"I'm too dumb for this." Austin whines, talking about his failed attempt at solving the rubik's cube.
"No, you're too impatient." I correct him.
"Okay, maybe that one." He agrees. "Let's do something we're both good at." He suggests.
"And that is?" I ask him, not knowing what he could mean by that.
Instead of answering with words he brings his hand to my face and brushes my hair out if it. A streak goes through my eye as he does so and I have to blink a few times.
He chuckles and keeps my face cupped in his palm, looking into my eyes. And there it is again, this nice tingly feeling in my chest and stomach.
His eyes look full of lust and oh, his lips look so soft and inviting and I wonder if they feel different in the warmth of my room. Only one way to find out.
Austin leans in, closing the distance between us. He just gives me a peck on the lips, pulling away right away.
That's it?
Instead of kissing me, he brings our foreheads together. For some reason this feels equally intimate.
We both have our eyes closed. Okay, I don't know about Austin, but mine are closed. I listen to him breath through his nose.
The smile just won't leave my lips. I cannot stop smiling, not even if I wanted to. What was I even upset about? Screw everyone who doesn't agree with this. This is worth every struggle.
I feel Austin slowly tilt his head upwards to bring our lips closer together again. His nose is touching my cheek and I can feel his breath on it. He stops right before our lips can touch. God, this suspense is killing me.
I also move my head upwards and move my lips forward, but Austin pulls back right before my lips can touch his. He chuckles softly.
"Hey." I say offended, opening my eyes.
"Who's impatient now?" Austin whispers teasingly. His breath is touching my lips with every word. Is he mocking me?
I swallow hard. I'd be lying if I said that this isn't turning me on for some reason.
His hand is still on my cheek, holding my head in place, while his fingers are gently stroking my hair right above my ear.
I almost let out a whimper. I just wanna kiss him already.
I move my head forward again and once more he leans slightly back right in time. My lips slightly brush his, but they don't meet like I want them to.
I almost give up, when he suddenly pulls me closer and crashes his lips to mine.
I hungrily kiss him back, not being able to hold back. He tastes so good. I smoked a joint before, I really hope that it doesn't taste bad or anything.
My thoughts go silent when Austin parts his lips slightly more while we kiss, feeling his tongue against my bottom lip. I grab him by the back of his neck with both hands to pull him even closer.
My heart is pounding so hard in my chest. I had no idea that kissing can be so exciting.
I'm slightly on top of him while he's resting on his elbows, his head tilted back.
He pushes me back, sitting up and flips us over so I'm on my back. I catch my breath, panting. He's leaning over my body, his hands on either side of my head and my hips in between his legs. He's looking down at me, smiling.
I grab his hair and pull him down to kiss me. He slips one of his hands underneath my hoodie, moving it gently over my skin, up and down my upper body.
Our kiss is hungry and sloppy as he slips his tongue into my mouth. I feel him moving his knee in between my thighs, pushing them apart.
I don't know how much time is passing, it feels like an eternity and like a glimpse of a second at the same time.
He grinds his hips against mine and I can't hold back the moan escaping my mouth. Shit, I probably sound so stupid. I can feel him smile against my lips. I hope it's not because I sounded funny.
I grab his shirt on his back, pulling him down against my body. I let my hand wander to his ass. I chuckle slightly when I feel his wet pants. Right, he was sitting on the drenched bench, too.
Austin moves his mouth down to my neck, kissing me gently. "Fuck." I say, trying not to moan out loud again.
I pull on Austin's shirt and he sits up and pulls it over his head in a swift motion. I move my hands up to stroke his toned body, admiring his muscles.
He grabs my arms and pushes them over my head and leans down to kiss me again. He holds them down with a strong grip, my wrists slightly hurting from his weight on them.
Fuck. I didn't know that I like this, but I really do. I buck my hips forward, trying to feel him against me.
He releases the grip on my hands and grabs my hair instead, pulling on it, making my head tilt to the back, into the mattress or the blanket or whatever is underneath me. That's exactly what I wanted since he grabbed my hair yesterday. I wonder if he felt the same way.
