Sacrifice. Something that many humans do daily. Whether it be for religious reasons or for love; one always makes a sacrifice. I've sacrificed a lot in my twenty-nine years of living. My childhood, my privacy, and most importantly my heart. Though I've sacrificed these, I've never really regretted it. Each led me to something beautiful, God gifted each one with a hidden blessing.
"What would you say if I wanted to make a baby, right here and now?" I whisper, my eyes glued to her reaction.
Her reaction, slow and delayed. Even still her body reacts before she can. Her eyes widen and her lips trembles for a reply. I know this is sudden, but there's something about being in this room. Being in a new home that gave me a certain hope. Then there's that lingering feeling that, I don't want to wait for our new life to unravel, I want to start now.
When her words still dodge her lips, my heart begins to slowly beat faster, not in glee but in anticipation. My wishes are nothing if she doesn't agree. My dreams mean nothing, if she doesn't dream the same.
I inhale deeply and nod, saddened in the acknowledgment that she's not ready.
"I'm sorry" I sigh even heavier.
Without waiting for a reply, I gently pull her closer into my chest and whisper many more apologies. It didn't come to me sooner. The reminder of her loosing our first child. The very child I had no knowledge of. It still pains her.
The guilt of reminding her of that wound I've presumed was healed many tears and sleepless nights ago, pulling at my heart. I thought it was healed, I prayed it would be healed. But it hasn't, I've just induced the pain.
"Michael..." She finally trembles aloud, her grip of my flannel still tight and desperate.
I uphold my grasp of her back as I force myself to answer.
"Yes babygirl?"
Slowly, her grip lessens and she dares to meet my eyes. Though her eyes withhold a threat of a veiny red, she holds her gaze.
"You really want a baby?" She swallows.
Yes.
"I don't know... Don't worry about it babygirl" I try to convince her, more so trying to convince myself.
In this moment, I feel a certain protective barrier of mine, enclosing around her. I want her happy. I need her happy. My desire to give this woman everything has strengthened. Witnessing her fragile with lingering pain, has given me a new perspective of our relationship.
Jesse and I have a lot to work on. Yes, I may want to begin our journey down the road of a wedding, children, and many other long term girls, I will have to make sure Jesse and I are on the same page. I can't be selfish.
"You want a child, that is something to worry about..." She detours my thoughts.
Her eyes are still the same as she searches mine for a decoding. Jesse knows me like the back of her hand. She knows when I'm lying or hiding, this time isn't so different.
Inhaling heavily, I guide her onto our new bed and allow her a seat on my lap as I begin to construe my true feelings on the matter.
"Yes. I do. It's just since meeting this little one in the hospital a few weeks ago. He has cancer... And he believed I could heal him if he met me... And there was something about the joy in his eyes...Jess the joy in that boys eyes... It made me think..." I a grin corners my lips as I think about the little boy.
Shifting in my lap, Jesse nods slowly and waits silently for me to finish.
"It made me think about our little Noah or Kennedy..." I finally sigh out, purposely jogging her memory.
Silence fills the room after my statement, but it doesn't sit long. Suddenly, she giggles. Her high pitched giggles fills the room beautifully. In turn, my corner smile widens.
"You remember... Wow..." She sighs heavily, recovering from her episode.
I chuckle at her bewilderment.
"Of course babygirl. Those are the names we came up with... And Noah for a boy... I've kept those names in my brain since that night" I express, gently brushing my fingers along her torso. "I would never forget something so special..." I add, lost in the thought of a child growing there.
"Yes" She smiles am unsure smile.
Detouring from my fantasy, I furrow my eyebrows in honest confusion.
"Yes what?"
She sucks in her lips before slowly placing my fingertips on the hem of her floral blouse.
"I want a baby..." She whispers, ever so slowly lifting the blouse above her head.
All the while I balance her on my lap, I swallow harshly and glance over her mocha skin. Oh dear lord the beauty of this woman. It's beyond physicality. Beyond psychological bondage. It's her heart, soul, and her spirit. All so beautiful. All mine.
"Jess... You don't have to-"
Her rose petals, silence the guilt that wanted to spill from my lips. Her nibble fingers, gently pull my collar as we seemingly fall into each other. I have no time to change her mind before she's already tugging at my belt as I hover over her. A part of me feels guilty, guilty as hell.
I can't do this to her.
"Babygirl... I can't. I can't pressure you like this..." I sigh, carefully rolling over onto my side.
She leans up onto her elbows, glancing at me in perplexingly. I can't say I blame her either. One minute I'm seducing her. Next minute I'm asking for a child. I'd be confused as well.
