Chapter Thirty Six: Our Problem
Today is the day where I am officially signing as a Cardoza Angel to their agency.
I am a bit nervous but I am also excited to start working as a model, kahit na nabigyan na nila ako ng schedule kung kailan yung trabaho ko, mas importante pa rin na may dokyumento para kumpirmahin na parte na 'ko ng pamilya nila.
I am meeting Ares again, he's the reason why I'm nervous because how am I going to tell Genevieve about this again.
Will I even tell her about this?
It'll be just awkward, I don't even want to mention that part kaya wala na 'kong sinasabi sa kanya tungkol doon.
Will I tell her?
Siguro, pero hindi muna ngayon dahil marami na 'kong problema ngayon sa buhay ko na kailangan ko munang isipin kung paano ko nga ba aayusin o kung aayusin ko ba?
Akala ko kapag tapos na 'ko sa college siguro wala na 'kong problema.
Wala na 'kong assignment na poproblemahin, o pera kung saan ako maghahanap nun para pambayad sa tuition ko at renta namin.
O tests ko rin at finals ko para lang makagraduate na 'ko pero heto... may problema nanaman ako.
I am doing so well in life and these kinds of things happen again and now it's all because of Alexander Seth Cardoza.
I thought that he was the issue, I mean he was, with his actions.
Yung problema niya nung nalaman niyang nagkaroon na pala ako ng boyfriend ko, yung nalaman ko na siya pala yung nagpapadala ng almusal sa apartment ko, nung nalaman kong naging kapitbahay ko siya, hanggang ngayon iniisip ko pa rin na may dahilan talaga siya kung bakit naging kapitbahay ko siya.
And now we kissed.
He kissed me first.
And then now he punched the guy I was supposed to make out with and then made out with me at the back of the bar?
That is the new problem.
Ako na yung problema.
Kaming dalawa yung problema talaga.
'Di ko alam kung paano ko aayusin 'to kung ako naman ang problema.
Pero napagisipan ko na maganda muna sana na maging normal lang ang interaction naming dalawa ni Alexander.
We'll just have it at that and then I'll think about ways to how to fix this situation that we have.
Yeah, right now I just have to act normal towards him.
Na para bang magkaibigan pa rin kami at walang nagbago sa pagitan naming dalawa.
He's still my Alexander and I'm still his Katerina.
"Do you want to eat breakfast together?"
"No."
Inalis ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at agad ko siyang nilagpasan, naglakad ako ng mabilis papunta sa malapit na elevator dito sa floor namin at pagpasok ko sa loob ay agad ko siyang nakitang pumasok din kasama ko.
"C'mon, eat breakfast with me."
"No, Alexander."
"Why not? Is it..."
"No. I'm just busy today. Wala akong time para kumain ng almusal."
No, mamaya pa yung meeting ko mamaya with Ares, nagsisinungaling nanaman ako pero normal lang naman 'to, 'di ba?
I want to eat without him because I want to do that, I want to eat by myself.
It's a decision for myself.
"Just... for a little bit, Katerina, please?" bulong niya sa likod ko.
I felt a chill on my body after that at dahan-dahan kong nilayo ang sarili ko sa kanya, tiningnan ko rin siya ng masama, yung titig na para bang seryoso ka ba, Alexander?
Yung gano'ng titig.
"I said no, gusto mo tagalugin ko?" humarap ako sa kanya at masama pa rin ang titig ko sa kanya.
"Hindi nga."
"Alright, what about lunch?"
"No. I told you I'm busy today."
This is normal, I am sure of this.
Busy naman talaga ako!
Baka nga magtagal pa yung meeting ko with Ares para sa kontrata eh, buti na lang at 'di yun tipo ng kontrata na in public pa yung pagsign ko sa kontrata, nakakahiya rin minsan.
Feeling ko kasi para lang sa mga kilala talaga na mga aktor at mga modelo lang yung gano'n gano'n.
Who knows, baka one day ganun din ako, manifesting tayo.
"Do we have a problem, Rina?"
"Ha, no!" tawa kong sabi sabay talikod sa kanya para itago yung nagbabaga kong hiya sa mukha ko.
We do have a problem, Alexander.
A problem in our fucking relationship.
Yes, that kiss was good.
It was so fucking good na talagang natunaw ako dahil sa halik na yun, dahil na rin sa init ng katawan mo sa'kin at pati na rin yung mga kamay mo na 'di ko maalis sa isip ko sa tuwing naiisip ko kung ano yung nangyari nung gabing yo'n.
It's hard to accept it but fuck it is true.
And it was a problem.
Our problem.
"Seems like we do have one."
"Isa pa talaga, Cardoza."
"O? Anong gagawin mo? Ha?" nakangiti niyang bulong sa'kin at kahit na 'di ko siya nakikita, alam na alam ko na nakangiti siya ngayon.
"Do you think this is amusing, Alex?"
"I think so."
"Bakit nanaman, ha?"
"Nothing. Your reaction is cute."
Gago 'to ah?
