Ten years ago Sailor 7, Sora, 7
Location: Aberdeen, Scotland
On the ninth of September, sometime between the ebbing of the tides and the waning of the moon, in a cold bath in the grassy highlands of Scotland Eun-Jeong Park gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, with eyes bright and a freckle-dusted nose that reminded her of the scattered hot sand at Haeundae beach. She was pleased, she had spent months planning for her baby girl to arrive, her little bundle of hope that would bring light where there was darkness, and laughter to empty haunted corridors at the manor.
She had planned for all the things she'd teach her, from ballet to baking to the importance of always carrying a good book around with you. Sora Park was a reflection of her mother's constant planning, she was level-headed, calm and composed.
But see I will let you in on a secret, one that perhaps never would've been brought to light if I wasn't there to witness it for myself. It is the fact that Eun-Jeong didn't know that she was expecting not one- but two children that night. Perhaps it were a fault of her midwife who was a timid naive little thing, fresh out of school and prone to overlooking things. Perhaps all that would've been an excuse, because how could she have not known that her Sora had another beside her all this time?
She thought herself cruel, for all the while she had been reading to Sora alone; tales of nutcrackers, beauties who tamed beasts and Christmas carols. She adressed only her, bonded with only her, sang sweet songs to only her. So when she was being told to push, to bring yet another life into the world- she did so with everything in her. She swore that her son; born merely minutes after at 3 pounds 8 ounces, a frail little thing, almost underweight, with two almond-coloured eyes and a beauty mark underneath his right eye, and a head full of hair- would be her lifeline. She would ensure that he was never to be forgotten again, never neglected, never overlooked. She named him Haru, meaning spring in Japanese & day in Korean because something about him was always bursting with grace and light.
From the very instant the twins were born, they were joined at the hip, always curling in on one another, holding hands and silently gazing into each other's eyes. Eun-Jeong was a realist, a scientist, she never believed in those old wives' tales about how twins were able to feel each other's pain and emotions, but somehow her children made a believer out of her. Whenever Sora was upset and would wake up crying in the middle of the night, Sailor would do the same, wailing at the top of his lungs. Whatever food Haru decided was awful, Sora swore off of too. She'd hoped that eventually, it'd fade away as they got older, that soon they'd become their own people with entirely different hearts and minds but that was never to be the case.
The primary school playground was hustling and bustling with scattered children swinging and laughing and playing catch. The twins were seven now, and it was becoming more evident that they may have been cut from the same cloth but strands of different fabrics. Sora Park was a social butterfly, she never had to make an effort to make friends they simply flocked towards her, she was both at the top of her class and at the top of the rather tedious 2nd-grade hierarchy. She was on the mini football, field hockey and swim team all the while keeping up with several extracurricular activities like art and ballet.
Allow me to paint the scene for you; A seven-year-old Sora Park standing at the centre of her chirpy friendship group, everyone eager to engage in conversation with her and have the bragging rights of calling her their companion. She holds a football at her hip as she laughs at something that was said, all the while making sure that her gaze never shifts from what's important. In the corner of her vision is Sailor, seated in solitude underneath the bleachers with a pen and notebook to which he wrote his every passing thought. His hair is shorter, wearing a Star Wars t-shirt as he tucks the pen behind his ear.
He is a stroking opposite to his sister, he is meek, quiet and reserved. Only speaks when spoken to, never raises his voice, and never shares his secret thoughts. Sailor isn't on any sports teams, therefore looked down upon by the boys, his first real friend Stevie Fraiser moved to Edinburgh last term leaving him with no one to talk about dance with, or music or that one kid's program on the Telly. The event I am about to discuss is a core memory for both the Park twins, one that would define their character for years to come.
It all happened in a flash, the boys from the little league football team approached Sailor and he looked up at them with hopeful eyes, maybe they had wanted to be his friend. But something about the way they looked at him made him realize the latter. Sora kept a careful watch but was admittedly distracted by her friends discussing their next excursion to the lake. They tore his notebook from his hands and ripped up the paper pages that were inside, reading them aloud and ripping them to shreds. It felt like he was being stripped bare in front of everyone as they knew all his deepest darkest thoughts, making a mockery of them. They pulled him away from his spot beneath the bleachers and shoved him onto the rough sand- that sure got Sora's attention.
But it was too late you see, the damage had been done.
