I had a great conversation with First, because he never avoided any topic. I liked him even more. Initially, it wasn't easy to convince Khaotung that I could hang out with First while he was on the set of our series. I was happy to kill two birds with one stone: convincing First to heal and convincing Khao to take part in our series.
First felt terrible many times, but whenever Khao appeared in the room (usually in the hospital room where First was placed), he immediately put on a cheerful smile. He claimed that he wanted to be strong for him, that Khaotung had already sacrificed a lot for him and suffered a lot because of him, so he didn't want to show how bad it was in front of him. Only me, Zee, and NuNew would see his tears and hear his cries of pain when the drugs wore off. With Khao, he was tough, strong, fearless. He had changed, but the change seemed to be for his good, because Khaotung actually looked as if a great stone had fallen from his heart.
— I don't want to alarm him — First used to say, leaning back on the pillows. — I want him to be happy, I want him to focus on his work, I know that his role is not easy at all, so I want to support him. He's been with me all this time, now it's my turn to be with him.
How honest First was, taught me a lot. First of all, that telling the truth can be painful, but it can also protect us from the much more painful consequences of lying. Every time I came to his room, I would put a bag full of fruit on the cabinet next to his bed, and then report to him the latest events from our surroundings. I held him up when he needed to go to the bathroom, handed him a cup of soda when he was thirsty, read him my stories, translating them immediately into English, which amused both of us because First didn't know a single word in Polish and some words and even whole sentences sounded strange to him. And sometimes I just fell asleep on a bed prepared especially for First's guests, right next to him, holding his hand.
— I may have come to terms with my death, but that doesn't mean I'm not afraid of it — He said one day. — Can you hold my hand? I just want to know that someone is here with me, that I'm not alone.
Brutal honesty, without any sweetening, without embellishing the ugly truth - that I valued very highly.
How well I understood! Many times, not so long ago, I sat in the dark in my room in Poland and cried thinking about how lonely I am. And although I wanted all this suffering to end, although I wanted to leave, death itself terrified me. But my greatest fear was dying alone when you know you're leaving, when you're scared and there's no one there to give you their hand, to sit by you and assure you that no matter what, they won't forget you. The warmth of another person's hand can ease pain and drive away fear, making it easier to cross that line of no return. You just feel calmer when you know someone is next to you. Therefore, if the doctors allowed it on a given day, I would lie down next to First, hold him tightly and let him sleep in my arms. First was my friend, and although Perth was a little pissed off at first when he saw this, I managed to explain to him why I was doing this.
— For First sleep is a very good medicine. When he sleeps, he feels no pain, and in the meantime his body is slowly learning to fight again. It won't be easy, but I believe he will recover and if my closeness is helping him, then please let me do it. — I told him. We were standing in the corridor of the hospital where First was staying. He was having more tests done, so we were asked to leave for now.
From time to time other patients of different ages, young and old, children and adults, men and women, walked along the corridor. Illness and death didn't divide people into better and worse, rich and poor, straight and gay, they both affected everyone equally, regardless of the position occupied by a given patient at work or in society. One could grimly say that the only justice was that – Death.
The sun shone through the window, inviting us to go outside, but we preferred to stay inside the building and wait until they let us go back to our friend's house. Perth brought me coffee. It was a very nice gesture on his part and made me realize how much he cares about me. We divided the shifts for First pretty fairly between me, Zee, NuNu, Khaotung, Mixxiw and Earth.
When we finally entered First's, we had barely crossed the threshold when Perth's phone rang. It turned out that he had to go back to the shooting location to correct one of the scenes that our directors thought did not turn out as well as it should have. He gave me a short hug, said goodbye to First and left us alone. I pulled a not-so-comfortable plastic chair over to his bed and sat down. First asked about plans for the evening.
