I felt like a dead phone battery. My eyes were burning with fatigue, my eyelids were heavy and closed by themselves, and I had to shake some energy from somewhere to survive this day, which, despite being very successful, was also tiring. It was the first time I was abroad without my parents and without any friend, completely on my own at the mercy and help of Darcy, NuNew and Zee. Pierre himself couldn't help me much because, like me, he was in Bangkok for the first time.
During the break, I left the building and approached the car that brought us here. I tried to get into my luggage to get a pack of cigarettes, but the door was locked, so I disheartenedly climbed onto the hood of the car as I often did at home and sat cross-legged. It was only after looking around and making sure no one was looking at me that I let my emotions out. Tears began to flow down my cheeks without me realizing it. I felt a lot of pressure. After all, everything had to be perfect, perfect, I didn't want to make any mistakes, I wanted to be known for the fact that I apply myself exceptionally to each task and that I care about a good end result.
Pierre found me quickly, I think with some sixth sense.
— Annie? Everything's all right? — He asked, stepping closer. I could feel him staring at me stubbornly, but I didn't dare look up to show him how weak I was. Even though he saw it himself.
—Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, don't worry — I replied, putting on a smile I'd studied over the years of pretending to be happy. He wasn't taken in. He himself knew what it was like to have to smile even when your heart was breaking, or when you were tired, when your legs ached from walking, and your skin started peeling and blistering.
— Annie, you're not fooling me — He said it in such a tone that I didn't know if he was criticizing me or showing concern for me, I wish it was the latter, but I didn't know him very well, it could mean anything, maybe him. I was pissed, maybe he wished I wasn't here or if it was someone else.
— Sorry. It's nothing, really. I'll be right back inside.
I felt high with all the smells that surrounded us, there was something heavy about them, almost breathtaking. I thought I was going to pass out, it was too much, my body was definitely not prepared for something like this.
* * *
Two days later, Pierre, Yuki and I were sitting in the lobby of the hotel where the auditions were being held, waiting for someone to come pick us up and take us to the casting room. We didn't wait too long. The sun had been shining an hour ago, and now we could clearly hear the menacing rumble of the storm raging outside. Tiny rivulets of water ran down the windows, but despite such gloomy weather, we were all very animated. I discreetly looked around and whispered descriptions to Pierre of those actors I recognized.
— Oh, and this is Max, Nat, Zee, and NuNew, let's go see them. I'll introduce you to them — I suggested, rising from my chair and pulling Pierre's hand. I had already met Zee and NuNew, and we had exchanged a few words in the early morning when the two were trying to sneak out of the hotel. They didn't say where they were going, but apparently they got back in time. Zee introduced us to Max and Nat and I introduced them to Yuki and Pierre.
—They were the main inspiration for the characters in my story — I explained.
— Oh my, I don't know if you'll find anyone else to play them — NuNew looked sad, so I felt compelled to correct him.
— Don't worry, we're sure we'll find someone suitable, and that's because we asked your writers to rewrite the story into something more Thai. Also, we have Alex Albon with us, who has Thai citizenship. Just wait until he shows up. He helped with the scripting. Thanks to this, we were able to combine Thai culture with the story we want to tell.
— But the heroes will be Formula 1 drivers, right? — Nat wanted to make sure.
– Yes, it is true, but does that mean that Thai actors will not be able to play them? I think you'll be great at this task, all that remains is to assign the right roles to the right people to make your work a little easier. Someone who is lively and open should not be forced to play an introvert and vice versa. Just to make it look as natural as possible.
—Yes — Nat confirmed. He had a really beautiful smile. And his eyes... Ah! At that moment, I really envied Max, he had a very cute, sweet and pretty boyfriend who seemed gentle and sensitive, but I was sure he had his strength despite being so unassuming. His slightly longer dark burgundy hair drew attention from a distance. I moved a little closer to Pierre, who sensed my hesitation and put his arm around my waist lightly to reassure me. He didn't know I did it because I wanted to stop myself from doing something stupid or weird like trying to flirt with someone whose boyfriend was standing across from me. I pulled Pierre aside a little and explained the situation to him as quietly as I could.
— I just have to be careful.
— Annie, what's wrong with you today?
— Too many cute boys here — I blurted out, feeling my face turn red almost immediately. —Just look around, all the hotties! Nobody' ugly!
