I woke up in the middle of the night with a throbbing head. I sighed as I lifted myself up from the bed. I wasn't feeling good, I wanted water. I turned to look at Alex who was sleeping right next to me. I looked down at myself and I noticed I was wearing nothing except his t-shirt.
I didn't get time to think it over and blush since there was a sudden blast of nauseousness that erupted inside me. I quickly covered my mouth with my hand and ran towards the bathroom. As soon as I pushed the door open I ran to the toilet and puked everything that needed to be released out. Too much alcohol.
I felt burning in my throat and that bad taste of vomit lingered as my nauseousness reappeared. I pushed my hair back but before I knew, two warm hands collected them behind my head. My cheeks turned red out of embarrassment. "Alex leave.." I muttered but I couldn't complete as I puked once again. I sighed as the nauseousness settled enough.
I leaned back against his hands as I breathed deeply. As if all the energy had left my body, it felt numb. My head was blank. I wanted warmth, rest. I breathed deep and soon there was a glass of water pressed against my lips. "Rinse it out, the bad taste."
I heard his heavy voice. He was definitely fast asleep. I turned my head to him and I saw a small frown on his forehead as he stared down at me. He was still groggy.
I bit my lower lip lightly. "I'd prefer mouth wash." I muttered and he simply got to his feet, fetching it for me. I quickly rinsed my mouth a couple times with mouthwash and water. "I'd be there. Give me a minute." I said again but he didn't move standing there staring at me.
I got onto my feet. My eyes were watering and red. I sighed as I flushed the toilet and then washed my face well before I walked over to where he stood. I leaned into him as my arms went around his waist and my head on his chest. I felt secure, I finally had the secure feeling I craved. And he accepted me. His arms locked behind me for a few seconds before I was swept off my feet and carried back to the bed.
I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to wake up from this dream. It was way too beautiful and I knew it'd leave a void in me if it ended. He pulled me in his arms again as we both settled in the bed. There was no exchange of words but his fingers constantly brushing my hair were enough to tell me that he cared.
My head resting on his falling and rising chest, the scent of his cologne combined with male pheromones, the warmth of having a secure feeling rising in my chest; everything made my heart swoon. My blood rushed through my body. I looked up at him and he had his eyes shut. He must have been sleepy.
I closed my eyes, trying not to think of anything but the moment I was in. But I couldn't stop wondering about our past.
I was standing in Elena's room, waiting for her to finish her shower. My foot constantly tapping the floor. I could hear Alex earlier from his room talking to someone on call possibly. I wasn't ready to face him after what happened the night on my b'day. Even Elena wasn't aware of that I had kissed her brother. How could I tell her?
And what I feared had come true. I had a crush on my friend's brother since I was a teenager. He kissed me on my bday and I wasn't able to get my mind off his thoughts since last two weeks. I didn't have his number, I didn't want to ask from Elena. I was in a middle of a nowhere with our situation. I sighed and just as I did, I heard a knock on the door.
I walked towards it, swinging it open and my breath was caught in my throat. Alex. My eyes fell on his handsome face filled with seriousness. His hair set neatly and he was dressed in his suit. He was probably leaving for work. I guessed. My eyes scanned his face and slowly found his eyes. A bitterness in them but there was much more in that look on his face.
"We need to talk." He said. My heart skipped a beat and I tucked my lower lip subconsciously. "But-" before I could say anything else, he pulled me with him with my wrist. Next thing I knew was that I was in his room which was now locked leaving us alone inside it.
He put his hands in his pockets. "So, how long are you planning to avoid me?" He sighed and I just gulped. How do I tell him I wasn't avoiding him it just turned out as so. My words were stuck in my throat. He stepped towards me and I stepped back with his every step. "Alex-" I yelped as I stumbled falling on his bed. I supported myself with my elbows.
He stood their, tall, in front of me. "Listen Ashley, what happened that night made it clear that it was mutual. So are you going to keep running from the truth and your feelings or are you going to be my girlfriend?" He said so casually that my heart almost popped out of my chest.
"What?" I blinked still absorbing what he had said. He leaned down trapping me between his arms and the bed. "Yes or no?" He raised his brow. His face a couple inches away. I could even see the mole under his eye. We both heard a knock on the door. My heart skipped a million beats out of fear.
