The gentle breeze of air is touching my skin. The city lights that are glowing lively and the night skies wasn't bright enough, I couldn't get to see enough star glowing above the sky today. And with him, akala ko tapos na ang lahat. My world suddenly stopped when he confessed.
"I lIke you very much"
I stood frozen in front of him, while looking at his wide smile right now. Namilog rin ang mata niya pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon.
"Hey, Brianna? Are you listening?" Natauhan ako dahil kanina niya pa ako kinakawayan. Nagbaba ako ng tingin dahil sa kahihiyan.
Ilang oras akong nakatitig sa kanyang mga mata? Gosh! I can feel my cheeks blushed and went Red. I tried to hide to hide it but it's too late because he caught my attention.
Muli akong humarap sa kanya nang kumalma ako dahil sa hindi mai-paliwanag na feeling na naramdaman ko kanina. When I looked at him, he laughed.
I creased my forehead. "Why are you laughing?"
"Why are you blushing? Pula ng pisngi mo," He smiled amusingly. Tumawa pa siya at umiling-iling pa, bago nagbaba ng tingin.
I cupped my face with both of my hands dahil nga namumula na talaga pisngi ko. Ano pa bang reaksyon ang gusto niyang makita? Nagulat nga ako sa bigla niyang pag-amin, e. Hindi ko naman siya gusto, e. Feelingero lang siya.
"What did you say again?" Tinanong ko sa kanya sabay kunot-noo, trying to have a quick-pretend.
"Don't pretend that you didn't heard it, Brianna." He let out a small grin, then took 3 steps back away from me.
Umiling na lang ako at bumuntong-hininga dahil sa inis at uminom na lang ng milktea. Ayaw kong maging tanga ngayong gabi. Alam kong narinig ko 'yon. It's just, he said it casually and my heart jumped out of my chest, because of what he confessed to me.
We spent the night not talking to each other and the silence enveloped us. We're just admiring the fity lights from afar and sipping our own milktea's in a cup. I am out of my own words and series of questions that I want to ask him before he leaves. Now that I learned what he want from me, I'm not sure to myself kung gusto ko ba siyang maging kaibigan or hindi.
"Umm, is it okay we can be like... friends?" He asked before taking a look at me.
Tumingin ako sa kanya at doon nabasag ang katahimikan na namagitan sa aming dalawa. We finished drinking our milktea a while ago and we're patiently waiting for each other to initiate the talk. Hindi pa naman kami dinadalaw ng antok. Ang sarap naman kasi ng hangin dito sa labas at tinatanaw lang namin kung gaano kaganda yung daan dito sa Recto. The few cars passing by, closing of fast food chains, and conductor drivers going back to their homes because their work is done for today.
Everything is perfect, until he confessed on me earlier that made my heart, mind and soul completely went out of my body. I can't stand myself to bring myself here close to him in full presence, after he said that. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin maalis sa isip ko.
"I like you..."
"I like you..."
"I like you, Brianna."
Paulit-ulit na umuugong sa tenga ko ang kanyang mga sinabi.
Tumingin naman ako sa kanya. His eyes were fixed on staring at the buildings that he's seeing right now. I can't help but to avert my gaze on him. Maganda ang side profile niya. He's really attractive when he wears his pink hoodie.
"I'm waiting for your answer, Brianna." He said without looking at me.
"Ano ba kasing tanong mo?"
"Kung puwede bang maging friends tayo," He permitted then looked at me and let out a small grin.
I let out a grin that he must not notice. Ayaw niyang makita niyang pangiti-ngiti ako. Baka kung anong sabihin niya kapag ako'y ngumingiti.
"Since you asked about everything at gusto mo 'kong makilala, baka puwede pa kitang kilalanin." He resumed.
My brows furrowed. "Kilala mo naman ako diba?"
"What I know about you is that you're from UP at marami kang kaibigan. I'm not stalking you a lot in social media, e." Pagku-kwento niya.
