Billy groaned and stretched. A heavy blanket of warmth was pressed against his back. It was Steve. Billy instantly regretted drinking so much as the hangover from hell made it's presence painfully known. The blonde couldn't keep a whimper from escaping his lips as he squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught of pain. The noise woke Steve who sat up rubbing his eyes.
"Bill's? You alright?" He asked.
He received the most deadpan stare in history.
"Dumb question huh? Hangover?"
Billy nodded, covering his eyes with his arm.
"I'll go get you some painkillers and a glass of water, and I'll fix us up some breakfast too." Steve said as he leaned down to place a light kiss to Billy's head, leaving the blonde blushing.
Billy put a hand over his rapidly thumping heart. He couldn't believe this was real. He and Steve were-well they weren't boyfriends yet-they were unofficially together. No label. Just them. Steve was his person. He had a person.
However Billy also felt a pang of sadness as he realised he realised he wouldn't be able to hook up with Eddie anymore. It was only supposed to be one night stand anyway, but it felt so good Billy had been hoping maybe the metal head would offer again.
Billy wasn't a cheater though, for all his pretence of douchebaggery, he'd never cross that line, he didn't want to ruin a good thing, I'd there was someone stupid enough on this planet to want him, he wouldn't want to give them another reason to leave.
Steve returned twenty minutes later armed with a tray. He'd made omelettes for them both, as well as bringing two glasses of water and some Tylenol for Billy.
The blonde swallowed down the pills with a swig of water before tucking into the bacon and cheese omelette Steve had made. It tasted good and he was able to eat a good three quarters of it before his stomach decided it was going to be an asshole. His father had been limiting his food intake, with the bullshit excuse that putting on too much weight would somehow make Billy less of a man. Billy knew he wasn't overweight, he took good care of his body, that didn't stop his father from trying to justify his desire to punish his son.
Even when Billy was allowed to eat, he was often in too much pain from a beating to force himself to swallow Susan's dry and bland food.
Not eating only added to the pain though. Billy lost count of the nights he'd spend curled up on his floor, or hiding under his blanket, a hollow pain clawing at his stomach, and an even more agonising pain racking his whole body from whatever punishment he'd managed to earn himself that day.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by a gentle hand cupping his cheek. "Billy? Everything okay?" Steve asked as he brushed his thumb lightly across the Californian's skin.
"Oh-yeah I'm fine just full." Billy muttered.
"Billy. There's clearly something upsetting you. I can see you shaking, please talk to me."
Billy sighed, looking away from Steve. "Just-thinking. My thoughts got a bit dark."
"Tell me about them, it might help." Steve said as he reached a hand up to run his fingers through Billy's hair, untangling any knots.
Billy hummed at the touch. "I...I struggle with eating sometimes...my dad takes food away as a punishment. Or sometimes I'm in too much pain to eat, and...sometimes I don't like my body...and don't want to eat."
Steve frowned as he pulled Billy close. "Oh, I'm so sorry baby. If your father isn't feeding you, then you can also come to mine and eat, I can't help with the pain thing, but you're beautiful Billy even if you don't see it, and I will always tell you how gorgeous you are."
Billy closed his eyes and hid his face against Steve's shoulder. "Okay....and baby? Really?" He whispered.
"Don't you like it?"
Billy flushed. "I like it."
They stayed in bed for a few hours, simply wanting to be with each other, but eventually Billy had to go. He needed to be home before Neil.
Steve held him tight, he really didn't want to let go of Billy, didn't want the blonde to go back to that hell hole.
Billy he insisted he had to. He couldn't just leave Max there, and all his stuff was there too. He sighed as he looked up at Steve's distressed expression. Those stupidly pretty eyes shining like he was going to cry. He placed a light kiss to Steve's lips. "I'll be fine pretty boy."
Steve sincerely hoped that was true.
Billy drove back to Cherry Lane. Max was outside on her skateboard. She ran over to hug Billy the second he was out of the car.
Billy let out a small "oompth." Before wrapping an arm around Max. "Hey shitbird, is he back...?" He asked nervously.
Max shook her head. "Not yet. You're safe. I missed you, are you okay? Did Steve look after you?" She rambled.
Billy rolled his eyes. "Slow it down Max. Yeah Steve looked after me, cooked breakfast and everything, and I'm-well I'm not okay-but i'm better." He sighed.
"Well I guess that will do." She huffed.
"I'm going inside, be careful out here." Billy hummed as he entered the house. Susan was sat in the living room. Billy didn't acknowledge her, he simply went to his room and stuck on a Motley Crue tape. He had homework to do. Billy sat at the old worn desk, singing along to Smokin in the boys room as he attempted to complete his geography work, he didn't particularly care for longitudes and latitudes.
