Dedicated to @whatmakeshershine for guessing last chapter's gif (Pitch Perfect)!
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I hated family parties.
Everyone always came up to me and told me how much I've grown and how 'beautiful' I looked. Did they think I was just going to get younger? Was I really that ugly last time they saw me that they thought I'd miraculously become beautiful? And why did my aunt always tell me my boobs were getting bigger? I'd been the same size bra for years.
I really did hate family parties.
The big group of us were all in one of the many rooms of our palace. Sometimes I really wished my family wasn't the royal family. I wished we could just have a quaint house with a few bedrooms, a living room, a family room, a kitchen, and a few bathrooms. No throne room (we wouldn't have any throne anyway), no sitting room (who even needs one of those?), no majestic dining room that could fit everyone I knew, and no tourists. But I already knew I would never be able to change that. I just couldn't wait to go off to University in America where I could possibly start my life over. I'd change my name, dye my hair, take on a new personality. I'd be someone else.
Louis was sitting next to me on the incredibly uncomfortable couch - another thing I hated about the palace. Aren't couches supposed to be comfy? They're for sitting, not decoration. Plus, I could've really used a comfy couch at the moment. I had terrible cramps.
I rested my head on Louis's shoulder and let out a quiet groan, "When is this going to be over? I'm sorry I made you come to this torture."
"It's not that bad," Louis said.
"Yes it is. And when are we going to eat, exactly? It's already nine o'clock at night. It's, like, two hours past my bedtime," I told him, sarcastically.
As if on cue, my mother then announced, "Everyone! It's time for dinner."
Finally.
We all took our seats in the dining room - you know, the one that I could fit everyone I knew in. Our kitchen staff (which, in a normal house as normal people we wouldn't have) brought out the meal, course by course. And obviously I dug right in, not leaving any time to breathe. When I made eye contact with my mum she mouthed for me to stop pretending like I hadn't seen food before and to eat like a lady.
Too bad I'm actually a man, I mouthed back and received an eye roll in return.
Later that night, during dessert, I was laughing at a story Louis was telling me when my mother excused herself and called on me to come help her with something.
"Rosalie, come here for a second, please." She said, standing up and motioning to the hallway that led to the kitchen.
I scrunched up my nose, "Why?"
"I need your help with something."
"Like what?"
"This thing."
"What thing?"
She grew impatient, "Just come here!"
I put my hands up in surrender and followed her to the hallway.
"So what do you need help with? Is it someone's birthday in there or something?" I asked.
"I don't actually need something."
I gave her a confused look before spinning around on my heels and saying, "Well bye!"
She grabbed my shoulder, "No, I need to ask you something."
I gave her a nod to prompt her.
"You remember that night last weekend when you stayed over at Louis's after you went partying and got drunk?"
I rolled my eyes and answered in an annoyed tone, "Yes, mother."
"Well it just occurred to me that...I mean, you were drunk. You didn't...you know...do anything with Louis did-"
A look of sheer horror was spread across my face as I cut her off, "Ew, Mum stop with all this! I didn't! Please, do not talk about this to me! I'm not stupid!"
"I know, but you were drunk...," she trailed off.
"Still! Louis and I haven't done anything and won't for a long time! Okay? Okay. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my tiramisu."
And with that and the little dignity I had, I strutted away from the awkward conversation that I never wanted to have with my mother ever. She needed to stop trying to give me these little talks. I already took health in school and I would greatly appreciate not having to learn about this type of thing from an adult ever again.
I went back to my seat but I felt a little uneasy. My mum had kept thinking that I'd done things with Louis. Was I supposed to have done things with Louis now? Was this how long normal teenage (well Louis wasn't a teenager, but still) couples waited?
Worst of all, was Louis expecting us to do something soon? I hoped I wasn't keeping him waiting too long. What if he dumped me because we weren't doing anything? No, he wouldn't do that. He wasn't like that...right? It's not like he'd tried anything on me, anyway. If he really wanted to do something he would've tried something on me, right?