"Weh?"
"Oo nga!" Pag-amin niya.
"Eh paano mo nalaman pangalan ko?" I asked.
"Facebook lang. I stumbled upon my friends list at may nakita akong mutual friend ni Avery at ikaw 'yon. Pero hindi 'yon yung time na in-add kita last week. It was last year, e. Maingay kasi 'yung Avery, my blocmate. She's always mentioning you in every story she tells to his friends kaya na-curious ako so I decided to find and search your name again." Pagku-kwento niya habang nakatingin sa akin.
Pesteng Avery na 'yon. Pati ba naman ako dinadamay sa mga kwento niya at kinukwento niya ako sa mga UP friends niya. Now that I learned from his side and his story kung paano niya ako nakilala.. I am going to dig deeper to know more about him.
Hindi ko nalamayan na kanina pa pala ako nakatingin sa kanyang mga mata. I was lost in his eyes again. After a minute of staring, I was quick to hide my face on him, para naman matauhan ako at makalimutan niya yung pag-titig ko sa kanya. Baka ma-wirduhan siya sa akin.
"And.. I didn't stalked you that much because I want to know you more kaya lagi ako napunta sa Morayta since your wall is full of FEU-related things and events." He quickly explained.
I looked at him again. He is smiling right now. I don't know what to feel but him being that talkative, I couldn't help but to listen. I don't want to be rude, As much as he wanted to be friends with me then... I'll give him a chance.
"Kung paulit-ulit mong sabihin na stalker ako, hindi 'yon totoo. I'm just a pink hooded guy waiting for you, always. I'm the one and only guy who likes you very much eventhough you won't believe it." He explained again. And now, my attention is only drawn to him.
"B- but why do you like me, and why are you confessing right now?" I asked.
"Para mabawasan na yung oras ko sa kahihintay sa'yo na kahit isang beses ay sagutin mo ako or sumama sa akin kahit minsan," Panimula niya.
"Bakit kita sasagutin eh ang creepy mo nga, e." Pagbibiro ko.
"Dadating rin yung araw na 'yon. Dadating yung araw na mare-realize mo na magiging big part rin ako sa buhay mo." He assumed.
In his eyes, I could've thought that he really meant it. Thise sparkling eyes. I knew that there's something he can't say to me other than confessing and being clingy to me.
"But.. what if," Nahinto ako. Dapat ko bang sabihin 'yon?
He eyed on me, his eyes only straight at me. His forehead creased, quite confused on what will I say.
"What if..." He filled in.
"Nevermind.." Matamlay kong sabi.
"Ano nga?" Pagpupumilit niya.
"What if hindi naging tayo? Umm, like.. wait- what if we're not meant for each other and stay as friends? Would you still accept it?" I improvised my question. Hindi ko na alam kung anong sasabihin ko dahil na out of words na ako.
"I will not leave," He quickly responded.
"Why?"
"Kailangan pa bang tanungin 'yan? You just have to realize everything about what's happening between us... you'll know the answer, once your figure it out." He says and walked out then left me. Wait, aalis na siya?!?
"Hey! Where are you going?" Pahabol ko habang nababa ng hagdan para habulin siya.
"Uuwi na, Ala-Una na, e." Sabay lingon sa akin.
"Akala ko ba hindi ka aalis?" I asked him again before he takes a step downstairs.
Umiling siya. "Babalik naman ako, sa Morayta nga lang."
Bago pa siya bumaba ay muli siyang lumingon sa akin. Nagtaka naman ako dahil nakatingin siya sa akin na parang tanga.
"Is it fine if we go out tomorrow? I mean after class?" He asked.
Mabilis akong tumango. "Oo!"
I received no reply from him but I saw him grinned upon hearing my answer. I knew that he was happy that he got a chance to go out with me. And I'm taking a chance to know him more. Kailangan ko siyang kilalanin and to know what his intentions are.