As my throat is exposed, he plants kisses down my neck, slightly sucking on my sensitive skin and then he moves up to my chin and back to my lips again.
While he's still holding my head in place by my hair with one hand, he moves the other one down to my crotch, pressing down against my dick.
I moan into his mouth as he gently rubs me through my jeans. Fuck this feels so good.
He removes both hands and unbuckles his belt, pulling it out and throwing it aside. He then moves his hands back to me, squeezing my penis slightly through my jeans.
I could probably cum right then and there.
I quickly grab his hand by his wrist and pull it away when I feel tension building up. He smirks and pushes his hips down into mine instead and we both moan. His voice sounds deep and raspy and oh fuck, he's so hot. I'm the luckiest guy alive.
I slowly move my hand down to his crotch. I press against it, feeling his hard dick rubbing against my palm. He moans into my ear and I never want to hear anything else. It feels so good to know his pleasure comes from my hands.
Austin moves his hand to my pants and swiftly opens the three top buttons. He then slips his hand underneath my pants. Moving it to my hard dick, one layer of fabric less, just my boxers separating his hand and me and oh fuck.
This is going too fast.
I push him back by his chest and he removes his hands.
I'm panting heavily when he sits up. "Too fast." I say, almost getting no words out.
I watch his chest rise and fall in the rhythm of his heavy breaths. He runs his hand through his hair. I'm fascinated. He looks like a model.
"Sorry. You're right." He says, still panting heavily. "Let's go slower." He agrees and sits back on his butt. I watch him move his hand to his crotch, moving his jeans into place. His bulge is very visible in his black jeans. Fuck, that is kinda hot. Not just kinda, incredibly hot.
I can't believe how far we were already going. I've never felt this kind of lust, it's almost frightening how much I want to kiss him and touch him and continue where we stopped and wherever this will lead.
I sit up, too. Feeling my dick pressing uncomfortably against my skinny jeans. Fuck. Why did I stop him?
"Screw it." I say and grab his arm and yank him back over. Why wait?
I kiss him passionately, moving my hands through his hair and grinding my hips against his.
Austin lets out a moan, but then pulls away. "No wait. You're right." He says and I groan frustratedly. "I want this to be more than just a sexual thing." He says.
I nod. "Yeah okay." I breathe out and move my lips back to his, but he backs up.
"No, I'm being serious." He says, keeping me at an arm's length.
I frown at him. "What's the problem?" I ask. Doesn't he want this as badly as I do? Maybe he's straight after all. Maybe he doesn't like it?
Oh god. He doesn't like it. I did something wrong.
"I wanna take it slower." He says.
I'm overrhinking, right?
"You were setting the pace." I argue.
He sighs. "Yeah, I know. I wasn't thinking with my head." He admits.
"Then why are you now?" I ask him.
"Because I don't want this to revolve only around sex. I like you. I wanna go on dates, be in a real relationship." He says.
"Woah. Okay. Now, wait." I say and he looks pained. "I'm not out and I don't plan on coming out anytime soon. I- we can't be a couple." I say, feeling my heart sting. That's my reality. I'm not gonna be openly gay from today on. That's impossible.
"We can keep it to us for now." He suggests, sounding almost desperate.
Now we're talking.
"So we basically keep everything the way it is, plus this?" I ask, pointing between us.
He nods. "Basically yes."
"Okay deal." I say. "But you have to say it."
"Say what?" He asks me confused.
"You have to ask me out, duh."
He chuckles. "Do you wanna be my secret boyfriend?" He asks me and I feel my already flushed face get even redder.
"Yes. Been wanting that for a while now." I admit, grinning.
Austin cups my face in his hands and kisses me gently.
"A while now, huh?" He asks me, smirking.
I roll my eyes.
"Is there a possibility I get to see you in your uniform again someday?" Austin whispers and I start laughing.
"What? It looks hot." He defends himself and I only laugh more.
I hear the front door close all of a sudden.
"Do you never-" Austin starts and I put my hand over his mouth to shut him up.
I listen closely and hear someone coming up the stairs. Austin's eyes go wide.