"What do you want then? You said you want a baby, I want to give you that! Dammit Michael! You can't do this to me! You can't!" She suddenly cries, bringing her knees to her chest as she curls over in tears.
I watch silently, surely dumbfounded by her sudden mood swing. I didn't mean to churn any old wounds, nor badger any old emotions. I don't know what I want anymore.
"Babygirl... I-I..." I pause, too pained to finish as she cries in frustration.
Once again, I'm caught between the crossfire of silence and guilt. I don't know how to get out, but I have to find out. I need to get out.
"I'm sorry... I want a baby, yes. But if you aren't ready, I don't want to guilt you into being ready. I don't mind waiting, especially if that's what you need" I finally sigh, scooting closer to her.
Slowly, her head lifts. Her eyes reddened with many emotions. Her voice weak as she tries to speak.
"I do... I want a child. God I do Michael..." She begins, glancing up at our mirror.
"But..." I push her to finish.
"But I'm scared. I wanted to have a full on dance career by now... I wanted to be married by now... I wanted a lot of things... But it hasn't happened. Besides, how are we going to keep our child a secret? People are-"
"And I don't give a damn Jesse. I don't give a damn if the whole world threw eggs at us and laughed. I don't care if half of the world was burning. All I care about is making you happy. Babygirl if you want to get married, it's done. If you want a dance studio, it's just a few halls down. If you want a new manager, babygirl I have connections. If you really, I mean really want to create a baby, then I'm ready. Anything babygirl... Anything, I'm here and I'll provide" I confess and stress, titling her chin towards me.
"I'd give you this whole damn world. I'd give the clothes on my back, girl. Your dreams are my dreams. Never forget that" I whisper, pecking her lips tenderly.
Just as I'm slowly breaking the kiss, she shifts in her spot and places two soft palms on either side of my jaw pulls me closer. Something about the hunger in her kiss as our lips crash into each other, leads me to believe, that my words gave her an invisible sense of assurance. The mutely assurance she never had a chance to ask for.
I have that to her, and meant every word.
"I want the world Michael..." She whispers against my lips.
"What part of it babygirl?" I whisper in return, slowly claiming my spot, hovering over her.
She breaks the kiss and stares at me silently for a few seconds before replying.
"Every party..." She breathes, arching her back as I nibble at the corner of her neck.
"You want the stars too?" I whisper in her neck.
"Mhm... The entire galaxy..." She moans, her hands instinctively rising to the middle of my back.
"It's yours babygirl. All yours..." I groan, slowly grinding my hips into hers.
"All mine..." She moans, dragging her finger tips down my flannel before reaching the buttons.
Without another word, I make quick work of her jeans. First the button then the zipper, all leading to the pleasure of anticipation. The anticipation of her caramel bud. I can hear her moans. I can taste her on my tongue now. I need her.
Involuntarily, a groan escapes my lips as she quickly unbuttons and removes my flannel and the cotton tee underneath. The way her finger tips scramble across my chest as I slowly grind into, sends chills down my spine.
She's just as eager as I am.
"You have to be patient babygirl... I'll gonna give it to you the right way..." I whisper, trailing kisses down her neck.
Instead of retorting, she arched her back once I reach her chest. I smirk against her skin, knowing her whimpers are soon to come if I tease her. So slowly, ever so slowly, I peck the tops of her breast, only stopping to glide my tongue between the gap of them.
"God... Baby, please don't tease me..." She moans, as I reach for the hook of her bra with my free hand.
My smirk widens when I continue, moving like molasses, retrieving her nude bra, and dangling it in front of her.
"You like the nude color... I like you nude... That's funny" I chuckle, finding amusement in her impatience.
"Michael don't... You will totally suffer for this..." She threatens.
Yet another amused chuckle escapes me as I toss the lifeless bra and continue my game of nibbles and licks.
As if on pause, her moans resume while I work my magic.
"Still mad?" I whisper against her right nipple.
She closes her eyes and arches her back. I don't give her a chance to answer before my tongue silences all but her sighs of satisfaction and moans of delight.
I love the way her body responds to me. From the way her nipples rise at full attention to my touch, to the way her bud warmly invites me gifting me the beautiful wonders of a woman's sacred juices. All of this, all of her is mine and mine alone.
"God baby..." She hisses once my kisses continue south.
I'm taking my time. Drinking every bit of her. I want our baby to be conceived through passion and love as well as lust. I want Jesse to not only sleep well, but I want her to sleep assured that I gave her my all.
Mocha skin, like honeysuckle against my lips and tongue. Sweet lines that drives me to the break of insanity as I try to control my eagerness. I try to take my time. I try evoke every bit of her body, embed it into my mind so that I never forget. I must never get.
