Damien couldn't believe what was happening. His lip was on Madison's.
He was kissing her wholeheartedly, the woman he'd loved and cherished for years. The woman he hadn't forgotten, and the only person he yearned for like oxygen.
His body pressed against hers, Madison breathed heavily as his lips continued to mould in with hers, their tongues swishing and dancing in unison with with each other.
She let out a soft moan, her hands gripping his arms and just as she dug her fingers in his shoulders, only then did she open her eyes and... She immediately broke away from the kiss as though she only just realized what was happening, and her eyes widened in confusion.
"What the hell?" She muttered, and the look she gave him was one that indicated that she'd just come back to her senses.
She took a step back pushing him off her body, and she glared at him bitterly.
Damien could also see that she was trying to control the tears that wanted to flow down her cheeks, and spitting out in disgust she yelled at him, "How dare you!"
Her voice was shaky now but she continued still, "How dare you kiss me without my consent? How dare you touch me intimately and..."
She paused, and a wave of hurt flashed through Damien's eyes at her words. His chest beginning to tighten yet again, and a wave of disappointment coursed through.
A lot of things had changed between them, that much was evident and crystal clear too.
She took another step away from him slowly again, and Damien's heart shattered all the more.
"You really shouldn't have done that. We shouldn't have, and I don't know what kind of impression I gave you just now but I want you to know that I'm not the same person, okay? I'm not the Madison you know. I'm no longer that happy, cheery, carefree person you knew. I'm just the broken version of her." She finished after a while, and Damien could only stare at her without saying a thing.
Another stroke of hurt and pain flash in his eyes, and he parted his lips to say something but she beat him to the chase.
"Save your speech Damien. I don't even know what you think you're doing here or what you were expecting. But if you think you can just decide to come back into my life and expect me to receive you with open arms, then you're wrong."
"Madison..." Damien began to say, but she didn't let him finish, as she continued, "No way in hell will I forget easily everything I went through just because of you. After all these years... after all the pain and humiliation I went through from my parents, my friends, from everyone in that damn town when they found out I was pregnant, then you think you can just come back and apologize and I'll accept. If that's what going through your mind, then you must be joking."
"Madison... please I'm sorry. Just give me a chance. Just let me explain this to—"
"No!" She cut him off, "Explain what? Like what exactly do you want to explain, Damien? You've said all you want to say, and I've listened. It's not like I'm deaf you know. Also I don't... I don't just get it. One moment you're out to get revenge on my family and you also want to make me suffer, then the next you're switching sides? Suddenly you're begging for forgiveness? Like is this a joke to you? Do I look like a joke to you? A pawn you play in your games?"
"Madison just hear me out."
"No! You already made it clear back then, that you wanted nothing to do with me. You made that very clear in New York the first time we met at that party. You made it your mission to humiliate me, making me pick up shards of glass with my bare hands, and disgracing me in public for a dress I ruined by accident. You hated me, Damien. I mean you still hate me, so what's the point of all this?" She gestured between them, her hands shaking as she splayed them out, "What's all this fake love?"
As she said those words, reminding him of just how cruel he'd been to her some months back, Damien struggled to hold back his tears form falling, and sniffing he carefully moved forward.
How could he convince her that he was truly sorry about all of that? How could he convince her that if he could back in time, then he would treat her so differently? How could he? He regretted every moment of it, and he was so angry with himself for being so stupid and harboring so much hatred in him.
As he remembered the night of that party where he had embarrassed her on purpose, he just wanted nothing more than to turn the hands of time and make things happen differently.
"M-madison, all that was just a big misunderstanding... a mistake. I was clouded with so much hate and anger that..."
"That you couldn't see clearly that I was suffering? Did you know how I toiled to pay for that dress you enforced on me? Do you know how it felt when you disgraced me yet again at another of your popular bars? Do you have any idea how humiliated I felt when I saw my pictures splashed in tabloids, and how I missed so much job opportunities in New York just because of the news parading everywhere about me? You don't even have an inkling the maltreatment and insult I got from people. You have no idea! So don't even tell me you're sorry and you just expect me to accept and forget it just like that."
"Madison... Please damn! It's all in the past now."
"It's not in the fucking past! It's something you did to me! Something that is still shrouded in my heart and that I remember so vividly! I can't just dump it in the past, the way you seem to have dumped all the cruel things you did."
"Please Maddie, please..." Damien stuttered, his voice breaking, "I didn't know the full story of what happened earlier back then, and I did a lot of things I regretted just because I was feeding off on past glory. I'm so sorry and it wasn't my intention to hurt you. You see? I... I don't even want revenge on your family anymore. I'm going to cancel all the plans I made concerning that, as it's not important again, as long as I have you. I'm willing to forgive and forget what your family did to me. I just want you, Madison. I want you!" Tears were dropping down his face already, but he didn't even care to wipe them away.
