.
.
.
I just silently chewed and swallowed. Chewed and swallowed. Pretty damn good. I'd give it a chef's kiss if I could.
But, I couldn't go on like that. After all, she'd been giving me those subtle glances for some time now. I could sense it from a mile away, even when I wasn't returning looks.
My jaw was feeling rusty, it was hard to chew.
“What’s wrong? Did Onii-chan do anything to you? Don’t worry, I’m here.”
C'mon, sister, why try to make me out as some lowlife scumbag…words hurt. Words could send me to jail.
“No, Komachi nee-chan…it’s just…I think I saw him at school…”
Komachi made a curiously confused face. She put her finger on her chin. Right after, she did her palm-fist-tap with a figurative light bulb lighting up in her head.
“Oh that, yeah. That did happen.”
Hearing that, an “Oh?” face formed followed by a thinking pose of her own, tilting her head up.
“You don’t remember him?”
In a way, that was Kawasaki calmly encouraging her.
“I don’t know…like, I get the feeling that I’ve met him before.”
“Remember when you were young, you met someone with creepy dead eyes?”
There really was only one person I permitted to use that phrase. Probably because I just couldn't make her stop.
“Yeah? If I remember…his name was…”
She was still thinking. Still thinking. And right then, she massively gasped, 'Oh!' face following as she lightly tapped the table.
“Haa-chan!”
I cringed a bit. Err, being called that was just…irking. Nonetheless:
“Oh, I get that.”
Haa-chan, huh. I forgot for obvious reasons, but why the hell did I let myself? Anyway, I swayed my finger lightly. For her…what was it again?
“It’s me.”
She patted her chest with an open palm. Great help, but sorry. And that got her looking really down on the dumps. 'Don’t be blue.' Please, me, let me say it. Blame my memory.
It went on for a few more seconds. It could’ve been easy. Just have any of them spell it out for me, thank God they read the room and didn't. After all, she probably wouldn't have wanted that kind of cheat.
So, I had to struggle. I had to answer. I had to decide whether she had 'Flower' in her name.
'Hana'? I don’t think so…it had to be a 'Ka'…right? Yeah, I got rusty. Best we didn't let her know.
Capital…Kyo? No…'Kyoka' felt weird. Kyo…Kyo…Kei…
…Kei…ka…
“Oh.”
Just like her, I had that 'Oh!' face as I snapped my fingers real quick.
“Keika.”
“Yes!”
She clapped her hands accompanied by some 'Yay's. And there I was, in the middle of a thought. That little ball of sunshine and rainbows with destructive force enough to take out any man with a single word? She turned into that? What a surprise…How senile I must’ve felt right now.
“Oh...yeah, yeah…”
It didn’t matter, so long as I did it. And I did. Right about then, I started getting glimpses of the past. That elementary school, the Christmas ordeal, there were things I was starting to recall, and some things that just stayed in the memory box. I think I knew another kid there, but that wasn’t important right now.
I glanced at her again, almost bordering on eagle eyes. I thought there were two of her, one from some flashbacks and her on the right. I tried to put the two in one, basically just comparing them.
And oh no, she was squirming and avoiding my glare. For obvious reasons of course. For now, I wanted to put that on hold, with something to calm the rocking boat.
“So, she’s about, what, sixteen now?”
Definitely not creepy. Definitely not creepy.
“She’s already in her third year.”
Kawamama smiled as she placed her hands together.
“She’s grown a lot, yes?”
“Uh…yes.”
Really? She’s that old? How old was she back then? Before I blurted something out, some instinctual retrospection got in the way.
Yes, yes. Never mention a woman's age.
Dodged a bullet. I just shut my mouth and went back to eating. Only occasionally did I give her glances.
“Taishi, pass me the salt.”
“Nee-san, not tonight. And please, those Konbini Bentos shouldn't be a daily thing.”
“Can’t really cook all the time, now can I?”
“….”
“…..”
“…..”
“….”
“….”
It felt like everyone was stiffing up. Really heavy air. I could even feel the weight. What the hell, I was collateral damage.
“Fine, maybe I’ll try cooking again. If I have time, then sure. Happy?”
“Happy.”
“Happy.”
“Happy!”
“Happy!”
Seriously, I was feeling out of the loop with each passing minute. My sister was in on it too. It made me feel even more foreign. Everyone in here was tight with each other. And it showed.
But, not a problem, I primarily came here to keep my end of the bargain, and also for the food. So whatever happened and would happen was none of my business, so long as Komachi wasn’t involved. Then I just continued shoving my mouth with calories and calories. Goddamn, the chicken was really good.
“So, Hikigaya-kun…”
Kawamama’s call made me cock my head to her.
“What do you do for a living? I heard you were overseas for a while.”
Oh, that again? The answer was already set out. I’d long decided what my answer was. My pretense.
“Well…right now…a freelance editor.”
“Ara~ Something like Taishi’s?”
She closed her eyes and placed her fingers together. Having a blast, eh? But, I had to answer.
“In a way, yes.”
“It must be a tiring job, isn’t it?”
Tiring…I initially didn’t respond. Since I held a blank deadpan stare, she started looking at me. When I saw that, I snapped back, subtly hiding it with an awkward:
“Ah, yes. It is.”
I wished Kawasaki wasn't looking at me like that. Not that understanding gaze, please. Honestly, I felt a little heavy. As if a rock was crushing my back as I further hunched and hunched.
“And you’re staying with your parents?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, is that so? I’m surprised you don’t have an apartment. Taishi’s normally at his, but he still visits.”
I also thought about it. I also deliberated on the idea. Ultimately, I just couldn’t. I thought compromises couldn’t be forgiven, but I did just that. So far, it was still ok. We were calm.
“Well, let’s just say…I wanna spend more time with my parents, and of course…”
I pointed my open palm towards:
“Komachi.”
“Wow, what a loving family man.”
“Oh, please…”
I hunched. I couldn’t even look her in the eye. And it was getting to me, as each second passed, my munching got slower and slower.
“What’s the matter, Hikigaya-kun?”
“Huh?”
“You’re not eating…is something wrong?”
So it was showing, huh. I put on a smile for her.
“The food’s so good…I need to savor it.”
“Is that so? Thank you~”
She beamed, it was blinding. I couldn’t take it. It was painful to look at. It was then that he stood up and went to my right, to where the fridge was.
“Onii-san, would you like something to drink?”
“Uh, maybe later…”
“Taishi-kun, slow down on the drinking, ok?”
“Yes, yes.”
Komachi's puffing cheeks must’ve gotten to him, since he held his arms up as if caught guilty.
“Yes, ma’am.”
He closed the fridge and sat back empty-handed. He wasn't actually down, he just shut up and accepted it, that, I could tell. She held his hand. He tightened the grip. They sweetly smiled at each other.
