Dawn breaks and I find myself in the same place I had been for the past two hours. I wrap my arms around my body, trying to force out the cold. Misty puffs of smoke escape my lips with each breath. My fingers turn cold and frigid as they make contact with trembling skin; I blow hot breaths into pale hands, trying to breathe warmth and feeling back into numb fingertips.
Nothing like huddling outside a police station wearing shorts and a t-shirt when it's less than 20° out because the weatherman got the forecast wrong.
While I stand, shivering, I look around my surroundings. The lot was mostly vacant, save for about five or six cars scattered about. The streetlamps by the road flickered gently, a faint electric hum coming off of them and filling the air with a twinge of electric white noise. The lights inside the police station were on, but the inside had no activity at all. The double doors made out of metal and glass were locked tight, keeping the world out. Even when I knocked on the glass and called out for those who might be inside, I got no response. Which is odd because aren't Police stations supposed to be open 24/7?
I mean, I can't blame them if they are closed. It's like 3:00 in the morning right now. And honestly if it weren't for the current circumstances keeping me up, I wouldn't be awake right now either. But since there is a special thing going on, here I am; Slowly becoming a human popsicle where I stand.
My eyes dart back to the barren road, my mind trying to will a car into existence. But of course, there's nothing. Nobody walking the street, no graveyard-shift workers making their way home after a long night, no early risers aiming to get an early start to the day. It's creepy, being out and about in town this early when nobody else is. It feels like I've tripped into some weird alternate dimension where I'm the only one left.
A gust of wind blew, making me shrink into my skin. I pulled my hands out of my pockets and hugged my arms around my chest, trying to brace the cold away. When the wind subsided, my tension eased, but agitation took its place. I found myself muttering curses under my breath and glaring at the almost entirely vacant parking lot, angry that the person I'm waiting for still isn't here.
"Where the hell is he?" I mutter to myself in a low growl. While taking in a sharp inhale of frigid air, my shoe begins tapping a repetitive rhythm on the concrete sidewalk, creating a little beat that plays in time with my frustration.
I mean, really, why the hell would the Chief of Police leave me a voicemail saying 'Hey I want to meet up ASAP and talk about the case with you.' and then completely vanish when I try to return his call? What's even more infuriating is that his voicemail is full! I can't even leave him a message telling him I'm here! Clear your messages, old man!
'Well, why didn't you just show up when it's time for his shift?' I hear you asking. And to that I say;
Touché.
But also how the hell am I supposed to know when he's scheduled to work? So, fuck you.
Being home is the last place I want to be right now anyway, so the excuse to be away is a welcome one; even if it means potentially getting frostbite. Waiting at the Precinct is just an excuse to avoid some responsibilities. I'm mostly just frustrated that I can't wait inside!! I'm freezing my ass off here! Open the doors, fuckwads! I turn and kick the metal frame, causing an instant flash of pain to spread through my toes.
After another 30 minutes of angry swearing and lonesome shivering, I see a car pull up and park itself just before me. The door opens and a newly familiar face steps out. He's an older man with crows feet around the eyes and laugh lines framing his mouth. He removes his fur lined cap, slicks back thinning silver hair, and returns the hat to it's rightful place. A brown leather jacket covers his shoulders and torso, making him look rather comfortable in this awful weather. He's not as built as the younger officers I've seen around here, but his age showcases an experience they still lack. He turns his attention to me, a solemn look leaving his overgrown eyebrows upturned while tired eyes sink into his face. As soon as he gets out of the car, I face him and wait until he notices me, and boy does he notice me quick. It's about time he got here!
"Miss O'Marrow?" He spoke with a familiar early morning grogginess that he's clearly trying to fend off with the thermos of steaming liquid in hand. I assume it's coffee.
"Chief." I greet him, trying to hide my chattering teeth.
"What on Earth are you doing out here? Shouldn't you still be in the hospital?" He asks the question softly, almost like he's speaking to a woodland animal that he's worried will get spooked and scamper off.
I shake my head. "They released me last night...This morning? I dunno, time's been weird lately."
"Have...Have you been standing outside the Precinct this entire time? Did you even go home?" He spoke quickly, concern builds up in his worn features and overtakes the exhaustion in his voice.
