My dad was much more of a spender, than my mom. He liked investing in things that made him happy.
But this, he called it his favourite place.
When they'd built the academy, the cherry blossom grove behind it was owned by the local council. It was legally protected but my dad adored it. So it took him time but he earned ownership of it, paying a hefty sum and taking the cherry blossom grove for himself.
It's behind the academy, a large expanse of land protected by a brick wall around the whole area. The only entrance is through the code-protected gate and as I punch in the numbers, memories assault me.
Dad said he bought it so his kids had a place to hide away. As we grow older and have kids of our own, Blossom Grove would become their reprieve from reality too.
I was always here more than my brothers but once he died, all of us stopped coming here.
So when the gate opens and the sweet smell of cherry flood my senses, I could cry. I look around. This place, it's heaven on Earth. It's a beauty unparalleled that could probably be a great, popular attraction for the public but instead, was the Amory children's personal playground.
Cherry blossom trees cover the land, the epitome of a pink and purplish haze. Sunlight streams through them, dappling against the grass.
I shut my eyes, the sunlight bathing my skin and step under one of the weeping cherry blossoms, the vines hanging low.
"Fuck." I hear Everest mutter so I open my eyes and look to him, his head tilted back to absorb it all.
"This was ours. Mine and my siblings." I tell him, "And I know it's not usual, or practical. But there'll always be an innocence to this place."
"Your family owns it?" He asks me, tucked into his side.
I nod, "We're the only ones that have access, that know the code. My dad said that we'd pass it onto our children, too."
"And you're showing me it?" He says it quietly, softly. I nod, curling my arm around him.
Silence seeps around us for a moment before I break it. I brace myself, wanting to say this. It's been a week of me wanting to say so many things to Everest but keeping it to myself, instead silently comforting him.
But he's hurting. I don't know how to help, and I don't want to enable it.
"Sometimes I look at you and wonder how you could ever think you're weak." I admit quietly, "You haven't— been you. To everyone else maybe but I won't let you go, quietly. Hiding it from everybody else. You can't go quietly anymore."
He's quiet for a while and his expression sobers. His shoulders turn rigid. The signs he wants to close off.
"Luca fought." He doesn't look at me, tense, "Every day, he fought. So did Hudson. I fucked around and drank so strong isn't an attribute of mine, Violet."
"You're wrong."
He shakes his head, looking away from me and I can see that pain starting to seep into his body. The one he hides until it's nighttime, "No. You're just seeing what you want to see."
It's this. We've been tiptoeing around his pain for a week now. It's like a cord, tightening around him and snaking its way around me too. We need out. He needs out.
"Why?" I step closer to him but he doesn't let me. And his eyes look so sad, and so alone that it's tearing me apart, "When did you start thinking so low of yourself? Why do you do that?"
He turns away from me now but I know it's because he's overwhelmed. His back's to me, shoulders rising unsteadily, "Vy-"
"Tell me." I say louder.
"Violet," He runs an aggravated hand through his hair and I'm glad. I need him to scream. I need him to let it out instead of letting it consume him. It's darkening him for every second that he lets it plague his insides.
He mutters quietly, "Stop."
I yell, "Tell me-"
"I can't!" He yells back and I take his arm, turn him around to me. I'm about to yell back, to get him to explode but his hand's shaking and his face has fallen as the words slip past his lips, "I'm scared."
I freeze, staring up at him.
"I'm scared that I'm fucking nothing. That I- I don't know how to be more so I never will be. And then I'm scared that I'll never be able to escape this thing that's clawing at me from the inside out, every day-" He breathes heavily, "Every day since I can fucking remember. How am I supposed to look at myself in the mirror and believe that to be strong? How do you look at that and think it's strong? Don't you get it?"
"Ev-"
"It's built into me. Weakness. I can't face anything so I cower and I drink. I'd let it- fuck, I'm scared because I'd let it kill me, Violet! If it meant everything was just quiet." He's shaking and I rush to him, pulling his hands down from his hair. He drops his forehead to mine and mutters quietly, "That's weak. I don't want it to kill me. I'm scared. I don't know how to get it all to stop."
I shake my head against him, "You can't hide all of this, Everest. That's how it'll kill you."
