It was a blur, a haze, a mass of muffled faces and words, all drowned out by the blow of the steam and voices of the crowd. No one was special at the train station, the horde of people was the perfect disguise for any unique individual. No matter how odd one could be, no one would notice.
At the busy train station of London, no one would notice you. No matter how hard you tried it remained tricky to actually win anyones attention, all were too focused on catching their ride, or pushing through the mass of people.
No one noticed. That's what made it so perfect.
It was natural that no one payed any mind to the group of red heads, the occasional brunette and a big black dog racing through the mob of muggles and plain individuals. Not even if they all rushed with a tight grip on a trolley that contained bags and owls. Not even, when the group took turns running straight into a wall. No one noticed.
The train station of London was the perfect analogy, for the mental well-being of... well - anyone. For all anyone knows, a stranger that walks by holds the weight of the world amongst their timid shoulders. For all we know, your closest friend could be clinically insane. For all we know, someone tried to tell you that they're struggling and you just... forgot. For all we know, you could be responsible for the cloud of grief that sticks to their backs, and for all we know you decided it wasn't your fault.
Whether we know it or not, it's rare if for someone to take notice or to care for longer than a second. Just because someone carry's it well, it does not mean the weight isn't heavy.
Aurora had been attacked and staunched by her closest friends, they accused her, embarrassed her, yelled at her, and it seemed as though they had already forgotten. Similar to how one forgets the peculiarly dressed person you come across on the street, a mere look of question before you turn away and continue with your own world.
She told them it was fine, that it didn't bother her, but in the grand scheme of things, she was hurt most when they believed her. For she was hurt, offended and she wished more than anything that they didn't forget, that they could still try.
Worst of all, she didn't blame them, for they were doing what everybody did, brushing it aside and resuming with their lives and focusing solely on their own thing. It was a hard slap to the face, a brute reminder that she was alone, everybody was and that the world was a lonely place, school was a lonely place, home was a lonely place, the train station was a lonely place, no matter how crowded it was.
Although it was a painful reminder of loneliness, it was also the birth of a tinge of hope. The hope, despite how small it was, outshone the sense of aloneness that she, and everyone, was accustom to. The hope came in the form of a friend who, like her, had suffered the tragic loss of a mother. The numbness that had grown inside her of which she feared would grow with time, matched Theodore Notts.
She was desperate to find someone, anyone, who could understand. In her months of search her siblings and father had left her, her friends had forgotten her like the crowd and Theodore became her last resort and once she found that salvation, she cherished it. What she didn't know was that it was never healthy to blindly grasp at whatever could be gripped and Theodore Nott was definitely a reach.
Then she ran into the wall. Opening her clenched eyes, she was met with a second crowd, this one more unique than the last. Still busy none the less, except the peculiarities were more common in this lot. Everyone was strange, in fact the weirdness was embraced in the community and eventually, the oddness became normal, and then they were all strangers again, and all went unnoticed.
Manoeuvring her trolley through the flock of wizards and witches alike, she bid her unrelated family farewell. Kissing the disguise criminal on the head, she whispered in the dogs ear. "See you Sirius, stay safe." He barked in response.
Grinning widely, she stood up, bracing herself for the bone crushing hug from Molly herself. The mother, squeezed her tightly, knocking the air from her lungs. Rory chocked, wheezing her words out. "You're crushing me Molly."
The lady let her go immediately, only before gripping the girls face and kissing either cheek. Rory grinned down at the woman as she did so. She turned and received a much gentler hug from Remus and Arthur.
Pleased with the affectionate goodbyes, Rory and her band of friends boarded the busy train. They shuffled through the narrow walkway in search of an empty compartment with enough room for each of them to sit, the chances were slim due to their tardiness, they could only hope.
Fortunately for them, Hermione had quite the eye and found themselves an empty cabin. It was all the way back to the near end of the train, Rory knew what this meant, they all did. The Slytherins were right next to them, no one spoke this aloud but each and everyone thought it.