"Shit. Hide somewhere. I can't let my parents see you like that." I say and push him off the bed.
"Where should I hide?" He asks me, standing in the middle of the room, looking around.
"Underneath my bed." I say and he sprints over and picks up the rubik's cube for some reason and tosses it to me.
"I know you're dying to finish it." He says with a wink and then slides underneath my bed just as the door opens.
I casually sit down with the cube in hand.
"What are you doing?" Harry asks me, coming in. He looks stressed. "We got a tight schedule, I thought you would be ready by now." He complains.
I look at him surprised. Is it twelve already? Shit, Austin has to get to work.
Harry shakes his head. "I called you four times already." He says and closes the door behind him.
At least my boner is almost gone by now, I think, I hope. "Uh, yeah, of course I'm ready." I say. My voice sounds hoarse. I stand up. "You can go wait in the car, while I get the rest of my stuff." I suggest nervously.
Harry stops in his tracks, looking me up and down. His eyes dart down to my crotch and then further down to Austin's shirt and belt, which are both lying on the ground in front of me. He looks at my hair and I don't even wanna know how bad it looks.
He's like a robot cop, scanning the crime scene.
My pants are still unbuttoned. Shit.
He walks over to my bed and picks up Austin's phone, looking at it. "Whose is this?" He asks me, unplugging it from the aux, stopping the music.
"My work phone." I quickly lie.
He looks at me, raising his brows. I clench my jaw and move my head in a way to tell him to let it go and wait outside.
He doesn't get the hint. "Who's here with you?" He asks me and Austin groans defeatedly from underneath the bed.
Harry jumps back, surprised as Austin climbs out from under my bed.
He gasps once he realizes who it is, bringing his hand over his mouth.
"Hi." Austin says and dusts off his pants. I hand him his shirt and belt and close the buttons on my jeans.
Harry frantically looks between us, his eyes going wide.
There's no way to make this look like anything else than what it is.
I drag my hand down my face. "Can you please go downstairs and distract my mom?" I beg him.
He nods without saying anything else and walks out.
I let out the breath I've been holding. Shit.
"I think our secret is out before it was even a secret." Austin says, chuckling when he puts his shirt on.
"Harry's not gonna tell anyone, I swear. If he tells anyone I tell everyone his secret." I tell him, trying to assure him.
"The secret about Adam and him?" Austin asks me casually.
How did he find out about that again?
"I sit behind you. As I said, I hear stuff." He tells me before I get to ask.
Okay, so he doesn't know the details about them.
"Yeah, so he'll keep his mouth shut." I say.
Austin shrugs. "Okay, I don't care."
I grab my stuff and fix my hair in my mirror. "Ready?" I ask him and we sneak downstairs.
I can see Harry talking to my mom in the kitchen. "Yeah, I saw him drive, he's really good." Harry says, talking about Caleb.
I bring Austin to the door and then whisper. "Wait in Harry's car, the door on the left in the back is always unlocked. We will take you to the train station." I tell him and then close the door.
I walk into the kitchen to say goodbye to my mom.
"Have fun with Caleb. But behave, alright?" She says and gives me a tight hug.
"Mom, I'm only gone one night." I say, feeling that she's overreacting.
"Yes, just take care of yourself." She tells me.
Harry and I silently walk out the door. He's grinning like crazy. "Don't you dare say anything until we dropped Austin off." I warn him.
"We're dropping him off?" He asks me confused.
"At the train stop." I explain.
We both climb into the car. I turn around to Austin and he smiles at me, making me also smile. He is eating something.
"Roadtrip, here we come." Harry announces with a singing voice. "If you need snacks I have-" He turns around and sees Austin already having opened a pack of chips. "Are you serious?" He asks him, annoyed.
"Sorry. I couldn't resist." Austin apologizes.
"It's fine, just my one and only favourite snack." Harry says, fake crying.
On our five minute ride to the train stop Harry doesn't feel too irritated by Austin's presence and shares his excitement about getting to meet his girlfriend with us.
We arrive at the station right five minutes before the next train is leaving.