"I don't know anything but- but going quietly." He takes my hands like he needs them to support himself. I cup his cheeks and his hands curl around my wrists, "It's all I've known."
A butterfly. He's like a butterfly that wraps himself into a cocoon of his own hurt, up-keeping smiles so nobody suspects a thing. In the background, he's been fading away since he was a kid. But nobody truly notices because he quiets his pain and allows alcohol to silently steal him away.
Everest Jones is an expert at putting on a show. Everest Jones has been losing himself for so long that letting himself go, is the most familiar thing to him. It's easy to turn back to what you know. It's addicting.
"You mistake the result of your pain, for your nature." I whisper. I pull him closer, "There is nothing innately wrong with you, Everest. You've had to live a life alone and it's hard. So you respond to the pain. Like one fights, or one takes pills, you hide. It will never make you any less."
"I want to be able to hurt, without letting it consume me." He whispers, so anguished, "I can't- I can't keep going if every slip up, every time a person leaves, it kills me."
My hand reaches his heart, "Would you prefer to be heartless? And cold?"
He nods against me.
"It would just make you more alone." I whisper, "I adore you as you are because the heart that hurts so much, loves just as much. You're beautiful."
He kisses me, small brief kisses between his tears.
And then his hands cup my cheeks and he kisses me with his all, pouring every ounce of emotion possible into the way his lips move with mine. I stumble back but he catches me and I rise on my tippy toes, to take all of his pain.
"You have to stay." He kisses between his words, "Stay with me. Keep me safe because it quiets with you."
I gasp when he hikes me up and my legs wrap around him. I cup his jaw, taking his lips, "I'm not leaving."
He walks us until my back meets the trunk of the cherry blossom. Wind glides past and a few of the pink petals fall, settling onto his shoulders. I loop my arms around him, wanting him close and closer as he pins his body against mine.
If I had the choice, I'd shut those gates and keep myself here forever.
We're telling it to each other with every kiss. We don't need to hide anymore. We don't need to quiet ourselves constantly, not with each other. We can scream and be wild and let ourselves fall, if need be.
I've found my person.
I part my lips against his, threading my fingers through his hair, "Show me."
His eyebrows are pinched with desire and I know we're both pent up, but its also all of this emotion. I just want him. I can see he wants it too so before he can rattle on, I nod, "I want it."
He drops his forehead to the dip of my neck for a moment, slowing. He kisses me there, "Vy."
It's just my name, a whisper. But it bursts with desire, brimming with so many unspoken things. He's shaking with it and if I was standing, the emotion punching through my stomach would have made my knees buckle.
I hold him close, "You don't have to say anything."
I open my thighs a little more, my ankles crossed at his lower back. Everest pulls back from my neck, hiking me higher around him. With gentleness I've never known, his lips meet mine again. Softly, I undo his belt buckle.
His fingers dig into my thighs to keep me up and I watch him, pretty blue eyes lined with red and kissed lips, all swollen. Even as he lines himself up, I can't tear my gaze away and I only do, when he slides himself inside me and my head rolls back.
I arch against the tree and he goes slow, but in one smooth thrust reaches to the hilt. In so deep that I can barely breathe. He kisses that dip of my neck again and my eyes flit shut, my entire body welcoming the feeling of him inside me again.
I can feel him watching me, every rise and fall of my chest. My head's still tilted back when he whispers, "Eyes, Vy. I need you to look at me."
I whimper quietly at the feeling of fullness but manage to lift my head. My dazed eyes meet his, no distance between us. Everest lifts me higher and my arm dangles around the back of his neck. He catches my noises with his lips, kissing me sweetly when he starts to thrust.
I cling onto him and he upholds me, even as my forehead drops to his shoulder. A scape of pink and purples behind him and god, it feels so good.
"Fuck." He grunts, setting a steady rhythm that has me writhing. His forehead drops to my neck, "You bring me back. It's you. Fuck, Vy, I missed—"
He doesn't finish his words and when he lifts my hips, angling me so he can reach deeper, I gasp out, "Ev?"
"Feeling." His lips hover over mine and my small hands grip his biceps. I can barely open my eyes to look up at him when he says, "Fuck, I needed to feel. I needed you."
"Will you come back to me now?" I arch my head back as he pushes inside harder.
"I'm here, baby."
