tw: This chapter contains mentions of abuse. Read with caution.
Blaise saved the days of my Christmas holiday by allowing me to stay at his home for the remainder of it since Graham tried sending me to my father's for weeks of torment just for shits and giggles. This now stood as our new record. I hadn't seen or heard from him in over a week. Almost more than that. No letters or owls, no searching for me, and no begging for my forgiveness as usual. It was surprisingly peaceful, and I enjoyed getting a break from emptying my entire being into pleasing someone every day.
Blaise spared me the conversations I knew he wanted to have deep down. Talking about the abuse he recently discovered wouldn't make it feel any better than simply avoiding it would. So that's what we did. We pretended it never happened at all.
There was something else to it, too, and it wasn't just because he didn't want to express his curiosity on the situation. Blaise was much softer than the others. He didn't like the idea of anyone hurting me, so I think his brain helped him cope with the thought by assuring him that it wasn't that bad. That I hadn't been suffering in silence all this time. He also didn't like confrontation, and he would be the last one to bring it to Graham's attention.
"I think he's going to be really mad at me when we go back tomorrow." I whispered to Blaise in the warmth of his bed. He was half out of it and in a state of exhaustion as my mind was wide awake and trailed through all the reasons I should hate myself.
I'm useless, worthless, and don't actually matter to a single person out there. The relationship I have with Blaise feels like it's out of pity. I am the worst thing to ever happen to my father because he couldn't have such luck to have a boy carrying on a legacy his ancestors had built, and I reminded him far too much of my mother. My boyfriend loved me until he didn't... and the longer I'm with him, the more he loathes me for all the things I do wrong.
Even with my arms and neck appearing as clean canvases from Malfoy's one act of decency, bruises and scars still covered the rest of me. Too many marks that had washed away my innocence because I didn't belong to myself. I was always property of someone else, and I think I hated that more than I hated the constant reminders of how weak and fragile I really am.
The lifestyles of The Sacred Twenty-Eight is really superior, huh?
"I don't doubt it." Blaise mumbled into my hair. His arms tightened around my torso and tried to hug me closely. "Why have you never said anything about him hurting you? I knew he said some horrible things, but I had never even thought of him... touching you. I ignore the rumors because I thought we told each other eveyrthing." It had taken him almost 10 whole days of sharing each other's company before he opened the can of worms. Dread and annoyance filled me all at once, and I wanted to do anything in my power to avoid answering.
"He's never hurt me on purpose. He loves me and I love him. It was just a misunderstanding." I said. The sad part was even though I knew it was wrong, majority of my brain was convinced that this was true. This was the reality of our situation, and I must have done something for karma to think this should be my punishment.
For all of these wicked things to be my punishment.
"When Malfoy pointed out that bruise on the roof-"
"He didn't do that." My voice was believable from how strongly it came out. "He's an asshole sometimes, but he doesn't hurt me." I repeated. The more I said it, the more realistic it felt.
He doesn't mean it.
It was all an accident.
I deserve my punishments.
I always have it coming.
The crazier my thoughts became, the more I squeezed Tundra's long fur in my hands while she laid against my chest in my arms. The action that would piss off any other animal only caused her to purr more. It was a defense mechanism I had started using when I was 12, and I never had been able to shake the horrible habit. She expected it frequently because she knew how much it soothed me.
"I love you, Rain." Blaise sighed in defeat. "I wouldn't trade you for the world." His voice was thick as his breathing slowed into a sleeping pattern. I tried my hardest to close my eyes and drift off, but each time I did all I could see were possibilities of Graham's reunion with me tomorrow.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
The air surrounding the castle was foggy and depressing when we made our return on the 4th of January. The cold made your bones shake with the whistling winds and drafts of snow that could blind the view in front of you within seconds. My anxieties had only gotten worse as the minutes ticked by, and I couldn't stop my brain from dragging me down a deep rabbit hole that was hard to climb out of.
"It'll be okay." Blaise tried telling me once more, and I felt sorry that he was constantly saying the same phrase to me. My feet dragged over the stones of the dungeon floor, and the only thing separating me from Graham was a lousy password and some bricks. "Basilisk." Blaise muttered with a drawn wand, and I pushed past him with my belongings as swiftly as I could. The sooner I get to my dorm, the better.
The common room held dozens of students who had returned today and caught up with their friends. They probably had normal holidays with their families and had sentimental stories to share. Meanwhile, I was on the run from a beating from Hell. My quick feet slowed and came to a stop from the feeling of Graham's eyes burning into the pit of my stomach. My gaze couldn't break from his while he sat with some other boys on the couches, and he took notice of Blaise behind me rather quickly.
I did the only thing I could think of and sprinted up the stairs in a relaxed fashion. A fashion that wouldn't show everyone how fearful I was. I knew I had to face him at some point, and I would do just that when I felt ready. Right now, all I could get myself to do was slam my door shut, toss Tundra on to the bed, and sprint to my bathroom to throw up any food Blaise had forced down my throat today.
