•Riot•
I feel like I'm only a moment away from my breaking point. Like if one tiny thing goes wrong the demon hiding within my flesh will rip its way out and wreck the world around me, leaving nothing but blood and ash in its wake. I've tried to reign it in around Giovanni, him being distracted by Nolani has turned out to be a blessing. Before her he would've seen straight through the facade I'd been wearing and I'd have too many questions to answer.
The decision has been made, I know what we have to do but I haven't managed to follow through with it yet. I've become a coward, something I never expected. My father would roll over in his grave if he knew about my dilemma. Or maybe he would understand, I'll never know because I can't ask him but I also can't find it in me to care.
Most of the family are flying to Sicily in the morning. Zia Caterina is throwing Zio Alonzo a birthday party in a couple days and most don't want to miss it. I'm supposed to fly out in the morning too but I decided to hang back a day. I have one more bit of evidence I wanted to gather before I unloaded my intel on Giovanni. I knew without solid evidence he would never believe me and while my evidence isn't as solid as I'd like it to be I think it's a good enough start to make him suspicious and for him to take my concerns seriously.
Much to Luca's dismay I've decided to bring Polina to Sicily with us. He thinks it's a horrible idea, mainly because there's only three places we can stay without raising suspicion. Giovanni's, Mamma's or Zio Alonzo and Zia Catalina's. All three options would make it hard to keep her a secret but if we stayed elsewhere my family would put their nose in my business in an attempt to sniff out what I'm hiding. Giovanni's and Mammas would be impossible even with Polina wearing a disguise, there'd be too many questions and I'm not sure how long she could manage to use an American accent without tripping up accidentally. Alonzo and Catalina won't question her but their house will be crawling with members of the family during the party. Convincing her to stay in our room would be easy if I warned her of the repercussions so I know it will ultimately be the option I'll choose.
Today Luca and I have a surprise for Polina, one last memory to make until we screw everything up. She has no idea about our decision. Luca thinks we should discuss it with her but I worry she would disagree and fight against it. It could cause her to act recklessly and I can't have that. This is the only option where the outcome doesn't end in her death, the only one I'll even attempt.
"You expect me to act normal, act like you aren't going to rip all of our hearts out when we get back from Sicily?" Luca questions, hurt contorting the features of his handsome face as he looks over at me from the passenger seat.
We've been home for twenty minutes now but neither of us had made the move to exit the car. We'd both gone silent, staring into space and thinking about what the next few days held for us. I'm sure Luca spent most of the time mentally cursing me. I worried our relationship wouldn't be the same after this. If he isn't there to keep me anchored what would happen?
"This is our only option. What else would you have me do? Do you think I want to do this anymore than you want me to? I don't. It's killing me but we have no other choice." I snap, anger slipping over my body like a shirt I'd outgrown years ago. Familiar but uncomfortably tight. A deep breath fills my lungs before exhaling through my nose as I force the unwelcome feelings away. "I don't expect you to pretend. Treat it like you would as if change wasn't coming, enjoy it because soon the way she views us will change."
He purses his lips but doesn't reply. He knows I'm right, he knows that I've studied this from every angle only to come back to the same conclusion each and every time.
I reach over and grasp him by the nape of his neck, pulling him toward me. "I'm sorry." I murmur the words against his lips feeling as if I've driven my knife down my abdomen and let my guts spill out on the console separating us.
I hate seeing him upset, despise knowing I'm the one who's made him feel this way.
"I know." He mutters, his voice thick with everything he wants to say but doesn't.
My lips brush a kiss against his, craving the connection that arcs between us. I breathe in his familiar scent and relish in the feel of his neatly trimmed facial hair against my skin. I'd like to be able to confidently say if I could go back and change things I would but I can't and I know he wouldn't either. If I could go back I'd do things exactly the way we've done them. I don't regret any of it, how could I when it lead her to us?
I stop the kiss but don't break our connection, keeping my hold on his neck, dragging my thumb back and forth across his skin. "I love you."
His lips twitch as he fights a smile and he repeats his previous response, "I know."