He was so distracted by his music he didn't hear footsteps coming up the stairs.
Neil entered the room and roughly tapped Billy on the shoulder. The blonde tensed and turned to look at his father. "What did I say about playing that devil music so loud?" Neil growled.
Billy swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry sir, I'll turn it down." Billy said as he shakily moved to turn down the music. He didn't make it to his stereo.
One minute he was stood and the next he was on the floor, a sharp pain blossoming in his temple.
"What's that on your neck son?" Neil asked dangerously.
Billy had forgotten to hide the hickeys Eddie had left.
"They better not be what I think they are Billy. Because only a fag or a pussy would have those disgusting marks on his neck, because only a women should be submissive-so if you've allowed some whore to have power over you-or god forbid-a fucking queer to touch you-then we're going to need to have a little chat." Neil hissed as he kicked Billy in the ribs, before grabbing him by the throat and hauling up against the wall. The music drowned out Billy's yelp of pain. He gasped for air as he was suffocated by his own father. He felt blood trickle down the back of his neck-his head must be bleeding.
"Now son, you've got to learn this isn't how a man acts. I'm only doing this for your own good. A man should be strong and dominant. None of this fairy shit. So you're going to take your punishment, then you'll tell whatever whore or fag you're seeing, it's over. You'll be going to church with the family tomorrow as well." Neil ordered as he slammed Billy's head against the wall, holding him by the hair.
"Y-Yes sir." Billy whispered, the sting of tears pricking his eyes.
"Sorry I couldn't hear you." Neil hissed.
"Yes..sir..."
"Good. Now clean this mess up."
Billy was dropped to the floor. He watched as Neil left the room. Then he cried. He smothered the noises with his hands. The music blaring in his skull. Everything hurt.
He wanted the pain to stop.
He wanted the warm Californian sun.
The salty ocean waves lapping against his skin.
A peaceful death.
He'd get none of that here. He'd always thought about it, even in California. How he wanted to die.
He wanted it to be peaceful. Somewhere no one would find him, so he wouldn't be a burden. He wanted to die in the ocean. He knew drowning was one of the most painful ways to go but the ocean was his favourite place.
The closest he could get to that here was the quarry. He had considered it. Had even considered it just yesterday. Throwing himself into the quarry.
Would Steve and Max miss him. Maybe Eddie too. He didn't want to burden them with that.
Yet he so badly wanted to die.
Billy dragged himself up and went to his top draw. He pulled out a small ceremonial knife. The handle was carved from bone, intricate waves and fish had been carved into it. Billy stared at it sadly. It had been a gift from the boyfriend he'd had back in California. Before the boy died.
Billy placed the blade against his wrist, and dragged it across his skin. He watched the silver metal dig into his flesh, and warm crimson liquid pool out of the cut. The burning pain that accompanied it, took away the pain in his head. He was digging the poison out. Eradicating his father's touch. He felt disgusted with himself, in that moment Billy truly and utterly hated himself. He hated that he was weak, he hated that he wasn't normal. Billy wanted to disappear.
He found himself clutching his Virgin Mary pendant, smearing it with blood, as he prayed to whatever was above, to just kill him.
That was how Max found him. She'd gone to check on Billy after she saw Neil enter.
She had to stop herself from screaming as she saw her half dead brother holding a knife.
"Billy-Billy please wake up." She begged the now unconscious male.
Billy whimpered, his eyes opening a fraction.
"Oh thank god. Billy...w-why..." she whispered as she cradled his head.
"Why not....I'm just a burden to everyone. Just a disgusting faggot. A pussy. I just end up hurting everyone...no point living...be better if without me anyway..." Billy whispered croakily. His throat felt like sandpaper. He felt so tired. He just wanted to close his eyes and never open them again.
Max wouldn't give him that satisfaction though. The minute he tried to close his eyes once more, she shook him by the shoulder with enough force to jostle his body that was practically dead weight by this point.
"Just. Don't pass out. I'll call someone, Steve. Or your friend Eddie? Who lives closer?" Max rambled.
"E-Eddie, but Neil is still here isn't he...you can't call anyone..." Billy protested. He didn't want help. He wanted to die. Was it so hard for Max to just let him have that.
Apparently it was because Max ignored his protests. "Neil already left for work and mum went to her evening book club. I'm calling Eddie." She huffed before leaving the room.
Billy stared at the ceiling. There was a chip in the plaster. He fixated on that, willing for his brain to just explode so he could be put out of his misery.
Max came back after a few minutes. "Eddie's on his way. He told me to clean the cut and apply pressure to it." She stated as she kneeled down. He noticed she'd grabbed an old tea towel, a bowl of water and a rag.
Billy didn't have the energy to protest as she cleaned up his wrist and his head as well. Then she applied pressure to the cut on his wrist.