— We'll probably practice roles in Zee's room or mine. I can't believe how fast time flies! We just started recording the first scene, and here in a week or two we will probably finish the recording process and then the most difficult task will be taken over by the editing specialists, and we supposedly have the best ones — I smiled at him. — I'll show you some pictures I asked our friends to take. Your Khao is doing great! You can be proud of him!
— I'm proud of him, I'm prouder of him than he could possibly imagine — He admitted, staring intently at the footage I was showing on my phone screen. On the display, we saw Khaotung with a wreath of yellow flowers on his head, around which Fluke, Earth Katsamonnat, NuNew and Nat danced, singing some song whose words I didn't know. Khao was sitting there in a throne-like chair with a crown of flowers on his head, and the only words I could catch were "King Khaotung." I don't know why they named him that or who came up with the idea, but looking at First's eyes shining with joy was something wonderful and made me glad that this record existed. I looked up from the screen and stared at my friend sitting so close. I was somewhat sad to see that his hair, eyelashes and eyebrows had thinned as a result of the chemotherapy. The outline of the jaw became even more pronounced, and the flushed cheeks made a sad contrast to the extremely pale skin. He was wearing comfortable black pajamas that we had brought him at Khaotung's request. He had a cannula stuck in his left hand, to which a drip was connected. It was hard to recognize the handsome, hot boy who had played in "Not Me" and "The Eclipse".
— You know Annie? I do it for him, for Khaotung. I don't want him crying over me. You were right, if I gave up and just died, Khaotung would suffer a lot. I don't want this. I don't want him to have to go through what I went through when my closest friend died a few years ago. — Unexpectedly, First began to talk. I got the feeling that he wanted to let it out and at the same time have someone who would know the story and be able to repeat it. — I met Gawin in the hospital when I first got sick. We were put in the same room, so it was natural that we spent a lot of time together. We were both cured then, but we promised each other that we wouldn't break off contact with each other. First, before we could afford a telephone or a computer, we wrote letters to each other. After that, we emailed each other, and when Facebook became fashionable, we used it too. We were very close, but he didn't tell me until the very end that he was sick again. I found out about his death through Facebook. It hurt like hell. After all, we promised each other that we would support each other, that if one of us fell ill again, we would visit each other, motivate each other to fight. And he left without saying goodbye. He didn't even say he was sick! I don't want to do this to Khaotung, I want to heal for him.
— You two really love each other...
— Annie... It's not that simple... I wish I could love him, I wish I wasn't afraid for his future, I wish I had the courage to admit what I feel, but I don't even know it myself... I'm lost... I feel, that now everything is wrong. — The words sounded even more terrifyingly sad from his lips. I felt like throwing something or shouting my anger at all these people in the face, those who hate us. Now I would like to show them First, a young man, until recently strong, confident, courageous, bravely enduring all struggles, who was afraid to admit openly what he felt, who was devastated from the inside by guilt, sense of responsibility and panic fear that his feelings could destroy a person whom he loves. First's pain was so familiar to me! And yet First is in fact an ordinary boy, the actor is the same person as a doctor, construction worker or baker. Just like a gay man is just as human as a straight man. It was one of those moments when I hated life, when I thought it was unfair: people with good hearts, full of love and compassion, who were able to help others the most, suffered the most, had the greatest burdens put on their shoulders by fate, as if someone who controls our fate wanted to show us in this way that we are the strongest, that we can rise even under the weight of such difficulties that would crush others to the ground. Maybe that's how we've been marked and chosen.
Or maybe it's just a coincidence. Maybe everything is just a coincidence, maybe nothing is related and doesn't matter much.
It was hard to look indifferently at all those people who devoted themselves entirely to working on our series, who joined our private investigation, who selflessly helped us. But First... Every time I left him, I hid in the bathroom and cried. I couldn't do otherwise. Seeing his suffering made me feel powerless and understand Khaotung better, but also First. I knew why he wanted to give up... But like Khaotung, I was too selfish and too scared to let him.