I know I sounded like your typical fan, but I couldn't help it, until a few days ago I was just their regular gray fan that no one knew existed. My life suddenly turned upside down.
— Wait, let your Perth come, and you'll immediately stop seeing the others, you'll marvel at it for the rest of the day — Pierre winked at me, which earned him a slap on the shoulder. — What, am I not telling the truth?
Pierre has already asked me about almost everything, including my so-called celebrity crush. It just so happened that by chance my celebrity crush was supposed to appear at the auditions. I wondered if he was as handsome in real life, as funny as in all the videos and photos I'd seen.
— One: he's not mine, and two, I think he's gay, so it's not going to work.
—Who's gay? — As if on cue, I heard a familiar voice behind me, my heart beat faster, and it seemed to me that I was losing stable ground under my feet. I turned around so abruptly that I felt dizzy and would have fallen if strong hands hadn't held me up in time. And I thought things like that only happened in hopelessly romantic movies. It was strange to experience something like that firsthand. Only it didn't feel like it was in slow motion, and whoever saved me from the fall didn't let me out of his arms abruptly, but held me by the shoulders as if he was afraid I'd make a clumsy mess of myself again in front of everyone and this time I'll definitely land on the floor. I would have felt a bit more confident if it had been Pierre, but unfortunately for me it was Perth with his charming smile plastered on his face. The first time I watched his series, My Engineer, he played Ram, who didn't smile much, didn't talk much, which was the opposite of the real Perth. until almost white, on the contrary, it was a healthy pink, and I immediately felt ashamed.
— Oh, I'll leave you — Pierre backed away, but before he turned and headed towards Yuki, Max and the others, I could see a sly smirk on his face. I clenched my hand into a fist and would have hit my savior with it if he hadn't noticed in time and stopped me.
— P'Squirrel, I'll show you! — I shook my finger at Pierre.
— You're Annie, aren't you? The author of the story on which the miniseries will be based? — Perth asked me, slowly releasing me from his embrace. All I could do was blink my eyes and raise my eyebrows, for some reason my heart decided to go crazy at that moment. — Everything's all right?
— Y-yes —I stuttered. — I turned around too quickly, it'll pass.
I patted my cheeks, mentally telling myself to calm down. I had to be a professional, the problem was that until then I was usually just a simple, country girl who hardly meets dozens of mega-handsome young men in one room.
— Okay, I'm Perth — He introduced himself completely superfluously, still smiling.
"Damn, why are you so charming?! So super hot?! Couldn't you be a little uglier? Even a little? How am I supposed to work with you when you give me a heart attack on the first day?”
— I know who you are. I first saw you on the series My Engineer, you played Ram brilliantly, and then you starred in Cutie Pie as Gemini, the bar owner. I love both of your roles, but if you don't mind, I'll admit openly that I haven't watched KinnPorsche yet, and I know you're starring there too.
— Hey, it's okay if you didn't watch it. I'm glad you know at least those two roles. It means a lot to me — He bowed slightly. He was so funny! He approached life with a distance and the right dose of humor.
Talking to Perth turned out to be very easy, he seemed to understand me perfectly. Until he returned to the original question.
— Who were you talking about? Who is gay?
— Yuki — I replied quickly, the first thing that came to mind. Why was it so hard to tell the truth? Why couldn't I just ask him? He was standing in front of me, he could answer me. Yes, he could ... And he could also feel offended or think that I do not respect his private personal space, after all, something like sexual orientation is a private matter of every person and we have nothing to do with it. Outing Yuki wasn't fair to him either, but it seemed safer to me. — But I shouldn't really talk about it, Yuki should tell everything himself when he's ready. I know he wouldn't mind, but I still feel bad about saying it.
— Relax, don't worry about it. As far as I know, you are creating this series because you want to prepare the coming out of these two — Perth gestured with his hand to Pierre and Yuki chatting happily nearby. The Frenchman and the Japanese stood very close to each other, but they did not hold hands or embrace. Pierre, already having several years of experience, could behave professionally and as everyone wished, but even he had moments of forgetfulness and inattention when he looked at his not very tall but very charming partner with a look that betrayed his true feelings.