My teeth dig into his lower lip as I reluctantly release him with a grin. "Now come on. Let's go earn a smile from our little mouse, you know she's going to be excited when she finds out our plans for the day."
I grab the bags from the backseat and follow Luca inside. Cacciatore greets us at the door, earning pets from us both, his butt wagging happily. The house is silent as we begin our search for Polina. There's a half finished puzzle on the dining room table, her crossword puzzle book on the coffee table in the living room but no stormy eyed blonde to be found. She's become so comfortable in my house. I usually didn't like seeing things on the counters or tables but found I didn't mind with her. It felt like she was changing my space and surprisingly I didn't hate it. It never felt like she tainted it like it did with anyone other than Luca. Probably because I've started trusting her... maybe even a little more than I should.
We go upstairs straight to my bedroom and immediately spot her. She's crouched in the closet with my bag of tools at her feet, the ones I use during my torture sessions. The bags unzipped, a few tools lying on the floor beside it. A pair of pliers, a hammer, but I don't even blink at the sight of them. No. It's the one in her hand that causes my lungs to stop working and makes the blood in my veins run cold.
My knife.
I pat the pocket of my slacks not even realizing the usual weight of it hadn't been there all morning until now. How had I forgotten it? I never forgot it. Ever. Add that with the fact that I hadn't noticed it wasn't on me until I saw it in her hand and found myself in shock. I knew I had been unraveling but I would have never guessed it had gotten this bad.
She runs her finger over the blade and lets out a little gasp as it slices through her skin easily. Blood wells on the wound and drips onto the wood floor in little dots.
"Oh, topolina, what have you done?" I ask, my voice low and thick with emotion.
I can't decide whether or not the fire pumping through my veins is pushing me to punish her or fuck her.
She jumps up quickly, dropping the knife in her haste as her wide eyes land on me, fear building in the stormy depths.
"I wasn't snooping, I promise." She responds defensively, not seeming to care that the blood dripping from her finger was now painting her bare feet in scarlet specks.
The color is so pretty against her skin I feel myself unravel further at the sight as if my undoing needed encouragement.
"Come here." I demand calmly, placing the shopping bags on the floor beside me.
She contemplates the command, her gaze flicking between Luca and I as if he'll jump in and save her. He's no white knight but she should already know that. Something in me snaps, like the last thread of control finally gives in and before I can blink my shoes are eating up the distance between us and I'm looming over her small form. Terror filled eyes meet mine as she peers up at me, our gazes clashing but she doesn't look away. She lets me see all the emotions on her face, each one only making her more enticing.
Without breaking eye contact I grab her wrist and bring her bloody finger to my mouth, swiping my tongue across the digit. The only sound from her is a sharp inhale over my tongue touching the cut but she doesn't even attempt to pull away. I dragged my tongue across the scarlet trail that painted her forearm until her skin was back to its usual coloring and the sharp copper tang of blood was all I could taste.
"It's sharper than I expected." She admits quietly. "You didn't cut me when you dragged it across my skin so I didn't expect it to cut me when I did it either."
I release my hold on her wrist and snatch the discarded knife from the floor, bringing the blade to the side of her face. Her breath catches as I drag it down her cheek and across her neck. She's wearing one of my white button up shirts. I'd laid it out for her this morning along with a pair of underwear because I wanted to see her in it when I got home and what a sight she is.
"That's because I know exactly how much pressure to apply when I want to graze you—" I trail the blade across the tops of her breasts, adding pressure and she gasps as it slices through the skin. "— or when I want to make you bleed."
I lean down and lick the wound. She clutches my head closer to her, like she doesn't want to ever let me go. I tug the shirt down further until her entire breast is exposed and suck her nipple into my mouth, dying to brand her entire body with my blade and chase the pain away with my tongue. A moan falls from her lips and she melts against me. I can barely think straight, my mind racing, my cock begging to be released.