"Thanks Harry." Austin says. "Have fun." I feel a kiss on my cheek. "See you monday." Austin whispers and then he's already out of the car in an instant. His whisper made the hair at the back of my neck stand up.
Was it always a hard task to breathe? Shouldn't it come naturally? Fuck, he really knocked all oxygen out of my lungs with that quick kiss on my cheek. We're a couple. Couples do those things. Harry knows about us, so no need to hide, I guess.
I watch Austin strut away, looking satisfied with what he just did to me.
"Oh my-" Harry screams.
"Shut up and drive." I say before he can finish.
"-God." He whispers. "Oh my god." Once more.
Here it comes. "Sammy! What the fuck? When did this happen? Did you try to hide this from me? Oh my god, are you two a couple or what?" He throws all these questions against my head.
"I- I don't even know how that happened. I don't know where to start." I say.
"Okay. First of all. We gotta call Carla." He announces and turns off the music to call her. "No, you know what? We're gonna drive to her."
I roll my eyes. "We don't have time for that. We planned to leave at twelve, we're already 25 minutes behind schedule."
"Right." Harry agrees. "Okay, let's just call her."
I really don't wanna steal Carla's time with her mother. She's got a lot going on in her own life.
"Harry! What's up?" Carla asks through the phone speaker.
"You're on speaker, Sammy can hear you too." Harry tells her.
"So we can't talk shit about him? What a bummer." She jokes. "Hey Sammy, how are you feeling? Are you okay?" She asks me with her concerned 'motherly' voice.
"Yeah. All good." I say.
"Wait, why wouldn't you be alright?" Harry asks me confused.
"I had another panic attack." I admit to him.
"Anxiety attack." Carla corrects me.
I don't know the difference. I learned about the terms and the symptoms in my paramedic training, but they used both terms to describe the same condition.
"Oh shit. What caused it?" Harry asks.
"And why was Austin with you? In a forest? And during work time?" Carla adds.
"I, uh, freaked out because we kissed." I tell them.
There are weird high pitched squealing noises coming from Carla. "What?" She finally screams.
I feel my cheeks burn. "Yeah, it kinda overwhelmed me because I was scared and still am scared of what my parents, especially what my dad might think." I explain.
"Okay, yeah, that sucks. It sucks big time. But can you please come back to the part where Austin and you kissed?" She asks me, impatiently.
"Uhm. Turns out every time we met up, it was a date. So us kissing was long overdue." I explain.
Harry chuckles, while Carla freaks out. "Tell us every single thing." She demands in a creepy voice.
I tell them everything. Maybe not everything, but most of it. I tell them that Austin stayed over after he forgot his phone, leaving out the part where I break into his apartment. Then I tell them about us both being super emotional and stuff, but leave out what we both were emotional about.
Lastly I tell them about Austin confessing his feelings to me. He really did that in the weirdest way possible, now looking back at it. Not just looking back, it was also weird while it happened.
"He was crushing on you for how long?" Carla asks me, shocked.
"About a month." I explain and they both gasp. "I know."
"Oh my god, so what are you two now?" Carla asks me.
"Boyfriends I guess?" I say unsure.
"Austin kissed him on the cheek on his way out." Harry blurts out.
"Oh my god. Sammy, I'm so happy." She cheers.
"And you should have seen them when I walked in on them." Harry announces, laughing evilly.
I feel my face getting hot and hide it behind my hands. This is so embarrassing.
Harry snorts, starting to laugh while Carla keeps asking to finally tell her everything.
"Sammy was just sitting on his bed, acting like a nice innocent little boy when I came in." He says. "And then I see all this evidence gathered around the room." He says, dramatically.
"What evidence?" Carla wants to know.
"First clue, his hair was super messy and his face was flushed and he was totally out of breath." Harry describes and I just wanna disappear into my seat.
"Second. There was a belt on the floor. Sammy has only ever worn a black belt. But guess what? This one was brown." He says. Oh wow, he really put a second thought into his analysis.
"So obviously I was suspicious, which brings us to the last piece of evidence. The music."
I roll my eyes at his drama.