"I did!" I snap back before quickly adjusting my volume. "I went home and took a shower, changed clothes, ate some food...the usual. I would've slept but I saw that you left a message, but when I tried to call you back your voicemail was full. Figured if I waited here you'd show up eventually." I finish, my hands wringing together as if I were trying to strain all the moisture out of a damp towel. I was hoping the friction would warm my numb fingers a little bit, but it didn't do as much as I was hoping for.
"And...why didn't you wait inside the station?" He spoke with a rather pertinent suspicion.
"The doors are locked! I tried knocking but nobody answered!" I replied sharply; still upset that I had to wait outside, all alone, in the cold, for like two hours. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, my hands migrating up to my lips where I began gnawing on the tiny bit of fingernails I still have yet to tear through with my teeth.
"What do you mean nobody answered?" His exasperation quickly changed into borderline anger.
"I-... " I paused, unable to reply because of how taken aback I was at his shift in tone.
"There's officers assigned for the night shift. To my knowledge nothing happened to them, they should be here. Are you sure the door is locked?" He spoke in a serious voice as he shoved a hand into his jacket pocket and fished out a key ring with way too many keys on it.
"Oh, yeah. It's totally open and I'm just choosing to stand out here because I want to."
"Now's not the time for your sass, Miss O'Marrow." The older man huffed as he flipped through his excessive amount of keys and stuck a golden one into the double doors. The mechanism unlatched from the inside and suddenly this impassable obstacle was wide open and easy to access.
I darted inside to let the heat seep into my bones. The feeling of my skin finally thawing out was a welcome one. Chief Harris followed in swiftly behind me. He closed the door as he went, so that no more of the dreaded cold seeped into the building. He absentmindedly removed his large overcoat and passed it over to me. I accepted it and quickly cocooned myself within.
"Stay here in the lobby, Miss O'Marrow, it could be dangerous." The Chief instructed, a heavy weight in his words. A part of me still wanted to argue with him about the whole situation, but I knew now wasn't the time. He can listen to me whine later. I walked over to the nearest chair and jumped up onto the seat. With me in my proper place, the Chief began his search through the precinct. He walked carefully, but with haste. It seems there was much more going on in his mind than he was letting me in on.
I stayed in the uncomfortable plastic chair I've now perched myself upon, watching his form move deeper into the darker parts of the building. At this point I was focusing more on bringing warmth back into my skin rather than any mysteries currently developing. However, a moment or two after Chief Harris vanished from view I could hear his voice rumbling from one of the offices, presumably past the threshold of the initial welcome area. I couldn't see the Chief, but boy could I hear him. The word 'loud' was an understatement. I had been planning on eavesdropping, but it seems like I didn't need to worry about that anymore. I could hear just about every word he said.
"Corporal Lamont. Sergeant Farmer. You better have a very good reason as to the state of this precinct."
"Chief Harris!" A new voice exclaimed, clearly startled and floundering for an explanation. It was that of a man, he sounded younger than the Chief, but older than me. If I had to guess, he sounded like he was in his early 20's. He reminded me of those really skittish and squirmy guys, the ones who always come off as shady no matter what they do.
"Sir, we can explain. It wasn't that big of a deal, we were just-"
"Not a big deal?" Chief Harris interrupted the second officer, his voice ringing out indignantly. He sounded rather offended by the careless attitude of the man. The second officer sounded a little closer to the Chief's age, mid 30's at least. He sounded much more apathetic than the first officer, maybe he was tired of this job and looking for an excuse to get canned.
"The station was inactive, the doors were locked, and the pair of you were away from your posts! Were you aware there was someone just outside the doors, trying to get your attention? Thankfully it wasn't an emergency, but heaven forbid there was a life in danger that you both were choosing to ignore! Your negligence would've resulted in serious harm, that blood would be on your hands! I don't think you understand the severity here! I could have your badges for this!" The Chief roared, his voice reminding me of a mountain lion.
"No, Sir! Please, we can explain! The evidence cabinet-one of the locks is busted! We were just making sure nothing was missing!" The first officer cried out like a child trying to defend their actions.
"Sergeant Farmer, lower your voice. You are an officer of the law, one would hope you can explain the situation calmly." Chief Harris snapped, and I heard the first officer swiftly apologize. Chief, you were just yelling! You can't scream at people then say "Talk like an adult".
I feel my eyes roll into the back of my head.