Ugh, this was confusing. How was I supposed to know the answer to any of these questions anyway? I had no experience with guys whatsoever. And it's not like I would ever in a million trillion years ask a single person because that would be the exact definition of mortification.
I was such a little baby. There were probably so many girls younger than me that have already done the deed and I felt uncomfortable thinking about it.
I should probably talk to Louis about it though, right? I mean, he was involved in the situation more than anyone else. And I'd like to make sure that we were on the same page. But then again, that would involve actually using words to talk to Louis about this... How about no.
Of course, now with all of this on my mind, I was the most awkward person in the world. Actually, that's not to say that I normally wasn't the most awkward person in the world, but my awkward was being especially strong right then.
And guess what Louis suggested we do after dinner? Go up to my bedroom.
That was basically the worst suggestion he could've possibly ever had right then. You know how in films and TV shows there's always that character that gets the wrong idea about something and starts acting all weird and freaking out? Yeah, that was me right then.
"Um...sure," I said hesitantly. I told my mum where we were going to let her know why we were leaving the party. Of course, she gave me an assuming look and I, obviously, rolled my eyes and shook my head.
I trailed behind Louis as we went up to my room, and I was contemplating what to do in panic. I was literally freaking out way more than I should've been. I might've forgotten to breathe. My hands were shaking. I was blowing it way out of proportion, but that was just what I did with everything. It wasn't like he meant anything by wanting to to my room; he probably just wanted to go to someplace where we could be alone. Plus, it's not like I've never been alone with Louis. I'd basically always been alone with Louis; most of the time we hung out in his flat.
When we walked into my room, he plopped himself on my bed.
Of course he would, I said in my head. Of freaking course he would.
I stood awkwardly, not wanting to get onto the bed next to Louis. I was way too paranoid for my own good.
"Sit down!" He said playfully, patting the spot next to him on my bed.
I kept still though, like the awkward human being that I am. My face probably had a pained expression on it and it was only going to take Louis a few seconds to catch onto the fact that something was wrong.
And it did.
"What's wrong?" He questioned.
My eyes widened as quickly shook my head, "Nothing!"
I tried to sound at least a little convincing, but nope. If anything, I sounded completely unconvincing.
"Come on, I know you better than that. Was it me? Did I say or do something?"
I did not want to tell him. I wasn't going to tell him.
The words tumbled right out of my mouth, "Do you want to, you know, do it?"
Well shit. I told him. I'm an idiot. Could somebody please come and drag me out of the room to save me from all of this humiliation? Better yet, could somebody please come with a hammer and hit me in the head for being so stupid? I wished I had a balcony in my room and some superpowers. Then I could've totally just like jump off the balcony but my superpowers would save me and I'd go flying off into the distance and never have to worry about this again!
But I didn't have a balcony or superpowers so I guess that option was out.
His eyes grew large, "Wait, like right now? I-"
I covered my face with my hands, "No! I meant like, I mean...no!" I opened up two of my fingers so I could peek through my hands. "What I meant is, like, basically, like...in general? Are we...supposed to have...you know...by now?"
WHEN. WAS. THIS. CONVERSATION. GOING. TO. END?
Why couldn't Louis just read my mind and tell me the answer to my question? I didn't want to have to speak about this!
Remind me again why I even had a boyfriend in the first place? Better yet a super foxy hot and sexy one? Ugh.
He chuckled.
Well, I was glad he thought this is a joke because this was not a joke. I repeat, not a joke. I seriously just needed a keyboard to do a face slam, okay?
"What's so funny?" I asked innocently. I usually found the humor in most things (usually I was the humor), but I saw no humor right then. Absolutely zero humor.
"There isn't a specific deadline for these type of things. It happens whenever it happens. It can happen whenever you want it to happen, Rosie. It doesn't matter to me that we haven't yet, if that's what you're worried about."
I gave him a look. Based off of most of the movies and books I'd read, I'd gotten the idea all guys wanted from a relationship was to hook up. Was I just supposed to assume that Louis didn't care at all?
And also, how was we so comfortable talking about this type of thing? I was practically dying on the spot.
A tint of pink spread across his cheeks. So he is a little uncomfortable! I'm not the only one!
