Merry Christmas!! I hope you guys are enjoying the holidays 🤍
I've spent the first few days of mine travelling and I managed to visit Albert Park. Hopefully I'll get to attend a GP here soon!
Enjoy!
*****
April 13, 2025 - China
I don't know much about the specifics of Formula One but there's one thought I will always have about the sport.
It's fucking exhilarating.
It's the way everyone around me works like the engine of the car itself— from the mechanics, to the engineers, to the media people. Each person is fueled to work together and it's like they're all on a nonstop work shift.
I was watching from the hospitality today, not in the mood to subject myself to being in front of the camera after Charles informed me that Netflix was filming him this race weekend. He didn't push me on it, knowing that it was already above me to smile and wave at the cameras, much less subject myself to the attention of a microphone near me as well.
Despite not having a front row seat of the track, the sounds of the cars alone was enough to give me a sense of adrenaline. I don't even know how to describe how Charles must feel. His entire body would be surging with energy, eyes focused in front of him especially when he passed through tight corners. He and Carlos were leading the championship, with the two of them each taking wins in Australia and Bahrain. Both Ferrari drivers were in the lead but everyone knew that Charles is the one they're prioritizing for the driver's championship.
"Hi." A soft voice behind me said and I turned around to see a girl wearing a pair of blue jeans and a purple knit sweater, arms wrapped around an Ipad. "Would it be alright if I sit with you?" She asked and I nodded my head, gesturing to the other seat beside me. "I'm Isa, by the way."
I racked my brain when her name sounded familiar and I remember Carlos talking about her yesterday. "You're Carlos' girlfriend." I said and she showed me a sweet smile.
"Yes. And you're Nadia."
"I am." I agreed and she nodded her head before turning back to the television that was broadcasting the race.
"You're not chatty, are you?" She asked for a few minutes and I turned to see an amused look on her face.
I smirked and Isa lightly laughed. "Definitely not." We spent the entire race not speaking after that but neither of us felt awkward.
My eyes were focused on the screen in front of me, eyes zoned in on a section of the television here in Ferrari that was focused on Charles alone. He was doing good, running in second place behind Lewis. On the outside, a normal person would deem me calm as I sat down in a relaxed position, but deep inside, my heart was beating so fast.
I couldn't help but suck in a sharp breath when a replay showed the car of Daniel, only inches away from the wall. I'm amazed at how much control they have over these vehicles and from my experience of sitting inside Charles' old car, it was very difficult to see everything.
"You'll get used to it." Isa said from beside me, a warm smile on her face.
"Get used to what?"
"The fear." She said and I could sense a bit of the emotion in her voice. "These guys put themselves at risk every time they get into the car and it's not easy to care for them when they're playing around with fate. As loved ones, we just wish and pray that everything will be alright."
Loved one. Right.
I didn't reply to Isa and only nodded my head. The race ended with Charles bagging his second win of the season while Carlos came in third after Lewis made a move on him during the last five laps. Everyone in the motorhome erupted in cheers with the podium finish for both drivers, all of us making our way towards the stage.
I couldn't help but wear a small smile on my face, seeing how happy the mechanics are as they clapped one another on the back. Isa and I ended up standing behind a metal barricade that was separating us from the area where the top three cars would be parking.
Carlos was the first to arrive, the Ferrari team cheering for him as he got out of the car. He ran towards where his race engineer was before he saw Isa, giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Carlos gave me a small smile and a nod before moving to a guy who was wearing an FIA uniform, a weighing scale beside him.
My eyes met Isa's and she laughed upon seeing the teasing look on my face. "By the blush on your cheeks, I'm guessing Carlos isn't the type to be affectionate in public."
"He has his moments." She smiled back, bumping her shoulder with mine. "Neither of us are the type to show PDA but there's a bit here and there."
A few minutes later, Charles came in after Lewis. The cheers only got louder as he clapped the two other drivers on their back before running in the direction of the mechanics. I couldn't help but laugh when one of them even kissed the top of his helmet in pure happiness.
He first walked towards the FIA officer to get weighed, removing his helmet and balaclava and ruffling his hair afterwards. His face was a bit flushed from the heat of sitting in the car and there were a few lines from his helmet. My eyes met Charles' and he flashed me a smirk. I gave one back, leaning forward on the railings with my elbows on the top.
I could hear whoops and cheers from around us as he headed for my direction, stuffing his earphones and balaclava into his helmet. Charles caught me by surprise when his right hand swiftly moved to the side of my neck, thumb by my jaw, and he leaned down slightly to meet his lips with mine.
The cheers only got louder and I could even hear Isa going along with it. Around us, cameras snapped photos nonstop but none of this grabbed my attention from the man in front of me. My hands moved to settle on his chest, feeling the fabric of his race suit. The kiss wasn't that long but it didn't lack the usual passion and fierceness that being this close with Charles entailed.
When he pulled away, I could feel him smiling against my lips and I found myself doing the same. "You could've warned me that we were upping the performance today." I whispered, low enough that only he would head.
Something passed between his eyes that was unrecognisable for me but it quickly went away as he showed me a smile. This was different though. At the back of my mind, a voice was telling me that I shouldn't have said those words but the logical side of me was saying those were the words we both needed to hear.
"There's nothing wrong with a bit of spontaneity, Nadia." He said and a shiver went down my spine.
Nadia not Nova.
Okay, something was definitely wrong.
*****
April 14, 2025 - Monaco
The icing on the cake was when Charles said he had an emergency meeting that would require him to stay longer in Shanghai. I remember the look on his trainer's face after saying that and it was clear the words coming out of his mouth were a lie.