* * *
— Before we start, I would like to thank you all very much for being here, for coming to this casting, for giving us and yourself a chance – I started, drawing everyone's attention to me. I spoke English, stopping after each sentence to give the translator a chance to translate everything into Thai. I was just learning Thai and I felt that I was far from a good level, so I chose the safer option. However, this will have to change, I will not always have an interpreter by my side. Pierre and I practiced this speech for a good two hours before we got here. I had it all written down on a piece of paper, plus photos of it on my phone. – I believe that each of you is incredibly talented and I believe that each of you will give your best to show your full potential. I'd really like to hire all of you, and it breaks my heart to think that we'll be saying goodbye to some of you tonight. No matter what result you achieve, don't give up, don't give up doing what you love, always be yourself, no matter what, especially what others say about you. Ok? Did you understand?
A murmur rose in unison from dozens of throats. I looked around at the gathered faces. In a moment, I will cross the threshold of the room where we will begin the interrogation, and regardless of my own personal preferences, everyone will have to be assessed objectively. Perth could have played himself, but I felt it was too small a role, and while I was working on the script, I asked to be allowed to change it. Since then, Perth has appeared much more frequently. I liked him from the first moment I saw him on my phone screen, but is it too much to let him play the part of himself pretending to be someone else? When writing this fanfic, I didn't think too much about the characters, I just wanted them to be as realistic as possible, and at the same time to emphasize the fantastic and mystical nature of some fragments. Daria laughed that I flew into space with some events, but since it was only fiction, so anything was possible there.
Each of the candidates was to be provided with the easiest possible conditions to present their skills. If someone came with someone else who also wanted to play, we asked them to perform together, which was also a time saver. Even though Perth, Zee, Boun and Earth had celebrity status, we did not distinguish them in any way, wanting to show that everyone is equal and that we will treat everyone the same. This also made me want to slap the script sheets in Zee's face when, instead of quoting what was written verbatim, he improvised - he did quite well, but while we expect our employees to be creative, it was also important that they didn't change the events too much, because in the end it may turn out to change the whole plot!
When it was Krist's turn to perform, we were bitterly disappointed. The boy was talented, but he had a tendency to put himself above others, his confidence turned into narcissism at times, and we were sure that working with him would be extremely difficult, so despite his skills and quite good looks, we couldn't agree. Work on this project could take up to almost a year, during which time the whole crew has to be able to get along without creating unnecessary conflicts, Krist seemed a bit too conflictual, which I regretted, because in my fiction someone like Krist would be guaranteed a part.
* * *
After the official auditions were over, I had one more interview for which I wasn't mentally ready at all. Saint Suppapong Udomkaewkanjana was waiting for me, an extremely mysterious man, about whom I only knew what other members of our team could tell me, which was that he was once a close friend of Zee Pruk, but he did something to him and their friendship ended from then. Max had warned me not to believe Saint, but as I surreptitiously watched him, there was a sadness in his whole frame, a puzzle you wanted to solve, no matter the cost. Something about him made me want to be friends with him against the opinions of the people around us. The more they warned me, the more I wanted to get to know this boy, only a month and a half younger than me, who had already achieved so much in their entertainment industry.
— Saint, let's talk calmly — I asked him, pointing to a table in the corner of the room. We walked in slowly, I followed him, and took our seats facing each other. The chairs were very comfortable, and the tables quite large, able to accommodate dishes not only for two, but even for four. However, we didn't come here to eat.
— What is it about? — He asked seemingly calmly, but I sensed that he was nervous. One glance at his twitching leg was enough to realize it. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he was afraid of this conversation, too. There was something about him that made it hard for me to imagine him as a bad person, he had a lot of positive aura around him, even during the audition for roles I saw him trying to smile at everyone, he exchanged at least a few words with many people, and after there was a kindness in his eyes. It brought to mind someone who had been very badly hurt once long ago, which hid his true self and tried not to let any emotions or feelings stand in the way of his success. I wondered if it had anything to do with Zee. But I had to tell him something I didn't want to say, I had to be the next person to hurt him.
— About your participation in this series. You know I want a good atmosphere on set, right?
— Yeah, I know — He nodded, smiling as if trying to convince me that he didn't feel sorry for me. It was so hard to say no to him, hard to say the words I needed to say. On a daily basis, I rarely refused anyone, if someone asked me for something, I always tried to meet the expectations placed on me. Appearing so suddenly in their world and giving them orders when I knew they knew their world best seemed out of place to me, to say the least.