"Music was playing on the stereo, but not anything Sammy listens to. So I looked at the phone and guess what? It wasn't his. He came with some lame excuse about it being his work phone. But I know your work phone isn't a smartphone." He says, putting it all together.
"Okay. And what happened then?" Carla asks excitedly.
I groan. "Austin crawled out from under my bed." I admit.
She bursts out laughing.
"Shirtless, may I add." Harry says and Carla laughs even louder.
"That brings us to one question. What exactly was I interrupting?" He asks, curiously raising his eyebrows.
I gasp. "None of your business." I shout.
"Come on!" Harry says.
"I'm not gonna give you details." I say.
"Oh my god. What? Did you fuck?" He asks me shocked.
"No!" I shout instantly. "No! We only started dating today."
"Second base? Third base?" Harry asks me, wiggling his eyebrows and looking between me and the traffic.
"Okay, I think it's Sammy's right to not tell us." Carla stops Harry's questioning.
Thank god. I don't even know what the bases mean.
"Sammy, you need to tell me more on monday, but I really have to go now." She says.
"Yeah, of course. How is it going?" I ask her.
She hesitates for a moment. "I'm gonna tell you on monday."
Didn't she say it was going well?
I frown, meeting Harry's eyes and he just shrugs.
"Just for the record. I left out one more piece of evidence." Harry snickers. "You totally had a boner."
"Shut up!" I yell and he giggles.
Harry pulls onto the main street, looking left and right.
"Hey, what's up with the bandages?" Harry asks me as the street is going straight ahead, sounding a little more serious.
"Hm?" I humm.
"On Austin's arm. His whole arm was wrapped up." He says.
Oh shit, I didn't even realize he saw that.
"Uhm. Climbing accident." I lie.
He frowns. "Did you guys even climb or just fall the whole time?" He asks me.
I chuckle nervously. "Yeah, well the rock is brutally sharp." I say and pull up the sleeve of my hoodie. "I slipped once and you see what happened." I say, holding out my arm as proof.
The scrapes are mostly healed, a few scabs have already fallen off, leaving a light spot of fresh skin behind. The fresh spots look a bit like vitiligo in my opinion. I guess I am outside in the sun a lot, because my fresh skin is so, so light in comparison to the rest.
He looks shocked when he sees my injuries, looking between the street and my arm multiple times. "Oh wow. Ouch." He says, leaning over to get a closer look. "You certainly didn't lie when you said that it hurt. Jesus." He says, taking another glance at my arm.
I chuckle. "Yeah, my knee is also still bruised badly and hurts. But Austin's arm looks a lot worse." I tell him, trying not to think too much about him having stitched cuts underneath those bandages.
"What a hobby." Harry says. "Certainly not for me. And don't show me wounds while I drive. I got a weak stomach. You want me to faint and crash the car?"
"I'm also not gonna do that anymore. There's other stuff I can do with Austin." I tell him.
"Ew, no. Thanks for the images in my head." He complains. "Having the driver throw up is almost as bad as fainting."
I roll my eyes, smiling. He's fucking annoying.
The rest of the car ride is fun. I sing to the music, both of us completely out of tune and everytime Harry tries to tease me about Austin I just bring up Adam to shut him up.
We even get into this sentimental phase where I tell him that I'm fucking scared of coming out and scared of seeing Kevin again after a long time. He reassures me, telling me that I don't have to worry.
Harry tells me about being scared of meeting Camille, since he never saw her apart from pictures and that it's gonna be weird. I still doubt that she looks like she does in the pictures, but I try to reassure him nonetheless.
The three hours it takes to get to my hometown go by in a breeze. Harry drives really confidently on the highway, I don't understand what he was scared about.
I call Kevin when we're about ten minutes away from his home. He lives in the same town that I'm from, but he lives further in the valley, away from the center of the town.
"Hey Kevin, guess who's gonna be here in ten minutes?" I say as he picks up.
He gasps. "You're actually coming?" He asks me surprised.
I frown. Wasn't it clear I was coming? "Yeah, of course." I say.
"You didn't reply to me for two days, I thought you stood me up." He admits.
Fuck, he's right. I completely ignored him and never told him if my parents said yes.