But I knew the rules. Graham has access to me whenever he wants. So my bedroom door clicking shut while I leaned against the bathroom wall from the floor didn't come as a shock.
"I'll give you 5 seconds to get out here and talk to me before I make this ugly." His voice was dangerously calm. I flushed the toilet and stood off of the ground. I tossed a peppermint straw in my mouth to soothe my stomach and get the taste out of my mouth before I gained the courage to face Graham.
"I know you didn't stay at your father's like I told you to. You didn't show up for the Christmas or New Year's parties, and neither did your pet dog Zabini." Graham's voice was intimidating without even trying. He sat on the edge of my bed and stared at me with eyes that could kill. "Your gifts are in my dorm. You can stop in and get them tonight after dinner. Bring mine with you." He informed me in a voice that was too calm. My brows started to pull together.
"What are you going to do to me? What punishment?" I asked with a hoarse throat. His anger didn't budge and he sat completely still.
"You get one last chance, Rain. No more Zabini. Whatever shit happened with Malfoy before my mother's dinner— the shit that you tried saying didn't happen? It's over. No Theodore Nott. Or whatever other tricks you have pissed me off with in the last month." He commanded me. "I'm done playing fucking games with you. You either listen and get rewarded, or you get the absolute worst I can give you." He promised me. I had never met someone so evil, and instead of seeing the monster, I nodded in agreement to his conditions. "Are you going to behave? Because you really don't want to know what things I have planned out, and the only thing keeping me from doing them right now is the fact that I know you love me enough to do as I say this time." He told me.
My feet felt like they were bolted to the floor, and I didn't know what to do. I can't give Blaise up. I can't do it. Malfoy and Nott could go out the door in a heartbeat. The breaking feeling in my chest from the mere thought of losing my only friend felt like it would cripple me over.
"I-" My breaths turned to pants through my nostrils and I didn't dare to let him see me so upset over this.
"Answer, Ray. Now. With words." He told me harshly. "I won't piss you off anymore. I'll stay away from everyone else." He said for me like he expected a repeat.
"I won't piss you off anymore. I'll stay away from them."
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
The days that followed were quiet. My room became my sanctuary that I only left for light meals and class. My voice was muted like it used to be, and I was once again like Graham's shadow that lingered around the castle. I had gotten very good at turning my hearing off, so ignoring questions the first two days got easier. The people on Graham's hit list had stopped trying to get any reactions out of me entirely.
Life without Blaise was dark and empty. I wanted to run off to the roof and beg him to cheer me up, but I was worried about the consequences he would face if I did. That was the funniest part. I had more fear of what Graham would do to B than I had for what rude awakening he would give me.
Malfoy had already given me more information than necessary during Charms at the start of the week. It wasn't surprising that he was trying to find joy in passing along the news that made my insides burn, but I kept myself from letting on so he would grow tired of the hassle and stop completely— which worked perfectly.
This was Draco's explanation of events as my brain picked up bits and pieces:
Graham left my dorm the day we returned and took a trip to Blaise's to deliver the message he wanted to make clear. I was property, and Blaise had stolen from him by keeping me stowed away in his house during our vacation. Pomfrey said that Blaise wouldn't be recovered properly until the end of the week. So much blood it took Nott hours to clean Blaise's room... I stopped listening after that.
"My match is tomorrow. You'll be there, right?" Graham combed his fingers through my hair while I laid silently over his chest. "It's one of the biggest yet. We play Ravenclaw and need to win to keep the lead over Gryffindor."
"Of course I'll be there." I looked up at him with a defeated smile. It was the best one I could pull off. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
He smiled at that. That I was willing to do anything for him, and I was. I loved him with everything I had to give. Watching him fly around and try to score goals for the Slytherin house was something I could definitely agree to because I knew how handsome he'd look as he did it.
Then he was always in a decent mood depending on the outcome. We'd come back here and follow our same weekend patterns after that. Eat, party, fuck, sleep, repeat.
"You have been so good for me this week, baby." He complimented me, and it did lift some of the weight off of my shoulders. "Doesn't it feel good when we're this happy?" He was oblivious to how I really felt, but I nodded in agreement.
He grazed his thumb over my cheekbone and his chocolate eyes did something to me. Whatever I had done for him to look at me that way, I wanted to do a million times over.
"My good girl." His voice was sweet and quiet. He brushed my hair away from my face, and admired me. Something inside of me ignited from the statement. My only goal in life was to earn praise from him like this forever.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
"I'm going to go eat breakfast and get ready, love. I'll see you right after the game, yeah?" I groaned and tugged on Graham's arm to pull him back into bed with me for a few more minutes. "It starts at 10. Don't be late so you can get a good seat." He pulled his arm back and stroked my hair sweetly. "I love you." He planted a kiss on my forehead and I half heard the door click shut a few seconds later.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
I felt like I was getting the best sleep of my life after our exhausting first week back. The second term was already kicking my ass and it had barely even started.
I scrunched up my nose and wiped it to stop it from itching. The bizarre feeling occured again, and I swatted it once more. I didn't catch on to the perpetrator until my hair was tugged and pulled to ease her boredom.