But just then, she glanced at me.
Rather than an asking permission glance, it resembled more of a wary rabbit. But honestly, she didn’t need to. I wouldn’t pounce from behind. I just did a 'turn a blind eye' act.
So right then and there, I was treated as an invisible man. Their hands did some kind of sensual flirting thing. With their exchange of blushes and warm looks to boot, the vintage style of the room, the very European feel of the table, if there were candles, I would've thought this was France.
I couldn’t comprehend what that was. I didn’t know what flirting was. And nobody was batting an eye, no grunts. The only sounds were forks and spoons clunking. Ugh, nobody was batting an eye. I wanted to bite my handkerchief.
His lips got messy, some sauce was just about to drip, but then, Komachi pulled out a handkerchief. Now the mess got shaved off.
Goddamnit. Really wanted to click my tongue. If they'd put their hands under, I would've given the table a light tap. But you know what? The smile was raw, but subtle enough that everyone else probably didn’t notice. But I did.
I took some peeks here and there. And every time I did, it felt like I was shoving a disgusting amount of sugar down my throat. I didn’t want diabetes. It was revolting, realizing that just seeing them talk made me want to vomit. Ugh, couples.
That's the truth. Through and through. It was enough to convince me that these two weren’t kidding. I couldn't deny it anymore. Even back then.
The sense of longevity, I felt it, I admitted to that. I wasn’t gonna lie when I say I wasn’t bitter, but I just had to swallow up whatever was in front of me. Though, as it went on, that feeling got weaker and weaker.
It was a perpetual cycle. I bit, chewed, swallowed, and got interrogated by Kawamama. I’d never said that many Yeses since…yeah. Keika finished quickly. Kawasaki, didn't…drink, yeah, I thought for sure she would. Lastly, I got treated to a nasty dose of the radioactive 'Kyun Kyun's from those two. Seriously, were those two holding back before?
.
.
.
Eventually, we were finished. And this night would go down as one of the most filling dinners ever. Hell, I was so full. I was basically bloated. My pants felt tight. I was even taking deep breaths. But since I was the only one still sitting, I felt pressured to stand up.
All the plates were already at the sink to my left. Once Kawamama opened the tap with water gushing out, I stood up and dash walked to her.
“Please, let me.”
I took a sponge. Sure, I popped out of nowhere so she felt a little spooked, but eventually, she smiled.
“My, thank you.”
But she was still here, taking a plate for herself and rinsing it. Komachi was already in the living room, and it seemed that she was chatting with Kawasaki. Now, what to do, I had an idea.
“W-Well, you can leave all this to me.”
“Oh, well…”
“It’s perfectly fine, plus…”
I half-jokingly, half-awkwardly whispered in her ear:
“I like doing the dishes.”
I winked, goddammit.
“Well, if you say so.”
But, thankfully, it was enough. Finally, it was just me.
Well, what could I say, it was the least I could do. There was a lot and it was overwhelming, but I was up for it. Plus, it was soothing, to say the least.
Honestly, the main reason was to help me collect my thoughts. To think through some stuff. It wasn’t as if I was still trying to end it. But it also wasn’t as if I’d 100% approve of it. I’d still choose the 'forever single' route for her, any day of the week. How shameless, I was already here, he was already shooting his shot for appeasement.
Yet here I was, still bordering on Yes or No. Shameless.
Since there wasn't anyone here, I went all out with distress and sour faces. And truth be told, it was eating me up inside. I was still working on it, but at any rate, it’d take a while.
Then, I heard some awfully quiet footsteps creeping up. But before I could fully turn my head around, a pair of hands popped up from behind. Everything was pitch black. Soft hands. Warm hands.
“Guess who?”
I could hear the giggles. Playful, yeah? Whoever it was, it had to be someone fairly short, relative to me. Probably on her tiptoes. It was her.
“It’s you.”
She let go. Damn, that was a tight cover. I had to blink twice just for some sight readjustments. Then I turned around. Woah, the lights made her look like an angel, but I digressed.
“Keika. What’re you doing here?”
She pointed to the living room. She then pointed to herself. And finally, she pointed to the ground. So, playing a game, huh.
“Since Nee-chan and Nii-chan are tired, this is the least I could do. Also, you looked lonely.”
So I was wrong, huh. Forget that, 'lonely' huh. I giggled a little.
“So, you’re gonna help?”
She nodded. While sweet and all, here’s the thing, I initially took the job for some alone time. Comical. But I couldn’t just shoo her away.
“No matter what?”
So I asked as I would to a kid. Kind of like a friendly caretaker tone. And yet again, she nodded.
“No matter what.”
Aw shucks. Welp, couldn’t do anything about it.
“Well, thanks. Help yourself.”
She walked to my side, taking the cleaned ones, and wiping them with a towel.
So…the least she could do?
Somehow, in my mind, I began to piece together the who-does-whats.
Most of all, when it came to her, there was that constant feeling. I knew her, she knew me. We were ok being near each other. I was somewhat convinced she held the same sentiment. But it still felt off. After all, it’s been a long, long time.
I did know two things. One: She was cute. Two: She was cute. Guess that didn’t change.
Most importantly, I had one predicament. All this time, I’d treated her as what she was. But now, she might not want that. 'You better not cross boundaries! You’ll lose your sister’s respect!' Goddamn, I was berating myself.
“Hey…uh…”
“Hmm?”
“Should I…still call you that…?”
“Call me what?”
“I mean…kids your age normally don’t like to be called like that…unless by family or someone real close…”
“Ah…that…”
By the sound of that, it seems she now realized. She tilted her head upward and placed her finger on her lip, making 'hmm' sounds while at it.
“What’s wrong with it?”
“You don’t mind?”
“Why? Haa-chan’s always been a close friend.”
Kids these days. They just didn’t care. A dry cackle huffed itself out of me. I couldn’t help it.
For her puzzled look, she received a disgustingly charming smile, courtesy of I, the oddball.
“Really? Me?”
I threw the caretaker tone in the bin, and replaced it with something more mature, blending in the seriousness and charisma of an adult's.
“Yup.”
She shot me that full bright smile with zero reserves. Although I was already feeling sure of it, I just had to. One more time.
“No matter what?”
Oh, she got it, with how warm her cheeks were looking, and that angelic head tilt.
“No matter what.”
Well, then I had nothing to fret about. It was okay to get buddy-buddy again, yeah? Ok, yeah. I continued what I’d been doing. We were already halfway done. And while we kept quiet for a few minutes, she was humming. Honestly, it was pleasant. I even joined in on the lyricless singsonging.
And when we were just about done, I blurted out a little dry inquiry.
“So…what do you think about…them?”
“Who?”
“Komachi and uh…”
Stiff. Stiff.
“…him…”
“Oh…”
But at least she caught on.