Kung makapagsalita parang nan—nope, nope, don't even fucking think about it Katerina Miranda, just don't.
'Wag mo ng simulan kasi 'di ka na titigilan niyang utak mo kapag napasok mo yan sa mismong kokote mo.
"Just shut up, please lang?"
"I don't want to. Ayaw mong kumain eh."
"Because I am busy, ano bang 'di mo magets?"
Medyo naiirita na 'ko sa kanya. Kanina pa siya eh ayoko ngang kumain eh! Kahit na kakain ako dahil pupunta ako sa malapit na karenderya para makabili ako ng pagkain tapos kakain na lang ako doon.
"Katerina." huli niyang tawag sa'kin bago ako umalis sa elevator at hinahabol pa rin niya 'ko.
"Ano nanaman ba, Alexander?" huminto ako at humarap ulet ako sa kanya.
"Are you sure?"
"Sure about what?"
"Na wala tayong problema sa isa't-isa?"
"Wala nga, Alexander."
"Then eat with me, please? Let's eat together again."
The thing with Alexander is talagang malalaman niya kung may problema ako sa kanya tulad nung nagkaroon ako ng problema sa pamilya ko, most especially sa sarili kong tatay na hanggang ngayon ginagago pa rin kami ni mom.
It's like he knew, he just knew me, he just understands me and my emotions.
Kaya nga 'ko nagalit sa kanya dahil nabibwisit ako sa tuwing naaalala ko yung nangyari nung araw na yun.
It's like he wants me to tell him everything and not everything needs to be talked about.
I have my own issues and he has his own, 'di ko naman siya tinatanong na sabihin sa'kin lahat, if he is comfortable then I'm happy but he can't force me to tell him everything.
"Alexander, I am busy. I am not sure kung kakain din ako, sana maintindihan mo naman na busy nga 'ko, I would like to eat with you too but I really am busy. Please lang? Ha?"
I know that I'm lying to him but I have to think about my problem with him first.
Tsaka isa pa maganda rin na makapagsulat din ako kaysa naman lagi ko na lang iisipin ang problema naming dalawa sa isa't-isa.
It will help me think thoroughly and find the fix to the problem.
Maybe I should start by not wanting to stare at his lips.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
"Fine." ngiti niyang sabi sabay tango.
"Please text me when you're not busy anymore and then let's eat together."
"Magiging busy ka naman din, 'di ba?"
"I'm not busy when it comes to you, Katerina."
Huminga ako ng malalim sa sinabi niya, muntik ng bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko doon, lagot ako no'n.
Tumango na lang ako sa kanya tsaka sabay kaming lumabas mula sa building, hinanap niya yung kotse sa parking lot at naghanap ako ng paparang taxi.
Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na sa karenderya muna ako at doon na lang ako kakain kaso pumunta na lang ako doon sa coffee shop, may kape at breakfast meal din yata sila so I just went there at dala-dala ko pa yung laptop ko at bag ko.
Pagpasok ko sa loob, agad akong umorder ng kakainin ko at yung iinumin kong iced coffee.
I like iced coffee more than the usual, mahilig naman din ako sa mainit na kape kaso nga lang kapag magsusulat ako kakailanganin ko talaga ng malamig para feel na feel ko yung susulatin ko.
"Thank you." pasalamat ko sa waitress sa pagkain at yung iced coffee.
I ordered a sandwich with bacon and scrambled egg on it, I'm not really into it but it really tasted delicious.
And when I finally took a sip of the iced coffee, I immediately fell into bliss.
Binuksan ko ang laptop ko at sinimulan ko ang pagsusulat ko.
Malapit ng mapublish yung bago kong novel, I'm thinking of giving a bit of hints and spoilers to the fans later on para prepared and ready sila, I'm sure they would love this novel.
It's a novel about wanting something that you're not supposed to want, something forbidden but sometimes things that are forbidden are the things that you want the most.
I want it to be also a novel that would give everyone a lesson when it comes to life.
At ngayon nagsusulat lang ako ng posibble story ideas that I could write soon.
One story plot that I was attracted to was these two people.
They were in love before.
Minahal nila ang isa't-isa ng husto nung nasa high school sila pero nung nagkolehiyo sila, tsaka lumipat yung lalaki sa ibang bansa, without even telling the girl he loved where he was going and why he had to leave.
She was hurt, of course.
But she understood why he had to do that.
Nothing lasts forever and yet she learned that in the worst way possible.
And then years later, he came back but he was different.
He lives next to her as her neighbor and things started brewing between them again.
But this time it was way more intense, way more passionate, there was love in them.
But then... she learned about his past, his life in the other country.
Kinasal pala siya sa iba.
At marami pang mga bagay na 'di alam nung babae tungkol sa lalaki, he was keeping secrets and she wanted to know all of them and yet it seems like he wants to keep it from her forever so she could love him forever.
That's... sick.
Hanggang kailan mo itatago yung nakaraan mo para lang maging normal ang lahat sa pagitan niyong dalawa?
It's like living a lie.
