Why were there tears in her eyes?
When I looked at her, my heart did a flip, literally!
I was waiting for her, my fans reacted differently to meeting me and I was used to extreme behavior, often many people stunned me, squealing right next to me and shouting my name. Just knowing that I meant so much to them was nice and I was happy if I could drive a good race and give them some joy or take a picture with them or sign an autograph. Part of it was also that if it wasn't for their interest in my sport, I might not have achieved such good results.
But I didn't treat Annie like fans, we were supposed to work together, I expected professionalism and dedication from her, because I gave the same from my side. I always did everything 100%, I didn't stop, I went ahead through every difficulty, always overcoming it in the end.
A strange feeling of dejavu seized me, as if all this had happened before, as if we had met in the arrivals hall of the Bangkok airport before, looking into each other's eyes and trying to guess what the other was thinking. I accidentally touched Yuki's back with my hand and immediately felt as if I had been electrocuted. Somehow, his shirt was electrified all over, but that made me break eye contact with Annie.
"Who are you exactly?" — I asked her a question in my mind, to which I knew the answer: she was Polish, 24 years old and had been through a lot in her life, not very tall brunette with light eyes, and most importantly, the author of fiction that liked my boss enough to convince the general manager to make a series based on it, and by the way, which was supposed to help me with a supposedly fictitious coming out.
For a long time, Yuki and I have been looking for a way to tell the truth to our fans without missing out on our career opportunities. Yuki often said that it didn't matter to him, he just wanted to raise enough money to open his own restaurant. The championship title only mattered to him because he liked competition and it could help him realize his greatest dream. From the very beginning of our acquaintance, I was surprised by his approach.
For me, the case was completely different: making a public coming out could, and in fact almost certainly involved the risk of losing a seat in Formula 1, i.e. losing the chance to fight for the world championship.
—I'd like to say to our fans, I don't like lying to them, if Charles can show publicly his girlfriend, why can't I show you? — Yuki said one evening after a very poor race by both of us.
My car broke down on the warm-up lap when it turned out that the front suspension had broken. This was the result of a minor collision with Mercedes' George Russell during qualifying. At first everything seemed fine, the mechanics found no damage, replaced the front wing and I was allowed to line up on the grid like that. I had only done half a lap before I knew something was wrong. My feelings were confirmed by my race engineer, who told me to pit. I thought maybe it was just a wheel, that the tires would be changed and after the case, I would be able to start from the pit lane. Unfortunately, after a quick inspection of the car, it turned out that the problem is much more serious. Frustrated and disappointed, I left the cockpit and went to my locker room to change.
I was going to spend the rest of the race cheering for Yuki, but he wasn't much luckier either. On lap eleven it was all over when his car was hit from the rear of his car on the entrance to Turn 1 just outside the start/finish straight by the Williams car driven by Canadian Nicholas Latifi.
"Why is it always Latifi who's involved when something strange happens?" — I thought, looking at the replay of the whole event on the screen in front of me.
As usual, we heard a whole lot of unpublishable profanity from the Japanese, who thus ended his participation in the competition this week. We were both furious, and Franz, though he tried to cheer us up, looked equally grim. I was glad that the conversation with journalists was behind me and waiting for Yuki I could calm down a bit and think about how to make him feel better.
He may not have wanted the title, but he hated defeat as much as I did, especially when there was little he could do.
*. *. *
Three hours and several tiresome conversations with journalists later...
— Yuki... — I started and stopped when I saw his look.
He looked at me sadly over his mug of cocoa, which was supposed to make him feel better, but somehow it didn't. We sat at his desk in his room and discussed everything that had happened that day.
It broke my heart to see him so sad and disappointed and to hear his voice so full of despair and bitterness. I wanted to hug him, I wanted to drive away his worries, even if he was an annoying elf, he was also my annoying elf and I couldn't imagine my world without him anymore.
— Franz won't keep me in the band — He said, hanging his head and staring into his purple mug as he stirred his unfinished cocoa with a spoon.
— How do you know? Nothing is certain yet.
— He told me today. Yesterday he said it was my last chance, if I don't improve, Red Bull will give someone else a chance from next weekend. I know VIPs are waiting for my spot, there's nothing I can do.