"I understand that you were simply checking the evidence cabinet to ensure it was just a faulty lock and not a break-in. But this scenario still doesn't explain why the doors were locked!"
"It felt really fishy, y'know? We both had a bad feeling about it, but we weren't sure if our imaginations were running wild or if there really was something weird. We wanted to investigate a little before we called you in, but I guess we lost track of time." The second officer chimed in once again. His words were pretty believable, but his tone immediately made me suspicious of his claims.
"Why. Were. The. Front. Doors. Locked?" I could feel Chief Harris' blood pressure rising from over here, he sure sounded mad. Hope these officers are able to talk themselves out of trouble.
"That-!...That was my fault, Chief. I forgot to unlock them when we clocked in. We came in from the back." The Sergeant replied, sounding rather meek and ashamed of himself. Maybe he was still kinda new to the night shift or something? He seemed a little inexperienced. Chief Harris sighed heavily with disappointment. I could tell he was frustrated by the sheer inadequacy of the other officers.
I just hope for the sake of everyone these two are outliers and not a showcase of the entire precinct's capability.
"You two are so lucky I have more pressing matters right now. If there wasn't someone waiting to have a meeting with me at the moment, I'd have both your heads. For now, I'll leave it as a slap on the wrist. Sergeant, you go to the evidence locker and finish up there. Corporal, you better be stationed out front by the time I'm done with my meeting. I want a full report of tonight's events on my desk before the morning shift comes to relieve you both." Chief Harris finished talking, and suddenly it was silent, save for the sound of his boots echoing off the tiled floor. His footsteps grew closer to me, and out of the darkness I could see his figure slowly emerging back into my vision.
Finally.
He didn't say a word to me, just gestured to follow. I obliged, hopping off the hard plastic seat and shuffling behind him. After many long and barren hallways decorated by really ugly carpeting, I got an accidental jumpscare from the motion-sensing lights turning on. Eventually, we were inside the Chief's office. He gestured for me to take the -thankfully padded- seat in front of his desk. I obliged.
You'd think the Chief of police would have a more ornate desk, or even a bigger one. But no, his was rather small, it might've been the same size as the one I have in my room now that I think about it. It looked cheap and was completely covered in papers, files, and various other messy things I couldn't make out in the rubbage.
He plops down in a rather rickety chair, one that squeaked with each move he made. He removed his fur-lined cap and placed it atop one of the precariously stacked mountains of paper. He slouched in his chair, already looking tired and ready to go home even though he literally just walked in the door. The sight before me made me realize just how little funding this station got. It almost made me feel bad for pestering the guy.
Almost.
"Miss O'Marrow." He spoke with a heavy resignation in his throat. Fingers pinched the bridge of his nose as he settled for the interaction we're about to have.
"What?" I pipe up, indignantly, somewhat forgetting why I even came here in the first place. My tone had a bit more snark than I was intending. My arms wrap around my body, both as a comfort and as a means to further expel the cold. Even with the Chief's jacket, my hands still felt numb. It wasn't until I started blowing hot breaths into my hands again did the Chief fully realize the state I was in.
"...Are you wearing shorts and a t-shirt? In this weather?" He spoke with a familiar exhaustion, as if the situation was getting worse with each passing moment he spent talking with me.
"Blame the weatherman! HE said it would be warm today..." I mutter, crossing my arms to better show my displeasure, and also hide my slight embarrassment.
"Miss O'Marrow..." He speaks my name in a pitiful sigh. His expression looked almost guilty, as if he were the reason for the state I was in. Well, he was but he must've only just realized it.
A soft break in conversation leaves just a little too much quiet between us. Chief Haris rubs the back of his neck and begins gently speaking without looking at me, as though he were just speaking his thoughts aloud rather than to me directly.
"When I left you that message I didn't expect to find you shivering outside my precinct. If I had known you'd go to such great lengths, I would've waited."
My head bobs to the side as I shoot him a small glare, messy blonde hair falls over my face in thin strands that partially obscure my vision. I lift a hand up and begin untangling the many knots, deciding that deserved more attention than his remark.
"I know how worried you are, I really do. That's why I called you in the first place. But you cannot brush aside your own health just for the sake of finding one person-"
"They'd do the same for me!" I shout, slamming my hands on his rickety old desk. My chest was throbbing with emotions I didn't want to acknowledge yet. I avoided being home so that I didn't have to feel this way!