"Ow! Tundra!" I shrieked while I sat up straight in the bed. She perched next to me and tilted her head innocently before she climbed into my lap and started her purring. "Must you be so needy?" I tried to ease my annoyance by rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
I widened my eyes and shoved her off of me before I sprinted for the bathroom.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit." I cursed under breath as my hands stumbled around on the counter to get my toothbrush. I hastily did the chore as I threw one of Graham's huge quidditch jumpers over my head and tugged a pair of jeans up my legs.
I threw the toothbrush down and rinsed my mouth while I tugged my dark hair up into one of the messiest ponytails I had ever seen. I sprinted into the bedroom and glanced at the clock as I tugged on a pair of socks and my Chelsea boots.
"Fuck!" I shouted angrily and put my head in my hands. The tears from feeling so stupid accumulated quickly and I found myself whimpering while I sprinted through the empty common room and out to the grounds where the quidditch pitch was.
Maybe if it had only been a few minutes, it wouldn't have felt so bad. People are late to events all the time. Graham would've let it slide, and we'd be heading back to his room to shower together and talk all about his favorite parts like we had done in the past.
But by now it was past 12:30 in the afternoon. And I had missed the match completely. Students scattered through the lawn after they left the field. I didn't know what else to do except for sprint to the locker room and shove the door open.
Only a few of them lingered by the lockers as most of them had already showered and headed out. I could tell by the atmosphere that it was already a bad day because they lost. Graham's head lifted from the locker he had it rested on before his look turned to a monstrous one.
His fist clenched around his jersey in his hand and sweat dripped from his hair and onto his flexed shoulders.
"I slept in." I admitted through my tears, and he turned to look at the few boys that were left in the room. Malfoy tugged his duffel bag up on to his shoulder, Nott shook a towel through his wet shower hair to dry it, and Pucey kept stealing glances over at Graham and I to pretend he wasn't eavesdropping.
"Can you guys hurry and get out so I can talk to my girlfriend?" Graham snapped over his shoulder, and the three stared at him for a moment. "Now." He ordered. They each rolled their eyes and muttered a few spiteful words about Graham under their breath before they walked towards me at the door to exit.
"I asked you for one thing-"
"I can't believe I did that. I didn't mean-"
"But you did, Rain! That's all you ever do!" He shouted at me before his fist collided with the locker next to him and left an indent. "You fuck everything up all the time! There's never anything that you can get right!" The veins of his neck turned purple as he screamed.
I didn't have any argument for him. I felt the knife of his words retract from my chest and plunge back in over and over.
"You went and saw him, didn't you?" Graham became even more furious as the thought crossed his mind. I quickly shook my head to deny his claim.
"No, no, no. I promise I didn't. I was asleep-"
He had already reached me across the empty room and was pulling me by my arms before I could finish my pleas.
"Don't lie to me!" He shouted. He pushed me against a wall deep in the room by my shoulders and stared down at me with hooded eyes. My sobs were echoing through the locker room now as my back collided with the tiled wall.
"Tell me the truth right now, or I'll make you hurt so badly-" he gritted his teeth as he collected my jaw in his hand roughly and squeezed. "The truth, Rain. Were you with him? Did you go see Zabini?" His voice climbed towards the end of his question.
"No." I cried out. His grip started to hurt, and he started fuming. I shook my head to convince him.
"You disgust me." He spat in my face before he shoved me into the wall as hard as he could. My small frame felt like everything had shattered from the impact his strong body had caused. The wind escaped my lungs and I tried desperately to find more.
"Stop!" I screamed from the pain, but he had too much fuel to extinguish his fire. His hands grabbed me roughly and threw me to the floor before he heaved one of his boots back and kicked my arm closest to him.
A blood curdling scream left my throat and I waited for the next blow to hit me as I squeezed eyes shut and curled up on my side. The room turned to chaos rapidly.
Shouts and familiar voices ripped through the air. Clashing of lockers and screaming that wasn't only my own. I held on to my stomach and cried weakly before unfamiliar arms found my torso and pulled me from the floor. My eyes shot open as I thrashed to fight back out of fear, but they remained calm and walked away with me against their chest.
"Let's go outside." His voice was smooth and chilling as he gave me the order. I tried looking back over his shoulder as I sobbed and panted to see what the commotion was, and I tried running from his hold when I saw Graham laying under Theodore helplessly. "No, we're leaving." He commanded as he kept me from going back.
"No-" I cried and wished to go back for Graham.
"Nott's taking care of it, and you're getting out of here. I'm not taking 'no' for an answer!" Draco told me harshly as he held me gently, but still used his overpowering strength to move my small frame to the door with ease.
"But he's hurting him! Get him to stop hurting him!" I sobbed while Draco forced me across the cold lawn and back towards the dungeons of the castle. He paused in his tracks for a minute and gave me a furrowed look as he looked back at the locker rooms and then at me.
He shut his astonished mouth and didn't say another word. Instead, he lifted me enough that my feet couldn't touch the ground, and continued dragging my hysterical self away.