A/N
In case you weren't already aware, I'm trying to name most of these chapters after songs x'D The lyrics don't apply to the chapters, but they're song titles and I wanna take this up as some kind of challenge >:D
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
But anyhoo, ya this chapter's up quick but meh... I got bored :3 Soooo
Enjoy the chapter ^^
Peace out, my lovely peeps!XxX
(Also the song linked is by my favorite YouTube singer, Natewantstobattle and I just love this version of the song way too much <3)
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Staggering back with a sharp gasp, I find myself colliding with Mephisto's desk, which I grip onto with such a force, I manage to crush the wood completely, the splinters littering my palm whilst I struggle to hold in a scream. My eye... It's just like Shoki's! Does that mean... Does that mean I've become what she is?! Did me taking her organs and blood change me into a ghoul?! This doesn't make any sense!
"But I'm not... I-I can't be! I'M NOT!" I cry out, my eyes beading with fearful tears whilst my hands just tremble uncontrollably, my entire body shivering with terror towards what I've just seen. "There's no way," I whimper, not breaking my eyes away from my petrified reflection and the single ghoul eye that glares back at me, as if it's taunting me. Mocking me.
Unable to take it any more, before Mephisto can even hope to try and calm me down, I'm out of his office in a heartbeat, my legs carrying me through the hallways of True Cross at such a fast pace, all that surrounds me is jumbled blurs. Above my panting, I hear ominous thunder start to roll overhead when I finally break outside, already burning up and out of breath. But I still push myself, ignoring the dizziness that I'm beginning to feel from the lack of nutrition that I've had during the month that I've been in a coma. The month I spent changing into even more of a monster than I already am.
Only when rain starts lashing down from the sky in freezing veils of water do I realize that my cheeks are already sodden from my own tears, both the warm and cold liquids mixing together to completely soak my features in a sorrowful, silver hue. Despite the weather deciding to attack me head-on, I pump my legs to go faster, desperate to escape from here and the truth that awaits me at every mirror. From now on, I never want to see my reflection again. I don't think I'd be able to bear the torture.
In all honesty, I don't know where I'm going in the slightest; the storm's blinding me as it teams up with my tears to completely obscure my vision, though I still keep running, as if I'll escape the truth if I do. As another rumble rolls overhead, I flinch a little since my head is already pounding without the addition of any other sounds, the clapping of the thunder tearing through my skull.
Eventually, my legs start going rigid, desperate for rest whilst my body aches with exhaustion, begging me for just a second to stop and catch my breath. The second I notice the pain of the ringing tightness that constricts my limbs, I collapse to my knees, my jeans instantly becoming sodden from the rainwater that's pooled on the ground surrounding me. I must be in the town; there's the feeling of solid cobbles below my legs, which complain about the exertion that I've put them through, though I'm focusing more on the way that my heart seems to contract with every breath I draw.
"Why me? Why did this happen to me? My life has always been hell from the second I was born. So why...? WHY WAS I TURNED INTO A GHOUL?!" I scream into the storm, nothing but a flash of lightening cracking open the midnight sky in an ivory streak replying to me, though I'm too absorbed in my own sobs to acknowledge it, my emotions tearing into thousands of pieces within the space of just a few seconds. I just don't understand. It's not fair! It wasn't enough that I had to be the freaking son of Satan; I'm being punished again for a crime that I didn't commit. "What did I do wrong?" I whimper, hanging my head so that one of my tears can shatter against the puddle of silver that I'm kneeling in, appearing as broken as I feel inside.
"You did nothing wrong. Fate's just a cruel force that enjoys ripping lives apart," a voice responds, my head snapping up instantly whilst a gasp catches in my throat, my gaze falling upon the slender figure that stands before me, his features smudged by my tears. Swallowing, I grit my teeth, getting to my feet and turning my back to him; I can't let him pity me. I don't want to be treated like I'm broken, even if that's exactly what I am.