"That's not the issu-" He begins, only to be drowned out by my voice.
"SHUT IT! Okay?! I get it!" I cry out in frustration. My head drops, unruly blonde hair covering my face like a sheet. I heave, trying to wrangle this awful ache in my chest. I slowly lean back, returning to my chair. My fingers absently pick at the raw and almost bleeding flesh on my hands, a means to compose myself.
Chief waits until I'm settled, just quietly waiting until I'm ready.
"Sweet-tooth has been my best friend since middle school. They've gotten me out of trouble time and time again. They're resilient, I know that. They just...They looked so scared that day, and I got freaked out. I didn't mean to freeze up, but I did. Before I knew it I was waking up in some hospital bed, with no word on where they might be. Who knows what was happening to them during that. Do you know how frustrating that is?! Sitting and doing nothing while someone you care about is in danger!"
He leaned back in his chair, the frame squeaking with his weight. He didn't say anything else, just listened quietly. I let out a heavy breath and continued.
"I feel guilty. I'm the one who dragged them into those woods in the first place. They got taken because of me! And I know the odds, I'm not dumb. Chances of coming back alive after 48 hours are 'slim to none' which basically means zero! I was the last person to see them, I've gotta have more information but that night is so fuzzy! There's gotta be some kind of clue, I just can't remember!" I glare down at the hideous carpet, my hands tugging at unbrushed hair. Teeth gnaw on the inside of my cheek as a distraction from the hot tears running down my face.
"I know they're still alive. I know they're still out there, that they're fighting tooth and nail to come back. And I know that they need help! I want to do everything in my power to bring them back, and I will do it! Don't tell me I have to give up on them, especially when I'm confident they're still fighting right now!"
There was a long pause. My face burned as I stared down the old man. He had this look of guilty familiarity about him. He stayed quiet, patiently listening to me spill my guts. Perhaps he didn't realize just how much fire I had burning inside. He gave me a slow nod of surrender.
"You're right, I shouldn't have been pushing you so hard to give up. You're a lot bolder than I expected, I shouldn't have underestimated you. I wish I had more to give you, but there really is nothing new in the case that I can share, Miss O'Marrow." He spoke slowly with a false composure. His hand clenched around the arms of his seat, his fingers digging into the caramel-colored leather. I suppose something I said got under his skin.
"Adiyiah. My name's Adiyah, not 'Miss O'Marrow'." I correct sharply, a hand flashing up to my face to wipe away a few frustration tears.
"Right, Adiyiah." He corrects, pushing a tissue box over to me. I take a few sheets and pat my face dry, feeling a little better that I finally got some of that out. I lift my eyes just in time to catch Chief Harris eyeing me solemnly.
"These things take time, effort, and manpower. I've already got most of my men working themselves to exhaustion, either questioning the camp attendants, searching the wooded areas with help from Rangers and Volunteers, looking into any and all leads -no matter how minor or inconsequential they might be-." He paused, took in a deep breath, let out a heavy sigh, and continued "There's nothing more I can do right now. I'm sorry, I really am." His voice was soft, sincere. I could tell that he desperately wanted answers as much as I did, but evidence just wasn't on his side. I know I should be giving him more slack, he's just a guy doing his job. He's not even the one who kidnapped them! In fact, he's actively trying his best to make sure my friend gets found.
I let out a slow, shaky breath to compose myself. I pull my knees up to my chest and just feel myself rise and deflate as I take in air and release it. I sat quietly for a moment, listening to my heart pounding in my ears.
"...Thank you for trying so hard anyway. And I'm sorry for hounding you like this. I just don't know what to do. I miss them so much." I look down at my hands, my face feeling hot again. Red spots dot my fingers and palms from where I've been picking at the skin, a bad habit I developed as a kid. Over the years I've been able to break it for the most part. Now it only flares back up when I get really stressed out, so I guess it makes sense that this is the worst it's ever been.
He was very quiet for a while, the tension building up in the air around us. Until, finally, he broke it.
"Why do you call them 'Sweet-Tooth'?"