"Oh my..." She gasps, instantaneously grips at the comforter in anticipation.
I've already made quick work of her leopard panties, now left breathing over the throbbing, luxurious candy she holds just a few inches away from my lips.
"I want you to tell me first, girl. I want you to tell me how you want it." I whisper against her skin, slowly glancing up at her afterwards.
She forces herself to glance down at me. Her eyes, dark with lust. Her chest, still moist from my previous kisses and nibbles, yet it still rises and falls rapidly. Oh yes, she's silently screaming out for me. I just need her to let it all out.
"Baby... If you don't make use of yourself... I will loose it..." She shakily breathes.
I smirk, purposely breathing over the naked bud before me.
"Tell me how" I instruct.
I am slowly learning her body, but I only learn what she teaches me. And Jesse isn't always open to voicing her intimate side, rarely does she express herself. I'm trying to change that.
"Slow, Michael... Slow, every inch baby. Take it... Don't be afraid. Even if I scream.. Baby don't stop... Don't stop... Just keep going... Take it all in" She finally answers, lust all and only evident in her tone.
If I wasn't nearly bursting through my trousers, I surely am now. That was all the confirmation and inspiration I needed.
"Yes mama..." I smirk, preparing myself to dip into another world.
Her caramel bud, the sweetest of candy. Her velvet folds, my tongue worships. Her favorite spot, I claim like a lion. She wanted no mercy, she will receive no mercy.
My tongue trails between her folds, her whimper rings throughout the bedroom. My lips pierce the top and back to that spot. Her whines, turn into wails. Oh but I don't stop there.
No mercy.
Three fingers deep and I anchor her, holding her down with every bit of strength in my left arm and hand as I keep her bonded until I'm finished.
"Baby! Please... Shit Michael!" She begs, trembling beneath me.
No mercy she said.
I retrieve my fingers just before she explodes. With a revealing smirk, I return to allow my tongue to finish her off. Slurping every bit of juice she releases until her explosion and even then, I drink every bit of her up.
No mercy.
When I lean up for air, I take a minute to examine her. Beads of sweat cover her forehead and chest. Her chest still rises and fall violently. But it's her expression that sends me nothing but pleasure. Pouty lips and satisfied, lowered eyelids. And then, my smirk widens.
I'm not finished.
Lowering myself again, I plant gentle kisses throughout her inner thighs, grazing my tongue as I near her bud. Once more, I call for no mercy and dig in for a second helping.
"No... No... Oh god... Baby...please" She jerks, not even a minute into my feeding, before exploding once more.
"Damn girl..." I groan, finishing her off before planting a few more kisses around her thighs and a bit down her calves.
She continues to squirm, even giggling when I peck at her ankles. I can't help but giggle as well, admitting failure once our bedroom is filled with nothing but giggles.
"Damn, girl... I'm trying to be romantic and you make me laugh? Way to ruin a mans style" I joke, carefully hovering over her.
She smiles and shrugs before motioning to come closer with her index finger.
"I want to know how I taste..." She purrs.
Oh my, those words sent me on the moon for a few seconds. I love when she surprises me with her vixen demeanor. It's utterly sexy, I love it.
"Wonderful mama..." I whisper before obliging to her command.
Slowly our lips meet and ever slower, her tongue slithers and takes my bottom lip as its lollipop. Just before she releases, she lets out a satisfactory moan and smirks.
"Oh mister Jackson... You do it well..." She purrs, trailing her fingers over my chest.
"But I... I can do it better..." She confidently rises, pushing me backwards into the comforter violently.
Damn this woman.
I bite my lip and watch as she slithers over me, hovering with a gentle smirk. In a flash, my trousers were removed. Another flash and my briefs are carelessly being thrown across the bedroom. She's hungry and I'm ready to serve.
At full attention, I wait for her next move. I'm pulsing before she can even touch me. It's that greedy smirk spreading her lips. That damn dirty, sexy smirk of hers.
"You're impatient Michael..." She almost giggles at my agony.
I nod my head and watch as she lowers herself to peck and nibble at my ear. And with every peck and nibble, she allows "mama", her sexy alter ego to speak fluently. All I can do is shiver helplessly and wait for her kisses.
Soon her procrastination wears off and there she is, positioned and ready. Licking her lips slowly, she ventured onto me and I fully prepare myself.
With a flourish Jesse takes me in, sucking hard and fast, savoring every bit of me while sliding in and out of her mouth. The power trip has her own moans wailing over my groans. Protesting her pleasure is greater than mine. I ignore the painful want of my own pleasure and slip my hands down her back and take great grip of her bottom.