It became especially difficult to ignore when Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zabini walked out of the compartment right beside theirs, with a impassive look on their face and some spare change in their palms. The Gryffindors didn't glare back, they merely looked away and continued to set up their bags and suitcases into the snug compartment. Rory was thankful for the lack of argument.
Peaking through the ajar door of which, Pansy and Blaise had left open, Rory spotted Theodore, himself, chatting up a small trio of Slytherin girls, they appeared to be in fifth year. Aurora smiled slightly, he was in his element, chatting up a bunch of girls. She sighed, of course.
Whilst he seemed uninterested, it was obvious from a bystanders view that he was eating up each and every compliment those girls were giving. She chuckled, when he took it to flirting back with one of the lucky Slytherins. He heard her sound of amusement, and turned to look at her, his mouth still moving as he chatted. He allowed a smile to grow at the sight of her.
Auroras smile exchanged to one of mocking, as he continued to talk up the three ladies. His own words appeared to get lost in his mouth as he watched her. His own thoughts eloping him deeply, never did he think he would willingly smile at Aurora Flores, nor did he think he could possibly be somewhat excited to see her... even weirder, he never would've guessed she would seem excited back.
Whilst they had taken it to awkwardly grinning at one another, Theodore paying absolutely no attention to the soft hand resting upon his bicep. Neither of the two noticed Hermione emerging from Rory's chosen compartment. The Granger witch eyed them as they talked with their eyes, she gently tapped Rory's shoulder pulling her from the trance.
Rory shot round to Hermione, confusion displayed on her features. Hermione merely gestured towards the compartment nodding in the direction of an empty seat next to Ginny. Aurora nodded in response, turning back to Theodore one last time.
He was still looking right back. He gestured towards the empty compartment right by him. It was natural for empty compartments to show up near the end of the train, most houses of red, blue and yellow avoided the colours of green but Hey, more space for them.
She nodded in agreement when he mouthed 'Five minutes.' Before turning back to her friends, each of them chatting wildly. Hermione shot her a gentle stern glance of which Aurora ignored before turning to her left and taking up light conversation with Ron.
It took what felt like forever until two minutes were officially over. She had been counting, so she supposed it was natural to feel like forever when paying deep attention to time. She didn't know why she always counted time, whenever anybody would ever schedule a hang out, she always took it to counting in fear of disrespecting anyone, but Rory supposed Theodore wouldn't appreciate that, like he said, be herself. So she stopped and allowed herself to relax.
Then it hit five minutes, which also felt like it took forever, because even though she said she wouldn't, she counted anyways. It was difficult to break old habits, at least she acknowledged it that time. She ignored the weary glance that came from Hermione as she sat up.
"Just going to the loo." She excused all curious glances, sliding past the door.
Once she was free of her friend group, she was left to roam the end of the train, not exactly sure where it was exactly she was supposed to meet her newest friend. A friend of whom she had to keep a secret.
No one was around. There was no sign of Theodore whatsoever, frowning in confusion she turned back only to be met with the surprise of an unfamiliar hand on her navel pulling her backwards. The palm that rested flat on the centre of her stomach, that had urged her back, caused Rory to stumble into the chest of the intruder who pulled her into the empty compartment. Shooting round, she raised her wand to the eye level of the intruder himself.
Allowing her body to shrug in utmost relaxation, she released a tired sigh, Theodore stood before her arms raised in defeat, smirking mockingly at the defensive stance she held, whilst standing before him. Her wand lowered, and she smiled as she smiled politely.
He rolled his eyes at her necessity, before stuffing his fidgety hands into the depths of his jacket pockets. He didn't know what to do, their friendship had begun to flourish weeks ago, but in reality they had only actually seen each other three times since. So weeks were technically hours, and although the two had loving friends of their own, they couldn't help but want one from each other.
Neither knew how the other felt, so for that moment they danced around the lines of truth, too nervous to dive right into something that could potentially be reckless, impulsive, stupid. He didn't want to risk anything, after he found himself knelt in front of his mothers flowers briskly chatting to the dead woman, he couldn't possibly in danger his word.
He didn't know it was too late by that point.
Rolling her own eyes, Aurora embraced him in a friendly hold. The hug was quick and easy. What was to come afterwards wasn't quite as such.
