Chapter Thirty Four: One-Night Stand
WARNING: 18+ only. Slight mature and explicit content. Please don't read this chapter if you're under 18 or if you're uncomfortable with this kind of scenes
I might have lied to myself.
Maybe... this wasn't the first time that Alexander had kissed me.
This is the second time. Hinalikan niya 'ko noong last year namin sa senior high, we had an issue back then, hindi niya alam na may pinagdadaanan din ako nung time na yun with my parents.
He was talking about his issues too when he went to my place, thank God wala yung mom ko nung oras na yun.
And then I started talking about my issues to him and he just leaned in and kissed me.
Just like that.
Alam mo kung anong nangyari pagkatapos no'n?
Umiyak nanaman ako, he said it was just a kiss, a kiss for him and that's it but he knows that it's not just a kiss to me.
He ignored me and then apologized to me, if not for Genevieve then maybe he wouldn't have apologized to me.
I was disappointed.
Pipiliin ko na sanang makamove on sa kanya kaso nga lang yung halik na yun ang dahilan kung bakit bumalik yung pag-asa sa puso ko.
That was the first and last kiss for me from someone I loved.
And now... another kiss again.
This is more complicated than the first one.
Like, hello?
We're best friends and this time we're both adults!
Nakamove on na 'ko tapos bigla niya ulet ako hahalikan ng gano'n?
What kind of bullshit is this?
The problem is I can't even tell Genevieve about this, I can't vent my feelings about this whole situation.
Nabibwisit ako kasi akala ko wala na 'kong problema sa kanya pero mas malaking problema 'to kaysa sa away namin nung nakaraan.
This is a kiss! Halik! Anong klaseng relasyon ang meron ka sa matalik mong kaibigan kapag may halikan ng nagaganap sa pagitan niyong dalawa?
Kung simpleng halik yun, magiging okay ako, I'm sure. But I kissed him back, that is the issue!
It could've been just some drunk mistake, just a kiss, but I kissed back and I'm sure na kahit medyo tipsy ako nung gabing yo'n, tuwid pa rin ang pag-iisip ko.
I fucked up. I really fucked up and I don't know what to do now, I don't know what to do!
Busy today si Genevieve and I don't want to bother her because of my bullshit, tsinek ko na lang yung email ko muna kung may trabaho ba 'ko o schedule, they said they would send me a schedule for my work every week.
I already slept at her place hours after we kissed, hindi ko nasabi kung bakit pero nagtataka siya kung bakit ang weird ko daw, sabi ko lang bored ako, na malapit na kong mamatay sa sobrang boring sa loob ng apartment ko but I'm really just ignoring Alexander.
I just want to be away from him.
So far wala pa 'kong trabaho, it would be next week.
Naisip ko na lang na siguro magsusulat na lang muna ako, why don't I start writing for another novel of mine, 'di ba? Wala namang problema at tsaka pa I can distract myself away from Alexander.
Yep, I am going to be ignoring Alexander again and this time, it's because there is a real issue.
Hindi dahil nagalit siya sa simpleng bagay na 'di ko nasabi sa kanyang may ex-boyfriend pala ako at nakipagkita ako.
This is real.
I kissed my best friend.
We kissed each other.
It was basically a make out and I'm so fucking stupid. I crossed the line. The line of friendship that we have both drawn to not do that shit, nakamove on na 'ko at nakamove on naman siya he just feels guilty about the pain he had caused to me.
Ano ba kasing pumasok sa utak ko at hinalikan ko siya pabalik?
Anyare sa'kin?
Pinabayaan ko lang din siyang humalik sa'kin at hinalikan ko siya pabalik pagkatapos.
And then I heard a knock on my door. And then another one after that.
"Katerina?"
Oh fuck.
Really? As in... really?
Agad akong napatayo mula sa sahig na kinauupuan ko at hawak hawak ko pa yung unan ko at halos parang masisira ko na yung unan dahil sa sobrang higpit ng pagkakahawak ko.
"Look... I... I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now but I..."
Shit, shit! Kung alam mo naman pa lang ayaw kong makipagusap sa'yo bakit kailangan kong makipagusap sa'kin?
Layuan mo muna ako, Alexander!
Gets mo naman eh!
"I'm so sorry... I fucked up again."