“Well…”
“…I know that you don’t like him.”
Kawasaki, it’s probably thanks to you that she grew astute. Good job. Either that, or Komachi ratted me out on everybody here. But I digressed.
“Don’t mind me. Just tell me what you think.”
“Hmm…”
She did that thinking pose again.
“I love Komachi nee-chan. I wish she finally becomes my sister.”
Ok, ok, her reply was swift, you could say she didn’t even falter, as though it was already set in stone. Yeah, I expected it.
“I also want to be an aunt.”
But that one was a total surprise stab.
“Oi, oi. That’s too early.”
I gently ruffled her hair. And she giggled in response. Little troublemaker.
“Hehehe, but when it does happen, I’ll bless them with all my heart. Wouldn’t you?”
All your heart, huh. Up until now, it hadn’t really played well in my mind. It was a foreboding one. The chances of it happening were naturally high.
*Sigh*
“We’ll see.”
.
.
.
.
At the end of my first-floor scouting, I decided to go to the backyard that I found. It was pure silence, even the neighborhood houses felt muted.
It was cold, not winter, just windy. But even without snow, even on a summer’s night, it had me chilling and shriveling up a bit. It was familiar, I'd say. Good thing I brought my coat.
“What’s the matter?”
I glanced to my right. Thanks to the house's lights, I saw her, with arms resting on the stone fence, slightly slanting forward. Her hair fluttered, silk flowing. Her blank glare got me staring back.
“Nothing…”
I had my hands on my waist, with a stiff tone, and looked around unfixed. Crap, ugh, small talk.
“Just, uh…here for a breather.”
She then stopped the glances and got back to whatever she was doing like nothing. I went and did her exact same pose. Not to piss her off, but because I just didn’t know what else to do. I kept our distance to a meter.
From time to time, my eyes went in her direction, and from time to time, I felt her's on me. We just kept at it.
But then, out of the blue, her hand went deep into her jean's pocket, pulling something out. She extended her arms to me with that pack of cigarettes.
Oh…much obliged. I plucked one out. She then pulled back and pumped one out for her own, sticking it in her lips. I did the same. After that, she fished something out of her other pocket.
A lighter.
She also extended that to me. I humbly lifted it from her soft hand, and swiftly rolled the spark wheel with seasoned fingers.
A second later, a spark lit.
I raised it right beside my chin. It was just about time for some of the flames to gingerly graze the tip, so that's why in just a second, poof. Out came the smoke, and into my lungs, it went.
I handed it back to her. And not a second later, she lit it up as her head closed in on it.
In a jiff, the 'Tssst' sound came and smoke puffed from her mouth. Then she pulled it out with two fingers. I followed right after, but mine was a helluva lot more than hers. I huffed out a balloon's-full.
Fuck, she was right. These kinds of things would be the death of me.
The only reason I hadn't any in the house was cause I didn't bring any, and didn't want the house to reek of that shit. For her.
As I was stranded in fret land, she already puffed a second time while looking up, gazing at the stars all stoic-like. She sighed while nonchalantly hoisting her hand.
“Y’know, I picked this up from her…”
She stuck it back to her lips. Ahh, I got what she meant.
“Yeah…?”
It changed, though it wasn’t a dreamy face, nor was it dread. It was more of a memory. Nostalgic, huh. You and me both. I remembered how I almost thought she did do that before. Guess high school me was wrong.
“They worry that I do too much.”
As I puffed another, the reason clicked in my head. Oh, I knew what she was on about. Even if I didn’t fully understand, I got what she’d been feeling. Of course, they’d worry. Of course, they’d raise their eyebrows. Of course.
“Naturally. And you can’t do anything about it.”
“Yeah, you’re right. But I appreciate it. It’s just that, they worry, and I worry. That’s just what it is.”
Guess I understood that as much of a pain they were to her, she was as well to them. I was starting to think that she’d fully accepted that long ago, that all of them were pains in the necks. And that she was perfectly fine with that.
“So…you're a part-timer, is that it?”
That was out of nowhere, though I suppose even she’d feel curious. 'Give me a break' I let out that kind of sigh.
“As useless as I am, I at least get paid…”
“So you don’t work in daycare?”
I raised a brow at that.
“No…?”
“It would’ve fit you…if not for your…”
She twitched her finger whilst pointing at her eye. I got the idea. I know, I know, my eyes. I didn't grunt, I sure as hell turned away from her.
“Yeah, yeah. We could’ve been what we wanted…but no…”
Fate or whatever, it didn’t matter. What’s right in front of you was right in front of you. But just then, I thought of a smart comeback, one she couldn’t deny.
“But you gotta admit…I can put food…on the table.”
How was that? I felt like puffing my chest. I was awaiting her answer. But before that, she stared at me with a small grin and had a hand supporting her chin.
“Yup. You’re right. Also, you’re not dead weight, not anymore at least…”
I stared at her, my mouth agape. I tried to be steady in processing it. It wasn't anything worth thinking too much about, regardless, what she said gave me a snicker. Frankly, I was touched.
“Yeah…and how’s life been going for you?”
“Crappy at times, but I won’t complain.”
Life, huh. There was already an idea, an understanding of her 'How's and 'Why's, it became more apparent, even without her telling. But, I didn't stop at just that.
“And these days, you’re a what…”
She raised both brows to that, but not too much. I suppose she realized it’d be fair if we both drew out our cards.
“Nurse.”
From what I remembered, liberal arts, was it? I didn’t know. I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t ask. But it still lingered in my head.
“Nurse…huh.”
“Is that an insult?”
“No, no. How could I?”
Dear god, I wouldn’t try, even if I wanted to. She was right there. I could’ve been maimed any second now.
“I’m just…wondering if you like it.”
She puffed another smoke and had indifferent eyes, but it did look like she was thinking about it.
“I wouldn’t say I love it…it pays well…I’m in charge of the geezers for the most part. I’d say that…I’m getting used to handling old people…For my parents eventually.”
Oh, so that was it, absolutely made sense. The 'hit two birds with a single stone trick'. It was, without a doubt, smart, especially with her and her circumstances.
“Well, gotta do what you gotta do.”
She puffed another one. It was practical, with no lingering childish quality. All work, for the sake of work. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Huh…you’re keeping it up?”
“Obviously.”
It was phrased with zero delays. Zero reluctance. Zero hesitation. Out of everyone I’d met so far, she was one of the most cursed, I’d say. It was also a blessing, I’d admit. From what I’d seen, there weren’t that many strains, not much of a stiff relationship between them. But, how could she continue? How could she still commit? I felt like I should've already known. That I didn’t need to ask, but still, I did.
“Tell me…how…”
“Simple. You’ll do everything for them.”
So that was it, 'simple'. I got it. There was no questioning anything. None of that. It just felt natural for her. That’s the feeling, the emotion, the sentiment I was getting from her.