The touch is most definitely possessive. I'm staking claim on something that is all mine, and Jesse obviously knows it.
Jesse releases me to share a glance.
"You're supposed sit back and enjoy" She coaxes.
I bite down on my lip and manage a smirk.
"I am mama... I am" I slowly release my lip.
That sent her into a sexual rampage, once again I'm in her mouth and her suction is ratifying every emotion inside of me. A grown man isn't supposed to whimper, but Jesse has me whimpering her name as I grab for her hair. Her hair isn't down her back, but it's enough for me to tug at as much as I please.
Animals. That's what we sound like. I'm groaning like a sexually crazed gorilla and she's moaning and taking it all in like a Jane of Tarzan.
Soon enough my entire body jerks from the force of my rising climax. My hold of Jesse's hair is painful as I force her to remain open and receiving. My hips moving rhythmically, my third party throbbing.
I finally relish the pulse of climax, loving the feel of Jesse's mouth. And to my surprise, she swallows and continues sucking until I finally become lax into the comforter.
My grip of her hair lessens and she rises, hovering over me with admiration. During this moment, I take my time to catch my breath, allow a steady breath to gift me the nerve to compliment Jesse for literally blowing me away.
"Did papa like it?" She whispers into my ear.
Hell yeah, I did.
"Damn Jess... I need to get my masculinity back...damn" I exhale, finally gaining the strength to sit up and crawl over to her.
Already, she lays with a smile. And then, I'm reminded of our purpose. Our purpose of God putting us together. Our purpose of loving each other and most importantly, our purpose of trying for a beautiful gift of life.
Before resuming, I close my eyes and recite a mental prayer. I repent for even engaging in intercourse before marriage. But overall, I pray that God does indeed, allow my seeds to plant in Jesse, a beautiful, healthy baby.
And with that, I look to my future and give her once again, prepare to give her every bit of me.
"I prayed too..." She suddenly whispers as I lean in to peck her lips.
She prayed as well, how beautiful.
"We're going to have s baby Jesse Rose. I'm giving you everything to make sure" I whisper, taking her lips in mine for a few seconds.
With slow movement, I spread her legs with my knee and position myself, comfortably between her only pausing to look at her.
I can't even explain all the love that resides between us. Every memory that envelopes my mind as I break the gaze for only a minute to graze myself against her.
And the memories flood onward until finally, I meet her sea, inch by inch, I'm invited in. With every each, I let out a aching groan of "I love you"'s. When her moans and Whimpers become eminent, I silence myself to actions and fulfill every promise.
"Yes...mm...yes" She hisses as I slow my pace, grinding every inch of myself inside of her.
I want her to feel every bit, every inch of me that I can give. And even then I won't stop there. She will not receive half an effort tonight.
Finger nails make disaster of my back once I quicken my pace. Legs and curled toes line my back as she clings for dear life. Perspiration glistens her body while it drips from mine. Her wails for more are my motivation, her complimentary moans are my successes.
I, Michael Joseph Jackson, has never, ever felt so passionate about another woman, let alone felt so obligated to give my all during intimacy and ask for nothing. I believe this is what love is. This is what love is about. Giving what you usually take.
Soon, juices are exchanged and dying moans and heavy breaths are the only signs of our recent activity. The room is dark and I'm sure our staff and the guards are now wondering about the sounds and noises. I'm even just a little bothered thinking about them having heard us.
Yet still, I hover over her and admire her beauty. That "after love making" glow she has, just gaudy. Her heavy eyelids. Her seldom lips, with curved corners. How she lifelessly lays below me, but still manages to keep eye contact.
Thank you God, for sending your lost angel to me.
"You're having our baby..." I smile, breaking the beautiful silence.
She slowly nods.
"I'm having our baby..." She agrees.
And with that, I peck her lips and slowly retrieve myself. Carefully, I slip us beneath the comforter and make mental note to have the comforter exchanged for another in the morning.
With a peaceful sigh, Jesse cuddles into me, folding into my chest wonderfully before her eyes instantaneously close. All the while I watched her, I prayed once more for a child to be growing inside her now.
I lay silently for nearly ten minutes, watching her sleep. I reiterate, I have grown a sudden need to protect her, even more than I have. I would never want to hurt her. I would never want anyone to hurt her. I just want her happy. I just need her happy.
With this thought, I close my eyes and tighten my grip of her body. My beautiful angel.