For a second it looked like she was not going to say a thing, and Damien's heart banged heavily in his chest as he waited for her response.
He tried to gauge her reaction with her facial expression, but he just couldn't and almost giving up he bowed his head and took a step back until finally she said something and he looked up.
Shaking her head, Madison began yet again for the umpteenth time, "I'll keep telling you that you don't get it! If you think dropping all the evil plans you have against my family is going to make me come back to you, then you're just wasting your time. That doesn't change anything at all. What I went through isn't going to just be wiped away by an apology, or even if you forfeit your whole plans for me. Like? Damien I suffered so freaking much Damien. Tired, alone and pregnant... in the busy streets with nowhere to go. I didn't know anyone, I didn't even know what I was doing, I was a just par-ambulating like a mad lady. I had to resort to begging on the street for alms. People insulted me, spat in my face, called me a whore because I was pregnant out of wedlock, and yet I tried to be strong. Do you know how many cold nights I spent under bridges because I had nowhere else to go? Some days I would be so hungry that I'd go hunting in trash cans for something to eat, but unable to get anything? Do you know? Do you have any idea?" She finished her speech and questions with a bark, and her words made Damien shudder to the core.
Damn! She'd suffered a lot, and that was why he wanted her back in his life, so he could spoil and shower her with so much love and affection.
She clutched at her chest, as if in pain, and placing a hand over her mouth sobbing she continued, "Do you want me to tell you a story too?" She asked, laughing mockingly and Damien could only hiss in response.
He nodded negatively, saying he didn't want to hear it but she went ahead anyways.
"You know, when I was finally able to get a job, they were menial, backbreaking jobs but I had no choice but to accept them just to be able to afford food. Food for myself and my baby. Sometimes I got robbed, pushed around, or even had my things dragged away from me by force. The streets was so harsh, and no one even pitied me. I not only watched over myself, but I also had to watch over my baby's safety too but to think that wasn't enough... I-I was attacked.." Her voice broke, "T-they hit me... Those men. I was exhausted and defenseless, but they... they almost raped me."
Damien staggered backwards, his eyes wide as he shook his head repeatedly. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. He knew she had gone through a lot but getting raped? She had almost gotten raped? He never imagined that in his wildest dreams, and as she continued to speak, he began to understand more and more why she was so angry.
If he was in her shoes he would be more than angry too. What her father did to him, apart from somehow causing the death of his father, was nothing compared to what Madison had gone through and yet he'd held a heavy grudge inside of him for years.
Lord knows if he'd suffered half of what she'd gone through, he might not even be standing here talking to her.
Maybe he might even hate her, and worse off he would do so many bad things to her and her family. That was just how bloodthirsty he was, and Damien felt like screaming out the demon in him.
"M-madison..." Huge tears fell down his cheeks as he shook his head, burying his head into his hands, "Damn! I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."
He didn't know what else to say. What could he say? Words would never be enough to describe how sorry he truly was.
She stared at him, still unable to keep her own tears at bay, "That is my crude story, and to top it all off I was all alone, just as you know. You left without a word. No notes, no warning, nothing at all. I had come over to your place then... I was going to tell you everything, about the baby, about the threats from my father and about how I wasn't cheating with you. I wanted to explain why I forced us to break up because I was so scared. Infact I was fed up, and I wanted to tell you everything and then maybe we could run away together. Just the two of us..." She laughed bitterly.
"But I got there and instead of you, I saw a woman I didn't recognize. At first I thought it was a mistake, but it wasn't. Someone else was living in your home and she claimed she had never heard of you. I remember her words so vividly. She told me straight to my face that she'd never heard of the name Grace, or Layla or Damien, and then she'd banged the door to my face making me look like a moron. An heartbroken moron. That was also when I realized you were gone. That's when I knew you left me without even looking back. I have never felt so betrayed like I did then. You left me alone with our child. You left me when I needed you the most, and you never looked back once. So damn you for thinking an apology is going to fix all of that!"
Damien was short of words, and he couldn't say a thing as she continued to lash out at him.
She wiped the tears streaming down her face with one hand, "So, no. I don't forgive you, I won't. Not now, not ever. Even if I do later on, I won't tell it to your face, because you don't deserve to know. Let this guilt eat you up."
Damien tried to speak but the lump in his throat was too heavy, and finally after a few seconds later he cleared his throat and faced her, "Madison, I beg you. I know an apology isn't enough for all the hurt I caused you. I know that and I wish I could go back and change it all. I'm sorry I believed all those things you said without even bothering to investigate, or let you explain or even wait for you. I let my anger get the best of me, and it cost me everything I built with you. I'm sorry, please Madison. Please..."
He was really sorry, and the fact that she told him prop and plain that she wouldn't forgive him hurt him so much but he would still beg. He loved her still and all he needed was a chance to prove that to her.
He waited for her to say something, but she only hissed, forcing her hands away from his hold and shaking her head, she turned away from him.