Today, even talking about such a beautiful feeling as unconditional love seemed too difficult. Words escaped somewhere, failed us, disappeared just when they were needed most. I often knew what I wanted to say and could say it in Polish, but I couldn't translate it. It irritated me.
— I still don't understand why it's so bad?
— That's just another reason why I want to get better. I can't leave it like this. In our industry, if you fall in love with your on-screen partner, you can be sure that they won't let you play with them again. Even if your series is successful. I don't want more kids with big dreams giving up on them because they're being bullied. I don't want them to be afraid of falling in love like the two of us. We're both adults, and we've learned to deal with it to the point where we're afraid to even talk about it. If you hadn't come and made us talk frankly about our feelings... I'd probably still think that Khaotung doesn't return my feelings, I'd probably consider him "just a friend".
— So you're officially a couple now?
— We're not a couple yet, but... But now I'm ready to go through it all again because I'd love to go on a real date with Khaotung — He confessed in a hushed voice. When he said that, I wanted to jump up for joy.
— If you want, I'll help you organize something super cool! — I said. First leaned back more comfortably on the pillows, asked me to pass him a banana, and while he ate, I gave him more suggestions on where he and Khaotung could go. Moments like this I wanted to keep forever in my heart, immortalize in a photo, so that the memory of them would exist for many years, even when everything changes and we grow old. I imagined that in thirty years we would meet again in the same lineup somewhere on the beach, maybe in Poland, maybe in Thailand, we would order something good to eat and with tears in our eyes we would remember the good old days when we were just getting to know each other. I saw Kao complaining that some food is too salty, Kaownah running on the beach with Turbo, Mixxiw and Earth cuddling together under a colorful blanket. In my mind's eye, Perth was holding my hand, Khaotung was hugging First, NuNew and Zee were trying to feed their several-month-old grandson, and Max and Nat were lying comfortably on a nearby hammock. There were also Pierre and Yuki, Lewis Hamilton and Louis and Harry Tomlinson. I wanted so much for this beautiful dream to come true, that in thirty years from today we would meet again in such a large lineup and that no one would be missing. Unfortunately, life likes to verify such dreams, take away hope at the moment when you lose focus, when it seems that nothing can go wrong. The most painful blows come silently, out of nowhere, and go straight to the heart, deafening and making you forget to breathe. Even this simple and natural act becomes a challenge in the face of the truth you suddenly face.
— When I leave hospital, I want to get a tattoo with your names, with your name, Khaotung and Gawin, because you three are the closest to me and I want to remember forever to whom I owe my life — He surprised me with this. For a good five minutes I stared at him, speechless, even forgetting to blink. — Why does this shock you so much?
— Um... — I didn't know what to say. There was a real race of thoughts in my head. On the one hand, I wanted to forbid him to do it, and on the other hand, I thought it was a pretty cute idea and I wished a little that I hadn't thought of getting a tattoo with the names or at least the initials of people who were important to me.
— Yes, I want a tattoo on my arm that I have to look at every day and that it won't let me give up. Only Annie... I have a request...
— Ummm? What?
— Fans must not know about me and Khao.
— Why?
— We're not allowed to play any series together anyway, I don't want to be forced to cut off contact... Khaotung is the person closest to me now, I can't afford to lose him. You just write, you don't mean anything bad, we know you don't want to hurt us, but there are people who will go further, they will want to know more, to know everything, not everyone will like it. There will be insults, arguments on the internet, I will lose Khaotung even as a friend... Please. I can't imagine my world without him. He has always been with me for the last 5 years. I called him when something bad happened, he was a support for me in difficult times. If my world is to be deprived of it, I prefer to leave now. I don't want a world without my best friend.
Those words hurt like hell. They made me realize how wrong I was. Maybe the reason was that some time ago I stopped believing in any kind of love, so it ceased to exist for me. It was hard for me to even talk about friendship. It suddenly dawned on me that First and Khaotung love each other much more than I thought. Khao was like the only family that had left to First. It was natural that they were close to each other. They had similar experiences.
— So I can't officially ship you?