Barely a moment later Billy heard heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs and Eddie burst into his room. Wide eyes frantic with concern, and his hair frizzy. He must have just rolled out of bed as he wasn't wearing any accessories, just a faded Dio shirt and some ratty black jeans.
Billy assumed Max had left the door unlocked and told Eddie to let himself in, which was exactly what she'd done.
Eddie crossed the distance and knelt next to Billy. "You idiot." He muttered as he lifted Billy bridal style.
Billy was momentarily stunned that Eddie could even lift him, before he quickly tried to protest. "Put me down. I don't want your help Munson."
"I don't care. You're going to shut up and let me patch you up. I'm not listening to your tantrum Hargrove. Be a dick all you want, I'm your friend, and I'm not letting you fucking kill yourself man. You're a fucking asshole Y'know. We just became friends and now you wanna bail on me? Who's gonna smoke and jam out with me if you're gone blondie?" Eddie ranted.
"I'm sure you have other friends Munson."
"You know I don't." Eddie scoffed. "Don't want any either. "I want your friendship dickhead." He carried Billy to the van, the blonde having gone quite at Eddie's admission.
Max opened the van door so Eddie could put Billy down. It was obvious to her that Eddie wanted more than friendship with her brother, but was respectful enough not to push anything.
The drive to Eddie's trailer was silent, bar the Van Halen tape faintly playing in the van. No one said a word, Max and Eddie continuously threw worried glances at Billy who avoided their eyes like the plague.
When they reached Eddie's trailer, Billy sunk low in the seat. Eddie sighed as he just grabbed the blonde and scooped him up once again. He was deceptively strong. For a guy who basically lived on Pepsi and instant Mac and cheese, and spent most of his time in bed, he had muscles.
Max scrambled after them. Eddie laid Billy on his bed and told Max to wait with him and not let him do anything stupid while he went to get the first aid kit.
It was pretty well stocked.
"Preparing for the zombie apocalypse Munson?" Billy sneered, his old defence mechanism of bitchy anger rearing it's ugly head.
Eddie didn't seem phased though. "The deals I make don't always go so well-gotta be prepared. Plus if the zombie apocalypse does come-I'm set."
It didn't occur to Billy, that Eddie may have been jumped before.
He suddenly felt guilty for being so mean. Why was he pushing away the people he cared for. The only people who'd ever given a damn for him. Why did he keep hurting people. Was he really only capable of destroying things. Tears pricked at his eyes and he lowered his head, blonde curls falling in his face to hide the fact he was crying.
Eddie however noticed the sudden switch in attitude. "Hey..? Bills? Talk to me." He murmured as he lifted Billy's chin. He heard a sniffle as Billy tried to pull away from Eddie's touch but the brunette refused to let him. He took in the tears slowly leaking down the blonde's face. "Why are you crying blondie?"
"Because...I was mean to you.." Billy muttered.
"I know sarcasm is your defence mechanism. It doesn't bother me."
"I didn't know you were jumped. I'm sorry for being bitchy." Billy admitted, tears still running his cheeks. He was angry again, with himself this time. Angry that he was crying. Angry that he'd been horrible to Eddie. His fists clenched into fists, nails digging into his palms.
"Hey hey. Stop. Billy look at me." Eddie said as he unfurled the other's fists, stopping him from hurting himself. "I'm not angry. I know you get defensive when people try and care for you. I'm not taking it personally. I do want to know why you try and push away the people who want to help you."
Billy sniffled. "Because...everyone I care about gets hurt-or they leave me. So it easier if I just push them away. Hurts less."
Eddie felt his heartbreak. Billy must feel so lonely. "I won't leave you, and I don't care if I get hurt. It's worth it. But I won't get hurt."
"You will." Billy whispered. "He'll find you and hurt you. He always does."
"Who? Your father? He's the one who did this right?"
Billy nodded. He couldn't bring himself to lie anymore. He was so tired. Tired of lying. Tired of being scared. Tired of being alone. Just tired.
Eddie pulled Billy close. "He won't hurt me. I'll be careful, Kay? So just let me help you." He whispered as he stroked Billy's hair soothingly.
Billy caved and nodded. He didn't have the energy to fight anymore. Eddie gently pushed Billy into a laying position and the blonde went without resistance while Eddie began to check and clean his injuries before bandaging them up. Eddie took care of him with such tender care it almost felt like cheating.
Billy's eyes began to feel heavy. He was faintly away of Max holding his hand, and Eddie smoothing back hair hair before a blanket was tucked around him.
It was warm and smelled of Eddie. Leather, hairspray and weed, and the faint hint of vanilla. It smelled of safety.
Billy never wanted to leave. If he was to die in that moment, he decided he didn't care. He'd be happy to go.