“Yeah…yeah…”
I didn’t dare question anymore. It was surprising, but in a way, natural.
“Actually, what’s more surprising is you.”
“Huh?”
“Y’know, I never really expected you to actually…work. I thought for sure you’d end up as you promised.”
I scoffed at that. That brought me back to the old days. In the end, I had one answer for her.
“Well, can’t be a house husband with no wife.”
“Hehe.”
She giggled. She giggled, I actually made her giggle.
“Actually, I tried to have Komachi follow in my footsteps…so far…doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen…”
It first started as some fool's joke, but she stared at me, absolutely glaring at me deadpan serious. This was supposed to go somewhere laugh-inducing, until it didn’t.
“Really…really, huh.”
As she said that, I felt the air dry up. I felt like gulping. A big one. With that disappointed tone, she still was sharply glaring at me. I fucked up. I fucked up.
“Let me tell you something…”
It sounded like I was about to get berated. But besides that, there was something else, something melancholic.
“…Everyone loves your sister.”
“Yeah?”
Everyone’d say that. There wasn’t much to hate about her after all. But the way she said it made me believe that she was pulling those words straight from the heart. That’s why I couldn’t think of it as a lie.
“She’s growing on me…already has actually. Whatever mom said to you was real.”
“Yeah?”
Huh…I was glad that she was at least greeted here with open arms. I was glad that she didn’t have to go through someone like me.
“And it’s not a matter of Taishi being my brother…”
“I want them to be happy…together.”
She took her last puff, then ground it on the fence. Once the light extinguished, she sharply glared at me.
“So whatever plan you’re scheming, give up. I’ll stop you.”
That was quite the threat, but she did say she’d only do it if I made a move. Nonetheless, her determined voice convinced me there was nothing I could do. I took it to heart.
“Don’t worry…I won’t get in their way…”
I was done with that. It had long passed, or maybe just a few days ago. Nonetheless, I wasn’t kidding, and she knew it. When she heard my words, I was being as direct as possible, confronting her with reassuring words. Those weren’t just words to get the heat off of me. No, those words were true.
And it impressed me that I had to go and say so to her. I never meant to be that direct, but it couldn’t have been helped.
I was finished with mine, I puffed it out dry after all, squeezing every bit of tobacco out of it. So I nudged it on the fence. And I guess I didn't want any more. That was it for the night.
After those things were taken care of, for some reason, I just wanted to do some hat tips. I wanted to say something. I didn't know what.
With me none the wiser, she was now entirely on my mind, and something, something. I was starting to think of something. And just then, I decided to just say it.
“Remember when we met at that Café?”
I gently twirled and waved my hand. It really was at the tip of my tongue.
“Uh…Angel Ladder…”
Yeah, that. Then, I just started saying whatever came up.
“When you said your reasons…for working…all for the money, but not for yourself…”
“I was like: Wow…”
I peered straight into her eyes.
“That’s why when I heard it…I thought you were amazing…”
“Wha-“
I formed a mild smile as I stared at my hands. I gazed at the sky. I looked at their house, then, I finally glanced back at her.
“I still think the same…”
I still kept smiling. Because that’s what I truly thought. It was just natural.
“S-Stop that!”
She looked the other way and completely avoided my gaze. I couldn’t see, maybe she was flattered? I didn’t know. But if she wanted to refute, then that’s when I had to deny her.
“I’m serious, really…”
“…You’re an amazing woman.”
"Hnn!"
Did she just…squeal? She did, right? She had that anxious fluster and all, with cheeks rosy red and eyes hazy. But it seemed there was nothing else to talk about, and she wasn't in the mood to chat. Oh, look at the time. I took a peek at my watch.
9:07
I blurted some 'Uh's and she looked at me. When she did, my thumb pointed to the house.
“I’m uh…gonna head back in…you coming?”
She then shook her head and pulled the pack out.
“I’ll be here for a while.”
I nodded. Then I left, and I’d already taken a few steps. But I still couldn’t leave. And while she turned around to stare at someplace else, my eyes were going in her direction. Seconds passed and I now knew why. She wasn’t wearing anything for the cold. Goddammit, she wore a sleeveless shirt.
It wasn’t as if she’d get hypothermia, still, I slowly walked up to her and stripped myself of my coat. Once I did, once I was right behind her, I gently wrapped it around her. Her head turned real quick.
“Just, uh…take care of yourself, ok? You’re a girl after all…alright, see you later.”
Then I left. As soon as I got back in, I heard a high-pitched shriek. It sounded somewhat meek and it could’ve been from outside. Could’ve been some cat, I couldn’t really tell, so I just shrugged it off and went to the living room.
And right then and there, I noticed those two. I caught them. Their heads stuck out from the sofa. I walked closer and closer and saw them.
Were they…cuddling…?
I didn’t know what the hell they were doing. Virgin me couldn’t tell, of course. But I knew what physical contact was, and so unconsciously I cleared my throat.
“Ehem.”
And when they saw me, suddenly:
“Hiih!”
“O-Ohh!”
The both of them jolted as they separated, with bloodshot eyes like a victim to a killer.
“O-Onii-chan…”
She thought she screwed up or something, but I wasn’t planning on anything. I just randomly caught them in the act, that’s all. But I was still thinking. Did it hit a nerve with me? What did I actually think?
Nothing really changed. I’d bet they’d still worry. 'We can’t do this.' 'We can’t do that.' It'd ruin things because of that. And in concept, that’s exactly what I wanted. But, simply put, it would’ve been a bitter end. So, no, instead:
“Hey.”
I glared at him. Real sharp. Like an eagle. Enough for him to focus on me entirely. 'What’s he gonna say next?' 'Is he angry?' 'What should I do?' 'Should I apologize?' 'No, I shouldn’t.' 'Man up! Me!' If those were his actual thoughts, I’d be right on the money. His face said it all.
“Let’s have a drink. You and me.”
Flabbergasted. Bamboozled. Dumbfounded. Caught off guard. Those words fit the bill. Actually, I was starting to believe he couldn’t comprehend it. Because of that, he stared at me with eyes shrinking in caution. I didn't give him anything but a stern look.
“…A-Ah, okay...sure."
Looks like it was enough, but just barely though. He still had his doubting tone. With all that out of the way, there was something else I had to address.
“How about we go…somewhere private…”
“Just us boys.”
He was somewhat confused, unsure. But he still replied.
“W-Well…is my room good?”
I nodded.
“Good, yeah…let’s go there.”
“Alright…umm…”
He then pointed with his thumb to the kitchen.
“I’ll go grab some beers, I’ll be quick.”
He stood up and left.
“Onii-chan.”