I abruptly pull away and slip the shirt back over her breast, enjoying the mixture of lust and confusion on her face. She obviously liked it and I question whether or not our plans for the night are really all that important. Ultimately I know the smile we'll get when we tell her about our surprise will be worth waiting until later to drown in the pleasure of the three of us. I hand her back the switchblade and her eyes widen in surprise, the weight of it sobering her quickly.
"Close it, we have things to do."
With shaky fingers she does as she's told before giving it back to me. I slip it into my pocket, making a mental note to clean it later before taking her hand and pulling her out of the closet and into the bedroom where Luca awaits.
He grabs the shopping bags from the floor and offers them to her. Her brow furrows as she takes them, peeking at the contents before she starts digging.
She pulls a jet black wig out, her confusion only growing. "Why are you giving me this?" She places the bags on the floor and continues digging, finding colored contact lenses, makeup, a few outfits, shoes and jewelry. "I don't understand."
"We're taking you out. First we're going to have dinner with your sisters.." Luca says.
"And then afterward the three of us are going to have a little fun." I add with a smirk.
Her eyes widen as our words finally sink in, an array of emotions passing through her stormy gaze until excitement wins out. "Really?" She asks skeptically, as if we would play such a horrid joke on her.
Luca smiles and gives her a nod. "Really."
She drops the clothes in her hands and wraps an arm around each of us, practically vibrating with excitement. "I can't believe I finally get to see them." She gushes in a low tone.
Luca's eyes meet mine over her head, pain filling his hazel gaze as he squeezes her a little tighter. Merda, what have I done to us?
• • •
After dropping off the shopping bags with Polina, Luca and I continued on with our day like normal although it didn't feel normal in the least. The day dragged. It was like I'd slowed time down and I felt each long second as it passed. I felt sluggish and numb, it made me question if I could go through with this. If I'm already feeling this bad now how will I feel once things are done?
I've complained many times about Giovanni changing once he got with Nolani. I couldn't understand how he could put her above everything else, how he could put us all in danger so blindly. I've realized he didn't have a choice in the matter at all, you don't even realize it's happening until it's done. I've put myself on the line keeping her hidden. I've harbored an enemy of the family in my own home, tasted her body, took pleasure from her and reciprocated it tenfold. I've betrayed the family, something I swore I would never do and yet as I said previously I don't regret it and I'd do it all over again. I couldn't imagine not having these months I've spent with her and Luca and I'll cherish them until my last breath, no matter how soon that may come.
"Are you okay?" Luca asks.
For the second time today we found ourselves sitting in my driveway unable to exit the car and go inside.
"No." I answered truthfully, my head reclined back on the headrest and I angled it toward him. "But I will be."
"And you're sure this is how you want to do this? This will change everything. Once it's done, it's done. There's no taking it back."
"I'm sure."
There isn't a doubt in my mind that things have to go this way.
He sighs and opens the passenger door. "Come on."
I numbly follow him.
We find Polina in the ensuite when we make it upstairs. She's dressed in black leather pants, a red top and black boots. There's a light layer of makeup on her face, her lips are painted a deep, dark red and I get the urge to smear it with my mouth. She's swiping black mascara on her eyelashes when she notices us leaned against the doorway. She slips the wand back in the tube and her gaze flicks between Luca and I, a smirk playing on her lips.
She always looks beautiful but seeing her like this, dressed up for us for the first time it hits me right in the chest.
She turns to face us, an air of confidence emanating from her as she leans back against the counter and I see that spark of fire in her that was blazing when I first saw her at Alex's house months ago. Triangles of delicate fabric cover her breasts, two strips of fabric criss cross below her chest before disappearing behind her back. Her pale blonde hair is covered by the wig, long black strands hanging down her back. Her stormy eyes have been replaced with a dark green and I can feel myself already becoming annoyed that I can't see how they slightly change shades with each emotion she feels.
"Are you ready?" I ask her, my eyes still eating up the sight of her.
"I am." She grins, joy shining off her like a beacon.
Luca takes her hand and they follow me out of the room.