He drops my legs to the ground and before they can buckle, he turns me around. I can barely hold my head up, overcome by pleasure when he lifts my hands so they're pressed against the tree. My hair's all messy so Everest swoops it behind my back.
I whimper at the feeling of emptiness, "Everest-" I cut off, a choked moan leaving me when he drives himself inside me from behind. He encloses his arms around me and pushes, again and again. If he wasn't holding me up, I'd fall.
It feels like ecstasy. Setting every nerve of mine on fire, sizzling me from the inside out. We're electricity and it crackles with every noise he pulls out of me. I don't care to keep them in. Nobody can get in here anyways.
I cry out with every hard thrust, reaching my hand up to his hair. He groans into the back of my neck, kissing my skin every now and again. I'm trapped in his large arms, pulled back against his taller, broader body.
I start to tremble and I pinch my eyes shut, shaking my head, "Everest, it's too much." I can barely get my words out between my heavy breathing, dropping my head between my shoulders.
"Give me something to dream about, Violet." That lust returns to his voice, "Come for me."
It drives me over the edge and my breathing hitches when the orgasm sweeps over my senses. It rids me of any ability to stand so Everest's the only thing keeping me up, though he doesn't stop fucking me.
Every bit of me is overstimulated but I- I like the feeling. Just as I like the feeling of soreness after. Or the tenderness of his hickeys, where he plants them on my neck now.
Everest's hand slides up, long arm horizontally against my torso when he spans his fingers out under my jaw. He lifts my face, turning me so I can see him. Those blue eyes flit over me, how spent I am and how I can only just manage to open my eyes, "Fuck. Will you give me one more, Vy?"
"You're-" I whine and he kisses my lips briefly, "You're going to kill me."
He taunts against my lips, tugging at the bottom one with his teeth. As if saying please.
I crane my neck so I can take his lips for myself, slipping my tongue past them. I nod.
He smiles and clasps his fingers around my neck, applying the lightest pressure that makes my core throb around him. Now, he drives himself inside me with urgency. Hard and fast and moving my hands to a smoother part of the bark, so they don't scrape from his force.
I try to drop my head but he doesn't let me, wanting to keep my lips on his. It's so difficult and it drives me over the edge because he gets me more breathless, makes my head spin more until we explode at the same time.
This one hits me so much harder, like a rolling wave of pleasure that submerges me. For a second, it's like I can't breathe. I'd prefer drowning in this, here, with him.
He pulls himself out and hurries to lift me before I fall. I wrap my legs around him, shaking with pleasure, small jolts still running through me. I can't hold my head up and my arms limply hang around the back of his neck.
He sits back against the tree and keeps me in his lap, both of us coming down.
It might take him a while and it might only be slight, but I can feel him returning to me. The Everest I know. Even if all this pain alters him permanently, I'll take him in any way that he is. As long as it's his truest self.
Everest.
Violet Amory has small habits that I've memorised. Tiny things she does that snag my attention and drive me absolutely mad for her.
Right now, we're sat back against the cherry blossom, her back to my chest and our knees propped up.
She's tracing the shape of my fingers. She's done it before, especially recently when I've sneaked into her room cos I needed her. If I don't want to fall apart, I need Violet at the end of the day. I'll lie with my head on her chest and she'll trace my fingers.
When she's standing in front of me, she'll always rest her chin on my chest to look up at me and that, I fucking love. Sometimes I'm scared she'll hear my heart about to pound out of my chest when she does.
Every mannerism, every habit and move of hers makes me fall in love with her. Every day. If this love thing keeps escalating at this rate, I'm seriously gonna die.
Violet Amory knows me. More than anybody in my life ever has. She has my heart and she treasures it like a gem she wants to protect. The sweetest ballerina, with the prettiest emerald eyes, has taught this idiot orphan how to love. Truly love.
"What are you thinking about?" She asks in that sweet voice, the back of her head against my chest.
"You."
She stops tracing my fingers and instead clasps them with hers, swaying them back and forth. I see the blush that peppers her cheeks.
"Am I just on a loop in there?" She muses, taunting, "I know I'm pretty cool but I'm not sure that's healthy, dear."
"That's the healthiest it could get." I say back. Seriously.
Thoughts of Violet quiet my head and I've been needing a lot of it recently. Losing Luca's not only torn me apart but it's resurfaced pain I've never wanted to think about again.