'You better not do it. You better not do it' Her face kept telling me so. And that grunt, sheesh, I really did cause a strain. Even with all my 'Sorry's, she still breathed a disappointed sigh as she looked the other way. I couldn’t blame her. The last time him and I were left alone, it ended in…yeah. I already put myself in the neutral zone for her. I wasn’t gonna get violent. No more. But who’s to say I wouldn’t do it again?
“Don’t worry, why don’t you go have some shortcake with everyone?”
I was basically telling her to leave him to me. And while she knew that to her, I’d never lie, she still had her suspicions. 'At that time, maybe he just did it to save face?' No matter how far-fetched that was for both of us, there must’ve been some part of her that thought about it. Probably, she was torn apart by whether or not to 100% trust me. Or maybe I was wrong. I just couldn’t tell. But, the idea that she wouldn’t even believe in my promises anymore would hurt like absolute hell. But, hey, that’s life.
“They might not leave some for you.”
Honestly, I wanted to believe that my atonement would change something, anything. Just to lessen the strain. After all, it wasn’t like that birthday thing fixed everything. And again, I couldn’t tell. I just had to guess. And I guess, I thought she just needed a breather, have some cake, have some fun, and forget about it. Who could say no to shortcake?
“Okay…”
Worked like a charm.
She stood up and started walking to the kitchen. And right as he was about to get back here, she clamped her hand on his bicep. The two of them stopped moving. She leaned closer to his ear, possibly whispering something. A few seconds later, she let go and left.
“Well, here they are.”
He held it with a single hand, I glanced down to see what he brought back: He brought a cooler. It was relatively small, I’d say. Could fit about eight beers in there, but still, he brought a goddamn cooler.
The motherfucker.
He got back real quick. Anyway, I nodded again. And we marched our way to the stairs. As we made our way, with each step, I saw even more pictures of everyone, the siblings, and the parents. Even Komachi was there. But I’d already seen those. But when we started climbing, the photos hung were mostly of him. So that was his space, huh. The brat was soaked in mud. The runt held hands with his siblings. And the prick had his arm over Komachi’s shoulders.
After that, we reached the second floor. I saw four doors, each of them with different signs. Over to the left, it said 'Mom and Dad'. Then the ones in the middle were 'Saki and Ami' and 'Keika'. And finally, the one on the right was 'Taishi and Ayumu'
We obviously went there. And when he opened the door, I unconsciously thought 'As expected of a guy’s room.' But no, it wasn’t just one. There were two beds, and two desks, one on the left and another on the right. Sharing, of course.
“Here we are.”
He started walking to the one on the left. That must’ve been his spot. What with all that Manga lying around. You could say the guy's living the dream, dream job, dream life.
His spot looked busy, with lots of important-looking papers. There was a poster of some early 2000’s band.
“Uhm, please find somewhere nice to sit.”
I closed the door.
I glanced at the right side. From what I heard, that’s probably his younger brother’s. Made sense. Full of new stuff. A poster for some new band. There were also some trophies over there, looked to be baseball trophies.
“Oh, uh…that’s my brother’s bed.”
I nodded. Since he was sitting in his bed, might as well have sat in his brother’s. I finally got a glance at whatever was written on those trophies. 'Some name of some school that I didn’t know – 2023'. Sporty kid.
I finished with that. Now, there was something else I wanted to find. From side to side, definitely not in the open. I glanced under his bed. It could’ve been in the drawers as well.
“So…um, should I open it now?”
He already did. He probably just got antsy from me looking around and he probably didn’t know what I was doing and why.
“So, where is it?”
I could’ve been imitating some old man detective aura when I gave him a deadpan look. I kinda looked the part, what with the tired look and all, I even wore a suit today.
Anyway, his obvious reaction was:
“Come again?”
An innocent question mark kinda popped up above him. Couldn't be blamed.
“Where’re you keeping it?”
“Keeping what?”
"Your stash. Every man has one.”
He was a little beet red on the cheeks. Finally, he got the memo.
“Oh no! No, no, no! I don’t have one! Please stop!”
Damn, I was quite the sadist. Well, all fun and games were now over.
“Calm down, I’m kidding.”
He closed his eyes. He had that cathartic sigh added with a stiff smile. I slouched down to take a can. And right as I got back up, I nonchalantly uttered:
“I’ll find it someday.”
“Onii-san!”
His protesting tone reminded me a bit of Komachi. Ugh, well, whatever. Time to open up.
*Psssht*
I quietly took a sip. With it in hand, I rested it on my lap. After that, I stared at him as I pointed to the cooler. It’s good that I didn’t need to say it. He took one for himself, opened it, took a sip, and went 'Puhaah'. His shoulders lowered. And it was dead silent right after. I took a sip. He took a sip.
“Anyway…”
I just had to break the ice.
“…your brother, your other sister, and your father, they aren’t here, huh.”
Well, I expected him to not expect that from me. But he did manage to get back to it.
“Ah, yes. They’re both at their friend’s sleepovers. And our dad has overtime…”
I made a 'Hmph' sound, but it was no snicker, it wasn’t annoyance either. No, it was just random noise. Just a random reaction. But one thing was clear.
“Another corporate slave.”
“Pleas-actually, yes, you’re right.”
Not overly peeved, huh. Reasonably, he just couldn’t deny it. But I wanted to steer away from that for the time being. I didn’t want to talk about old men.
“The two I haven’t met, what are they like?”
His eyes widened a bit, and he did look somewhat amazed. But right after that, he started talking.
“Well, I’d say my brother Ayumu is a lot like Nee-san. He sometimes gets a little rowdy, but he’s honest to a fault.”
I just listened, occasionally taking a sip and making some random 'Uh-huh's.
“Uh-huh.”
“And my sister Ami is often the quiet type. Loves reading and out of all of us, she’s the best cook.”
“Mhmm.”
“My dad’s, I’d say, a calm guy. Kinda like you. He rarely drinks and he sleeps all the time. He's quite the smoker. Oh, if you meet him, you two might get along.”
“Mhmm?”
It was lukewarm amazement, yet amazement nonetheless. If he’s a guy I could get buddy-buddy with, then I was all ears. Enough about that, he was about to open his mouth again.
“Yes. He’s the opposite of our mom.”
Oh, Kawamama.
“And why’s that?”
Well, I also wanted to know a bit about Kawamama. After all, she’s Kawamama.
“I’d say mom was…a bit of a delinquent from what my dad told me. I remember when me and Nee-san saw Mom with a metal bat on her shoulder, I thought Nee-san was gonna cry. It was scary as hell.”
Kawasaki? Interesting.
“Go on.”
He took a deep breath.
“There was also one time when Mom blurted out some Yankee slang. Seems like Nee-san got a bit of that too.”
“Any more stories about your sister?”
“Oh, actually, I do.”
He shot up a beam of joy.