"Oh...It's a nickname I gave them a long time ago. One time they ate so much Halloween candy that they threw up in a bush. After that, they couldn't stand sweets, and avoided candy for like, half a year. I started calling them Sweet-tooth to tease 'em about it." I reply, solemnly. The memory used to crack me up everytime, but now it's got a bittersweet air. "They hated it." I hung my head quietly, trying not to let the sadness overtake me.
"Huh." Chief Harris replied bluntly. He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment before quickly shaking the thoughts away. He then decided to get the conversation back on track.
"You said you might have clues buried in your memories somewhere. Maybe some sleep will help drudge up some answers." He spoke calmly as he leaned forward in his seat. "Go home, eat, sleep. You've just gotten out of the hospital, but if you keep going like this you'll end up right back in."
I nodded, my head hanging. Maybe he's right. All I've been doing is rushing from one place to another. I do feel like I'm running on empty. Sweets always told me to take care of myself, so of course once they're gone I come entirely unraveled.
"Okay." I respond in a breathy haze. I straighten myself out and brush aside the loose strands of hair falling into my face like spiderwebs. I take a deep breath and push myself out of my seat, Chief Harris stands up with me and gestures to the door, clearly intending to walk me out.
"Do you need a ride home?" he asks, trailing behind me. I shake my head, already fishing through my pocket for my phone. I stop for a moment and begin removing the Chief's heavy jacket, but he swiftly puts a hand on my shoulder to stop me.
"You hold onto that for me, I've got another in my car." I nod as we arrive back at the precinct lobby. Just like ordered, that one officer was stationed up front. He looked a little dead behind the eyes, and now that I can actually see him, he really looked like he didn't wanna be here.
"Are you sure you don't need anything else? Why don't you at least wait inside for your ride?" Chief Harris asks, his voice one of worry, like a father fretting over his daughter. I shrug him away, once again denying his help. I've bothered the man enough for one night.
"I've got it covered, thanks. And I'd like to be alone to think for a minute. I won't go far, I'll make sure he can still see me." I say, pointing at the apparent Corporal. I guess Chief Harris realized this was as good as he'd get out of me and he quickly stopped his nagging.
"If you say so. Just please be safe, it's still dark out." And with one final warning the Chief turned on his heels and took off back to his office. I was left standing beside the double doors, that one officer lazily kept an eye on me.
I step outside and plop myself on the curb. The cold seeps into me again so I zip up Harris' big jacket and tuck my knees inside, thoroughly getting swallowed by the excessive fabric. My fingers scroll through a list of my contacts until I find the name I wanted. Once I hit the dial button I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder so that I could slip my hands back into the warmth of the jacket. The phone continued to ring and ring, to the point that I worried there wouldn't be an answer. Right when I was about to give up and try someone else, the other end finally picked up.
"Uhnn...Yea?" The voice was slow and groggy. I shouldn't be surprised, though, I am calling at the crack of dawn. I feel so bad for waking him up, but I don't want to be alone and he's the one I want to see most.
"Hey, Cay. Sorry, did I wake you up?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer was 'yes'.
"Nah, it's cool. What's up? Everything okay?" His sleepy voice told me he was still drifting somewhere between sweet slumber and the waking world, despite denying it.
"Yea, I just...This might be a bad time but can you pick me up?" I ask, picking at my fingernails from inside my jacket cocoon.
"From the Hospital? They're letting you out?" His tone shifted from sleepy to excited in the span of a breath. Somebody's happy at the prospect of my release. I couldn't help the smile tugging at the corners of my lips. That sinking regret which has been plaguing me has fluttered away.
"Well...Yes and no. They let me out earlier, but I'm not at the hospital. I'm at the Police Station."
"Did something happen?" Panic quickly overcast the excitement in his voice.
"No! Nonono!" I spit out, trying to keep him from jumping into a panic. "I was just talking to the Chief. I wanted to touch base with him again...Y'know, see if there was anything I could do to help the investigation along."
There was a short pause on the other end -as if he were thinking- a second later he spoke up again.
"What'd he say?"
"He told me to go home and sleep."
"Smart man." He blurted out quickly, the quiet sound of him smacking a hand over his mouth told me he didn't even mean to say that little slip of the tongue.
"Oh, shut up!" I snap before falling into a short bout of giggles, which he quickly joined in on. We laughed together for a moment. When the giggling died down I found myself holding the phone a little closer than usual, to better hear his voice. I spoke softly into the screen, "Think I can stay the night? ....I don't wanna go home." My smile faded as I remembered the chaotic state of my household. Everytime I'm home I feel like I'm suffocating.
