tell him nothing about my personal life; all he know is I'm called Rose and I make sure not to link myself to Marcus as I don't want to just be known as his daughter. I want to be known for me.
As enjoyable as the walk is, eventually it has to come to an end. With a promise of escorting me around tomorrow, we part companies and I walk back to my house. He seemed nice and maybe if I become a full member of Dauntless we can become friends.
However, as I enter the house all happy thoughts leave me as I hear the sound of Marcus upstairs. Just the thought of him always ruins my mood and when I am in his presence I am still intimidated, even after how much I have developed.
I immediately start to make breakfast for Marcus and I. In most families the parents and children take turns cooking, but here it's always me. I do all the work in the house and Marcus does none. No wonder I'm not a perfect Abnegation if this is the environment I've grown up in.
I lay the table and stand by my chair waiting for Marcus to come downstairs. I need to wait for his permission to do everything.
I am expected to have breakfast ready for half seven, but he is always late. I don't dare to take slightly longer though as that would be the day he was on time.
As he steps into the dining room, he take one look at me and stops. "What happened to your neck?" he demands.
I look down almost completely forgetting about the incident from early and realise it's pretty red.
"A factionless attacked me," I reply quietly not catching his eyes. I didn't do anything wrong, but he will probably turn it against me.
"Go upstairs now and deal with it," he says angrily, "God knows what people will think if they see that."
I almost scoff at his remark, but stop myself just in time. It's just ironic. I don't argue and quickly go upstairs. Unlike most Abnegation families we have make up and a mirror in our bathroom. Marcus had it installed so when he injured me in a visible place, I could hide every sign of it so no one would get suspicious. I am pretty got at it now, but it still takes a while to make my neck look normal meaning once I am finished I only have time to wash up and not eat. I don't mind that much as I have had some days without any food so it's just something I have gotten used to.
I grab my school things from my bedroom and go downstairs about to leave. Just as I am about to open the door Marcus appears and says, "Remember what to do in the aptitude test."
"Like i would forget," I retort, just annoyed that he wants to control every aspect of my life.
Marcus has been training me for this day vigorously since Tobias left convinced he must have got a different faction in his aptitude test because that is the only plausible explanation for him leaving. Not because he had been abusive of course. I know exactly what I have to do and I have for a long time. I'm going to chose the cheese then jump in front of the dog, because nothing says selfless like sacrificing your life for a little girls'. Also if anyone asks I wasn't aware in the situation because obviously that would be dangerous, not that Marcus would explain why.
"Pardon," Marcus says in his voice which means that if I don't correct myself I will be in trouble.
"I mean yes sir, of course sir " I reply, hating my answer as I don't want to be a perfect daughter who obeys her father without question.
"That's what I thought you said " Marcus says.
I open the door and leave. I despise him so much, why can't he just be a normal dad? It's not that much to ask for.
I get on the bus which will take me to school, there are a few spare seats, but there is no point sitting down because I would just end up giving my seat to someone else as my Abnegation duty dictates.
Caleb, the son of Andrew Prior another council member, gets up and stands next to me, not to talk to me, he was just being selfless and giving up his seat to a Candor. He seems so selfless and you would think he would pick Abnegation, but I am not sure because I have some classes with him and his thirst for knowledge is so obvious I am suprised no one else has noticed. I guess it's because all Abnegations look the same to the other factions, we are not meant to stand out.
The bus jolts to a stop and I get off, and I look at my watch on my wrist, nothing fancy of course, I only have I only have it for practical sakes. 7:20. My friends will be here in five minutes by the train. The Dauntless are the only ones that use the train as it's constantly moving so you have to jump on and off it. I have practised doing it a lot now as that's how I get to where we meet up every night. They used to come to me, but when I became more confident we could meet in a more seclude location where no one could see or hear us. This meant they could teach me how to shoot which is a skill I will need in initiation.
I look back at the school and see a face looking out the window at the Dauntless. Beatrice, Calebs sister. I don't think she has noticed Calebs Erudite tendencies, but it's probably because she is worried about her own choices. She is less selfless than me and her admiration of Dauntless is clear. There will be a lot of transfers from Abnegation this year, I wonder how many people will stay.
A body of black crashes into me and before I know it I am on the floor with Uriah on top of me. "Geez Uriah you need to look where you are going," I laugh pushing him off me.
"But I was looking at you and aiming at you!" He replies with a wink once we are both up.
"This isn't how you treat your friends" I say with humor in my voice.
"We are Dauntless what do you expect?" Lynn says walking over.
"Yeah," Uriah adds, "We aren't flower loving peace lovers like Amity."
"Leave Rose alone, it's not her fault her name sounds like she is a perfect Amity initiate" Marlene replies.
"Hey, not helping here," I say with a laugh as we walk towards the school.
"You never know you could get amity in your aptitude test today, you should start worrying your name counts for 90% of the test" Uriah adds in.
Marlene punches him, "Shut up we all know we are all going to get Dauntless".
"Really? I never thought Uriah would get Dauntless " Lynn remarks.
"Such the comedian," Uriah replies sarcastically.
The bell rings and I say, "We need to get to class."
"What's the hurry?" Lynn asks, "We're not Erudite and it's the last day."
I can't tell them about my dad and how if I place a toe out of line I will be punished, so I just reply, "I still have my Abnegation image to maintain."
They look at me and don't seem convinced, but don't argue. I hate lying to them, but I don't want anyone to find out about my situation. I don't want to be weak. So I hurry to class, but don't take in anything the teachers are saying.
Updated (12/03/16)