billie
"are you really going to drive silver to the salon?" riley asked, secretly hoping for a yes. she's been dying to ride silver for a while now, before blue left even.
"yes i'm going to drive silver to the salon." i blinked.
"do you even trust yourself to drive on the highway with silver? like do you think it's safe?" ivy asked.
"i've done it a handful of times, i should be fine." i answered.
"yeah but you've done it late at night when there aren't lots of cars on the street." ivy said.
"i mean, it's not exactly rush hour. so im gonna be fine." i brushed her off.
"i kinda want to ride silver." riley said.
"no! riley don't go supporting this!" ivy scolded.
"what! she obviously knows how to ride it, and blue trusted her enough to give it to her." riley said.
"yeah, do you think blue is gonna make me do something that'll hurt me? no." i said as i laced up my shoes. "so you coming riley? or..." i raised a brow.
"alright." she stood up.
"meet you there?" i asked ivy before leaving the room.
"yup." she sighed.
riley and i walked into the elevator, trusting ivy to lock up and of course she couldn't help but ask questions. "is it scary?"
"it was to me, at first. but then i got used to it and now i find it freeing." i shrugged.
"like late night drives in dragon?"
"yeah, kind off." i nodded.
"you have another helmet right?" i could see the concern in her eyes.
"riley. i used to ride with blue, yes i have another helmet." i rolled my eyes, stepped out of the elevator and made my way to silver. blue giving me silver made me think of who i would give dragon to if i left. i don't have anyone that i trust with her, at all.
"thanks." riley said after she took the helmet i gave her. i went ahead and put mine on, but before i could get on silver, riley stopped me, "can you help me? i don't know how i'm supposed to put it on."
and a sudden flash back of me outside of sally's minutes after i met blue, asking her to help me out on my helmet to go and dye each other's hair at her hotel room. "billie?"
"oh yeah, sorry." i snapped out of it and helped her with her helmet. "just hug my waist." i instructed riley before taking off.
i feel like i've adopted so many of blue's traits after she left. or maybe i've adopted them along the way of us dating and i didn't notice it until she wasn't there to blind me of what was happening, because it felt so natural.
"holy shit i might just have to learn and buy my own motorcycle! this is so cool!" riley yelled.
i only smiled and continued my way to the salon. we were there in no time, i chained silver and checked in for my appointment, riley doing the same moments after. "so what are we thinking for today?" heather, my hairstylist asked with a smile.
"i wanna go blonde." i smiled back.
"blonde!" she widened her eyes.
"yeah, my roots have already grown out since i haven't been here in a minute. i wanna cut it into a lil bob too, but i wanna go blonde." i nodded.
"okay, well." she played with my hair. "i'll cut your hair today and we'll start the first round of bleach if the test strand goes well, but hopefully you didn't come in thinking you'd be completely blonde after a couple of hours."
"oh no! no! i want it to be as healthy as possible. i know that isn't possible if i wanna be blonde today." i assured her.
"okay good." she sighed in relief. "do you have any pictures of what you want?"
"yeah." i unlocked my phone and went to my camera roll to show her.
"is that maggie?" heather frowned.
"yeah, it is." i confirmed.
"how is she by the way?" she asked as she fetched her scissors.
"i assume good." i shrugged. "i lashed out on her a couple of days ago, we've both actually been super cranky with each other."
"aw that's not good."
"yeah, i should really talk to her."
heather continued cutting my hair, asked me for feedback and we did some adjustments before she chose a test strand for the bleach. fingers crossed i can get to my ideal shade of blonde with my hair still being healthy and intact.
"alright hon it time for the reveal." heather came back after fourty minutes of the bleach on that test strand. "just like i thought! you're gonna be ginger for a week!"
"damn, i guess that'll be interesting." i laughed.
"oh you'll look fantastic, don't worry you're in good hands." heather started parting my hair and clipping sections before she went ahead and started mixing the bleach in the back room. meanwhile she was doing that riley and ivy were done getting their blowouts and came to give me a little hair show before asking me if i wanted to get any food, and i asked for mcdonald's fries.
"oh by the way heather, riley and ivy went to get some mcdonald's. do you want some?" i asked when she came back.
"oh no i'm good, i just had lunch." she replied. "ready to get this party started?" she raised a brow.