Of course you did, you totally did! And I fucked up too because I kissed you back! This is just terrible, a complete fucking nightmare!
Pinagtatapon ko yung mga unan ko sa may sofa ko para pakalmahin ang sarili ko, hindi ko kasi maitapon yung laptop ko dahil baka masira ko pero 'di ko na yata kaya, nakakahiya lang talaga!
I want to scream. I want to scream so fucking bad.
"I kissed you, I know that. Nagkamali nanaman ako at ang alam ko lang ay gusto kong mapatawad mo 'ko sa... pagkakamali ko."
I froze.
Pagkakamali?
That sounds familiar.
"I shouldn't have kissed you, I crossed a line and I know you hate me. From now on--"
Binuksan ko ang pinto at humarap sa kanya, tinitigan ko siya mata sa mata at napansin ko ang labi niyang nanginginig, he's worried of what might happen or change between us all because of a kiss, just a kiss, another mistake for him I guess.
Tama naman siya. It's just a mistake.
I'm making a fuss of it inside my head because he kissed me and I kissed him back. It was a mistake that we both did, we need to move on from that mistake because it's just a kiss.
A kiss.
"You know what?" I smiled at him.
"I kissed you too."
Unti-unting natunaw yung kaba ang mukha niya at napalitan ng gulat at pag-aalala, he also looks confused like... did he not remember the part where I kissed him back?
"Y-You... what?"
"I kissed you back, Alexander."
Yup, it's all a fucking mistake, right? Ano namang issue kung pagkakamali lang naman yun?
As always, it's all a mistake to you when it comes, hm?
"You kissed... me back?"
"Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it because it's a mistake, right? You were drunk, too drunk." tawa kong sabi.
"And I was also too drunk to push you away so I kissed you back and then... booh! A make out!" I laughed bitterly.
I don't like where this is going, it's like there's something stuck in my throat, I don't even know why but I just hate this.
I hate talking like this in front of him.
"There's no problem, you don't have to apologize, Alex." I smiled even wider and poked his cheek.
Fuck, what is wrong with me?
"It's just a kiss, right?"
And those words left a bitter aftertaste inside my mouth.
"But I..."
Heto nanaman siya, he's feeling guilty again for kissing me, for initiating this whole mistake.
Sinusubukan kong kumalma at maging okay sa harap niya kasi alam kong hindi ako okay sa loob, hindi ko alam kung bakit but I just feel weird.
I felt something weird when he said it was just a mistake.
Dapat sanay na 'ko kasi tao lang naman din siya, nagkakamali lang din, pero of course... yung hinalikan niya 'ko noon sa loob ng bahay ko... that one wasn't a mistake.
He wasn't drunk, he was himself, and it's something he did and inside my head I thought it wasn't a mistake.
Bakit ko ba binabalik ang nakaraan? Dahil lang sa isang halik? Hello? Marami na 'kong mga lalaking nahalikan 'no, and I'm sure... that those guys are better than him.
"I still want to apologize to you."
"Alexander. It is a mistake, bakit mo ba pinapalaki ang isang pagkakamali? It's not like we had sex or you touched me somewhere inappropriate, we're good."
No, we're not good.
I am not good. I am not okay.
That kiss ruined me.
That kiss began to make me feel things I shouldn't be feeling.
I'm the one who said na pagkakamali lang yun at dapat 'di na niya pinapalaki yun pero 'di ako okay.
Buong araw 'di ko maialis sa utak ko kung paano niya 'ko hinalikan, kung paano kami nakaposisyon sa isa't-isa at kung gaano siya kalapit sa'kin.
His eyes, his dark-blue eyes that looked as if it was filled with lust and the only thing he saw was me and my lips.
He leaned in and just kissed without any hesitation even though that kiss was just a mistake and full of guilt.
But shit, I couldn't stop thinking about it.
His hands were all over me and mine too!
Oh no. Oh just... no!
I can't do this!
Okay na kami, we're good now! Bakit 'di pa rin ako makapokus sa sinusulat ko? I can't even write properly and I said it's a good way for me to distract myself but damn it.
That kiss.
I can't stop thinking about that kiss.
I can't help but think it might be one of the best mistakes we've ever made. And that is terrible.
He's my best friend, yes, siguro dati minahal ko siya pero wala na 'kong nararamdaman sa kanya tapos bigla bigla na lang kaming gumagawa ng mga pagkakamali sa isa't-isa.