Cayden paused, my serious tone clearly making him contemplate my words with extra care. "Sure. Let me put some pants on and I'll be there in ten." He spoke up with an upbeat, jovial tone. I knew immediately that he was trying to take some stress off of me by making everything feel lighter than it actually was. It helped. I was excited to spend time with him again. Especially since our interactions have been limited by the hospital's visiting hours.
I gave a quick 'I love you', to which he responded with cartoonish kissy noises. I giggled. He gave an honest 'I love you' in return before hanging up the phone. Once the conversation was over, I pulled the phone from between my ear and shoulder, knees tucking further into my rib cage.
While I waited, I looked through Sweet's contact information on my phone. Before I knew it, I was scrolling through my text messages and reading our old conversations. A creeping sense of sadness worked its way into my chest as I read each little comment they made.
I guess I haven't really taken a minute to think about everything. How much I really miss them, the night they vanished, and how I remember so little of the details about it. Everyone tells me that I have to take time to grieve, but I don't want to grieve someone who isn't gone. Maybe I don't want to accept the fact that I've possibly lost the best friend I've ever had. Maybe I don't want to acknowledge that I'm basically the reason they're gone. I won't accept they're dead until they bring me a body. My eyes burned as I thought more and more about how much I missed them. My face burned as tears built up, making my vision go fuzzy. I don't want to think about losing someone who means everything to me.
I quickly shook the thoughts away, banishing them from my mind. No! I refuse to think like that! Sweets is alive and I'm going to see them again.
As I was getting lost in thought, a familiar car pulled up and parked in front of me. I took a quick second to flick away the wetness from my eyes before the windows rolled down. Cayden stuck his head out and called for me through the window, his nut colored hair sticking up in every direction.
"Nice bedhead." I tease, putting on my best 'I totally wasn't crying just now' voice while pushing myself off the pavement. I dug my hands into the jacket pockets and stepped up to the door. He gave me a quick once over before meeting my eye and staring blankly.
"Why aren't you wearing pants, Adiyiah? It's under 20° right now." He groaned as I opened the door.
"I got a jacket." I stated dully while sliding into the seat. Cayden immediately rolled up all the windows and started blasting the heat. I could feel the frost melting off my bones. I slumped down in the seat and kicked my feet up onto the dashboard, feeling like this was the first time I've actually been able to relax since I woke up in that hospital.
"Yeah, you obviously bummed it off a cop. Why didn't you bring your own?"
"The weatherman said it'd be warm!! Why is everyone so hung up about my outfit?!" I cried out, suddenly feeling heat rise to my cheeks. God, I have a flock of dads out here!
"Okay first off, if you listened to the weatherman on channel 6 it's your fault cause he's an idiot. And B, You literally just got out of the hospital; Why is it that the first thing you do is go running around in the dark? You're gonna make all my hair turn gray before I'm 30!"
"Well excuuuse me for not taking the time to look through multiple sources and fact check the damn weather before going down to the police station to inquire about my missing friend. I'll be more careful the next time someone gets kidnapped." I shoot back with a salty glare.
He paused for a moment before responding with a faint "...Ok, fair." I huffed and crossed my arms in bitter victory.
"I'm still worried. You should've called me right when you got out." He began again, changing the conversation off of Sweet-Tooth (much to my relief-).
"I know, I just-! I wanted to be alone for a bit... Everyone at home is constantly prodding and hovering, I can barely even use the bathroom without someone checking in. It's suffocating, Cay!" I whine, letting myself lose some of the control I've been forcing myself to keep, now that I was with someone I really trusted.
He glanced at me from the corner of his eye.
"Oh, Adi..." His voice got real soft and low, you know that tone and expression you get when you're looking at a sick puppy. Yeah, that. I hate that.
"Do not look at me like that, Cayden." I growl, my anger bubbling up into my stomach again. He snapped his head back towards the road with a panicked look. I stay all puffed up and angry for a moment as I burn a hole in the side of his head. Then, while studying his face, I slowly deflate; releasing all of my tension. I adjust how I'm sitting so that my feet are on the floor, head hanging.