"hell yeah, let's do it." i smiled.
not long after heather was done coating my hair with foils and chemicals, riley and ivy where back from the drive through with my fries. we sat there eating and talking while my head cooked, about fourty minutes later heather was back and the girls went to get their nails pained since i'm gonna take another while til i'm done.
"your hair lifted just like i hoped it would." heather excitedly said as she washed my hair. "you won't look crazy for a week."
"oh thank god, cause that was the last thing i wanted for myself." i sighed in relief.
"i got you girl, i told you i got you." she scratched my head that made me feel like i was in heaven. i closed my eyes and focused on that feeling. it's the first time in a while that i've felt completely relaxed and care free. it's stupid but i just felt like it was an endless moment, there wasn't a yesterday and there wasn't a tomorrow and nothing mattered. but of course it came to an end, who was i kidding? nothing good lasts forever.
"let's get you on the chair again, and i'll give you a blow dry." heather said after she wrapped my hair in a towel, only to un wrap it a minute later, start drying it and making it all pretty.
"this is actually not that bad." i played with my hair once she was done. "i was so scared the color would've been, i don't know..." i admired my hair, it was ginger with my natural blonde hair on the roots. it somehow actually looked decent.
"oh that's totally normal, all my clients think the same way. some hate this stage, i'm glad you don't mind it." she smiled as she packed up her stuff.
"yeah thank you so much." i smiled.
"of course! i'll book you for next week at the register where you'll confirm your payment?" she raised a brow.
"yeah." i followed her to the register and we agreed on exactly a week from today. it didn't really matter, i've been free all day everyday for the last five weeks.
"hey, uhm." heather bit her lip nervously. "i don't know if you want to hear this but, i had this crush on this boy for a really long time. i think it was from middle school and it continued on till highschool, until one day at the end of my senior year i had enough. so i went up to him and i told him my true feelings, we ended up dating for two year before we got engaged. he was so beautiful and so caring, i thought he was the one i'll grow old with, we were meant to be."
"he passed away in a car accident five years ago, and everyday i think about him. i ask myself what if i told him earlier that i liked him? the memories we could've had then are gone. would we be married? i should've stopped him from going to get me those tampons, i should've went on the trip to target. i should be the one dead right now. not him. but learned that i can't change that he's gone, and i have to learn to live with guilt and this grief. it won't ever hurt less it'll just... be there. i had so many amazing people around me that were there for me, but they couldn't help me if i shut them out, i had to let them in. you'll learn to live with her memory clinging onto you and you'll find it easier to breathe, slowly, and you're going to be okay eventually. you'll live for the both of you."
i looked at her with a smile, a genuine one. but i didn't know what to say to her, i just nodded like an idiot to tell her that i really appreciated that. i needed that.
i confirmed my payment and went to check on ivy and riley who were also done with their nails. they complemented me on my hair and we all drove back to my apartment and just hug out there.
"i'm working on blue's album." i confessed.
"what?" ivy blinked at me.
"she asked me to do that in her will, and it's actually been helping me grief. has it been completely healthy? no i don't think staying up until 4am is healthy, but it feels good. it's like i'm making her proud and i'm making up for what i did to her." i explained.
"okay." ivy was clearly processing.
"how are you going to release it?" riley asked.
"she isn't signed into any record label, the only contract she signed is her work thingy a year ago, thank god. so i'm gonna announce this on my account and promote it as much as i can and upload it as a self built artist which is what she was. i'm thinking that all the money that comes from there goes to kidney reaserch and fund organizations."
"aww i love that." riley pouted.
"wait was she done with it?" ivy frowned.
"no, i completed it. i'm done with it." i answered. "music wise, like with the songs. still have a lot of work to do." i clarified. they both nodded in understanding.
"i'm going to sue sean." i finally said it.
"huh?" ivy asked.
"hell fucking yeah, i'm so fucking proud of you." riley jumped to hug me.
"i'm putting that fucker in jail, where he's is meant to fucking rot in." i finally smiled.
"i love you." ivy joined the hug.
"i love you."
-
A/N: the book is has only a couple of chapters left 🥲
i don't want to say goodbye. help. i've been busting my ass, writing as much as i can everyday to get these chapters out.
once this book is done, i am going to start another book that i am completely in love with its idea. i know this book is depressing, trust me the new one has a completely different vibe, you'll know more about it later. all i'm gonna say now is that it's title is "unidentified"