Damien saw the cold look in his eyes, and he felt his heart break into a million pieces again.
All this just reminded him of the mistake he'd made, and even while his guilt was eating him up, as he stared at her he couldn't be more proud of how strong and resilient she'd been. She had suffered, but still she survived.
"Madison, just give me one chance to make things right by you." He tried again, but she was paying him no attention.
"Madison..."
She took a step back, and another and another until she was fully back into her house, her hands on her door gripping tightly as she faced him, "I never want to see you again. Don't ever come back for me. Don't try to repeat what happened tonight ever again. Just stay far away from me, Damien. I'm useless to you now, and I don't need your pity. Just go back to your rich and comfortable life in New York City. Go back to your perfect life. You have all you have always wanted now, so just go back to it."
"All these things mean nothing without you..." Damien started to say but before he could finish, she banged the door in his face, and locked the door behind her.
He stared at the closed wooden door, despair slowly filling his chest and with a broken cry, his legs gave way.
Falling to the floor in defeat, he began to sob loudly as pain shot through his chest. And at that moment, he had never felt more like a failure to the woman he loved.
.......
Madison couldn't identify exactly what she was feeling.
Her emotions were all over the place and as she shut the door behind her and rested against the door, she coughed up a sob.
Talking about everything was too much for her, and now she could feel that old weight resting heavily on her chest once more.
She was angry that Damien expected everything to be alright just because he had come back to apologize, and just because he had muttered a well though out apology.
She was angry that he had tried to kiss her, thinking that if she felt what it was like to be in his arms once more than maybe she could give him a chance. Like it was some kind of magical bonding that would fix anything and everything.
What about all the hurt? All the pain and suffering she had gone through all those years? What about it all?
Pulling herself away from the door, her legs wobbling Madison walked into the kitchen.
She opened the lid of the pot, and staring at the vegetables she had poured into the broth, her hands shook as she turned the stove back on and adjusted the pot.
She picked up a spoon and tried to stir, hoping that while she cooked she could forget all that had happened but her mind kept going back to the conversation with Damien. And the more she thought about it, the angrier she became.
Hissing, she turned off the stove and walked back to her room. She had lost all her appetite already, and the cooking would just be a waste.
She could feel a fresh round of tears coming as she plopped down on her bed, and she rubbed at her forehead in exhaustion.
Remembering some of the things Damien had said, she couldn't help but wonder if he even really meant them. She had been shocked when he said he no longer wanted revenge on her family, and now she could only scoff because she just didn't believe him.
She knew how much her father had made Damien and his family suffer. And she knew how much Damien craved revenge, so was he really willing to let it all go because he wanted her back?
The first tear slid down her cheek, and she felt some kind of pity for him. Did he still think that was going to solve everything?
Even though she couldn't deny the fact that she was still irrevocably in love with Damien, and always had been there were things she just couldn't forgive. Even if she could forgive him, she wasn't sure she could forget it.
Damn, but she was just so tired of everything.
She couldn't even imagine getting back with him. She was also a little angry that he assumed that was all it would take. Just coming back to explain, say sorry and that was that. Did he think he wouldn't suffer for what he put her through? He needed to suffer as well. She had gone through hell because of him, and he should too.
That's why she had told him that she wanted so much guilt to eat him up. The blood of their dead child, would not be on only her head but on his too.
It had taken her a lot to finally get to this point, and she was more than tired of this back and forth between them.
She was still trying to recover from some of her ills even after all these years. All she wanted was to forget and start over, but now her past from ten years ago was somehow catching up to her.
It was as though her past refused to let her move on, and she hated it so much.
Everyday, she regretted having to take that New York gig, just because of the money. She regretted that she had agreed to be a waitress at that event. If she hadn't taken the gig, then none this would have happened.
That event was the beginning of disaster in this new life she was trying to build for herself.
If there was a way to go back and erase that night, Madison would have taken it, because ever since Damien had come back into her life it has been one problem after another.
Public humiliations just like she'd told him, appearing in the front of magazines, and not to mention the stalking and the strange letters she had gotten. It was his presence that triggered the occurrence of these other events, and she was more than sure of if.
She was just fine before him, so why had he come? Why had he come to bring bad luck for her.
Tears continued to spill down her face and she tried to wipe them away, but they continued to flow down freely.
As she wiped at her face, her lips quivering a sudden idea came to Madison's head and instantly she froze.
For a second, forgetting all about Damien she began to think it through, and after a while without even hesitation, she nodded in agreement to the voices in head.
Standing on her feet, and bringing her hands down from her face, she walked towards her wardrobe and opened it up.
A sudden strength and courage overwhelming her, Madison began to take out her clothes, and tossing them to the floor.
She then proceeded to take out a small travel bag and quickly began to fold her clothes into it. She was going to follow this thought, and there was no going back!
.......
Thanks for reading. 💕