"Leave me alone," I growl with hostility thick in my tone, tightening my hands into fists, though they weakly tremble from both the way that my body's shaking and the cold that's lashing at me in silver bullets that rain down from the sky.
"I can help you," he says softly, urging me to mechanically turn around, my glare fixing with his face as I brush the tears from my eyes, allowing me to study him a little better. And the first thing I notice is his snowy-white hair, matching up to the description that Mephisto gave me of the stranger that took me back to True Cross. Despite what's happened to me, without him, I'd be dead. But now I'm a ghoul; a vile creature who's only able to consume human flesh in order to satisfy its hunger.
"I don't need your help!" I spit, the guy before me not even flinching in the slightest, as if he expected me to lash out. How the fuck would he be able to do anything?! He can't possibly understand how this feels. Without verbally replying, he brings up his hand, sliding it under the eye patch that's fixed over his left eye, tugging it away from his face to reveal what lies underneath. And, when he does, I feel a lump form in my throat when I'm met with what I saw in my reflection, his eye exactly how mine looked. Is he... Is he like me?
"You're hungry, aren't you?" He suddenly asks, my nerves going rigid whilst I bite down on my lip, trying to ignore the empty growling of my stomach that's screaming 'yes' at me. However, I keep my mouth shut, refusing to answer as I look away. "You don't have to lie to me. It's clear from the way your kakugan's active that you're craving flesh," he explains, my eyebrows furrowing into a frown at his words. Kakugan? What the heck's that?!
"Who the hell are you?" I inquire in a harsh voice, narrowing my eyes as he extends a hand towards me, smiling softly as he treats me exactly how I don't want him to. Like I'm nothing more than a shattered child.
"My name's Kaneki. And I wanna help you," he murmurs kindly, my eyes flickering between his hand and his now silver-coloured eyes, the element that gave away what he really is cloaking itself from view. I want to feel surprised that that's possible, however, I suspected nothing of Shoki when she first asked me to help her. She just seemed like an sweet, innocent girl. That's the last time I make that mistake again.
"I'm not gonna hold your hand!" I protest, throwing my head to the side with a pout, sternly folding my arms whilst Kaneki gently chuckles, pushing his wet hair away from his eyes so that he can see, though some of it gets tangled on his eyelashes. Damn... They're long.
"Whatever you prefer. But you're going to need to eat," he explains, my heart instantly going hollow as he does; I know what he's inferring. I'm a ghoul now. All I can eat is...
"No. I won't-"
"-You don't have to kill anyone."
"That's not the point! I can't eat a human! It's wrong! It's disgusting!" I argue, the perfectly timed thunder growling over my head as if in agreement, my teeth gritting together in defiance. There's no way I'm going to eat human flesh. I don't care if I go hungry. I don't care if it kills me! I'm not doing it.
"If you don't, you'll starve. And, from experience, it's agony. But it doesn't matter how strong your will is; eventually, you'll crack. Wouldn't you rather eat now knowing you're not hurting anyone or lose it and kill an innocent person?" Why does he have to know how to get through to me after only seconds of knowing me? I don't care about myself, however, when innocent people get involved, I can't just allow them to get hurt. And, if he's telling the truth, then a day will come when I won't be able to control myself. With a heavy heart, I swallow a deep breath before fixing my eyes with his.
"Alright."
"No way, Kaneki," I hiss at him after we stop at where he's led me to, being a place that I can barely look at without having my internal organs squirm uncomfortably, shivers racing up my spine since my nerves are tingling with a horrible feeling that I don't appreciate at all. Lying before us, littered on the ground like a rag doll, is the body of a young girl, probably around my age, her chocolate hair fanning around her head in a puddle of chestnut that stains the floor, though blood oozes from her skull. Placing my knuckles to my lips, I shake my head, backing away a little. "I can't. I-I just can't," I whimper, my arms staring to tremble a little as my eyes refuse to break away from her lifeless ones, which are staring off in front of her with a dead gaze that turns my stomach.