I can't stop drinking and for now, I don't want to. In this moment though, I don't crave anything. Violet quiets all of it.
"Have you ever self-medicated with anything other than alcohol? Or weed?" She asks gently.
"I tried LSD once. Not my thing. Pills and hard drugs don't do it for me. Besides, Hudson would beat me to a fucking pulp if he ever found out I started using." I confide.
"Hudson?" She blinks, "The one who-"
"Yeah. It's hypocritical but he's deadly sometimes. Even Luca listens to him when it comes to that." I say but tense up, catching myself. My stomach starts to sink so I pull Violet closer against me.
"I've-" Violet hesitates, "Never mind."
"No hiding." I remind.
She sighs for a moment, "I've always wanted to try it."
"LSD?" My eyes bulge, "I'm chopping my dick off before I'm ever letting you tr-"
"Weed." She clarifies hurriedly, "Not LSD. But you're not my dad. If I wanted to-"
"You won't." I say, serious and she quietens, "You're funny if you think I'm going to let you near drugs like that."
"But what if I just want to try it?" She turns her head to look up at me, emerald eyes shining under the sunlight.
"As long as it's with me, then maybe." I lie. Fuck no, she's not ingesting shit that could kill her. I'd talk her out of it but I just don't want her doing it with anyone else or trying it alone, "You want to try weed, though?"
"I won't ever drink alcohol." She says, "But I do want to try other stuff. I've never been allowed to."
I'm not sure if I have any joints on me so I dig into my front pockets. There's nothing so I reach into my back one and smile when I feel the familiar feeling of my rolling paper case. I pull it out and open it up.
Three already rolled joints. I don't know when the fuck I did that but drunk or high Everest must have. Thanks to that miserable fucker.
I look at Violet and her eyes spark with intrigue. I love that look. It was there when we'd snuck into Aster's backyard and spray painted his garage. It's there every time we secretly sneak around. It's her wildness coming to life.
I pull her legs over so now she's sat sideways over my legs, tall above me. She loops an arm around my shoulders and watches as I pull one out-
"Wait," She grabs my hand, "What if I hate it? But I've already done it and then I can't escape it."
"Relax." I kiss her jaw, "Be sure you want to do it. And we won't smoke the full thing, anyways. Just one hit at first and then we can go from there. Whatever you want."
She nods repeatedly, staring at the joint like it's going to come to life, "Okay. Go ahead. Do your thing. Light it up."
I stifle a smile and pull out the lighter from my front pocket. I watch as the end burns orange and a thin trail of smoke starts to leave the end. I spare a glance at Vy.
She looks seconds away from imploding with nerves.
"Vy." I sigh.
She blurts immediately, "I'm going to choke and die. That's definitely a thing that would happen to me. I don't want my gravestone to say death by joint, Everest."
"Stop talking about gravestones." I say-
"Oh god." Her eyes go wide, cheeks blushing a deep red, "I'm- that was so insensitive. I'm so sorry-"
I'm pretty sure she rants about how sorry she is for a good few minutes. But all I'm really thinking about is how much I love this girl. Eventually, when her rambling starts to verge on mental breakdown, I decide to put an end to this and wrap my lips around the joint, taking a deep drag.
I take a hold of her chin, bringing her face right against mine. Those green eyes widen, flitting from my lips to my eyes in confusion, "If you're gonna speak, I think you're gonna find it hard with all that smoke in your mouth."
I have to stifle a laugh again. That only means I almost choke so I tap my thumb against her bottom lip, a gesture for her to open up. As soon as she realises what I mean, her face morphs from confusion to shock to absolute excitement.
She crosses her legs where she's sat on me, scooting towards me with such intrigue. She whispers, "Don't suffocate me."
I roll my eyes and tell her with them you'll be fine.
She smiles and nods. Finally, the girl parts her lips for me. I grab her chin and tilt her face, pulling her in so there's no distance. Slowly, I let some of the smoke trail from my mouth into hers, a thin wisp between our lips.
I quickly tilt my head up so the remaining smoke escapes from my lips and I can explain it to her, "Draw it into your mouth first, sweetheart. Now, don't panic and inhale it slowly."
