I didn't know friendship could be so painful. Is this how love feels like? Is this what my sisters feel about me?
I quietly cried all night after visiting Hyorim's place. I wish I had never gone with my sisters. I wish I could hide deep down the earth's surface and disappear. Or maybe I could float away among the clouds I angrily draw on a new canvas. I hate weekends. All I ever do is draw now. I don't have my best friend to be with. She pushed me away for her sake.
My sisters and I went to meet Hyorim's great aunt. For the first time, I was nervous about meeting her. I would finally hear what was behind those dull eyes.
The doorman opened and showed us inside where we waited for her. Hyorim suddenly passed by and turned pale when she saw us sitting on one of the couches. She quickly looked around and said, "In-hye! I said to stay away! Why...why are you all here?"
"Don't worry, sweetie," In-joo said. "We just want to talk to your aunt and solve this issue."
Her eyes went wide. "No! Don't you see she'll kill me?! You need to leave—"
But she turned stiff and straightened her shoulders as her great aunt entered the living room. She gave us a disgusted look as we stood to give her a bow.
"Did you invite them here?" she firmly said to Hyorim in a scratchy voice as if she hadn't talked in days.
Hyorim shook her head without hesitation and kept her eyes on the ground. My heart fell for my friend. Had this woman been hurting her? Did she find safety with me whenever she brought me here?
Her great aunt gestured at her to leave and she did without looking at me. I swallowed down my dry throat as her dull eyes landed on us. My sister was going to start speaking but she immediately interrupted.
"I'm going to ask you three to leave. I can't have anyone seeing that any of you were here."
"I think there may have been a misunderstanding," In-joo gently said. "They're just children. There's no need to separate them. They don't carry the same mistakes us adults do."
"Yes," she said as she sat in the chair she never moved from whenever I'd come to visit. "You are right. The children have nothing to do with this."
In-joo exchanged a confused look with In-kyung before saying, "Then why did you ask Hyorim to stop seeing my sister? They do nothing wrong."
She burned her eyes through us like swords trespassing our hearts with fire. Her words were blunt and heavy as she said, "Because your family is cursed. Everywhere you walk you bring misfortune! Hyorim has no parents because of you!"
In-joo was in shock at these words just as I was. But In-kyung spoke up next as she firmly said, "Ma'am. Her parents were thieves and murderers. How could you possibly defend their cause after everything they've done?"
The great aunt waved us away with disgust. "I've had enough of you three. Get out before I ask security to take care of you. I'm doing this for Hyorim's safety. If you want to be a good friend..." Her cold eyes landed on me and said, "Then leave her alone. Don't talk to her and don't even try to look at her. I don't want you or your sisters ruining the last of the Park family. Leave now."
Those words still sting just as my tears now do. My sisters tried comforting me on the way back home, but I pushed them away, too. I like to be alone when I'm deeply sad. I prefer to paint away my sorrows rather than talking about them. If they want to hold my heart, they can look at my canvas.
My pencil breaks and I angrily look for another. My heart begins to pace and I suck in a breath. My hand flies to my chest and beg my lung to let oxygen go to my heart. I close my eyes and listen to the shallow breaths coming from my dry lips.
Just as I'm about to call out to anyone, I hear a knock on my door. I slightly turn in my seat to see In-joo with her sweet smile. "Hey. Look what I got."
She comes to give me an envelope. I open it to see a letter from Hyorim. My heart stirs with hesitant excitement as I begin to read.
True friendship always finds a way. Let's go back in time and communicate like this.
P.S. I'm sorry for what my aunt said to you and your sisters. If there's anyone special and honest in your neighborhood, it's you and your sisters.
Tears well up in my eyes and my heart finally takes a breath. In-joo smiles when she finishes reading with me and runs a soft hand down my head. "I knew you two would find a way to talk. You two are the power duo. No one can stop the light in this world."
And just like that, inspiration made my heart dance at those words. I smile at my sister and give her cheek a kiss. She's surprised at first but she lets me get back to my painting with a loving smile. I have something new to add to it. New colors. A way out of that gray mess.
I found myself writing letters almost every day. It only takes overnight for each of our letters to get to each other. I have to admit, this is more fun than texting. Though, being at school is difficult to see her pretend like she doesn't know me. I'm back in my corner of the cafeteria and blocking away the whispers of people around me.