Releasing her gentle grip her arms held around his neck she lowered her hands, her eyes skimming downwards as to prevent any form of awkward eye contact. As her view lowered she caught sight of the gentle gleam of a badge coming from the right side of his chest. Her eyebrows furrowed, focusing on the emblem.
She was completely oblivious to Theodore's confusion, he hadn't yet processed why the girl still clung to his neck, his view lowered to meet the place her eyes remained trained to, is own doubled in size, as she stared at the pin.
'Inquisitorial Squad' It read in beautiful cursive letters. The emblem was a polished silver, with a tint of emerald green lining the outside. The pin was merely the size of her thumb yet it held the weight of a bolder.
She scurried back, removing her hands as if he had burned her. Her eyes refused to refrain from the silver brooch as if it leered right back at her.
She had seen that exact pin before, she had been eyeing it as it fashioned the chests of the other Slytherin peers. She recalled scowling in frustration as Draco frolicked around flashing his badge in every direction. She also strictly recalled his teasing brag. 'Umbridge requires only the best to be on her squad, we'll catch those slimy gits any moment now'.
She hated how the badge that Draco peacocked around with matched the pin Theodore too wore. The Nott boys words fell to deaf ears as she glared down at the symbol of loyalty to Umbridges immoral doings. "Aurora!" His stern tone dragged her from her own thoughts.
"What?" She hissed.
He wanted to beg, to explain to her that he didn't have a choice, that Umbridge would've had his head for denying her offer. Theodore found himself, slapping himself, and preventing himself from going down on his knees and praying for her forgiveness and mercy. Because he realised in that moment he was weak.
A girl of whom he had known and despised all of his life had earned a place in his podium of respect within a matter of weeks, less even, if counted the time they had actually interacted within the holidays.
He was embarrassed to admit he had been broken in so easily, Theodore found himself doing that often, allowing his feelings to dictate his relationships with others. Although he was cold and closed off he hated to admit that his heart was bigger and pumped stronger than most, it often found itself urging him to soften, thankfully he had a brain. One of which was swift enough to catch him millimetres from no chance at redemption.
So he said nothing.
He only bowed his head, expecting her to leave without a word. He hated how she didn't.
"You know I was considering calling you a friend." She looked up at the ceiling chewing at her lower lip. "You understood. At least I thought you did." Ticking her clenched fists she looked down at him one last time, basking in the wave of humiliation that hit her at the sight of his unbothered features.
She didn't get to see how the facade quickly vanished with her.
She stomped back to her friends and sat down quietly, hopeful not to draw an ounce of attention to her sour mood, mostly because she didn't want anyone to question how it got there.
She didn't want to tell them how for the first time in months she had sought comfort in the embrace of Theodore Nott, how she had hated him, understood him, basked in his truths despite how pessimistic they were, and how she wanted a friend in him. Mostly she didn't want to share how much it had actually hurt her, especially how much it didn't him.
So gazing out of the window of the train, and onto the field of the blurry green, she sighed solemnly and allowed herself to feel pathetic as she grieved their almost friendship and mourned of what it could've been. It wouldn't have worked anyway, she internally tried to reason.
After all, the world is a lonely place.
• • •
Theodore scoffed the moment she had brushed past him. The audacity, he accused. Shrugging his shoulders he turned around in hopes that glaring at her passing figure would brighten his mood, it didn't. It merely worsened at the sight of an agitated Aurora. There was a time he would've loved that, literally two months ago.
He wanted to laugh, to point, to snort in the face of her frustration, he couldn't help but allow any display of happiness on his face dwindle when he caught a glimpse of the blank expression she wore. Did she not care? He thought. By then he was just humiliated, or did he feel guilty? He couldn't differentiate the two.
He took his time wandering from the cabin, he kept training his eyes in the direction that Aurora had dispersed to. He didn't know why he just did, scratch that, he did know why he just refused to admit it. And then they were back to stage one, rivals, or strangers, or both, no more no less, Theodore found it strange in how he shivered uncomfortably at the idea.