I can see the swell of her chest as she breathes in and then as expected, the coughing ensues.
I rub her back as she gets it all out, the smoke escaping her lips. She coughs, scrunching her whole face in a grimace, "God, ew-" She coughs again, a few times, "How do you-"
Another few coughs. I wait it out. Eventually, she stops heaving and grimacing at the disgusting taste.
"That was awful. You- you smoke like fifty of these. How do you not die?" She exclaims, still rolling her jaw around like it'll get the bitter taste out, "Your tastebuds probably hate you."
"You get used to it." I smile, "You did well though. I vomited the first time I took a hit."
"You did?" She raises an eyebrow.
"All over my shoes."
She chuckles at that and the small, soft noise makes my stomach flip. I bring her close again and she tucks underneath my neck. I return the lit joint to my lips, taking a much deeper drag before, inhaling it until I feel the burn and release it above me.
This place is beautiful. Everything looks heavenly, magical in a way I've never experienced. Violet spent a lot of her childhood here, a safe place for her. I understand why she wanted to bring me here.
"You should just feel calm. Or a little loopy." I stroke her hair, smoke slithering from my lips, "You can have another drag in a few minutes."
She nods, curling against me before she asks, "When did you start smoking? And all the partying? Was it the same time you started drinking?"
"Enough talk about me. You said you'd tell me how France was."
"But the question's already out there, so now you gotta answer it." She shrugs, smiling a little.
She's dangerous. I think the girl could ask me anything and I'd concede. This is okay, though because I'm hers. She can know all of me.
"I smoked my first joint at this tattoo parlour. I was fifteen, it was where Luca got his tats done cos the guy liked us and it was underground. We were too young but it was where everyone went. No parental consent needed." I tell her, "And the parties started around the same time I started drinking."
"And the..."
"Sex? Same time." I tell her. She turns around so she's straddling my lap instead, a few cherry blossom petals falling around her. God, she's an angel embodied. So easily able to take my breath away.
I tuck back her hair when she asks gently, "Would you go back and wait? For sex, I mean."
"The only time I've really regretted how much I fucked is when I'm with you. I wish I'd waited for you." I admit, her eyes on mine, "But I never thought I'd find this, so I didn't care to wait. You were a fantasy, Vy."
Her lips quirk at that and she leans in affectionately, hands planted on my chest, "Did I make your dreams come true?"
We laugh and I nod, "I'm still trying to figure out if you're real."
She kisses me then and I pull back, taking a drag of the joint. When her lips latch onto mine again, I let the smoke escape between the kisses. This time, she actually blows it out instead of hacking it all out.
It's hot. Look at her. In her pretty silk sundress, slender legs hugging my waist. Smoke falling from her lips.
Sometimes, I wish I had someone to show her to. A mom. I love Lila, I do but we've always had a subtle understanding that she's not my mother. It's not a role she can completely fill. Maybe if she'd found me earlier, when I hadn't already lived most of my childhood alone.
I wish I had a full home. A mother and a father and maybe some siblings. I could take her home and she'd entrance them all. I could show her the things she deserves, like family dinners. Things that she knows.
"I like your friends." She says, surprising me. I don't know if she read my fucking mind but I'm not complaining.
"You do?"
"With the exception of Hudson. He's mean. But Ria's so cool. And Val's perfect." She traces her fingers over my chest, "I'd dream for that sort of family."
And I smile, now. Yeah. I do have a family of my own. One that already adores her. Seriously, Val doesn't shut up about her and though Ria's struggling, on the few occasions she speaks to me, she asks about 'my ballerina'.
I don't have a blood family to bring her home to. But I have the one I've chosen. I realise that I can give her my all, even if it's not usual or typical.
"You're a part of it now." I look up to her.
She tries to hide her smile but it doesn't work. I can tell the weed's starting to work her way into her system with the way she keeps blinking harshly, the flush of her cheeks.
"Can I try?" Her fingers trail down my chest, those eyes looking at me, "Breathing it into your mouth?"
My cock starts to fucking stir, just at those big green eyes looking at me, those words falling from her lips. I'm in a Violet-induced daze when I nod, not really comprehending when she gently takes the joint from my fingers.