“As embarrassing as it was when we were at a waterpark, Nee-san had to fight off some kids that were picking on me.”
And then he started getting really into it. Like a kid telling stories of their imaginary adventures to their parents or something.
“And that time she punched a boy so hard, he almost went down on the ground. Yeah, I advise that you don’t pick on her too much.”
Consider it, followed.
“She may’ve been too scary, that’s why she wasn’t really in any clique…but she’s a great sister, through and through.”
He’d probably huff and puff his chest with pride if he just wasn’t such a lamb. Not like he was all the time though. I’d concede to that. At the end of the day, all I saw in him was a sincere family guy.
“Well, consider her an amazing sister.”
“Yes, she very much is.”
Honest to a fault. Might as well try and do the same.
“I, for one, would’ve beaten up any kid if they tried anything with Komachi. Luckily, that hasn’t happened…”
I wasn’t the same. Rough around the edges, stiff. I giggled a little.
“Hehe…when she was young…”
“She used to hold my hand so tight…I thought she was trying to crush it…she was…the most adorable ball of cuteness you could’ve ever laid your eyes upon…”
I could never dare forget.
“…Still is…”
“Yes, she is.”
He nodded a few times. Good. That’s goo-
“But I have to disagree with the ‘most adorable’ part.”
“What did you just say?”
'What the hell’s this prick talking about?' Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Blasphemy! My glare was saying so.
“I think our very own Keika holds that title.”
In all likelihood, I get what he was trying to say. But still, I had an eye twitch.
“Yeah, she is a sweet angel, but objectively, my sister still reigns supreme.”
But, a big but, even if it’s Keika, it was my sister in the talk.
“She might get mad at me, but we have to agree, Keika’s the cuter one.”
Siscon brother.
“That’s your bias.”
“Wha- you’re also picking favorites!”
He raised his voice. Wow. And while he could blame me, I didn’t allow him.
“No, no.”
For I, had one trick up my sleeve. A farce. Bullshitting.
“I have a critical eye. I can tell what’s cute, and what’s not.”
The critic act. A favorite of mine, added in the 108 a few years ago.
“Yeah, they’re both lovely. But I’m just saying, mine’s slightly cuter.”
A haughty air might've wafted around me like some sort of aura. There’s no way he could’ve denied that.
“Onii-san, your opinions are very valid. But still, Keika’s Keika. And Keika’s totally adorbs.”
He didn’t. Instead, he just stated a fact. Something I naturally agreed with.
“I’m not trying to deny that. They are…the most adorable little sisters.”
“Absolutely, they’re both undoubtedly adorable-“
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”
I immediately cut him off. He was just gonna say the same thing after all. I waited for his next words.
“Yes.”
And that’s all he said.
“There’s no denying that.”
I nodded a little.
“…Yes…of course.”
He just kept saying 'Yes', no rebuttal, no objections. I kinda did too though.
“Yeah…”
“…Yeah.”
It was within line of our discussion, but I uttered something random.
“…Our little sisters are incredibly cute.”
He looked at me with a face saying 'Obviously' without any condescending tone.
“Yeah…”
“Yeah…”
We just kinda…stared at each other, until:
“Little sister.”
“Little sister.”
We didn’t say anything else, but immediately after that:
“Little sister!”
“Little sister!”
Whilst we were still sitting, we stomped on the ground still locking eyes. Our hands were in sync and looked like we were banging a table.
“Little sister!”
“Little sister!”
“Little sister!!”
“Little sister!!”
“Yeah!”
“Yeah!”
“”Yeah!!””
After one last final 'Yeah!' and one last final stomp:
"Shut up!!"
We heard some shout from downstairs. Sounded like Kawasaki. The both of us looked like we were caught stealing or something. But that wasn’t gonna last, after we:
"Pfft."
"Ahahaha.”
“Ahahahaha.”
Laughed, I laughed. We laughed. Like two troublemakers. As far as I could tell, I was having a good time. We were having a good time. It wasn’t forced, and it wasn’t awkward. Simply put, it felt natural.
I suppose it wasn’t like it was impossible, it just made me realize I was smiling.
He opened another can for himself and took one big chug, coming away with a face that screamed 'I'm on cloud nine!'.
“Puhaaah, oh my god, this is a dream come true! Like, really, you’re in my room. You laughed, right?”
He looked a little restless.
I gently tilted my head. It wasn’t a nod, nor was it me denying it. Rather, it was acknowledgment. Yeah, happy?
“And drinking with me? Hooo, haha…I can’t believe this is happening!”
He took another sip.
You really could say he was over the moon. I never expected it to go that far. But to think that it was just because I was here.
“Well, believe it, 'cause this isn’t gonna be the last time I visit.”
“Huh?”
I took one big sip. I slouched real hard. My arms rested on my knees. And I gave the can a blank stare. Surely, it would’ve been justifiable to think that it was just a one-time thing. I couldn’t blame him. But, I didn’t hate being here.
I sighed. Simply put. Without wasting words. I wouldn’t mind. I’d like to. I was welcomed, the food was great, Keika, Kawamama. Maybe I could even just chill and have a drink with Kawasaki. There was nothing to make me want to steer clear from here.
Just a few nights ago, I had a dream.
In the woods, surrounded by mountains in every direction, I was on the edge of a riverside. The waves were violent and ravenous, could overwhelm any man, could devour them like the flood that it was, right then and there. And on the other side, there was someone there, another man. For some reason, he pissed me off. From where I was, there were so many stones, different shapes, and different sizes. I could’ve used those to throw at him. Tree branches were scattered all around, I also could’ve used them. But no matter how much I tried, it wasn’t enough, it couldn’t reach him. I spent weeks on that riverside, until one day, the water calmed down. I could now cross the damn river. I actually did. I was already in the middle. The calm soothing water gave it a therapeutic sensation. It was rejuvenating. I spent my time there a little longer, but still, once I made it, I was gonna kill him. There were stones, there were branches, heck, I even crafted a knife. But I realized something: I had no reason to do it. I didn’t need to, doing so would’ve done nothing, it’d gain me nothing, amount to nothing. And so, when I finally crossed that river, when I eyed him up, I could’ve killed him right then and there. But no, instead, I gave him my sack of coins and walked away. I left that river, and that was it.
I realized why. It was petty. Paranoia and worry. It was an unreasonable dream. But what the hell, everything was unreasonable.
“I’m not making any promises, but if I can visit, then…”
I nodded. I knew that he understood. I didn’t need to say anything else.
“Please don’t let me get my hopes up, but…this…this is happening…right…?”
He sounded as if he was a few seconds away from tearing up. He was starting to get his hopes up.
“We are…right?”
He started pointing at himself and then at me with open palms. He wanted me to nod. I nodded.
“Yeah…I guess you could say that…”
Even if I tried to deny it, it’d be worthless. Just a minute ago, I let myself lose. I joined in his chant. We chanted. We did things.