Hindi kasi ako na-kampante at naniwala kanina. Puro pagpapakilig kasi ang ginagawa!
Matapos niyang umalis ay agad akong bumalik sa kwarto at nahiga sa kama ko para matulog na. I suddenly felt sleepy, after I talked to him for the rest of the night. Nagtanong lang naman ako pero parang ang dami na agad na bumubuhol sa utak ko. At ako, ang tanga ko naman kasi kinikilig ako.
I didn't got a chance to have a question about sa statement niya na sagutin ko siya... ano ba kasing sasagutin ko? I know that he's wasting my time on me and he likes me very much but it makes me realize everything and saying that he will become a big part of my life.
No! Hindi katanggap-tanggap ang taong katulad niya na stalker na maging big part ng life ko. He really thinks that he will become a big part of my life?
NO! IT. WILL. NEVER. HAPPEN.
Humiga ako sa kama at hinayaan ko na lang ang sarili kong makatulog ng mahimbing.
***
Kina-umagahan ay nagising naman ng maaga. I even got notifications and messages from Billy. Hindi raw siya makakapasok dahil may hangover pa siya mula kagabi dahil sa kaiinom, pero makakapasok naman daw sila Gino at Bryan dahil mas sober pa silang dalawa kesa kay Billy.
I guess, I'm fine with him being drunk. Medyo maayos na rin naman kami ni Austin tsaka 'di na ako masyadong takot sa kanya. He earned a little trust from me and I received it vise-versa. We're quits. Sa mga sinabi niya last night, I tried to forget it... and thankfully, nagawa ko namang kalimutan 'yon, except sa pag-aaya niya sa akin na after class eh may pupuntahan daw kami.
Nakarating ako sa school, bago mag-11. Saktong start na ng class. Good Mood si Prof. kaya good mood rin kami. I can focus on my studies now at medyo nakakausap ko na rin yung iba kong kaklase, dahil wala si Billy ngayon.
Marami ring na-discuss sa sir sa isang oras na klase at pagkatapos no'n ay lunch na. Lumabas naman akong mag-isa sa classroom at this time, iba na ang nagsara ng pinto.
Ako na ang mismong nagpunta mag-isa sa Pavilion dahil doon ang usapan namin nila Gino bago kami pumasok sa school. Mabuti naman at naabutan ko silang nakaupo sa isang sulok kaya pumunta naman agad ako doon at umupo sa tapat nilang dalawa. Magkatabi kasi sila at busy sa pag-gagawa ng plates. At ngayon, hindi nila nararamdaman presensya ko.
"Huy!" Tumingin naman sila sa akin at pineke nila ang pagka-gulat nang makita nila ako.
Ngumiti naman sila at sabay tumawa. Parang tanga rin, the three of them share the same brain cells. Inalok naman ako ni Gino ng dutch mill pero tinanggihan ko 'yon. Binigay naman ni Bryan ang natirang Lasagna niya para sa akin, dahil hindi niya daw kaya ubusin kaya ako na lang ang kumain. I look like a kid begging for food, but I thank them for giving me the excess.
"Ano nga pala ginawa niyo nila Billy kahapon?" I asked them at nagkatinginan naman sila. Parang natakot sa tanong ko.
"Umm... She met a girl sa bar kagabi, e. Kaya na-stuck siya sa amin sa Dapitan." Gino explained at uminom ng dutch mill. Nag-alok pa siya rin naman pala iinom.
"Sino naman 'yon?" I asked. I'm interested about Bully getting a love life, he deserves it.
"Nanliligaw na pala siya." I say confusingly as I put down the spork on the table.
"Actually, she's a stranger. Na-meet niya siya sa bar tapos biglang nawala."
"Baka naman nakakakita siya ng multo," I goofed around. I see no reaction on their faces to what I said.
"Tsk. wala manlang alam si Brianna kay Billy kahit isang sikreto." Natatawang sambit ni Gino.