Then he saw her. Someone, emerging from that direction, his heart raced, if it was Aurora turning back he knew already that he would remain quiet but he was desperate to see how she looked what she was feeling. Then the figure arrived. His heart pace evened.
Felicity Bulstrode. He nodded accordingly.
She smiled back, continuing her walk past him. He turned to gaze behind her, just to check if the Flores witch was coming also, that just maybe Aurora wanted to come back if only for just a moment. The chances were slimming and quickly they were gone.
He needed to revive his mood. Grasping onto the wrist of Felicity he tugged the witch back, a sharp reminder hit him. He had just done that less than forty minutes prior.
The Bulstrode girl tripped on her own feet at the impact. He caught her easily, smiling down at her, he murmured gently into her ear. "I happen to be in the mood now."
He examined as the young lady scowled. "And that means I am too?" He chuckled at her rude manner, at his laugh she grinned an evil smile. "You're just lucky I am too." She whispered back before shoving him forcefully into the empty room.
Turning on her heel, she lazily locked the door and closed the blinds. Facing back to the tall boy as he effortlessly unbuttoned his shirt. Her cheeky smile widened immensely as he effortlessly began to unbuckle his belt, before storming over and grabbing the girl by her throat.
Then, the rest was history.
• • •
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Atelophobia
| A • tel • o • pho • bia |
The fear of imperfection. The fear of never being good enough.
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Atelophobia is the weariness of mistakes, the obsessive trepidation of any fault. Aurora had learnt from a very young age the definition of the word before she had heard the term itself. Whilst the anxieties were created in order to protect, this phobia in particular had its very own consequence.
The young witch had dedicated the majority of her life to the purpose of creating rapture for others, some she may even nearly know. The habit was a tiring one, although it often left her with a feeling of accomplishment or safety, the act of bending over backwards often came as a nuisance.
Her short reign of acquaintanceship amongst Theodore Nott was a peculiar one, no matter how little the time spam actually lasted for. He had urged her to relax. It felt rather nice for the short time, a sort of safety blanket, one she had provided others with her entire life. And even if for a mere moment, it was nice to have a source to release all that pent up emotion and opinion on to.
The rocky finish to their almost friendship had Aurora questioning a lot. Would she miss the attitude she could release when around him?Would she continue to act so boldly? Would she go back to simply people pleasing?
That she didn't know.
Due to her decision, or lack of thereof, she remained quiet when trapped in conversation with Cormac Mclaggen. He had found her on her journey to the bathroom near the end on the train ride and immediately searched for any excuse to talk. Even if the topic of conversation danced around him. Despite the null of a headache that banged on the inner walls of her head, she remained polite, sweet, boring.
She hated it, but most of all she found herself growing to despise him. Theodore had dangled the opportunity of elation and affinity above her head, alluring her to reach out. And once he had her in a vulnerable position, he pulled harshly at the rug from underneath her unprepared feet. She could only be thankful that he hadn't done so later on.
Stupid. She scolded herself, barely even friends and yet it still affected her, but after all, wasn't that his game plan all along? He wanted her to hurt, so he offered her comfort, the only mercy he could give was the early-ness of his reveal to his intentions, hurting her, but not breaking her.
She could get over this, but she would still hate him for it. He got close to her so quickly it was near embarrassing, but he had found an easy target, a weak point, a vulnerability. Her mother. Now that was cruel, sick even.
She couldn't even begin to formulate a mere idea to how he could manage to morally reach so low, but he was a Slytherin. Their reputation for ambition and vindictiveness behaviour was to be expected, pulling others by the scruffs of their hair in order to pull themselves above the surface and to victory. Aurora saw that the Greengrasses where different, she was wrong to assume he was also.
He was as sly as the rest of them, where he had gained her respect he now sunk lower than most, she looked down past her feet at him then. Theodore Nott was a manipulator, a good one at that, he had admitted prior to once beaming at the sight of her destruction, clearly that hadn't changed.
She had been dwelling on the subject of Theodore so deeply that she had failed to notice the words of question from the boy standing eagerly before her. His grin had formed into a side smirk, she smiled and nodded pretending as though his attitude was infectious, it wasn't, but she was being polite.