This kiss ruined my brain. This kiss might ruin my friendship with him and I don't want that.
I need to stop thinking about this before I do something that I would hate. Importante sa'kin si Alexander, I can't let this kiss ruin us.
Nag-search ako sa Google kung ano ang best option para makalimutan mo na nahalikan mo yung sarili mong best friend. Most of them wrote that maybe I had feelings for my best friend or maybe it's just a mistake and you can forget about it easily.
But it's not a made-out... and I'm still thinking about it!
And then one comment caught my attention.
To forget one's kiss is to kiss again.
Ooh, that was something.
Tama naman din, 'di ba?
If you can't forget one kiss, then try to kiss again and maybe it'll change your whole perspective and forget about it.
I've never done it before because all men that I've kissed seemed forgettable.
Maybe... I could find someone and just kiss them. Or maybe... I could have a one-night stand, right? If it's the only way for me to distract myself from that kiss then I'll do it.
I'm not a virgin.
Mukha man akong virgin pero 'di na 'ko gano'n, it happened a long time ago nung Freshman ako sa college. It was my first boyfriend and it happened only once, it felt good but that was it.
I wasn't really interested... maybe because I didn't like it as much?
Huminga ulet ako ng malalim at nag-isip kung mas maganda nga ba talagang maghanap ako ng lalaking mahahalikan ngayong gabi o hinde.
Baka naman kasi gumana 'di ba? And besides... I've never had a one-night stand before so... what's wrong if I do it once, right?
For the experience.
And remember, it's for me to stop thinking about that mistake.
"Hello, Charlotte? Busy ka ba?"
Tinawagan ko ang isa sa mga nakatrabaho ko sa shoots noon, Charlotte Salvador.
She's a good model and we made a connection when working on a shoot for a magazine. We became friends and we hang out sometimes.
"Di naman masyado, bakit?"
"Meron ka bang party na pupuntahan mamayang gabi?"
Charlotte also knows a lot when it comes to parties. Ilang beses niya rin akong inimbitahan at isa o dalawang beses lang yata ako nakapunta, I'm not a party person but when I'm motivated pumupunta naman ako.
"Uh... I do. It's at a bar here malapit lang sa campus."
"What... bar? Could you give me the address? I'd like to come tonight kung okay lang sa'yo."
"Of course naman! The more the merrier~"
Sinend niya sa'kin yung address at agad kong narealize na ito yung bagong bar ni Silas, I'm hoping na sana wala siya doon mamayang gabi o 'di ako magtatagumpay sa one night stand ko.
Naligo ako at uminom ng isang shot glass ng tequila habang hinahanda ko ang sarili ko sa mangyayari.
Nagsuot ako ng black minidress at sinadya ko ang cleavage ko para mabilis lang yung usapan tapos yun na.
I did a natural yet chic makeup, yung tipong makeup ba na para bang 'di ako masyadong naghanda pero ang ganda ko pa ring tingnan.
Alam ko naman na maganda ako, ang bulag ko naman 'di ko makita yun sa mukha ko.
I contoured my cleavage too, of course to make them feel the danger and to know who the boss really is.
And here I am. I look fucking hot.
Yes, this is what's right. I am all ready now.
There's no turning back when I got inside of the bar, just in case medyo tinakpan ko muna yung mukha ko with my hair at yung kamay ko kasi baka nasa loob si Silas and I don't want him to tease me.
He's gonna ruin everything for sure, I just know he'll fucking ruin it.
"Oh my god, you're here! Yes!" Charlotte says as she pulls me into a warm embrace.
"Yup, I am."
"So... what made you want to come tonight? I didn't think you'd come at all, let alone ask if there is some party tonight."
Ha, as if isasagot ko sa kanya na dahil kay Alexander na hinalikan ako nung lasing siya at ako naman timang at hinalikan din siya pabalik.
Hell nah, just no!
"I want to have some fun, you know? And my best friend is too busy to have fun with me so I'm thankful that I called you." tawa ko.
"No, it's alright. Just find a seat and I'll get you some drinks, alright? What do you want?"
"Ooh... my vodka baby~" I said in a flirty tone and she laughed afterwards.
Inobserbahan ko ang buong bar at agad kong napansin ang isang lalaki na nakaupo magisa, mukhang may hinihintay siya, maybe... his friends?