Nag-kunot noo naman ako. "Ha? Ano?"
"Wala... kumain ka na lang." Tapos ay binalik na niya ang atensyon niya sa kanyang ginagawang nga plates.
After lunch ay balik klase na ulit. I thought the lessons were easy but I'm drowning so easily dahil sa hirap kabisaduhin ang subject about sa blood. Because of what happened last night, nakalimutan kong aralin ang mga lessons kaunti lang nasagot ko.
Aabot yata hanggang gabi ang klase namin at hindi ako naka-survive the whole day dahil sa sobrang busy at hassle ng araw na 'to. Absent si Billy, kaya yung isa kong kaibigan na lang kausap ko buong araw.
The class ended. Mabilis kong inayos ang gamit ko at lumayas na agad sa room kahit nanghihina ang tuhod ko at mabigat ang damdaming dinadala ko ngayon.
I took a ride on an elevator and quickly ran away nang makababa ako hanggang sa makapunta ako sa labas ng main gate. I never waited for Gino and Bryan dahil may kaisa-isang tao ako na kailangan kong ma-meet ngayon.
I was busy wiping my tears that are falling on the floor while quickly running away. I can't handle the pain that my chest holds. It's suffocating me. This day suffocates me. I can't take it anymore.
Nakalabas na ako sa main gate at siya ang una kong nakita. He's wearing a black shirt and a denim jeans. He's carrying his books on his left hand and it's my first time seeing him wearing his eyeglasses.
Agad naman akong lumapit sa kanya at mabilis siyang yinakap. I don't know what to do but I want to hug him right now. I want to embrace my arms on his waist and hug him tight as I could. At sa kanya ko binuhos ang luha ko habang ang aking mukha ay naka-patong sa kanyang dibdib.
"H- hey.. w- why are you crying?" He stammers as he slowly hugs me. He's confused on what I did but he hugged me anyway.
Hindi ako sumagot. I don't want him to worry. He embraced me, zo that I could feel his comfort. Tinapik-tapik niya ang likod ko para tumahan ako sa pag-iyak.
"H- hey, don't cry. I'm here." He said, consoling me with his comfort that he could give to me right now.
I gently moved myself away from him, but slowly unbuckling my hands on wrapping around his waist. I wiped my tears using the back of my hand while he is looking at me. And on that moment, I let him cupped my face and let him wiped my tears falling down from my cheeks.
"W- what happened? W- Why are you crying..." He said as he tried to wipe off my tears.
"I need to go somewhere far from here," I said as my voice tremble as I speak.
"Ano nga? Bakit ka nga naiyak?" Tanong niya ulit.
"Wala nga lang 'to!" Iritado kong sabi.
Umiling siya. "Then.. we will go somewhere here in Morayta to make you feel better, okay?" He recommended.
"S- some- ano?" Pagta-tanong ko, naguguluhan.
"I said, somewhere here in Morayta," He says then smiled amusingly.
Nagkunot-noo ko at tumigil naman ako sa pag-iyak dahil nililinaw na niya sa akin kung saan kami pupunta. What was he thinking? Ano bang makikita namin dito? Hindi ko pa nga nasasabi sa kanya kung bakit ako naiyak tapos siya naman ay mabilis akong patahanin dahil sa mga sinasabi niya.
"Eh?"
"Just trust me, it will make you feel better. Alam kong acads 'yan, sama ka na lang sa akin.. mawawala rin 'yan." He said, promising that I have to gain a trust on him.
Matamlay naman akong tumango. "O- okay." At saktong sakto, ay biglang umulan!
Ano ba 'yan?! Kaiiyak ko lang kanina, tapos sa ilang sandali ay bigla niya ako isasama sa lugar kung saan kaming dalawa lang ang nakakaalam! Ang tanga lang eh! Iniiyakan ko pa yung grades ko.
Gosh! Saan ba kami pupunta!!!!????