"Ms. Miranda?"
"O-Oh... s-sorry..."
Nagising ako sa realidad at pinagpatuloy ang pagbabasa ng kontrata sa harap ko at sa harap din ni Ares na mukhang excited sa contract signing namin ngayon sa loob ng opisina niya.
"All good? Do you like it?"
"Yeah, I like the pay." joke ko, tawa naman din siya sa sinabi ko.
"Well, we make sure that you guys are getting the money you all deserve. It's months of contract for now and then once you felt like working with us thoroughly, then you could get a much longer contract."
"Thank you. I appreciate it, Mr. Cardoza." I said, thanking Ares.
I'm finally part of the Cardoza Angels.
To some, it's a dream, and for me it's something I have never expected to be part of.
Kaya nga lang mga ilang buwan ang kontrata ko sa kanila dahil para sa kanila, mas importante na komportable muna ang mga modelo nila bago sila magisip na permanente na sila sa agency for years.
It wasn't like this before, but now they've been doing this for a while because of Alexander and even Silas is doing this.
I want to check out how Cardoza Angels manage models first before I start thinking about becoming part of them in the longer run.
I cannot wait to start a new chapter in my life.
"Thank you, Ms. Miranda. We cannot wait to work with you."
"Thank you, Mr. Cardoza. It's the same for me."
I'm really excited to work as a model under them.
Kahit na excited ako, kailangan tama pa rin ang gagawin nila, but like what I mentioned, the pay is pretty good when it comes to dividing them into percentages, malaki yung sa'kin kaya masaya ako.
Bumalik ako sa coffee shop at bumili ng mga paborito kong cupcakes and then Mocha frappe tapos pumunta ako sa may Goldilocks para bilhin yung Brazo de Mercedez nila, it's one of my favorite, mine and Genevieve's.
'Di pa naman ako gutom para kumain ng tanghalian kahit na tanghalian na kaya kakainin ko na lang 'tong dessert as a celebration for myself for officially signing the contract with Cardoza Angels.
I think I am doing well with life right now.
Pero 'di ko maalis yung sinabi ko kay Alexander kaninang umaga, sinabi niya rin na itext ko raw siya kapag 'di na 'ko busy.
So far naman next week pa yung opisyal kong trabaho for a magazine shoot as a Cardoza Angel and I'm not really going to be busy today so...
I should text him.
I lied to him, remember?
I don't want to feel guilty for lying to him anymore so I'll just tell him na 'di na 'ko busy.
Napagisipan ko rin na siguro maganda kung haharapin ko na 'tong problema naming dalawa.
Sometimes the only way to fix a problem is by facing it so I will talk to him about it, about this between us.
I don't want to stare at his lips again.
I don't want to remember what happened that night either.
I don't want to think about his hands all over my body and his tongue inside my mouth.
His taste.
His eyes.
His warmth.
His hands.
Of course, it drove me crazy and that is a problem because friends don't kiss.
Best friends DON'T kiss.
They don't put their mouth into each other's mouths.
Wala pa ngang ilang segundo pagkatapos ko siyang tinext na tapos na yung contract signing ko at 'di na 'ko busy ay nakatanggap na agad ako ng reply galing sa kanya.
And then he called which shocked me because... what is happening?
Hindi ba siya busy?
"Hello?"
"Rina, so... you're not busy?"
"Why do you sound like that?"
"Like what?"
"Hinihingal ka?"
Para nga talaga siyang hinihingal o baka dahil lang sa konekyson dito?
Ewan ko ba, pero ngayon nagtataka ako kung saan niya nakukuha yung oras na matawagan ako sa ganitong oras?
Maybe he's eating lunch right now?
"Are you eating lunch right now?"
"N-No... I'm... working, I finished working. I'm just resting."
"Are you sure? 'Di mo naman ako kinailangang tawagan." tawa kong sabi sa kanya sabay hiwa sa Brazo de Mercedez sa plato ko.
"But I have to."
"Why?"
He's so weird.
What is up with him?
"Because you're not busy anymore."
"Well, I'm eating right now."
"Are you busy tonight?"
I had to think if I'm doing something tonight. Iniisip ko kung papanoorin ko ba yung the Office o papanoorin ko yung Titans.
Medyo kinikilig kasi ako kay Robin doon sa series na yun, tapos 'di ko pa natatapos yung Game of Thrones at House of Dragons.
"Bakit?"
"If you're not busy maybe we could eat dinner tonight? It'll be my treat, please? I really want to eat with you, I miss eating with you."
Hm, last time that happened... we got drunk.
Tapos yun, hinalikan niya 'ko at yun ang naging dahilan kung bakit napagisipan kong makipaghalikan sa iba tapos sinuntok niya yung lalaking yun and then we made out at the back of the bar.
But I do miss eating with him.
"Okay, as long as 'di tayo iinom ng alcohol."
"Yes! Of course! I'll pick you up later!"
Hm, I don't know why but why does it feel like we're going on a date?
Maybe... a friendly date?
Right?