— Please... — The sadness in his voice and his gaze hit me like an icy shower. It suddenly dawned on me that I wouldn't actually be able to tell anyone about what made me so proud and happy. Not only the fans shouldn't find out, but also the media, journalists, paparazzi, as well as some producers, directors and other members of the film crew. I had no experience in such matters and now I felt ashamed. I almost ruined something beautiful, an amazing friendship that could defeat death. — Please don't destroy us. Khao is all I have.
— But I want to tell the truth...
— In it's time. You'll see, the day will come when we'll all be free, we won't be held back by any contracts, we won't have to worry about what viewers think, then we'll talk about ourselves. We even don't know what's between us yet.
While we were talking about it, there was a knock on the door, and after a while we saw two friends of Khaotung and First from GMM. Wearing designer clothes from the Harry Styles for Gucci collection, Gun Atthaphan was accompanied by the much taller Off Jumpol, who was wearing more ordinary and less conspicuous clothes. Seeing them, First pushed himself up on his elbows to see them better.
— Off! Gun! What are you doing here?!
— We came to visit you, of course, but I see you already have a visitor. — Gun tried to back off, but luckily First started explaining everything right away. It was First who started the conversation in English, probably because of me.
— Don't run away anywhere. This is Annie, the author of the story behind the new series that Khaotung is starring in. Annie, these are Gun and Off, Gun and Off are...
— We're friends — Off interrupted sharply, coming closer to me and smiling. — If you need someone to show you around Bangkok and show you places you've never dreamed of, you've come to the right place, I'm free and at your disposal.
— I'm Annie. Nice to meet you. — I said, feeling a little awkward. Off was a well-spoken hunk whose age I would never have guessed if I hadn't checked Wikipedia and My Drama List first. Off, although he looked like my age, he was actually seven years older, it's just that his looks never betrayed his age, so he could flirt with anyone he wanted. When he shook my hand, I looked over his shoulder and saw Gun's dim expression, which made me feel even more awkward, if that was even possible.
— Stop acting Off, can't you see your husband is sad? — First interjected. — Annie, don't worry, Off always plays like that in front of girls he doesn't know, especially the pretty ones. In fact, for the past two years, the adorable cutie behind his back has been his spouse.
— Oh. No fun with you at all — Off scowled. — Then you won't get your favorite snacks.
— You're cute, I've seen it on Instagram. Aren't you worried that your fans might misunderstand something? — I asked, watching Gun lay out the snacks on the table just outside the window.
— No way! I don't care what other people think of us. If they want to see us as a gay couple, let them. If they think we're just friends, that's fine too, that's their business, we don't care, even if they think we're enemies. I'm not going to announce to everyone that I'm in a relationship with Gun, it's probably just our business, isn't it? Nothing to the others — Said Off. I nodded, agreeing with him. Off and Gun thought they were happy together, their life together belonged to them and they wanted to protect it at all costs.
— Exactly. After all, we don't have to announce it to anyone — Gun agreed with him, peeling the apple from the skin with a small knife, which he handed to Off after a while. — Besides, it's better not to. Once a video of us kissing was leaked online. You don't even want to know how much trouble it caused! I prefer peace and quiet and the three of us.
— Three? How is it possible?
— Oh. We're raising a daughter together. Her name is Alice and she's two years old — Gun beamed with happiness and pride as he told the story. He took his phone out of his pocket and started showing us pictures and videos of the baby. A little voice in my head told me that I envied them a little.
Off, meanwhile, sat down in a chair by the table, rested his head on his arms on the tabletop, and simply fell asleep. Gun saw me looking at him.
— Oh, that's typical of him too. Sometimes I don't know what spell he put on me to make me marry him.
— And there's the spell. Admit it, Off came to you claiming he didn't want to be alone in his old age — He tipped his friend First. Gun smiled broadly, as if the mere memory amused him.
— Yes. Do you know what he told me then? That's a good deal for both of us! For a moment I thought we were talking about some business and not a real marriage!