— Exactly. I take it when you came here, you had no idea Zee would be here, right? — I made a reference without any introduction to the subject I was interested in.
— Uhm. And what about it? — Saint tried to pretend that my words had no effect on him, but I could clearly hear the slight mockery in his voice. We were interrupted for a moment when a waiter appeared to take our order. I asked for a drink, pointing to the name on the menu pages.
— And that I can't afford to keep someone who could potentially cause arguments on set. I'm asking you to go home and try another series. You can rest assured that for the next year or so, we'll be mostly producing and promoting our show, which means Zee shouldn't be in your way in any other series or movie. This will give you free rein to choose the designs for you.
I didn't feel at all confident saying that. In fact, I regretted those words instantly as I looked into his terribly sad eyes. A wrinkle appeared on his forehead, which showed that my words hurt him. That's not what I meant. I began to fear that after only a few days in a foreign country I would make a whole lot of enemies, and I did not want to have an enemy in Saint. But how was I supposed to reconcile that with working with P'Zee?!
— So, despite the fact that I showed full professionalism and cut off my private life from work, you will not give me a chance? — Saint was drilling a hole in my face with his gaze. I got the impression that he was well aware of the veritable war going on in my mind, which was fighting with my heart, wanting to keep Thai somewhere around.
— We'd love to, but it's too risky for us, we need to start our work as soon as possible, we can't afford any more delays, and from what I've been able to gather, things are very tense between you and Zee, no we want to make it worse and we don't have time to play your mediators.
— You're not nice — He said simply, as if he were talking about the weather outside being awful.
— And I don't have to be. I'm telling you this calmly: let it go. I know you came here because of Zee, Perth told me you still have feelings for him. Leave him alone, Zee has a new life now, he's happy, don't spoil it.
—I'm not going to do that at all. I'm glad P'Zee is happy. You don't know me, you don't know anything about me, why did you cross me out already?
I was pondering.
Why was I rejecting him? Why couldn't I let him stay here? The more so that participation in our project seemed very important to him. Maybe we should give him a chance and watch him? I'd read a bit about his conflict with Zee, but I wasn't sure what caused it. In fact, I did not fully trust the information I received about him. I pulled out a list of playable characters, skimmed through them, and found one perfect for Saint, one who barely interacted with Zee's character, which meant the chances of them arguing were slim. Besides, with the amount of work that awaited us, neither of them would probably have time for anything else.
— It's about Zee, isn't it? Have you read all the lies about us? — He asked as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. He sounded sad. He was sitting at the table with a slightly hunched posture, as if he felt weighed down by the weight of cares on his shoulders. The drinks we ordered were brought to us.
— I'm sorry Saint, I'm the last person who believes in rumors... But so many people have been talking about it...
—I'm just asking you to give me a chance, you said it yourself you don't have to like me. Let me prove that these were all just pathetic, weak lies concocted to keep me and my friend apart.
— Saint... — I sipped to hide my embarrassment and nearly choked on my drink. How I hated such situations!!! In fact, I'd love to hug Saint, I was too weak to play the mean Ham bitch for long, but that's what Max asked me to do, could I say no? He was Zee's closest friend these days, so he should know what was best for him, he sure did care and worry about him, if that's going to help then I have to do it, after all what do I know about their world and their private lives? I have to trust them somehow. I really shouldn't get involved in this.
—Think it over, don't give me an answer today, just call me when you decide. You have my number in my application.
He didn't hold me any longer. I got up from the table, finished the rest of my drink, and walked away, leaving Saint alone to think things through. I needed time too. Saint intrigued me, I wondered why he cared so much about it. He didn't seem like someone with bad intentions. Maybe he wasn't bad at all? Maybe he only had this image because it sold well? I wanted to know more. I was going to surf the internet, watch YouTube videos, read fan comments. There must be truth somewhere in this mess. If Saint is as bad as they say he is, we'll remove him from working with us. Besides, I think it's possible to arrange his hours and places of work so that he doesn't have to see Zee. Nat too, like his boyfriend, warned me to keep Saint away from Zee. And if Nat says that... He's known to say what he thinks, he has a very big mouth at times, but that's good, at least we know he won't lie to us.