Then I get home and find my escape through letters. My sisters have been occupied doing something that has them stressed sometimes. I've seen In-kyung stressed lately and one day, I hand her the last ice cream I found in the fridge. Her tired expression softened and she took the ice cream with a smile.
"Thank you, honey."
"Have you eaten yet?"
She nodded with a more relaxed smile. "Unnie hasn't yet. She's busy in her room."
I wonder what they're doing so much for them to even skip meals. But the day comes for them to tell me...
I was walking up the hill that leads me toward my neighborhood. Then I heard snickers behind me. When I turned, my eyes landed on Hyorim's sad eyes behind her new group of friends.
I furrowed my brows at their laughter and stopped. Their stupid leader came up to me and says, "I see you have no other friends. It's so sad that someone naive like Hyorim would be your friend. But don't worry." She looked at my best friend who looked down in shame. "We'll take good care of her. We'll remind her where she truly belongs."
"Good." I began walking up the sidewalk again but I was strongly pulled back from my backpack. I lost my balance and fell hard on the cement with a huff. Hyorim's eyes went wide as she gasped and said, "What are you doing?!"
"Oh," she said as she looked down at me with a smirk. "We just have unfinished business to solve."
Before I can react, she strongly stepped on my right hand and I let out a cry of pain. I could hear all the bones in my hand crackle and tears immediately escaped my eyes. The girls began to laugh and Hyorim pushed them away from me. The leader continued to chuckle as Hyorim helped me up.
My hand trembled with pain as I heard their leader say, "Tell your sister to back off. Or else a broken hand won't be the only thing you'll get."
Hyorim tried to take a look at my hand but I angrily pulled out of her hold. I gave them all one last teary look before running back home. I ran to the safest place I could find. I entered the small rooftop apartment and cried with my sisters.
They both ran into the kitchen to come to tend to me. In-kyung was the first to approach me and she noticed my shaking hand.
"Oh my goodness!" Her eyes went wide. "What happened?!"
In-joo came in with wide eyes. She tried to comfort me but my hand hurt more than my heart at the moment. In-kyung tried to take my hand, but I let out a cry of pain and pulled it away from her.
"Sweetie..." In-joo looked at my bruised hand and gently held it. I couldn't stop crying at the burning sensation in my hand. "What happened, baby girl? How did you get your hand hurt?"
I tried to look for breath and explain. "Hyorim. Her friends. They stepped on it."
In-kyung stepped back with a hand running through her hair like she does when she's worried or angry. She put her hands on her hips and firmly said, "I'm going to kill that wench. Just you see!"
She started towards the front door and I quickly said, "No, unnie! Please don't! She said that if you two did anything, she would hurt me again."
"She won't be able to hurt you," In-kyung angrily said. "She'll be too hurt to even walk!"
"Hey!" In-joo gave her a glare and In-kyung slightly calmed down. In-joo then led me to the kitchen table to look at my hand. She gave it a small touch on my knuckles and I jumped with pain.
"Is it broken?" In-kyung now said with worry.
"No. I think it's fractured. Let's go to the hospital."
My heart dropped and I took unnie's arm before she got up. She was confused as I shook my head with new tears running down my cheeks. "No, unnie. I'll be okay. We can't spend more money on anything. We won't be able to make it for the next payment period."
"That won't matter anymore," she said as she guided me to the door.
"What do you mean? Payments are always due the second week of the month and—"
"We don't have to pay next month," In-kyung said as she opened the front door. They both didn't seem to realize how confused I was or what they were saying as worry narrowed their vision.
"Why? How?"
"We won't live here anymore."
In-joo finally realized what she's just said and stopped down the stairs. She looked at In-kyung for help but she only gave her a firm nod.
In-joo gave me a tender expression like she does when she knows I might be upset. It didn't help lighten the blow though as she softly said, "We'll explain the details soon. You don't have to worry about anything right now. Let's get your hand fixed up so you can continue painting."
I numbly let her guide me after those words. I wasn't able to connect anything but her last words. I cannot lose the only thing that makes my heart breathe. If I run away, maybe I won't regret it this time. I won't let go of the only blessing I have in life.