— And yet you agreed.
— Yes. For Alice. And to be honest I've always loved him but never expected him to love me back... I just agreed for Alice.
— And you don't regret it — First stated more than asked, clearly teasing his friend.
— Sometimes I feel like kicking him out the door, he annoys me, he never helps me in the kitchen, he forgets to put on the laundry, he spends too much time in front of the screen, but... But he's actually a good husband and father, I didn't believe he could be like that. Many people underestimate him or cross him out because he is a born flirt, he was player, he even got such a role to play. But once you get to know him better, you start to see his good side. But. Enough about me. Let's talk about you, First. Did I hear you and Khaotung right...?
— Oh you little bastard! — First laughed, grabbed a pink teddy bear from Khaotung lying on the bed near his knees and threw it towards Gun with all his strength. He missed and the stuffed animal landed on the floor. _ That's what you came for! I will not tell you anything! You won't take from me even one single word..
First wanted to say something else, but his laughter turned into a sudden fit of coughing, which worried us greatly. According to the doctors, there was a possibility that the disease metastasized, among other things, to the lungs. If this turns out to be true, the fight against it may turn out to be even more difficult, painful and may not give any results. This is what we feared the most. Immediately all three of us rushed to our friend's aid. It didn't bode well. Still, half an hour later, Dr. Jimmy personally assured us that there was nothing to worry about.
— First's body is very weak right now and vulnerable to any infection, but don't worry, he's in the hospital, whatever happens, we'll deal with it.
Apparently Jimmy was on duty in that ward that day. He chatted with us for a while, then had to go back to his other patients.
There was no indication that the next thirty-odd hours would turn our lives into hell and force one of us to flee.
★★★
Weeks later...
Coming to my own homeland, where I never really felt at home, turned out to be a good solution. We were supposed to hide Ohm here for a few days, before things quieted down a bit and we got a chance to safely and smoothly deliver him to the Las Vegas address previously indicated to us by Lewis Hamilton. My mother welcomed us as if all three of us were her family now. She had never been so emotional and effusive. Yes, she liked to talk a lot and wasn't afraid to say what she thought, but I never expected her to like two guys, one of whom until recently had been in a relationship with another man, which my parents thought was weird and unnatural, but she my mom invited Ohm to stay with us. While I was away from Poland, my parents managed to do a thorough renovation of the house with the money I sent them, and now there was a separate room for each of us: Ohm and Perth would sleep in the guest rooms in the attic, and I could go back to my old room that my grandmother used to live in before she died. We were so terribly tired that after taking refreshing baths we immediately went to our beds and I could at least say for myself that I let myself be carried away into the arms of Morpheus without any problems. Maybe I was just so exhausted from the constant crying and the empty feeling that had crept into my heart after Fluke's death. It occurred to me that perhaps Fluke's life was taken in exchange for saving First's life...
The near future would show how much I was right and how much I was wrong.
I woke up feeling someone's eyes on me...
It was so disturbing that when I fell asleep I was alone in the room. I was afraid to open my eyes. I was afraid to move or take a deep breath, and when I tried I found I couldn't. I opened my eyes and with incredible ease I got out of the tangle of pink sheets. I looked ahead and froze.
In front of me on a wooden, low bench built by my dad sat none other than Fluke Natouch Siripongton, but he looked completely different! First of all, it was surrounded by a warm, bright light, and powerful, strong, bright wings sprouted from its back like one of the angels I have seen in various paintings.
—F-Fluke?" It... Is it... Is it you? — I asked in a shaky voice, feeling my legs give out under me. I sat down on the cool floor of pale planks, probably pine, when my strength left me completely. — How is it possible that I see you? You're dead, aren't you?
—You're right, I don't belong to your world any more. — He said it as if he were talking about the weather he didn't like because it was ruining his plans for the weekend. I frowned. Can ghosts do that?
— Are you a ghost?