I didn't prod since he was a grown man. I'm not going to ask for an explanation which he most likely won't give. Does he think I'm the type to ask about every single detail of his life? No fucking way. He doesn't owe me an explanation anyway but he doesn't need to be difficult about it.
He offered to let me use the private jet going back to Monaco but I denied, booking one of the flights that was leaving later that day. There were no hugs nor kisses when I was leaving the hotel room. The only words that left his lips were "Have a safe trip." Before leaving, I gave him one last thoughtful look and he couldn't even maintain the eye contact.
Whatever his problem is, he needs to tell me if he still wants to push through with our arrangement. I'm not spending the next four months in that awkward atmosphere.
I was currently at The Meeting Grounds, choosing to work from here today. I passed by the office earlier to grab some files and have a meeting with Sara and Adeline. There are days where I miss the fast paced environment of my previous firm in Boston but after everything that went down last year, I'm grateful to work in an office that's more relaxed. Besides, Adeline has really created a peaceful workplace and I don't think I've ever seen any drama ever since I arrived.
I was on my second cup of coffee, sat in front of my laptop, when a shadow blocked one of the lights in the cafe. I looked up to meet blue green eyes and a very annoying smirk that immediately put a frown on my face. His eyes moved to the other side of the booth I was sitting in and I glared at him. "Don't even dare." I said.
Nikolai's smirk only widened before he sat down. "Hello there." He said, placing his elbows on top of the table and linking his fingers together.
"Do you ever listen to what people say or are you deaf when it comes to being ordered around?"
"Do you ever get loose or are you this uptight all the time?" He asked back and I think he was expecting me to get offended. His eyebrows raised up in surprise when I laughed and shook my head at him.
"I'm only like this to people who don't give me a reason to respect them." I smiled sarcastically before going back to my laptop, resuming my work. I knew he wasn't going to leave, so I'd rather not waste my time talking to him and just continue working.
I was only able to work for five minutes when Nikolai began bothering me again. He kept his mouth shut but his fingers started to tap continuously on the table, the sound making me even more irritated. I placed my earphones on and I vaguely saw him smirk. I thought I'd finally be able to work peacefully when the table began shaking lightly. I looked underneath to see his foot leaning on one of the legs of the table with his knee bouncing.
So much for a quiet afternoon.
Sighing deeply, I closed my laptop and began cleaning up. Within a minute, I was walking out of the cafe with my coffee cup in my left hand. I placed my sunglasses over my head, doing everything I can to ignore Nikolai who I knew had followed me out.
"See you around, Nadia!" He yelled after me, voice cheery and teasing.
Without turning around, I held up my vacant hand in the air and raised my middle finger.
The walk to my apartment only took about fifteen minutes. Sir Henri wasn't behind the counter but I did have a short conversation with him earlier. I was the first to arrive at the elevator but while waiting, a group of people followed carrying some food and cases of liquor.
I waited silently along with them and when the doors opened, we all got in. After pressing the floor to my place, I moved to the back of the elevator and leaned my side on the wall as the others piled in.
The doors were about to close when it suddenly opened and two people walked in.
"Merci." [Thank you.] A familiar voice said and I looked up to see Charles smile sheepishly at the people in front of him before turning his head to the front. I pushed myself further into the wall and hid behind one of the guys in the elevator because he was clearly not alone.
She had brown hair that fell a few inches past her shoulders. Half of it was styled up with a clip that had flowers on it. From the reflection of the elevator doors, her blue eyes shone brightly as she whispered lowly to Charles, their proximity closer than the usual space that's deemed respectable in an elevator. As Charles spoke, she smiled timidly at him. It was when he said her name, his voice a bit louder, that I realized who she was.
Rose.
A feeling of uneasiness settled in my stomach as the elevator doors opened and they both got off, Charles' hand placed on the small of her back to guide her out. Once the doors had closed again, I leaned back and closed my eyes.
I thought she hated him? The last time we talked about Rose, it was obvious that no matter how much feelings he had for her, he was trying to stay away.
So what changed?
I arrived at my floor, walking the short distance to my apartment. My mood had gone down even more, from Nikolai interrupting my afternoon to seeing Charles with Rose. What is it with men in motorsport? I threw my bag on the couch and kicked my heels off, sighing at the comfort it felt.
I need another cup of coffee. While the coffee machine was turning on, I crossed my apartment to head for my bedroom where I last left my headphones. I was walking back to the kitchen when a knock came from my door. Placing the headphones around my neck, I looked through the peephole and frowned at the person standing on the other side of the door.
"What?" I snapped after opening the door, catching Charles by surprise.
"Whoa, what's got you all cranky today?" He asked, smiling cheekily but I didn't budge. When I didn't reply, his smile disappeared and he cleared his throat. "Uhm— I think I left my charger here."
I stepped back and I think he was expecting me to let him in but instead, I closed the door on his face. Already knowing where his charger was, I opened the drawer of one of the tables near the door and took it out. I opened the door once again and threw it at him without another word. I was about to close the door again when he placed his foot in between it and the doorframe.
"Nova, what's wrong?" He asked, a sense of worry in his eyes. My hand on the doorknob tightened as I tried to keep my face cool.
Yesterday it was Nadia and now it's Nova. He's going to give me a whiplash with all this confusing shit.
"Just—" I began, running a hand through my hair and momentarily closing my eyes before meeting his. "I'm just tired." I said, giving him a small smile and it took a few seconds before he nodded his head and pulled away his foot.
I closed the door and leaned my back against it, taking a few seconds to myself before moving back to the kitchen.
Why is it that I have no trouble being harsh and cold to other people, but with him, it's like I'm not even capable of it?
*****
Because you love him duhhhh 🤣
✧Reese✧