Downstairs in the foyer my hand grasps the knob but I pause, unsure if I can turn it and let her leave the safety my home provides for her. If I take her out of here and something happens to her I'll never forgive myself. A small hand snakes across my lower back under my suit jacket, nails scratching across the fabric of my shirt. The touch is taunting, teasing. It's like I can feel her provoking me in my head. I force my hand to turn the knob and pull the door open before I change my mind.
The night air greets us as we step outside, washing over my flushed skin. My eyes flick around our surroundings in alert as I search for anyone that seems suspicious of Luca and I. My worry is for nothing, I know where every person on duty right now currently is. Even with the disguise I'm still paranoid.
Polina's hand slips in mine and I feel her urging me forward, a strong wave slapping against my ship threatening to capsize me. I give her hand a squeeze in warning and guide her to the SUV, opening the back door. Her eyes meet mine, her lips curling into a grin before she climbs inside. Luca slips in beside her and I get in the drivers seat.
I start the car and meet her gaze in the rear view mirror feeling more on edge than I ever have. "Give me your word that you're going to behave. If you try to make a scene while we're out it won't end well for you."
She flashes me a genuine smile. "I promise I'll be on my best behavior."
If I didn't trust her I'd make her go back in the house but I do so I back out of my driveway and pull onto the road. The guard at the gate knows better than to question me but I still roll my window down and give him a wave as he opens the gate and I drive through. Tension makes my muscles ache as my tires pass the threshold of the community and onto the main road.
The drive to the farmhouse is long and I remain silent the entire time, my head is too much of a mess for me to talk. It's easy to tell Polina's excited, she's had a smile on her face the entire way here. It made me feel guilty for keeping her away from them for so long.
The farmhouse isn't guarded as heavily as our community. I only have a couple guys I've trusted with the Ivanov sisters so when I press the code in the gate it opens without a guard. The driveway is long and lined with apple trees. The farmhouse is situated on one hundred acres of farmland that I rent out to a local farmer to tend to. It's an old home that's been remodeled on the inside but the interior still remained true to its roots with its refinished original wood floors and sturdy oak cabinets.
I put the car in park, not feeling as tense as I was during the drive. Luca and the few men I trusted were the only ones that knew about this place so I know I don't have to worry about Giovanni here.
Luca helps Polina out of the car, intertwining his fingers with hers as soon as her feet hit the ground. I grab her other hand and the three of us make our way to the front door together.
Pietro opens the door before I can even knock and Polina is ripped out of our grasp as two blondes charge at her. They speak rapidly in Russian, their tones brimming with joy as they hug their sister. Polina pinches her eyes closed, her smile growing watery as she returns their embrace. It's the happiest I've ever seen her. They finally pull away, their eyes scanning her form, taking in her disguise.
Aleksandra scrunches her face in disgust, her fingers tugging on the ends of the black haired wig. "What did they do to you?"
"It's a disguise." Polina replies, knocking her middle sister's hand away. "No one knows I'm alive and if they find out they'll kill me."
Her words remind them of the situation they're in and I watch in annoyance as joy slowly melts into sadness.
"Dinner is ready if you'd like to eat, sir." Pietro says.
I grab Polina's hand and Aleksandra notices immediately, narrowing her eyes at the action. Polina says something to her in Russian in a scolding tone and Aleksandra purses her lips but doesn't respond, turning on her heel to follow Pietro toward the dining room.
Both sisters eye Polina as she takes a seat between Luca and I but neither speaks their thoughts as we begin eating.
Sofia gives Polina a grin. "I'm so happy to see you, I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, both of you." Polina replies.
I drop my gaze to my plate, acid burning my stomach. I want to leave. I contemplate leaving Polina with her sisters and letting Pietro follow out my plans. Then I wouldn't have to see her face when she found out what was happening. It was a cowardly choice, one I knew I could never truly make but it was tempting nonetheless. She would never forgive Luca and I for that and forgiveness is something we're both going to need.
The three sisters fill our dinner with their talk. Polina mothers Sofia and butts heads with Aleksandra a few times but it seems natural, as if it was exactly how they'd always behaved. Aleksandra eyes Luca and I. She watches our every move, especially how we interact with Polina. She narrows her eyes at her sister when Polina looks over at me and smiles and clenches her jaw when Polina laughs at something Luca says. I wished I could see the three of us through her eyes. Her skepticism of us makes me question how we appear together.