— Something like that, but not quite. — He smiled as if he was playing with me, then began examining his own fingernails as if that was more interesting than talking to me.
— So you're an angel? How will Ohm feel when he'll find out...
— Ohm shouldn't know, and I'm sure he won't. Although I won't hide it, I would like him to know that where I'm now, I'm really good. It pains me to see him suffer. I wish you could give him a hug from me. — He feigned a sigh, though I was pretty sure characters like him didn't breathe and sigh, they don't need it.
— Please tell me who are you?
— I am the Angel of Death, Reaper of Souls, though people have given me other names such as Reaper, Death, Grim Reaper, Mora. I think you can define my role.
— Y-yes...
— You know what I have to do? — Fluke asked. His shiny, shiny, shimmering bright, almost white wings did not match the fashionable, as if tailor-made black suit. I expected Death to look different. I expected an old woman dressed in black, with only bones left of her body, holding a scythe or an ax in her hand, exuding an aura of fear, horror, the inevitability of the end of life. I expected empty sockets in a bare skull, not someone with an almost fully human body, looking healthy, natural, and surrounded by warmth and a sense of peace emanating from it. The feathers in its wings rustled with each movement as if they were real. Or were they?
— You came for First, didn't you?
He didn't answer. He turned and walked over to the window, which was in total darkness, illuminated only by the awful orange color of light that I hated from a nearby street lamp that had been placed in my parents' backyard some thirty years earlier. My room was small, and although Fluke could probably move from place to place effortlessly, something seemed to keep him here.
— Don't do it, please. Can't you take me instead of him? Please take my soul. I know it's not worth as much as First's soul, but...
— Annie… — He whispered, turning to face me. In his hands he was clutching what looked like a Earth/Human ID card. I saw a picture of my friend clearly.
— Please... don't take him from Khaotung... He loves him, can't you see that?
— And you think I didn't love Ohm?! Or do you believe that Ohm didn't love me?! And yet I had to leave! — I didn't expect the Reaper of Souls to be able to act like a human. It's as if Fluke still possesses all human qualities and has not come to terms with his death. But he introduced himself. His destiny was written in his name and date of birth. Even if Boun hadn't killed him, Fluke would have died that very day.
— Sorry Annie, Fluke is a newbie, he still has a lot to learn — I heard an unfamiliar voice behind me with a French accent. When I turned to see who else had visited me in the middle of the night, I nearly fell over. A gust of hot air seemed to blow into the room, carrying the smell of gasoline, pizza, and something else I couldn't identify.
— Anthoine Hubert? — I exclaimed, not believing my eyes.
— Well... that was my last name... But that was a long time ago. — The young boy standing in front of me was an exact mirror copy of someone I'd only seen in Pierre's pictures. Anthoine Hubert was a French F2 driver in his lifetime, in whom many people had high hopes that he would one day become one of those who fight for the title of world champion in Formula 1. He was also Pierre Gasly's closest friend until he died at Spa-Francorchamps. I didn't think that someone like him, whom Pierre talked about as if he was some kind of idolized nerd, and at the same time his brother, would be suitable for the role. He seemed too cute, too kind, and too gentle for someone who was supposed to send dead souls to the afterlife. Too good-natured.
— Annie... I'm sorry. — Fluke spoke again. — There's really nothing we can do. It's our duty.
— Okay, since Fluke, you came for First, then... Then what's Anthoine still here for? And why are you here? Shouldn't you be in Bangkok or something? It would be best if you flew to Moscow, there is still someone living there who should definitely leave now, someone who should pay for all the evil he has done. Go get him! — I bit back.
— I came because today your brother, whom you have been looking for so long, had an accident ...
— You mean... — I started to say and stopped. I raised a trembling hand to point to the breast pocket on the left thong of Anthoine's navy blue shirt, which had a note similar to the one Fluke was holding... For a few eternity seconds I couldn't not utter a word.
— Anthoine... — Fluke nudged his hand as if to stop him from telling me the truth.