“But…don’t get the wrong idea.”
But still, even after all that, I was still a stuck up.
“Let me get this straight. Do I accept you two doing that kind of stuff? Fine, I admit. Are we…right now?”
I didn’t wanna say the word. I didn’t wanna say it. Regardless, it was what it was. Still, that word that described what was happening, I couldn't say it. So I just nodded.
Yeah, he was getting what he wanted. Yeah, I was letting him. But then again, he boarded a merciless roller-coaster.
“But I still don’t like you…”
I managed to say that, straight-faced, with a profound tone as I wanted to engrain that sentence in his head. But again, this was a roller-coaster.
“…at least…not entirely…”
It wasn't something I could fully control. However, I needed to express that.
“Look, I dunno about you…but if I could, I'd beat you to a bloody pulp…”
Subtext was out the window.
“I would love to do that.”
Nice words were out the window.
That’s why I was starting to get wild. The ideas in my mind were flashing. I could skin him alive. I could tear him apart limb from limb while setting him on fire. I could do a classic 'Barrel' thing.
“But no…you’re in Komachi’s life now, can’t do anything about it.”
That was it. Specifically, my hands were tied.
“You get me?”
I looked at him. I wanted to make as much eye contact as possible. He nodded. He knew.
I sighed so hard and slouched so much. I needed it.
“Let’s not…try to save face…”
'Bring all your cards to the table' was what I meant. But if he still didn’t wanna do it, then, I was gonna be a little more assertive.
“C’mon, tell me what you think of me. Don’t you try and spout any bullshit.”
I was still staring at him, and I didn’t want him to run, or hide. But if he did, I was gonna rip the answer straight out of his tongue.
“Well, uh…I respect you, that hasn’t changed. I think you’re a great brother and that you’re very reliable. But sometimes…the things you do get destructive…I think you’re too controlling and sometimes…sometimes…you’re unfair…”
Those, those eyes. Those strong, driven eyes. Those were what I’d been waiting for. I didn't feel like anything was a facade anymore. If he hated me, then that's it.
I fucking hated those eyes.
“Good. Good. Alright…ok…alright…”
I wasn’t gonna hide the fact that my lips jittered. Actually, I embraced it. I wanted it. Because now, I could be brutally honest.
With him.
And myself.
“Thing is…I don’t have a problem with you…”
He looked at me like he couldn't believe it. Normal reaction.
“The problem is…is…”
I breathed a long sigh, a pained, tired sigh. I knew what I was getting into. Still, it was hard. I felt like I was choking.
“Ok…wait…”
Even when I was already being honest, I still wouldn’t say everything that popped into my head.
I needed to cut to the chase. I took a few short breaths, I let my shoulders droop just a bit more. Then I looked at him with a deadpan face.
“Ever heard of the saying ‘You pays your money and you takes your choice’?”
He swayed his head from side to side with a blank face.
“Well, now you have.”
Maybe he still didn’t get it, but down the line, he would.
“And that’s what I’m talking about…”
He fixed his gaze on me. That saved me a lot of trouble.
“Do anything funny? You’re dead.”
“Do something stupid? You’re dead.”
“Do something she doesn’t want? You’re dead.”
“Make her cry? You’re dead.”
“Make her sick? You’re dead.”
“Cheat? You’re dead.”
“Do anything else that’ll hurt her? You’re dead.”
“Do any of those and you’re dead. Got it?”
He looked stupefied. He quivered a little. But in the end, he answered:
“Yes, of course…”
That wasn’t enough. No, not for me.
“Can I trust that?”
He nodded.
“Yes. Never.”
That was it.
With a disappointed sigh, I slouched again, even more dejected. The fact that I had to do that really told a lot. The fact that I had to do what I was about to, also told a lot. The things that kept me up at night.
“That’s the point…”
I opened my palm and nonchalantly waved him off.
“That’s why I can’t calm down…”
I wanted to get it out. The reason was always simple. Whilst pointing at him, my finger was shaking. Absolutely livid.
“Words are nothing…if you can’t keep them.”
“I…see…”
That was it, just like that. But I wasn’t finished.
“I can be a man of my word.”
“Oh, of course-“
“But…"
My eyes felt a little decrepit but livid.
“…just like everybody else, sometimes, I. Still. Lie.”
If she heard that, she’d probably look at me with disgust and disappointment. But bad news for her, she couldn’t do anything about it. I just didn't deny that about me.
“If I can do that, what makes you think someone else can’t?”
Even when I slouched, I knew he heard my whisper. The truth was it was saddening that I had to say that. It was saddening that it was irrefutable, that words weren’t fool-proof. Succumbing to emotion was a thing. Judgment could be bent. Something even I couldn’t escape. But for the cherry on top, I looked him dead in the eye for him to know one more thing.
“That’s life.”
Finally, he slouched as I did. Maybe it was too much. Maybe it made him falter. Maybe it gave him despair. Sure, it was the truth. But then again, I didn't come here to strike him down.
I merely wanted to drive the point. Not to get him down on his knees or anything.
“Y’see, this is Komachi we’re talking about here. I’m not playing around…you don’t mess with another man’s family.”
I had so many sighs today. My chest just felt heavy for some reason. But I wasn't done.
“All you have to do is not make a mess of yourself.”
Through and through.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, looking like a disappointed geezer. If he started feeling down in the dumps, then fine, my bad.
“Look, I’m not trying to scare you…I’m not trying to ruin what you two have…”
I just wanted him to see the way I did.
“I’m just trying to tell you that, don’t….I don’t want…any…”
No matter how easy it was to explain it in my head, sometimes, things could be taken differently. Still, I wanted everything to be transparent.
“If it’s totally on her, then I won’t even bat an eye…yeah. I don’t care…”
My legs were feeling numb. but I still wasn’t done.
“But if it’s on you…then I won’t forgive you…”
I looked at the ground.
“I don’t want to regret it.”
My lips quivered. My teeth slowly jittered.
“I don’t want…to take my chances. I can’t…”
Like swallowing some bitter pill, I shut my lips tight while shaking my head a little. I felt like puking.
I sighed and took a sip.
“If doing this would make her happy, then I’d do it, a hundred times over…but, listen, you two could do whatever you’ve been doing up until now. Just remember, she’s someone’s sister…”
Something murky was brewing up in me, I felt it. I was still slouching but I raised my head. I felt the pressure on my teeth with every clench, as if they'd shatter at any moment.
After all that, I looked him dead in the eye.
“She’s my family…she’s all that I have…”
It was getting harder and harder to just control my lips. All I could make was an ugly frown. My eyes felt stinging more and more.
“I can’t…I-I…can’t…”
I rubbed my hand on my eyes from side to side. Then I also slowly shook my head. I felt crushed.