Not even twenty minutes into my slumber am I being awaken to urgent knocks on our bedroom door. I groan aloud, glancing down at a heavily sleeping Jesse. She's still entangled in my arms and she seems so peace and at ease. But of course, some idiot at the door has to ruin this.
Slowly and carefully, I untangle us. When she shifts a bit, I freeze to make sure she doesn't awaken. When she finally freezes as well, I sigh in relief and continue out of the bed.
The knocks are still loud and annoying, so a quickly grab a pair of pajama pant from of of our pre-filled dressers and rush towards the bedroom door.
"Why are you knocking so damn loud?" I irritably ask, not even giving the person a glance after swinging the door open.
"Damn... I thought you'd be nicer with all that noise you just made. You really need to sound proof your bedroom if that's the damn case..." Bill quickly retorts, shaking his head.
"Can you keep it down she's sleep!" I hiss in a low whisper.
Bill chuckles and shakes his head again.
"A little man like you, knocked her out? Shit my little Jackson growing up" He jokes.
I roll my eyes and quickly step out before reminding Bill who his boss is and where his place is.
"You're a near forty-something year old man, please act like it. Now what in the hell do you want?" I snap.
I'm not necessarily angry at Bill for his comments, I'm just very tired-exhausted actually. I hurt need some sleep after all of that.
"Okay.. You really need to calm down Michael... Especially before you answer this call" Bill returns my tone.
I furrow my eyebrows.
"Whose calling at almost twelve one the morning?"
He shrugs then glances at me knowingly.
"A person by the name of Jungle Man..." He lifts a suspicious eyebrow and folds his arms over his chest. "I know it's not Emmanuel, or Ryan, so who is this little boy?" He adds.
I glance at the bedroom door and quickly walk away from it. Standing at the end of the hall, I motion for Bill to come over. With a sigh of annoyance, he obeys and jogs towards me.
"Boy what did I-"
"He has cancer. He's a boy I met at the hospital with cancer. His last wish was to meet me... I-I couldn't turn that down.. So I met him... And his family... And offered to pay for his operations... Anything to keep him alive another day..." I explain, pausing for a reaction out of Bill.
But like a lifeless boulder, Bill keeps his stance and waits for me to continue. Not receiving the response I wanted I sigh heavily and continue.
"Since then... About a week ago he was pronounced healthy, not fully well, but health enough to return home and be a normal kid again... And I promised to keep in touch... So that's what I've been doing... Keeping in touch" I finish, sucking in my lip with nervousness.
Still he stands like a boulder.
"What's the boys name?" He asks after a few silent seconds.
"Jordy... Jordy Chandler..." I swallow.
He shakes his head and mumbles to himself. When he glances at me he mumbles another inaudible comment and sighs.
"I've told you... Michael you need to be careful around this children... Especially some random child you met at a hospital... The donation was fine... But this communication needs to stop now... You're twenty-nine years old. You want a baby... And you have a fiancé. You have no time for someone else's child! Besides... That's a big risk. We don't know his people or their motives...I-"
"Bill! Stop! I told you, you don't run my life! I'm not doing this shit with you! Not again! Y-You don't run my life... You tried ruining my relationship with Jesse because she was some girl to you! Well just like Jesse, Jordy is dear to me! He's special and needs me... He doesn't have a father... Unless the man is constantly hitting him or yelling at him or Joy... I can relate to him Bill... I've been there before..." I whisper the last few sentences, my heart bleeding a bit for little Jordy.
"Michael... This boy could be lying-"
"Nobody lies. About shit like that! Nobody fucking lies about being emotionally abused! Dammit Bill you don't have a fucking clue or a heart!" I snap, charging towards the family ro where the main telephone resides.
I gave Jordy my telephone number for Neverland just before giving Jesse a tour. I told him to call anytime, now I wish he didn't call this time.
"Don't answer that fucking phone Michael!" Bill barks after me.
I search for the telephone, sitting on its rightful place near a table lamp of the family room. Before I can reach for it. Bills voice rings in the room even louder.
"Michael don't answering that fucking phone! I'm telling you as a advisor... Don't do it... I'll handle it and tell the boy everything..." He finally calms himself, seeing as though throughout our history, yelling at me gets him nowhere.
I glance at the red hold button and then back at him. This boy needs me. Besides, I know how to handle manipulative people, I've dealt with my family, Jordy's parents won't be any different.
With this convincing mental statement, ignore bill and pick up the telephone.
"Hey Jungle Man, you rang?" I smile, not even turning around to see the most likely disgusted look of Bills disappointment.
I know what I'm doing. Should I dig myself a hole, I'll surely climb out of it. Until then, this boy needs me and I will not deny him the help.
He needs me...