"I know you're worried. So if you wanna make me feel better just act normal, okay? I can't stand all this damn tiptoeing." I began softly, breaking the tension I had just created. Cayden cautiously glances over at me, curiously eyeing me like he was trying to take a look inside my brain. With a nudge of his elbow and a point of his chin, he urges me to continue. I let out a heavy sigh and obliged.
"Everyone treats me so differently all of a sudden. Everywhere I turn someone's looking at me like I'm gonna break or fall apart. I hate it! I'm not some frightened child who can't find their mommy! Everybody's saying how I went through something terrible and that they're so sorry for my loss, and everytime I wanna punch them in the face!!" My fingers tighten around the fabric of my shorts, my head hanging and teeth grinding against my jaw.
Cayden grunted in acknowledgement. He stretched one of his hands out to me, offering to let me hold it. I wrap both hands around his, feeling the smooth skin of his fingers.
"Sweet-tooth isn't dead." I whisper, more to myself than to him. I can feel it. I won't give up so easily. They've been right beside me through thick and thin, through everything. Now it's my turn to return the favor. So, until I see their body in a casket, I'll continue living each day like there's still hope.
I slouched down in the seat. My forehead pressed against his hand, the vibrating of the car making the world as scattered as my thoughts. I clung to his warmth, as if I would freeze without it. There was a very long pause after that. I guess he was thinking of what to say next.
After a moment of apparent thought, he spoke up.
"You got hurt, though. I mean, you had a concussion and were kinda on the verge of slipping into a coma for a day or two. I understand your side, of course. But y'know... There's a legit reason why people are worried. You know it's because of how much we love you." He spoke gently, but matter-of-factly.
Ugh, I hate it when he's right.
"I just want you to be the one thing that's still normal. Something needs to stay the same while the rest of my world falls apart, okay? Can you do that for me, Cay?"
Cayden gave a faint "...Alright." before going quiet and turning his attention back to the road. There was a short beat of pause, before he piped up again. "If that's the case, put your seatbelt on." He spoke out smugly.
I shot him a glare that quickly melted into a smile. I reached back and pulled the seat belt over my torso. Good, he gets it.
Once the banter was over I pulled my knees to my chest and curled up in a tight little ball, one hand still clinging onto Cay's. The cold had long since slithered away, and my new position was done more out of comfort than anxiety. I found myself dozing off with the soft hum of the engine. Cayden and I sat in silence for the remainder of the ride, and at some point I must've dozed off because I awoke to someone gently shaking me awake.
"Hey, Adi?"
I responded with a groan, one that said 'wake me up later'. He let out a soft little laugh before shaking me again.
"You hungry?" He asked, one hand reaching up to softly pinch my cheek. He let out a rumble of laughter when my eyes shot open. I sat up like a prairie dog on alert. The rumbling from my stomach gave him all the answers he needed.
"C'mon in then, Momma has leftovers." He spoke with a smile as he nodded towards the house.
I jolt out of my seat immediately, barely having time to unbuckle my seatbelt. Cayden's mom is unbelievable in the kitchen, I'll eat literally anything she puts in front of me.
The woman's a culinary Goddess.
"Why didn't you say that earlier?!" I holler as I dart up the driveway, a fumbling Cayden chasing after me.
As soon as we step through the door my nose is bombarded with a smell that turns the reserved rumbling in my stomach into a growling demon. The air smelled of rice and savory meat. I clasp my hands around my gut, embarrassed by the sound. Cayden lets out a sharp laugh before quickly covering his lips with a hand, so as not to wake the other residents inside.
"Good thing Momma wasn't awake to hear that." He snickers before leading me to the kitchen, despite my familiarity with every inch of this house. My mouth waters the closer we get, the aroma of meat and veggies making my head spin from hunger. Cayden grabs a bowl out of the cupboard and hands it to me.
I wiggle up to the crockpot, crack the lid, and feel my knees buckle at the sight. Rich brown broth, boiled potatoes and carrots sliced into bite sized chunks, and a mountain of fluffy rice beckoning me over from the rice cooker. Cay must've turned it all on again when he got my call.
I feel like I'm gonna swoon. Both from the food and from my loving boyfriend.