"Yeah, no, I'm almost here." I say.
"Cool. Is Harry driving you?" He asks me.
"Yep." I say, popping the 'p'.
"Cool, I wanna say hi to him when you're here. Okay, I gotta clean up, see you in ten." He says and then hangs up.
"You got time to meet Kevin, right?" I ask Harry and he smiles.
"Yeah, I totally planned that in my schedule."
"That's where I lived." I say as we pass my childhood home. It feels weird to see it now. Someone else lives there now. They will never know what memories I have of this house.
"Oh, that looks lovely. A lot smaller than your house now." Harry says.
"Yeah, my parents only wanted one child." I say, holding up my hands. "Oops."
Harry chuckles. "Well, now they got their big ass house." He says.
"You're the one to talk. Your house is a mansion." I say to him.
"True." He agrees.
"There it is." I say, as soon as I spot Kevin's home. It looks exactly as I remember it. I can't believe I haven't been here for almost half a year.
Harry parks the car next to the street and we both get out. Harry inhales the air. "Fresh air." He says.
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, no car fumes and city dirt." I comment.
"Sammy!" I hear Kevin's voice screaming.
He runs out, waving like crazy. His hair got a lot longer. It looks a little greasy and dirty. But who am I to talk, my hair got a lot longer, too.
Kevin has really dark brown wavy hair that now goes down to his shoulders. He usually wears it in a slight side part. He only wears baggy clothes all the time although he has a pretty fit body, considering he goes hiking at least once a week.
"I can't believe you're really here." Kevin says and stops a meter away from me.
"Me too!" I agree, smiling like crazy.
"What? No hug?" Harry asks, looking between us.
We never hug. It just never came up, I'm pretty sure we hugged each other two times since we've known each other, one of the two times being right after we found out about Jared's death.
"Oh, come here." Kevin says, holding out his arms.
I give him a hug and he pats my back. "Good to see you." He says again and then turns to Harry.
"Nice to meet the guy who replaced me." He says jokingly, holding out his hand.
Harry reluctantly takes it and Kevin gives him a strong handshake. He's a hand crusher.
"I'm just kidding. It's nice to finally have a face to the name." He explains.
"Yeah, same." Harry says, looking a little stressed for some reason.
Let's be real. They really are on the opposite sides of every possible spectrum. Harry always dresses nicely and clean while Kevin never cares about what he looks like, mostly wearing baggy trousers and shirts. Harry has lots of energy, talking a lot while Kevin usually keeps to himself, at least when he's with people he's not so familiar with. Right now he obviously tries his best to come off not as shy.
I don't know. It feels weird somehow.
"Do you want something to drink? I got energy drinks." Kevin suggests.
"Can't say no to that." Harry says, nodding.
"Cool, hang on, I'm gonna get us all something to drink. Sammy, what do you want?" He asks me, knowing I don't like that nasty stuff.
"I'm good." I say and he rolls his eyes, but runs inside anyway.
Harry turns to me. "He is-" He tries to think of something nice to say. "Different to what I imagined him to be." He says, honestly. "But cool. Yeah, he's nice." He says.
I feel a little embarrassed. I shouldn't feel ashamed for my friend, but Kevin is kind of, well, weird.
He comes jogging back out with two energy drinks in his hand.
It's extremely awkward while they drink their cans. We don't really get into any topic that works for us. Every conversation dies down within four sentences.
Kevin looks at me and gasps. "Is that a hickey?" He asks me, pointing to my neck.
Oh shit. When did that happen? Why didn't Harry tell me? Fucking Austin. Did my mom see it?
I quickly bring my hand up to hide it as if that would delete his memory of it.
Harry snorts and starts laughing at me. He must have seen it. I kick his leg.
"Oh you cheeky little bastard, you're gonna have to tell me everything." Kevin says, wearing a grin.
Harry leaves after that. I wish him good luck and give him a fist bump.
I watch him put the new route in his phone and then he drives off.
I have my backpack in hand and turn back around to Kevin. "Let's go inside?" I suggest and he nods.
His mom is home, she comes to greet me as soon as we enter.