— It's Pierre, isn't it? Pierre was my brother before we both died... And the fact that I got the chance to make a series for him is not a coincidence, is it? Did it happen because we were drawn to each other by an unsatisfied longing? That's the only reason I survived all my suicide attempts?
— Annie... I didn't come for Pierre...
— Not for Pierre? Who is it for?
— For you. — He said in a very calm voice. There was no emotion on his face. He didn't smile, he didn't cry, he didn't seem angry with me for not believing him, he didn't rush me. He was like an emotionless mask. Insensitive and cold. And when he placed his hand over my heart, I shivered with the cold, it was icy. Unlike Fluke, he didn't have a pair of beautiful wings that shimmered in the light of the bedside lamp in my room, he looked more natural, more human.
— If that's the case, you can't take First, you won't get both of us — I protested. I walked over to my bed, where only now I noticed my own body, which I looked at with disgust. I never liked or accepted it, I always wanted to be thinner, prettier, have thicker hair and smaller breasts. I was not sorry to leave this wretched wreck that had been my prison for so long. I wanted to reach for the phone and call for help, but to my amazement, I couldn't move the device even a millimeter.
— Oh Annie, have you forgotten? You just died, you don't have a body now, you can't call for help. — Anthoine didn't sound surprised or amused, more like someone bored who had seen this behavior from the souls he took many times.
— I don't have a body, you say? Ok — I stated and lay down on the bed, fitting perfectly into my old body. Keeping my eyes closed so as not to waste too much energy, I grabbed my phone by feel.
— Annie, you can't...! — Fluke and Anthoine rushed to stop me, but I had already dialed Zee, who was on duty at First's bedside hospital that evening.
— Don't even try to stop me! — I growled at them. After a while, a familiar, deep, slightly sleepy voice answered the receiver.
— Hello? Annie? Something happened?
— Not yet, but please call the doctor to First immediately.
— What? Why?
— Never mind, just do what I ask. Immediately! We have no time to lose. In a few seconds it may be too late. I'll tell you if I get the chance.
Zee didn't bother to disconnect the call, so I could clearly hear what was going on around the phone. After a little over a minute, I heard an unfamiliar voice saying something in Thai that I couldn't understand.
— Damn! We'll get punished for this! — Fluke shouted, then they both disappeared, and I managed to open my eyes. There was no one around me. I was lying on my bed, in my room, clutching my phone. I took a deep breath, feeling a searing pain in my heart. I touched my neck with my fingers for a pulse and found with mild relief that my heart was still beating. I started taking slow, deep breaths to calm myself down. I knew it wasn't just another one of my nightmares, it was too real. I couldn't fall asleep until morning.
★★★†★★★
Two days later...
Fluke visited me again, but this time he also had no wings, he looked exactly as I remembered him: a petite, short, charming dark-haired Thai with an inquisitive gaze of big brown eyes, wearing ripped jeans and a pale pink cropped T-shirt for a change. sleeve. When asked if he would have any problems for talking to me, he said no, because he was allowed to talk to those who had already cheated death once by escaping at the last moment. He claimed that if people knew that beings that they could not see were walking freely among them, there would be monstrous chaos that no one would be able to control.
— Can you explain one thing to me? Why did you come to me when you should have taken First's soul?
— Because he wasn't my job that day.
— Not? Who then?
— Someone you know very well. At the last minute something happened and we were cancelled.
— Anthoine came for me. But I didn't die.
— It's normal, sometimes someone else's actions can change the future. It happens that we are already reaching out for someone, when suddenly they slip away from us. But it is also destiny. It was supposed to be. You snatched First from our hand while your dog saved you and Perth.
— My dog?! After all... It's an animal!
— People underestimate animals, don't you think? The night we met, we were summoned because we were careless and woke up your dog, the one named Urbex, which made him bark and scare your neighbor who was trying to set your house on fire.
