September 20th, 2020
Me and Heeseung stared into one anothers eyes for a good few seconds before he left out a huff of breath, looking down at my hands that still gripped the fabric of his cotton hoodie.
"Look. I dont want to be that harsh with you but you are drunk and need to go to sleep. We can talk when you wake up." Heeseung asserted oddly calm. "He's right Jeongmi." Jay said, trying to gently pull me away from Heeseung.
I frowned, the anger in my eyes softened and was replaced by a understanding look. Heeseung looked back up at me, waiting for me to respond is some kind of way. I let go of him and backed away shyly.
I suddenly felt awake. I bowed and looked down at my feet as if being scolded. Heeseung leaned off the wall and without another word he left. Jay sighed once again.
"Did you take any hangover relief?" He asked politely. I shook my head and looked up at him. He frowned. He pat my shoulder and brought me over to the stairs leading to my bed.
"Head to sleep ok?" He spoke rather quietly. I nodded and climbed up quickly, snuggling into the covers. Jay went and turned the TV off before leaving. I sighed.
I'm a horrible person. However, other people were also horrible. So can you really blame me? Besides such, I fell asleep pretty fast. My lovely dreamland.
September 21st, 2020
I woke up to knocking on my door. The moment I opened my eyes my head was pounding furiously. I groaned and hopped down the stairs. More knocks sounded from my door as I quickly fixed my hair.
After fixing my hair I ran over to the door and I swung open the door. I met eyes with Heeseung. I gulped and hesitantly let him in. Oddly enough I remember just about everything from yesterday.
I rubbed my head as I shut the door. My head pounding tremendously. Heeseung walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter, staring at me. I kept my head low, standing infront of him.
"Since you wanted another apology, a better one that is, then I'll give it to you." he began, "Jeongmi. I apologize for being rude." When he finished I looked back up at him.
He was already looking at me, our gazes meeting. He raised a brow. I nodded. Then I felt light-headed. Why now? I took a few steps back and leaned against the island.
Heeseung stood up straight his piercing cold gaze burning through me. "Drink water, you need it alright? I have things to go do." Heeseung said, walking out of my dorm pretty quick.
I huffed and moved to the fridge, grabbing a water. I cracked it open and took a few sips. I sat on the floor, as my skull ached. My nose scrunched in pain. God I hate having a hangover. I felt sick too.
Then I suddenly felt like throwing up. I grabbed my water and ran to the bathroom. I sat infront if the toilet waiting to see if I was going to throw up. I really didnt want to.
I heard my phone buzzing from the living room. I ran as quick as I could, grabbed it, and then ran back infront of the toilet just in case. It was Haena again. After her last text I had just left her on read. She was asking to see me.
I didnt know if I was ready to face her. Not like this. I have to go to Jeju-do tomorrow. I dont need to be distracted more than I already am. I left her on read. Now I didnt feel so sick.
I slowly drank a few sips of water. I got up and went to the kitchen to find some food. I grabbed a cup ramen and made it with ease. I'm a quick eater and chowed down the ramen fast.
Time felt slow. I felt so alone. I was alone all day and all night until the sun rose to shine upon the grass.
September 22nd, 2020
Today was the day to go to Jeju-do. I had packed my bag with all my essentials. We were also filming for Enhypen&Hi today. Great. I had to put on the smile that masked everything.
I needed to pretend like nothing was wrong. Nothing. Manager called us out to the garage and lead us there. This time we weren't taking the giant bus. We were taking 2 separate cars.
Me, Sunghoon, Sunoo, and Heeseung in one car and Jake, Niki, Jungwon, and Jay in the other. Me and Sunoo sat in the back while Heeseung and Sunghoon were in the middle part of the van.
For filming purposes obviously. The it didnt take long for the boys to start chatting about some nonsense. Sunghoon saying something about his hair and Sunoo going off on him about it.
Heeseung said that Sunoo looked cuter when he's mad and I hate to agree with him but hes right. Our Sunoo is adorable when mad. I stared out the window with a small grin.
It took a while, but we got to Gimpo airport and were on our way to Jeju-do. I was lucky and got a window seat on the place. Jungwon and Niki were beside me. They didnt talk to me obviously.
I looked out the window the whole time, even taking some pictures at the surreal view. I loved taking nature pictures. Nature is beautiful. Especially a lush forest or wild sea.
I am a nerd about mother nature and space. I will never forget the little tale made about the sun and the moon. Their kiss called the Eclipse. I could go on and on about it.
How they only get to see each other at sunrise and sunset and blush seeing one another making the sky red. I smiled just thinking of it. If I was the moon then who was my sun? Did I not have a sun?
Was I forever wrapped in the dark blanket called the night sky? Though, theres something wrong with my night sky. There is no stars. Theres no stars to give a drop of joy and light. Where did my stars go?
Maybe the clouds that blended with the sky were hiding them. Maybe I caused the clouds to hide the stars. I wish to see the stars. I wish to see the sun. I want my eclipse with my sun.
Yet I still needed to find my stars, then my sun. Lastly, cross skys and cause our eclipse. Ah, what am I thinking? Getting my hopes up like that? It will never happen. Not in the next 7 years at least. I'm not sure what I will do after I will leave Enhypen though.