"Oh Sam, I'm so glad to see you again finally." She says and gives me a hug. "Kevin was so sad when you left."
"Mom!" Kevin protests, embarrassed.
We go to his room and I feel like I was here just yesterday. The smell of his room didn't change at all, it makes me feel so at home. I didn't even notice that his room had its own smell. I guess I was so used to it, i had become accustomed to the smell.
We both sit down on his bed.
I don't know where to start asking questions. So much has happened while I was gone.
"Harry seems nice." Kevin says.
"Hm? Oh yeah, that's why we're friends." I say.
"Is he-" he says the last part a bit more quietly. "gay?"
I'm so used to Harry's bubbly personality that I completely forgot that he comes off as queer to basically everyone upon first meeting him, including me.
I chuckle. "No." I say and then remember the thing with Adam. "Well, for the most part. He's actually on his way to meet his girlfriend. But I get why you'd assume that." I say.
He nods. "Oh. Okay." Does he look relieved? Kevin isn't homophobic, right? That would totally not fit his personality, but you can never know. We never talked about it.
"Why?" I ask him confrontational.
"Why what?" He asks me confused.
"Why did you ask if he's gay? Would that be bad?" I wanna know.
He looks taken aback. "What? No! I- uhm, well, it was just a question." He defends himself. "I just wanted to know."
What am I doing? Why did I ask him that? Of course he's not homophobic, it's Kevin. He's cool.
But on the other hand I never really cared about it before, so I can't be sure after all.
"So. I heard you finally asked her out?" I ask him, talking about Mimi, the girl he's been crushing on for five years now.
He gives me a weak smile. "Yeah, that didn't work out." He says.
"Shit, sorry I-" I say.
"But!" He says, holding up his index finger. "Then I met Sandra and she's my true love." He says.
I chuckle. "Who the hell is Sandra?" I wanna know. "Please don't say it's that girl from the year below us." I say, thinking about this really annoying girl that tried to befriend us for a while.
"Are you crazy? She's super ugly, her body is weird, I would never date her." He says, laughing.
Fuck. A few months ago I would have laughed about her. I think Harry and Carla really showed me how judgemental I have been before. I mean I never joked about other people's weight and appearance myself, but I always laughed along and judged them in my head.
"No, she's from a different school. That gym school." He explains.
"And you're dating? How did you two meet?" I ask him excitedly.
"Uhm, well, we're technically not dating yet. But we will soon." He mumbles.
I roll my eyes. "You haven't even talked to her, right?" I ask him, already knowing the answer to my question.
"I will." He assures me.
"Of course you will, only took you five years the last time." I joke.
"I'm not as lucky as you after all. Who's your new girl?" He asks me and I feel my face get hot. "Uhm, I mean who are you dating?"
There's no way I'm gonna tell him I'm gay. Nope. No way. I'm not ready.
"Uhm, she's from my class." I explain.
"The one you went on a date with?" He asks me. "Jessica?" Wow he even remembers her name.
"Uhm, no, a different one." I say stupidly.
"You player!" He yells proudly.
I shrug. Okay, yeah I am pretty proud of who I pulled. Austin is fucking hot. I don't understand how he likes me. Fuck, I'm so lucky.
"So, how's she like?" He asks me.
He. I just wanna correct him.
"Sassy." I say, chuckling. "Really moody and gets angry at everything I say and doesn't talk to anyone. And hot. Like really hot. Hottest person in my school in my opinion." I tell him, not able to contain my smile. "And the most beautiful smile you can imagine."
He grins. "Oh come on, how the hell would you manage to get a girl like that?" He asks me.
"I have no idea, honestly." I admit.
"What's her name? Do you have a picture?"
I need a name. I need a name. Something that starts with A.
"Anna." I lie. "No, I don't have any pictures." I really only have a couple of pictures of him.
"You don't have any pictures? Doesn't she have a profile picture?" He asks me, desperate to see her.
"No, sorry." I say.
"But did you already?" He asks me, moving his hips back and forth.
I roll my eyes, giggling. "No. We only kissed for the first time today." I explain, feeling my cheeks burn.