"So you will?" He seemed surprised. What had she just agreed to?
"Uhm, sorry?" She blinked dumbly up at him.
"You'll go to Hogsmeade, Friday, with me?" The hopefulness in his gaze nearly led her to believe he genuinely liked her. Aurora knew he constantly flirted and sought the attention of girls all through out Hogwarts. She had noticed how he took interest in her, most likely due to her age, social status and perhaps the delicate personality she presented.
She didn't want to go with him, but she was unsure as to how she could crawl her way out of it, especially after unintentionally agreeing in the first place. Stupid. She scolded, mentally hitting herself over and over again.
"Oh." She blinked again. "Erm, I can't on Friday I have my study sessions with Theodore Nott, an assignment for potions." She was thankful to remember the excuse. Ever so thankful, until she wasn't.
All of a sudden going out on a date with Cormac Mclaggen seemed like a tiny issue in compared to the other matters she had coming for her on Friday, and then the following and so on. She still had to see him, every week no matter how hard she could try it was doubtful she could actually succeed in avoiding him then.
Her internal battle had her completely oblivious to the way McLaggens eyes darkened a whole seven shades. He hated Theodore Nott, that much she had already perceived. She flinched lightly in recognition.
"Another time then. I'll be certain to plan another time." She placed her hand on his arm in an attempt to inconspicuously console him. He had taken her kindness as an act of flirtation. Smirking widely, he nodded charmingly. From one problem to the new problem. She sung in her mind. She swore at that point in her attempts to climb from the whole she repeatedly dig herself she flopped straight into another. At least the boy didn't look as though he wished to kill any longer.
By the end of the train ride she still hadn't shaken off the egotistical wizard. Rory continued to act interested and kind when in reality she just wished for sleep. Holding onto her bags she allowed Cormac to talk her ear off as they took their steps off the train.
"Always said I was a handsome one, wasn't wrong was she?" He laughed to himself. She awkwardly chuckled from besides him.
For a third time that evening she allowed her mind to stray from Cormac McLaggen and focus on other matters.
Theodore waltzed off the train, hair messy and lips swollen an accomplished expression worn on his face. Her luck had truely been extraordinary, for they had both exited the train at the very same moment, through the exits that were right besides one another.
She noticed a pretty Slytherin girl a few people behind him looking in a similar state. She scoffed at how obvious he was being, failing to even appear fazed by the fact that everyone probably knew what had occurred.
She huffed loudly as the recognisable whispers emerged from the crowd around them. With that, the gossip trail had been swiftly set a match. It always did, it was nothing unusual, but right then, she didn't like all the unearned attention he was getting.
Turning suddenly on her heel. She stood up on her toes, quickly giving Cormac a light peck on the side of his face. His shocked expression morphed into one of triumph. Theodore's exchanged into one of indifference, feigned nonchalance, but she didn't know that, in fact he barely could articulate any reasoning himself.
She blushed profusely, and while bystanders most definitely assumed it was from the nervousness, it was probably a reaction to the shame that had sprung up inside of her. Looking down she mumbled. "I had a nice time on the train, see you around." Before rushing into the crowd. The whispers had increased loudened even. It only made her want to bury her head deep into the ground.
She had acted impulsively, leading the boy on practically. She still found herself clueless as to why she had acted so rashly, slapping her palm to her forehead she groaned. Even worse, she had done so publicly. Sighing loudly to herself she realised, perhaps she owed him that date now.
Great. Just great.
PS, note the sarcasm.
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AN
Hello, I'm officially going to start writing my chapters at about four thousand words now, this means less amount of chapters buuut same amount of plot. I might even start merging previous chapters, MAYBE.
Anyway, hope you liked this one. I decided that their friendship was moving too fast, soooo I ruined it a bit for you all *insert evil grin* I missed the angst anyway.
Either way, have a nice day/night everyone.
Unedited (I know I said I'd stop telling you this but I can't, you must know that I know it's messy I just can't be bothered to fix it) Oh well.
Sending my kindness regards
- Sofia xx