And then my throat dries, watching her place it between her lips. The way they wrap around it-
And I'm hard. Great. I try not to shift so Violet doesn't feel it. Instead, I focus on her but that's also a bad fucking idea because she just sucked in the smoke, her cheeks hollowing around the joint and jesus, fuck. Look away, Ev.
I force myself to tilt my head up to the sky, anywhere other than Violet and her lips wrapping around things. But it's only a moment before her small fingers gently take a hold of my chin. When she tilts me down, I let her, lost in the daze she's dragged me into.
Violet pulls me to her lips and uses her thumb on my bottom lip, parting them for her. As soon as she has access, she hovers her lips over mine and breathes out the smoke into my mouth. I feel the thickness floating down my throat and I inhale, all the while keeping my eyes on her.
I don't know if this is turning her on just as much but her thighs are starting to squeeze together, Violet's telltale sign. In unison, we tilt our head backs to blow out the smoke and watch it dissipate with the backdrop of cherry blossoms, and blue skies.
Bracing her in my arms, I stand and she squeals as I back her into the tree. Her legs cross around my waist and I kiss her, again and again. Just cos I want to. Just cos I can and just because, this - having her to myself like this, is a peace I've never known.
Everybody else feels so fucking insignificant in comparison to her.
She whispers, a small giggle leaving her, "Slow down, baby. We've got all the time in the world."
And it's a miracle that I don't fall to my fucking knees.
"Spend it all with me." I nudge her forehead with my own, so our lips brush but don't completely meet.
"I dunno. I might want to live out my jackass wife days. Travel the world and explore my options-" She laughs, the sound like a beautiful bell when I hoist her higher and grip her chin.
"Hey." My eyebrows pinch.
"Hi." She's laughing again, her eyes flitting down to my chest where her hands run over, "I like this."
"Like what?"
"This." She drawls her hand down my chest, "And these," She smiles, lifting my shirt so her hands can gently run over my abs, "These are nice."
"Yeah?"
"And that." She says with a grin, her hands reaching up to hold my face. She smacks my cheeks lightly, "I really like when you look at me like that. You have sky eyes. You know that?"
I start to pull her away from the tree but she grabs me back, "No- keep kissing me, Mr Sky Eyes."
"Viole-"
"Kiss me." She grumbles, "The world could end right now and you'd be mad if you didn't seize the day and kiss me."
It's so hard stifling my smile right now. The weed's strong and she's never had it before so I know it wouldn't take long to kick in. Everyone has different responses to it and I'm starting to think Violet Amory's is gonna be my fucking favourite of them all.
"And what if I don't?" I challenge, teasing her lips.
A spark of mischief lights her eyes. She smiles, a little snicker leaving her, "I'm sure I can find somebody. You think people want to kiss me, Ev? You know, I've been getting vibes from Isaac-"
"Who the fuck is Isaac?" My posture straightens. Violet's eyes spark again at the sight of me, challenge and trouble in them.
"My brother's friend." Her slender fingers run underneath my t-shirt again, taunting, "You're tense."
"Yeah, I'm fucking tense. Isaac will be too soon enough." I breathe against her lips, "Do you know where I can find him, sweetie?"
"What'll you do?" She tightens her legs around me, her confidence rising, "Burn his house down?"
"I'll have to let him know who those lips belong to, first." I roll my hips back so we meet, "For such an innocent girl, you kiss far too fucking good. Nobody else gets that."
"Ev." She breathes heavy again, head tilting back when she rolls her hips. Her silk sundress has ridden up, friction against her core.
"Say it." I speak lowly against her lips. I don't let her kiss me yet and she whimpers, wanting more. Arching up.
"No." She relents.
I drop her feet to the ground. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I've never wanted to not do anything more. But I want to hold my ground just because I know she loves the challenge, just as much as me.
We stare at each other, her chest rising heavily against me.
She frowns and I know what she's doing when her hands start to dwindle downwards, tracing my V-line, "Ev."
Fuck.
"Ev." She says even softer, leaning forward to kiss my chest-
My lips crash against hers. That didn't take me fucking long but I couldn't give less of a fuck. Because she gasps against me, taking my kisses and breathes, "Nobody else gets this."
Cherry blossom petals fall and the air around us warms, enclosing us in the sanctuary we always seem to make. Nobody else gets her. She's all mine. I'll burn down whatever it takes to keep it that way.
<3