"I guess I would be kind of lying if I said that I didn't want to," he admitted with a cheeky smile. "But I don't want to pressure you or anything. I won't try to pull something on you or take advantage of you. I'm not like that. I'm ready whenever you are."
Well, I guess I got lucky with this.
"Really?"
"Yeah, of course. But, you know, like anytime you feel up for it, feel free let me know," he winked. And there was the Louis I knew.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Right now, let's just relax. I want to spend real, quality time with you before you have to leave again."
Without a word, he got up off of the bed, shut the lights off, and walked over to the window seat in my room. The moon illuminated in the night sky right outside of my window, surrounded by stars, and just barely lightened up my room. I settled myself down right next to Louis, as directed by him, on the window seat. He wrapped his arms around me and we began to stare outside the window. No speaking, only silence. Normally in any other scenario this would've been awkward, but it wasn't. It was nice and peaceful and comforting and all these good things.
I twisted my head to look at Louis's face. I admired his features, which I could see clearly under the moonlight. His perfect nose, his defined jawline and chin, his short eyelashes that framed his gorgeous blue-green eyes.
After a few seconds, Louis realized I was staring and glanced over at me. "What are you looking at?"
"You."
His nose scrunched, "Why?"
"You're so flawless."
"Me? Flawless? Sure...," he rolled his eyes. His hand moved up and brushed across my cheek, "You're flawless."
"I'm really not."
"I don't understand why you don't know how beautiful you are and I never will."
"There's nothing beautiful about me," I argued.
I wasn't fishing for compliments. I just really hated when people tried to convince me that I was pretty. Obviously I wasn't. Until Louis, the only guys who had ever called me beautiful were my dad and my grandfather. If I was actually even a little pretty, there would've been more than those two. Guys never even talked to me or looked my way (except when it came to the whole 'oh, look, it's the princess of our country!' thing)...and I was supposed to think that I was beautiful? Yeah, right.
My hair was plain brown. My eyes were plain blue. I was altogether plain. Nothing special about me.
"Let's make a list, shall we? Starting with the way your laugh that makes me want to laugh even if whatever you're laughing at isn't funny, which it usually isn't. You laugh at every little thing, like when I say pudding."
I laughed. Pudding was such a funny word. No, I am not five.
"How when you smile, you can see it all over your face. How your eyelashes actually flutter, which I never even though was possible. How you show those slight dimples when you smile. How your nostrils flare when you laugh really, really hard. How your eyes can literally sparkle when you're happy. It's just everything about you adds up to perfection and I can't describe it...you're just perfect," he leaned in, giving me a soft kiss.
What did I even do to deserve him? God. I was such a terrible person and he was so...ugh, perfect. I really shouldn't have been dating him - he deserved so much better. I was so ungrateful and selfish. There I was, always complaining about my life and how terrible it was to be a princess when really, I had it better than millions of people. I have a loving family, great friends, and the best boyfriend. Why was I always so unsatisfied? At least I had food on my plate every day - there were so many people around the world that couldn't even do that. I had a shelter, nice clothing, and a good education, too.
I should've been more appreciative about all of the important things. Sure, I didn't like being a princess per say, but there were probably countless other people who would rather trade all of their struggles to meet basic needs for my life. Maybe being who I was wasn't easy - people were always in my business and telling me what to do. It wasn't exactly that bad though and life was never going to be a piece of cake served on a silver platter.
I needed to realize this. I should've realized this before my entire world crumbled down right before my eyes.
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ITS BACK MUAHAHA. Yeah, it's off hold :) I'm so sorry for it taking so long! But now updates will be more frequent, hopefully, and while everything's been going smoothly in the story, it's about to hit disaster....oops
Pretty please comment & vote if you liked it!! I wanna hear what you have to say! I hope you thought this chapter was as awkward as I did. And there's a gif on the side for you to guess at from one of my favorite movies/books; first one to get it right gets the dedication next chapter!
thanks for readingggg!
P.S. I got a tumblr in case any of you wanna follow it... theperksofnothavingalife.tumblr.com and it's one direction (what else could you expect from me im only human?????).