—And you didn't tell me anything before?! — I exploded, suddenly feeling hurt and rejected. — Why don't you tell me these things?! It's important! Who am I to you?
— You're my boyfriend... I'm not sure about that either... Besides, what does it matter if I told you or not? What would that change?
— How can you say that? Maybe I could help you! — I yelled at him and he hunched even closer, making him look even smaller than he really was. I didn't want to scare him, but my nerves just snapped. It was important why didn't he tell me? Didn't he trust me?
I slowly got up from my seat directly in front of him, walked over to him and crouched down, taking his hands and closing them in mine.
— Yuki, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm angry that you didn't tell me because I'm worried about you. You know I want the best for you, I want you to be happy. — I tried to explain my behavior.
— If that's what you really want, then let me tell the fans about us.
He knew he was asking for a lot, he knew it was almost impossible, so why did he do it? It sounded like he was asking me to choose between him and Formula 1 or himself, how was I supposed to make that choice? Didn't he see how much he was hurting me by putting it this way? He looked into my eyes, and in his gaze I read hope, such a tiny flame that I could not put out with a cold heart.
— Okay, my darling baby, I'll find a way, just give me some time please.
— Really? — He smirked, throwing his arms around my neck and pulling me closer. I pecked his nose, that cute, pretty, little nose.
— Really. Just don't be sad anymore. And I'll talk to Franz tomorrow morning, he can't kick you out during the season.
As I said, so I did. I thought about it all night, even went for a long walk around the hotel, and the next day, on the plane, I asked Franz to have a few words with me in private and started to convince him why it was worth giving Yuki a chance at least until the end of the season. Franz unexpectedly easily agreed, claiming that he just wanted to motivate Tsunoda more.
During the night, I also found a side path that may have led to our honest coming out while I was scrolling through Instagram: one of my fans sent me a link to an English-translated story in which Formula 1 drivers were the main characters who were also Shadowhunters. I knew the Shadowhunters series very well, I somehow identified with the character of Alexander, who also carried the burden of responsibility and secrets on his shoulders. The author mixed both worlds together, making Shadowhunter drivers and Lewis a sorcerer.
After talking to Franz, I went to talk to Darcy. Darcy has been working with me for a long time and I knew I could rely on her, I could entrust her with any task, this time I showed her my fan's story and told her about my idea.
— Yuki and I want to tell the fans about us, this will be the best way: we'll pretend it's coming out to promote our show, only when we do, we'll just back off and say it was real. That way, neither Christian nor Franz nor anyone else will stop us.
— Clever, but aren't you afraid they'll see through you?
— Not at all. They only care about money, if you prove to them that recording a series of boys love will bring good profits, they will agree to anything.
—;You'll be kicked off the team — She warned, but I knew she was curious. Darcy loved difficult tasks, the harder the better.
— It's hard, I'm willing to take that risk. I've been thinking about it all night, and I already know that Yuki is more important to me than the uncertain chances of a title fight. I love this baby, do you understand? And I know he loves me, it's a lifelong relationship, I'm sure of it now, and Formula 1 is just a small but important part of that life, a part that will end anyway, and I believe Yuki will still be with me.
– You are charming. I envy you that certainty.
— Don't worry, maybe you'll finally meet someone valuable? If you agree to direct the development of my series, maybe there will be more opportunities? You'll meet a lot of new people there, after all. — I told her with a twinkle in my eye and a ambiguous smile.
Darcy amusedly slapped me on the shoulder with the sheaf of papers she was going through, the smile on her face clearly suggesting that I was intrigued by her. Darcy was my manager's assistant. Darcy was very lively, open to new acquaintances and experiences, she could get along with everyone, and handled official matters masterfully. But somehow I couldn't trust her.
And right now she was walking right behind Annie, looking from her to me.
* * *
Annie and Darcy showed me the application files for each role.
—I'm pretty sure New and Nat filled out the forms for their boyfriends — Annie said cheerfully, not looking up from the sheets of paper written in even, almost identical handwriting.
– Where did this idea come from? — I asked, taking the pages from her hand.
— Look, the handwriting is almost identical between Zee and New and Nat and Max.