"Today? In the morning?" He asks me surprised. "I thought you had to work?"
"I'm at home for half of the time and she slept over." I say. It feels weird to call Austin a 'she'.
"She slept over? Did your parents allow that? Are you two together?" He asks me shocked.
"My parents didn't know." I admit and he gives me a sly smile. "Yeah, we're together, kind of." I explain.
"Kind of?" He asks me.
"Well, we want to keep it between us for now. Because of my parents." I tell him.
"Since when do they care about you having a girlfriend?" He asks me confused, raising his eyebrows.
I'm stupid.
"Uhm, she's slightly older and has a motorcycle, so they wouldn't really be that happy." I explain.
Fuck. I should stop talking.
He gasps. "No way. Are you being serious?" He asks me. "How in the name of god did you manage to score a girl like that?" He asks me, not believing me.
"I don't know." I say, still not sure if all that really happened.
"If it works out between you two, I really wanna meet her on your birthday." He demands.
Oh shit. I forgot that he would come over for that. I've got two weeks to come up with a plan. Shit. Okay, no problem. I'm gonna have an excuse for that one. I'm gonna warn Carla and Harry and tell them to call Austin Anna and not invite him over obviously. It's gonna work out.
"Yes." I say, faking a smile.
"And I get to meet the legendary Carla, I honestly thought you'd end up with her, you talked so much about her all the time." Kevin says.
I chuckle. "Yeah, no, definitely not. She's dating Caleb now."
"Your brother Caleb?" He asks me shocked.
I nod. "Yeah, don't ask me how that happened, I don't know either. But I nearly fucked it up, didn't I tell you about it?" I ask him.
"No, you tell me barely anything." He says, sounding hurt.
"I'm sorry. But you're also not telling me a lot." I bring up.
He nods. "Yeah, I know. But now we can finally catch up." He lies down on his back, staring at the ceiling. "Do you remember the last time we were chilling here in my room?" He asks me.
The last time I was here was when Jared was still alive. I remember it clear as day because it was the last time we saw him. We were hanging out, playing games and having so much fun.
I fell asleep on the mattress on the floor next to Jared, not knowing he'd be dead the next day.
"He seemed really happy that day. He hadn't been as cheerful for a while." Kevin says.
So we're really having this talk?
I also lean back and lie down next to him, both our feet dangling out from the bed.
"That's true." I say, feeling a lump in my throat.
"Don't you think it's crazy that we've only seen each other three times after that?" He asks me.
After my mom told me about Jared I wanted to call Kevin instantly, but was too scared to be the one to tell him. Instead I sat down on my bed and stared at the wall, dazed off. I sat there until Kevin walked into my room. We didn't talk that day, we mostly just cried.
The second time was at Jared's funeral, five days later. We stayed at his grave, talking until our parents got us to get home.
The final time I saw Kevin was when both our parents sat us down and told us that we had to go to the police station to take drug tests. That was the last time. We never said goodbye and only started talking again weeks later.
"Yeah, it's unbelievable." I say and turn my face over to his. "I missed you. I wish we could have seen each other." I say and he also turns his head so he's facing me.
"Yeah, me too." He says quietly.
I turn my head back up to stare at the ceiling and so does Kevin.
I chuckle. "We've spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling here." I say.
"Yeah, when we were high as shit." He says, grinning. "I miss this feeling." He admits.
I sit up a little, looking at him. "You haven't smoked since then?" I ask him surprised.
He shakes his head. "Nah, it was our thing. It would have felt wrong to smoke without you guys." He tells me.
"Now I feel bad." I say and lie back down.
He chuckles. "If I had someone to smoke with, I would have, too. I've got two grams here. We can smoke as much as we want this weekend." He suggests.
"I'd be honoured to get high with you." I say, grinning.
"Let's get baked tonight." He agrees.
I snort when I realize what he just said. "Let's get baked tonight? Is that what LGBT actually stands for?"
"Huh? What?" He asks me confused.
"Forget it." I say, feeling a little out of place now.
"But I wanna stay here, just lying around for a little longer." Kevin says and I nod my head.