I need to make sure that he's not sitting or waiting for his girlfriend, that's bad, I don't want to sleep with a man who has a girlfriend.
"Charlotte."
"Hm?"
"Do you who he is?"
"Oh, him? Jonathan, he's my classmate, we're both graduating this year. Bakit?"
"He's... good-looking." I smiled in his direction and it seems like he noticed me.
He took a sip of his own glass and gave me a small kind smile, ooh... this is going to be an easy night to have a one-night stand.
"Oh, hell no, Rina. He's a fuckboy!" bulong niya.
Even better! He's a fuckboy which means he might be good at sex and it's something he would forget about after.
No strings attached and just sex, a one-night stand.
"So? He's hot."
He is hot. I love how cocky and arrogant he looks because men like that need to be tamed and humbled. I guess it'll be fun tonight.
"I'd let him hit." I chuckled at my words.
"Oh my god, Rina!"
"What? I want to have some fun~"
"Just... use protection."
Hinampas ko siya sa balikat niya, of course gagamit ako ng proteksyon 'no! Meron din akong birth control just in case as my backup.
I took the two shot glasses poured with vodka and I didn't hesitate to drink both glasses. It's go-time, siguro sa tingin ng iba ay mukhang nagmamadali ako at tama sila, nagmamadali nga talaga ako.
Maybe it's also the feeling of something that I haven't done this in a very long time.
"Hello." I smiled at him, umupo ako sa tabi niya.
Lumawak ang ngiti niya at inilapit ang sarili niya sa'kin, napansin ko ang pagbaba ng mga mata niya sa may dibdib ko at agad na bumalik yung tingin niya sa mukha ko pagkatapos.
"You must be Katerina Miranda, right?"
"Oh... you've heard of me?"
"Of course, you're the most gorgeous woman at NEO University."
"Gorgeous? Do you think I'm gorgeous, hm?" lumapit ako sa kanya ng konti and gave him a good look on my chest.
"Yes, you are. What made you sit here, ma'am?"
"Oh, you're hot... so..." I chuckled.
Natawa rin siya sa sinabi ko.
Mukhang ang daming babae na rin ang umupo sa tabi niya para lang mukha ang atensyon niya, he is pretty attractive so I get why he's a fuckboy.
He better be good at sex or I'll be very disappointed.
"Have you seen yourself, Ms. Miranda?"
"No..." I said as I leaned forward, placing my hand on top of his chest.
"I haven't... seen myself, Jonathan." I smirked.
I watch as he bit his bottom lip, he couldn't stop staring at my chest and that's when I knew that I got him.
Ha, who would've thought it would be this easy to find a one-night stand?
"Well, you should. Do you want MY help to make you understand how hot you are?" bulong niya.
"Maybe, maybe I just need you... and your lips..."
'Di na kami nagpaligoy ligoy at agad naming nahanap ang labi ng isa't-isa. This is it, this is fucking it. We are now kissing.
Naramdaman ko ang pagbaba ng kamay niya sa may baywang ko at pagtaas ng mga kamay ko sa may dibdib at leeg niya. His toned chest and muscular arms didn't help because... it only reminded me of someone I shouldn't have thought of.
And before I realized it, I kept making out with this man.
We couldn't take off our arms away from each other.
I haven't had this type of make-out in a while.
But why?
Why am I still thinking about Alexander?
Why him?
Dahan-dahang bumaba ang halik niya sa may panga ko at pababa pa ulet sa may leeg ko, napakagat ko sa labi ko sa nararamdaman init sa loob ng katawan ko.
This is it.
How can I forget about this? This sensation of pleasure?
Oh, this is about to be good.
It was going to be good, I knew that this sex is going to be good but it was all ruined when my eyes met his.
Binuksan ko ang mga mata ko at agad na nagkasalubong ang mga mata naming dalawa ni Alexander, nasa entrance siya mismo ng bar, mukhang kakapasok lang niya, agad akong nataranta dahil 'di ko maintindihan kung bakit nandito siya?
What the fuck is he doing here?
Oh shit.
His eyes changed and I saw the way his blue eyes darkened when our eyes met, he looked like he just finished work and he came here for something.
"A-Alexander?" bulong ko sa nerbyos.
Oh, this is not going to be good.