"I know it's awful, but you have to." Though Kaneki's trying to ease me into this whole ghoul thing, I can't help but oppose this idea. It's just wrong; her body doesn't deserve to be ripped apart by my teeth! How the heck can I just feed off of her flesh and then proceed to act as if it's perfectly normal?! After a slight pause, I turn away, shaking my head.
"No. I can't do it," I state solidly, curling my hands into fists until my nails are digging into my palms, causing an ache to run up to my wrist as I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to do anything I can to avoid looking at her again. I don't care if she's already dead. I don't care if it'll satisfy this hunger that's tugging at my insides to the point where it physically hurts. I won't eat her flesh.
"Fine. If you won't do it, then I'll just have to give you a little push," Kaneki growls, clearly irritated by my stubbornness already, which I can't blame him for. Still, I act as if I didn't hear him, holding my ground as I work on keeping my resolve strong, even though I'm slightly intimidated. Just how does he plan to do that? "Just don't spit it out," he then orders, causing me to be unable to hold this ignorant pose any longer. Frowning, I go to turn back to him, opening my mouth to ask him just what the neck he's talking about. However, before I can, I suddenly feel his lips locking with my own, a startled whimper coming from me as he presses our mouths together.
Instantly, my heart pounds furiously, my hands instinctively gripping onto his shoulders as I allow my mouth to open a little, accepting the kiss. But the second I do, I feel liquid snake onto my tongue, the metallic essence that partners blood lacing over my taste-buds.
Knowing that I'm going to try and break away to spit it out before I can consume any of the blood that Kaneki's forcing into my mouth, most likely stolen from the corpse of the girl, his hands clamp around my arms, preventing me from going anywhere at all. He's not letting me go until I accept the blood, is he? Squeezing my eyes shut and grasping onto Kaneki's shirt, my hands bundling into fists, I reluctantly swallow, feeling the crimson liquid swirl down my throat. It's cold. Blood isn't supposed to be cold.
Once he's sure that I've consumed it all, Kaneki finally breaks away, leaving me gasping for breath whilst I rub my wrist against my mouth, feeling the wetness that rests below my bottom lip. And, though I try to, I can't hold in the terrified gasp that hitches in my throat when my eyes lock with the ruby substance that stains the skin of my hand. However, though I expect to be repulsed, I feel warmth in my stomach, eagerness causing me to connect my eyes with the body of the girl whilst a certain desire gradually takes over me. Her blood... Why did it taste so good?
Not being able to help myself, I sink my teeth into her arm, tearing through her flesh with unbelievable ease until chunks are coming away each time I rip away at the limb. And, once my mouth's full, blood leaking down the side of my face from the corner of my lip, I swallow the chunk of flesh, not hesitating in taking another bite. And another. And another. Why do I find it so satisfying? Why is her flesh making me feel stronger? "Better?" Kaneki questions softly, his breathing still a little heavy whilst he works his tongue over his lips, removing any of the blood that stains it whilst I just let it drip freely down my face.
"Much," I reply after swallowing the final hunk of flesh that I'm willing to eat, pulling away from her body and getting to my feet again, beginning to pant as I finally take a breath. It was disgusting and horrible but at least I'm no longer suffering the effects of hunger, my stomach satisfied with the flesh that I've been provided with. Smiling a little, Kaneki casts a quick glace towards the body of the girl and I frown, following his gaze. "You gonna eat?" I ask, his head instantly snapping away again whilst he deliberately avoids eye-contact with me, his fingers gradually forming fists.
"N-No. Come on, there's somewhere I wanna take you. It'll be easier to help you there than it will here," he explains, though I'm still wondering why he acted so strange the second I asked him about taking the girl's flesh just like he'd forced me to. Still, I decide not to question it, accepting the change in subject.
"Where?" I question with a frown, peering at Kaneki's eyes as he locks them with my own, his glinting in the moonlight now that the rain has ceased its assault on us, the stars twinkling in his irises.
"I'm taking you to Tokyo."