I grab the ladle and start shoveling piles of meat and veggies into my bowl, enough to make a professional quarterback's portion size look like a mere snack. I bounce over to the table and start devouring my meal. The sheer number of spices make my taste buds sing out in gratitude that bland hospital food is a thing of the past now. Cayden walks up and sits next to me, a much more reasonable amount of food on his plate.
"Didn't you eat already?" I ask through a mouthful of rice. I scarf down another spoonful before I even finish talking.
"Watching you eat made me hungry again. And chew your food before you start talking, ya nasty." His nose scrunches up when a pile of rice falls out of my mouth and splats down onto the table. But the look of disgust didn't come until after I scooped that same half-chewed morsel off the table with my fingers and shoved it back into my mouth.
"You're so gross!" He laughed, sliding a stack of napkins over to me.
"No time for manners, too hungry." I gasped out before choosing to inhale food rather than air.
"Don't let Momma hear you say that. She'll bust out the spoon." He made a backhanded slapping motion as he spoke, It was mostly said jokingly, but I knew. His mom did indeed have a certain kind of intimidation. I would not put it past her to actually have a "wackin' spoon". I was just lucky enough to never have seen it.
"When you're done eating do you wanna watch a movie, or go right to bed?" Cayden asked between bites. I perked up in my chair and quickly swallowed a mouthful of food that I probably should've chewed a little longer. Being stuck in that hospital meant there were always either really old sitcoms or news channels playing on repeat. Playing on my phone didn't even help the numbing effect those tvs gave me.
"Oh my god, please let me watch a movie! I've been bored out of my mind!" I shot out of my chair and nearly ran to the living room. Cayden lazily followed after me, his plate of food balanced in one hand as he shuffled over. He plopped onto the couch next to me like a sack of potatoes. I scooted myself closer, letting my body steal some of his warmth. He turns some random movie on, but I find myself unable to focus on the story. My mind wanders between everything and nothing. It starts with nonsensical things; like what I'll eat tomorrow and how warm Cay is. But it quickly dives deep into more pressing matters; like Chief Harris and Sweets.
I know he said there wasn't much we could do right now, but there's gotta be something I can help with. My best friend in the entire world is going through hell and back, and I'm just standing around with my thumb up my ass. I've gotta do more. Get the word out somehow.
"Cayden?" I pipe up, my voice breaking out over the dull hum of dialogue from the tv.
"Mmm?" His response was less of a genuine reply and more of a half-sleeping grunt of acknowledgment.
"Will you help me make missing posters tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow, yes. Now, no. Go to sleep." He reached over and pulled my head against his chest. He buried his head into my hair, and for the first time since I woke up in the hospital, I really felt how tired I was. Within the next few minutes I was unconscious.
----
The sharp sound of my phone ringing jolted me awake. I groggily fumbled around on the seat beside me. Once I had the phone in my hand I checked to see if it was a number I knew. It was Chief Harris. I jolted up and immediately answered the phone.
"Hello? Chief Harris? What is it?"
"Adiyiah, I need you to come to the station right now. Something happened." His voice sounded urgent. I gave a quick 'okay!' before hanging up the phone and slapping Cayden awake.
We were out the door in minutes.
We drove down to the station in silence. I stared down at my phone's lock screen. It was a picture of me and Sweet-tooth, taken a while ago at one of those pop-up carnivals. We had just gotten off one of the big spinning rides when the picture was taken. My hair was an absolute mess, and they looked seconds away from barfing. I smiled at the memory, an even stronger conviction to find my friend welling up inside me.
When we pulled up to the station I darted for the door before Cayden even stopped the car. He shouted as he chased after me, trying to tell me to slow down. I ignored him and burst through the big double doors, head on a swivel for one man in particular. I barely made it three feet inside before I started shouting for Chief Harris. It was at this point that Cayden finally caught up, looking rather frantic as he chased behind me.
An officer tried to hold me back, but was quickly shooed away by Harris, who emerged out of nowhere.
I ran up to him, but he swiftly shot a hand up to silence me. He pointed to me, then to Cay, and gestured for us both to follow him. We walked in silence, all the way through the precinct, until we finally stopped at his office. It wasn't until Cayden and I were seated, and the door was locked, that Harris so much as made a sound.
"Your friend had a bag with them the night they went missing, yes?" Chief Harris asked urgently, not even bothering to greet us. I nodded swiftly, a little confused by where he was going.
"It's gone missing."