Hearing this, I was terrified. Even though Fluke and I were sitting by the yellow tiled blast stove in my room, where the fire was crackling merrily, giving off a lot of pleasant warmth, I felt waves of chill pass me by from time to time. It was said that people should not know about the spirit world or the existence of angels, they should not have memories of past lives, but sometimes it happened that one of us would come back again to finish something we had started, to fulfill some promise or experience something that we so desperately wanted to experience. I understood everything better.
— Why do I still see you? — I asked, staring at the fire and pulling the pink, warm blanket closer, which gave me a sense of security. Perth had already gone to the airport to fly with Ohm first to Warsaw and from there to Las Vegas via New York. In this way, they hoped to lose the pursuit, if one was sent. I asked Perth if I could stay home. We planned to meet again next week in Bangkok. I wanted to spend some time with my parents.
— Some souls don't leave immediately after they die, but they don't stay in one particular place either. Some people go where they can wait until it's time to see their loved ones — Anthoine began explaining to me. — Mek, your beloved, couldn't stay, so he asked me to give you a message.
— Mek? Who is this?
— Someone you died because of... Or rather, you died then. I can't give you all the details, but I've been allowed to give you some hints. First of all, two young boys who fell in love died that day, one of them had a brother who saw everything. Second: you came from the country you just left. Thirdly, you should start with the nicknames: Mek, Song and Sorn and King and P'Squirrel.
What he said seemed to fit too closely with my strange, disturbing dreams, which had become extraordinarily frequent and vivid and vivid lately. Although when I woke up I still couldn't remember our faces...
I wanted to ask something else, but when I looked up, not staring at my phone screen, there was no one there.
— Ouch? Where did he go?
Instead of answers, I saw sheets of paper on the bench that had not been written before, in a hand that was slightly slanted to the right, in pretty letters, as if the person writing was focusing on each word. I took the pages from the counter and started reading, and when I finished, I couldn't believe what I saw for a long time. The pages were yellowed and old, and in the left corner there was a reddish-brown stain that looked very much like blood. It occurred to me that it might have something to do with what Fluke recently told me. I put the paper back in its place, jumped into bed and covered my face with the duvet. Fluke's words still rang in my ears.
“I came because one day you will be one of us. That's why you can see us, that's why you might have escaped death and snatched someone else from it, but one day, when your time here is over, you'll join us and, like us, escort souls to their destined place."
★★★†★★★
You need to...
You need to die so I can die
So I can be free.
You don't know that
But it's you who keeps me alive
And I don't want that.
I was suffering for years.
Do you know how tired I am?
My heart is crying and I can't stop myself...
If I died and become soul reaper,
Would you hate me?
I'm not used to thought that you could hate me.
But if that's the case...
I give up.
Maybe one day we will get to meet each other once again.
I'm not asking you to die for real.
You just need to be close to death
So I could get my chance to try to die myself.
You don't know me.
And even that I exist.
And yet it's me asking you for this.
It's big I know.
But you were my brother
Even tho you don't remember it now.
You were my brother who died before me.
I wasn't expecting we will meet again.
I'm sorry for being the one
Who hurts you the most.
I don't exactly understand
Why we got this chance to live once again.
But please, live your life for fullest.
Don't regret anything
And don't do something what you could regret.
Love these who you want to love.
Choose your own happiness.
At the end we will all die.
Death is just a part of life.
There's nothing to be scared of.
Someone will come to you,
Take your hand
And let you stop feeling the pain.
It'll be relief and happiness.
If you must die,
Die once after happy life.
Even if I ask you to die for me...
Don't do that.
Do the things best for you,
Because you will be the only one
Who may face consequences.
I can wait.
I got used to suffering.
Don't worry.
Be yourself, choose your own path.
You're important to me.
Please, don't hurt me more by hurting yourself.
Because if you are happy, I'll be happy too.
My baby brother...
You were always the best what happened to me.
Never leave me alone again.
I love you.
I cover you with my warm blanket of love.