I looked more closely and actually saw too many similarities for chance.
Before we invited the actors to the auditions, we had to create a more or less outline of who we were looking for, and who would definitely not fit. We could also spend one day walking around Bangkok. Yuki immediately wanted to go for a walk, but I was curious about new people, we finally reconciled it in such a way that we quickly discussed everything before breakfast, and then we went to the city with the four of us.
What amused me the most was Annie's behavior. For her, everything was amazing, new, great and exciting, and these feelings were also shared by us. I thought that Bangkok would overwhelm her with its immensity and scale, but to my great surprise she walked around this city as if she knew it, as if she had grown up here. Annie and Yuki walked ahead of me and Darcy, occasionally veering off the road to check out a store, and usually came out with some extra purse in their hands. Soon they also loaded us with packages and souvenirs.
— I want to send something to my parents and my friends — Annie informed us as she heard my deep sigh in another of the shops.
Her and Yuki both got along perfectly, laughed a lot, pointed their fingers at the next curiosities and from time to time disappeared from our sight, and moved so freely, as if they were at home. The mystery was cleared up pretty quickly.
— I've been here twice on vacation — Yuki explained.
— And I walked these streets on Google maps — Annie stated, but there was a false note in her voice, as if she was trying very hard to hide something from us. I myself did not see anything familiar in Bangkok, maybe because I was here for the first time in my life? I wasn't even sure if I could find my way back to the hotel on my own.
We happened to have almost a month off from Formula 1 and Franz agreed that we could use it like this: starting work on our series. I was supposed to be present at the casting. There was one "but", RedBull left our project to us, which meant that not only would they not interfere, but they would also not help us with anything, we have to take care of everything ourselves if we want to succeed. The fact that they agreed to it and promised to take patronage meant a lot to us.
Darcy also got us a contract with Netflix. The rest depended only on the team in Thailand, but we knew that they were experts in their field and would surely manage.
In the evening, already in Annie's room, we made ourselves comfortable (me and Yuki on armchairs, Annie and Darcy on the bed), dressed in pajamas (Annie's hair was still wet after taking a shower, but she claimed that she was used to it), each of tablet or laptop in our hands, we once again discussed individual characters.
— I'd like Zee to play Pierre — Annie said, showing me on her laptop screen a man in his thirties with a small face, dark eyes, and even darker hair. He was slender, though well muscled.
— But he doesn't look like me at all! — I protested, fearing that someone with that look wouldn't be able to convincingly portray a brave, strong, gallant, chivalrous, and above all, masculine Shadowhunter who is in charge of his squad. Despite his age, there was something childish about his features, something that made me doubt, he looked more like a slightly overgrown nineteen year old than someone who is in his thirties. I myself was well-built, and as I was scrolling through the photos of the actors, someone else by the name of "Perth" caught my eye. I showed him to Annie.
— Sure, I want Perth too and I think he deserves the lead role too, but I wanted to give him Alonso.
— Annie, admit it: you want to cast them in these roles because you like them, not because they fit? — I poked a hole in her plan. She wrinkled her nose.
— What can you know...? Besides ... I want to show that someone small and inconspicuous can hide great, almost inexhaustible layers of strength and courage, and someone great, powerful, well-built can be a coward, I want to show that you can not judge anyone by the cover or even after the first impression. I myself have had many times that at first I didn't like someone or something, and then I got used to it and started to like and respect that someone. I want to change something, we don't need another almost identical BL series.
– You use myths, legends, the multi-layered world, you mix two unrelated worlds, and now this? Don't you think that's too much? — Darcy joined the conversation.
Meanwhile, Yuki got down from the chair, lay down on his back on the soft carpet and... simply fell asleep! My dear, funny elf! He doesn't even know how cute he looks now, so innocent and peaceful! It's hard to believe that such an angel has such a big mouth! When he sleeps, he seems delicate and fragile, weak, but when he gets into something, he becomes a pure element, a fire that is difficult to tame. His narrow, typical Japanese eyes can see what you most want to hide from them, his mouth and hands can work wonders that I didn't even dare dream of until I met him. I suppressed the urge to lie down next to him and put my arm around him, we still had too much to talk about with Darcy and Annie.