"Alex-" I whispered. He didn't budge instead his cold stare cut me short.
"Yes or No?" He repeated himself. I felt my heart melt and there was a knock again. My stomach twisted inside. Goosebumps rose all over my body. The embarrassment of Elena finding out made my heart shutter.
"Yes." I said closing my eyes. It was all I could do. He had left me with no other option. I felt both embarrassed and as if all the weight had been lifted off my chest. It happened, I had finally said it.
"Good." He said and pulled away taking my hand in his; pulling me towards himself. He walked to the door and then opened it. Elena was staring at us awestruck and my cheeks burned red. "We're dating." He said bringing out intertwined hands to his face and kissing the back of it.
I felt heat rile inside me. I looked in Elena's terrified eyes before she smirked. "Must have known after that night you spent together." She changed her expression to a cold one real quick. "But it is still inappropriate. You guys cannot-" she sighed.
"You guys can talk it out yourself. I will have a talk with you later Elena." Alex said as he sighed once again, still holding my hand in his. He turned to me. "And peach, I want you to be ready by 9pm tonight, we're going on a casual walk date." He said gently. There was command but warmth. He smiled lightly as if assuring me. I nodded my head to afraid to say anything.
"Good." He muttered giving my nose a peck. My heart was in a frenzy, No way he could do that to me, so casually. My heart might fail soon at the rate I was skipping beats. I suppressed a smile as I watched his kiss Elena's head before he left. I sighed audibly and then my eyes fell on her.
Her small smile and frown was a ray of hope for me. "Shut up." I said knowing she was about to say something ridiculous. She finally let her smile go and then giggled doing the happy dance. "Finally!!!" She said gleefully. My smile widened. I knew she knew about my crush. Why wouldn't she, she read me like a book.
"Oh god! I am so happy but so sad. What if something happens between you two, It'd trouble me so much Ashley. I can't lose either of you. You are my best friend and he is my only brother. I love him and I love you. It's always gonna eat me up." She sighed and I hugged her. "Don't worry, nothing's going to happen. Ever. I won't force you to chose sides. Never. Always be on his, always."
She looked at me and I smiled.
Little did I knew, it wasn't our choice but time's. Who was going to end up on which side. But I had always been happy Elena kept her promise. She didn't take my side, but his. And that was also why I knew how wrong I was, and how much it had hurt.
A tear slipped from my eye, knowing nothing had solved. He still wasn't aware of what I had gone through. He still wasn't willing to open up to me, and tell me what hurt him. He still didn't let me know why he thought I cheated, even though I clearly knew why. I wanted him to say it so that I could let him know the truth. The weight was there. The feelings were there. All this time I had pretended to hate Alex, so that I could love me a little. What hate? That bickering, vicious words were nothing but a way for both of us to keep hanging onto the thread of hate to not let go of the past.
Once In a while, we'd remind each other what happened so that we'd not lose ourselves and the past. Why? Why were we still hanging onto it? Or just maybe, us hanging onto that thread was the only way to be involved with each other. He'd never left a chance to retort back to me, to throw mean backhanded comments, compliments. Why? Because just like me, he knew once we stooped, we'd end. Us, would vanish.
I turned around, away from him. His warmth burned me. It made me sad and content at the same time. My feelings were a turmoil. Why was I stuck in this cycle of remorse and love? When would it end? Just as I wondered that, his hand appeared around my waist as he pulled me back in his chest. My back pressed against him.
His lips brushing my shoulder and his breathing was clearer. "Don't ever do that again." He said under his breath and my heart exploded. Emotions ran through me but I held onto them. I felt my pulse rise once more as his sound shattered every string of patience and every wall of coldness.
"I thought you were asleep." I whispered back as if a random thought.
"There hasn't been a single night I had gone to sleep knowing that you haven't." He said and his hands reached for my hands as he held onto them.
He wasn't asleep, he was waiting for me to fall asleep. I kept repeating it inside my head over and over again. What he said was stuck. I closed my eyes, and finally after my body gave in and relaxed into his, sleep took over. And maybe he followed me after. There was a small smile on my face that night. I wasn't just happy, I had fallen deeper into his trap.