I clenched my fist hard over the agony of this dreary helplessness or in other words: This total mess. I was still sober, that’s why I wanted to completely wash that bitterness away. But I couldn’t even lift the can up. It's like poignancy flooded my heart and muddled me up and I couldn't articulate my words around it.
“Yes, it’s as you say.”
He uttered all of a sudden. I didn't look at him.
“No matter how much and how many, it probably wouldn't be enough for you…”
“That’s why…”
I shot him a glance. I didn’t know what he meant by that. But all I saw was him standing straight. I couldn’t tell what he was gonna do next. Yet, I didn’t think about it. It was only until he did it that my eyes widened.
His knees were on the ground, his head directly planted on the floor.
“Please, look after us…please, if I’m about to make a mistake, if that happens, then please, correct me.”
I couldn’t see his face, but I could make out what it was. I’d imagine him with a pleading face and closed eyes.
“Please, let us work!”
My jaw dropped a bit. You goddamn prick. You had me breathless.
That was one helluva of a moment. You had me gulping. You had me clenching my fist again.
I couldn't help but feel something. Whether it was a giggle, or have my sweat trickle, or anything else, he had me doing it. But that was all inside me.
"I'll be watching you two."
And after that, I went stone-cold quiet.
The goddamn confidence, in some way, the drive. As if he achieved it.
Right now, I wasn’t one hundred percent reassured, but that's exactly why I'd do what I said. It wasn't a promise, but rather, a declaration.
It wasn't too late to try, right?
I sighed one more time, a relieved sigh? A delighted sigh? A proud sigh? A parental kind of sigh? I didn't know. Anyway:
“That’s enough.”
“Not yet.”
I wasn’t in the mood to be played by my own spells, Potter.
“In three seconds I’m gonna pull you up.”
“Ok.”
Immediately, he stood up and went back to sitting. Goddammit. He smiled at me so warmly that I wanted to hit it with some ice bags. Not really, instead, I returned the favor by doing the same thing. A smile? From me? Holy crap.
“Hey.”
It was a little mutter, enough to reach his ears. And when he noticed, I shot out my can. He did the same, and with them touching:
“Cheers.”
“Cheers.”
We chugged them in sync.
.
.
.
“She’s out cold.”
I placed my hand on her forehead. Nothing, just normal sleep.
“Hikigaya-kun, you can just let her stay the night here.”
“Eh…?”
Kawamama suggested something quite…eyebrow-raising.
“Are you sure?”
“It’s ok. After all, that’s not her first time.”
What? I think I blinked a dozen times. But I came back to reality. And I turned around, clenching my fist real hard while gritting my teeth. With a grinding voice in my mind, I went ballistic.
Little sister! That wasn’t something you should be doing! Dad and I told you! Boys' houses were absolute 'NO-NO's!
I sighed. I guess I shouldn’t even be surprised anymore. Alright, what else.
Not much worth thinking about it. I wasn’t even mad anymore, so long as it was only here.
“Well then…please take care of her.”
“Don’t you worry. She’ll be asleep as a baby like always. Oh, if you want to, you could stay here too.”
Appealing. I still had stuff to talk about with him, still:
“I’m sorry, but I have something I need to take care of tonight, a hassling job, y’see.”
That sounded more like 'Sorry, ma’am, I forgot to bring my onesies.' Didn't it.
And to that, she gave out a pout. How’d she do that at fifty-sixty-something? No matter. I already said my 'No-thank-you's.
“My, what a shame, but I suppose it can’t be helped. You can leave her up to us, so please rest assured.”
“I am.”
That wasn’t a lie. I couldn’t feel the unease that I would’ve. Instead, I took in a deep breath.
“Well then. It was nice meeting you. Thank you for tonight.”
I did a small eshaku.
“Goodnight and goodbye.”
“Ufufu, to you too, Hikigaya-kun.”
She did the same gesture.
After that, she left the room. Pretty sure she had to clean up after them. Never really got to taste that shortcake. Ah, little sisters.
I slouched down for my hand to reach her as I gently rested it on her head. The warmth and fondness I felt as I patted her lightly, was an unbeatable feeling.
“See you tomorrow.”
I whispered. She wouldn’t even hear it, but it didn’t matter. With that, I started walking to the door. I was out of the living room and just then she popped up with that lovely smile.
“Bye-bye, Haa-chan.”
She waved with one hand while hugging a pillow in her other arm. She was already in, what I’d say would be her pajamas. Adorable.
“Bye-bye.”
I waved my hand as well. Afterward, I went back to walking. I was about to reach the hallway when I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see that it was Kawasaki, with some faint flushing at the cheeks.
“H-Here.”
She extended her hand that was holding something. She avoided meeting eyes, though I didn’t think too much into it. Instead, I looked down to see my coat. Almost forgot, crap.
“Thanks.”
The moment I grabbed it from her, she turned back, and rather than a run, it was more of a speedy walk, with mechanical movements akin to a robot. Sheesh, stiff. I wondered if she got a cold or something. Meh, she could take care of it herself.
I continued to walk. I was already by the hallway. And then, there he was, just standing straight.
He already had his hand on the knob. And as I walked closer, he opened the door, his lips curving upward.
I tried mimicking it, and it ended up a bit less showing. Not really showing. Following that, I gave his shoulder a pat. I didn’t say anything.
Not long after:
I left.
.
.
.
.
Long walks were nice from time to time. And the good thing about it, I already knew my way around here.
It was a constant step-breathe-step-breathe, but it slowed down for a while. Something felt wrong. First off, something just didn’t smell right. And so, I kept sniffing, further and further. The cologne? No. My breath? No.
Finally, I stuck my nose onto my coat and fucking hell…Let me tell you, it reeked of tobacco. What the hell, Kawasaki. But…it also smelled kinda nice.
Creepy.
“Yeah, yeah…”
The walking continued and along the way, I cackled at times, like some sort of psycho.
Holy hell, I needed to get home quickly. It was past curfew. I needed to get out of the streets as soon as possible. It was dangerous, it was scary.
But, then again, I had nothing on me. I could stroll for hours and it'd still be ok. So long and slow walk it was. For the cardio. She asked me to do it, so meh, why not? I liked nice walks.
What a wonderful dinner. 'Keika’s Keika' as he said. Should I have gotten another puff? Eh, no, my liver was already a worry. Random things, random things I said.
"At least he listened…”
I finally made it, just a few houses yonder. Just had to keep moving with a body so soggy and heavy it had bricks for feet.
“You’ve got heart, kid.”
I gazed at the crescent moon, prime and perfectly at the center of my view, distantly shining in the night sky. Its pale, yellow glow wasn’t blinding from afar. And I gazed at it with a deadpan stare. I breathed one long sigh.
“I’ll be watching you.”