Go back to my sister? No way. I'm really not sure what I would do. I'm sure I'll have it figured out by then. Right now I need to stop stressing myself out and relax. I hadn't noticed but my shoulders started to stiffen.
It probably happened when I thought about my sister. God that soju sounds great right now. Wait no. Not after last night. That was so embarrassing. I can never let any of them see me drunk again. I have to try and sneak it.
I'm not sure why they've been bothering me so much lately. Jay, Sunoo, and Heeseung. I get Jay and Sunoo are trying to become friends and I truly appreciate it but goodness no need to push it so hard when we just started being friendly towards one another.
The others besides Sunghoon and Heeseung are at least civil. Speaking of, why do Sunghoon and Heeseung hate me so much? Especially Heeseung. What the hell did I ever do to them?
Exist? That's not a good enough excuse anymore. If someone is going to hate me I need a reason because I know I didnt make anyone hate me on purpose. I mean...if someone wants to hate me so bad for no reason might as well give them one.
Wait, no. I shouldnt do that. It will cause more of a gap between me and the guys than there already is. I sighed and slightly slumped down in my chair. I closed my eyes and just waited to arrive in Jeju-do.
Next time I opened my eyes we had arrived. Not too bad of a flight. We gathered our stuff and headed out of the aircraft and out the airport. Manager lead us a bus. Another. Bus.
Lord save me. We shoved our luggage into a compartment and then filed in the bus. I sat in the back left corner. Camera's where already set. Of course.
Everywhere I look theres going to be a camera huh? Though Manager told us that they werent on. I nearly sighed of relief. Next thing I knew we were on the road to a hotel we would be staying in. Apperantly we were only staying two days and nights.
Everyone was told their pairs for rooms. Jungwon and Jay, Sunghoon and Jake, then Sunoo, Niki and Heeseung together. I got a room alone. I figured that much. I kept my eyes on the world outside.
Jeju-do seemed beautiful. I wouldn't mind a late night walk at the beach. I'll probably sneak away to do such. We made it to the hotel oddly fast and we were hurried off the bus. I guess they really needed to film. But I had noted the hotel wasnt too far from the beach.
We stampeded into the hotel and practically raced to our rooms. Well I should reword that. They raced to their rooms. I walked like a civil human. Another staff member led me to my room and handed me the key card for it.
I entered and placed my suitcase down. Sunoo, Niki and Heeseung's room were beside mine and the one infront of my room was Jay and Jungwon's. Diagonal from me was Sunghoon in Jake. I hope they arent those kinds of loud neighbors.
They dont seem so loud in the apartments. Who knows. We were told that we were allowed 30 minutes to rest and hang out before we were to go to the beach and then head to some go karts.
I flopped on my bed and rested my eyes. I've felt dizzy all day. I've tried drinking water and it didnt help much. So resting was probably the best. I grabbed my phone and turned on a calm song, singing along with the lyrics to help relax.
I sang along to at least three songs before I was too tired to keep singing and just listened to the lovely sounds and voices filling my ears. I fell into a short slumber until I heard my phone buzz with a message.
I whined and opened it. It was Sunoo.
Sunoo
We heard your singing Jeongmi. I never heard it much in I-land but you sounded amazing. I must admit I'm a little jealous :)
I smiled at his text. Sunoo is so nice. Though he had no reason to be jealous of my voice. It's nothing too special I suppose. Maybe because I'm used to hearing it but meh. Wait he said "we". Does that mean Niki and Heeseung heard to?
That's embarrassing. Either way I texted Sunoo back.
Me
Thank you Sunoo. I'm a little embarrassed but either way, thank you. Also theres no reason to be jealous lol
Then I put my phone down and closed my eyes once more. I rested against the crisp covers until our Manager called us from outside. I sighed and got up, fixing my now slightly messed up hair.
I was nearly last out of my room, just infront of Jake. As we followed our Manager I saw two female staff whispering amongst one another, glancing at me. That made me nervous.
I looked away quickly, trying to find something to look at. There was nothing to really look at though. I let Jake slide infront of me so I could stay in the back. You think they would be more professional.
Gossip is for Middle/High school kids. They are grown woman so they could at least act like it. We made it back to the bus without trouble and filed in a straight line. I sat in the seat I was in last time.
Everyone sat mostly where they were. Everyone was wearing big puffer jackets. Then I remembered. I forgot mine. The winds on the beach here make it cold. Either way its September do it's cold.
I guess I'm going to freezing my ass off then. All I had was a normal cotton zip-up jacket. That's not enough to protect one from those ferocious winds. Sunoo who was beside me once again leaned and whispered to me. "Did you forget a puffer jacket?"
I nodded with a small frown. Sunoo's eyes showed his concern since he obviously knew how cold it was out there. "I can lend you mine." He offered. I immediately shook my head.
His frown only grew, but he didnt argue. He turned away and sparked another conversation with Niki. Before I knew it they were playing a game where you pronounce each syllable of a word.
Real funny. It's almost like they are doing it on purpose now. I held back a frown. Its whatever. I should just get used to it right?