I finish the last bite of my meal and lean back against my chair, draping my arm across the back of Polina's. Luca's arm brushes my hand and I drag my thumb against his bicep. Aleksandra tracks each movement. She drops her fork, the stainless steel utensil clanking loudly against the ceramic plate and the room goes silent at the abrupt noise.
"What's going on?" Aleksandra questions, her eyes bouncing between Polina, Luca, and I.
"What do you mean?" Polina asks.
"Are you fucking them, Polya?"
Sofia gasps as if she couldn't believe the words that had come out of her sister's mouth but Polina isn't surprised.
"Why does that matter?" Polina inquires, arching a single brow.
Aleksandras face scrunched in disgust, betrayal shining bright in her eyes as she rose from the table. "How could you betray us like that? They're holding us captive!"
"I didn't betray you and they're keeping us safe."
Aleksandra laughs. "Wow, they've really brainwashed you, haven't they?" She shakes her head in disbelief. "You call locking us in this house away from everyone, including you, and never letting us leave, is them keeping us safe?"
Polina rises calmly, her head held high as she stared her middle sister down. "Would you prefer that they left you to defend yourselves like our father did? Would you prefer to be caught and brought to Giovanni and then tortured until you were both dead? Do you have any idea what they saved you from?"
My body heats at the sight of her defending us to her sister, pride warms my blood at the way she remains levelheaded.
Aleksandra purses her lips. "Okay, fine, we would be dead without them but fucking them is betraying the Bratva—"
"Fuck the Bratva." Polina cuts her off, slamming her hand down on the table. "Fuck them and our father. All we are is pawns to them, just another piece on the board. Our father sent me into their community knowing I would most likely die, that didn't matter. Our father fled when he realized the information he had gotten was wrong and he didn't bother taking you two with him."
Aleksandra gapes at her. "How can you say that? He trained you to take over—"
"Because he had no other choice. Isay was dead and I'm next in line. If he wasn't in hiding he would be training you right now as if I never existed because we're all disposable to him."
Aleksandras eyes bounced around the room, her jaw clenched. She opens her mouth to respond but nothing comes out and then she flees from the room.
Polina's shoulders slump and Sofia stands. "I'll show you her bedroom, Polya."
The last two sisters leave and I fight back a sigh as my finger taps against my thigh. That went in a much different direction than I expected but I guess I hadn't really thought about how her sisters would feel when it came to the three of us together.
I feel Luca's eyes on me but I can't meet them. I'm seconds away from losing my mind and I worry the sorrow in his eyes will be my undoing.
"She defended us, Enzo." Luca snaps quietly.
"I know." I mutter weakly.
"She will never forgive us if we follow through with this."
"She will, she has to." I disagree, my gaze finally meeting his. "This is what she's wanted since we first captured her. She would've escaped by now if we didn't live in such a guarded community."
He shakes his head. "You're wrong. Yes, that's what she originally wanted but I don't think it is anymore. Releasing her will feel like betrayal now."
I squeeze my hand into a tight fist ceasing the tapping. "It's the only option that keeps her alive. We have to let her go."
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Hey babe's, well here we are. Sorry this took so long, 4400 words and I didn't think I was going to stop lol One of these days I'll get back on track with my schedule hopefully. Friday morning was spent at the pediatrician with my oldest and the rest of the day we played catch up on the things that didn't get done that morning. Saturday we were at the track and Sunday we went to the pumpkin patch and then today my oldest had a dentist appointment.
Now you see why Nolani was worried about him in Dive In. Poor man is worrying himself to death lol
Thoughts & theories?
Broke my smut streak with this chapter lol kinda
I've already got 700 words written for ch 24 so hopefully I'll get it up tomorrow (Tuesday) like my schedule should be but we'll fucking see with this brain of mine 😭
Love youu🖤🖤
— Katy