Later on that very day at home, Sora had fallen victim to her mother's scoldings of you're supposed to look out for him and you're all he got don't you understand? And so then, after their evening bath as Sora placed a bandaid on her brother's bruised knee, she promised him that she would never leave him alone again. And so she never did, she would become his fierce protector, his halo of sorts. This event marks the moment in which Sailor knew he was different, knew that he would never truly fit in in Scotland be it because of his race or overall silent persona. It marks the moment in which Sora would give up everything, to be the best sister to him.
But it is important to note that as the two grew up that these dynamics would inevitably shift; Sailor would hit puberty and grow into himself, suddenly his awkward walk would become his confident stride, and he would grow out his hair and stop hiding from the world, he would become the centre of attention in every room he walked into. His charisma and gentle kindness would attract the attention of both the girls and the boys at their private boarding school by the coast. He would take music and dance more seriously, allowing himself to be uplifted by the undeniable talent coursing through his veins.
Sora would cling to his side, not that he would mind but it was quite the curious thing to observe. How her every emotion was still his, how every time she cried it brought tears to his eyes, how when she was hurt he felt it ten times worse, all their lives they have had the same friends, same thoughts same feelings. But that would change too because one star would shine brighter than the other and inevitably combust, leaving the other to pick up the pieces.
Sailor may not recall this second tale, but it is one that Sora will never be able to rinse from her memory. Picture the scene; a nine-year-old boy labelled different, a father breathing down his neck about trying out for sports teams, his mother scolding him for wasting the food she spent hours cooking, frustration coursing through his veins. Sailor had never been an angry child, that was a very foreign emotion to him, but that night as he held his dinner plate in his trembling hands this rage overcame him as he threw his plate at the mirror in the kitchen, Sora leapt in front of him In an attempt to shield him from the impact but it was too late, a shard of glass had landed right in his left eye.
Sora had never heard Sailor scream like that, never heard him be so loud, never seen him in so much pain.
She felt every excruciating minute of it.
The doctors said that he was lucky to not have been blinded, but that he would lose colour in his left eye forever. Mirrors had always been his greatest enemy.
The only reflection Sailor Park didn't despise was the version of himself he saw in the star girl on the midnight train's eyes. She looked at him like he was more than just broken glass, more than a number, more than a statement- like he was a person. She saw through his idol eyes and found something raw, something real.
And he made sure that we would never, ever let that go. That he would fight for it.
🝮🝮🝮🝮
Summer 2048 (then)
Sailor had woken his sister up early and brought her down to the beach to spend the day with her, he wanted to remind her that he would always be by her side and that they could always share moments like this. Moments where they can be free of any obligations, just the two of them, having fun and living in the moment where time feels infinite. The gulls chirped in the stormy grey sky, brewing summer rain, perhaps chaos too.
Sora was a far better and more experienced surfer than her brother, they wore wetsuits as they paddled into the water belly down on their boards. Freckle-faced, stormy-eyed misty-haired as they made their way into the ocean, the air carrying the overwhelming scent of salt and anticipation. They slowly balanced themselves hovering low on their knees before standing when the first wave hit, spraying cold water in their faces as they laughed heartily.
"I miss this." Sora shouted over the crashing waves, "I miss us."
"I know, I miss us too." Sailor reassured her flipping his hair away from his face, so he could see her more clearly.
"Things are different now..." she concluded searching his eyes for confession, "aren't they?"
"In what way?" He prompted, hovering lower once more to find his balance.
"You're just different this summer, with the Sitali's and our new friends. You really like it here don't you?" She asked him, realizing this truth.
"I do, I hate to admit that it's starting to feel like home." He responded honestly, but something flashed with hurt in her eyes.
"But this isn't your home though, our home is in Seoul and maybe even in Aberdeen where we grew up." She reminded him in an attempt to cling on.
"I don't think I ever want to go back there, it doesn't feel like home to me anymore. There are too many memories in our old house in Aberdeen, too many ghosts that haunt those empty halls. It makes me miss eomma, it's that environment that prevents me from moving on." Sailor excused and Sora's heart wrenched at the mention of their mother.
"Okay...but we still have Seoul, the city misses you, everyone misses you?" She argued,
"I don't think I'm ready to go back anytime soon." He told her, the mention of the city life he lived flashing through his memory.
"If not soon then when?" She fought, "you signed for three months off, only three and come august it'll all be over. Don't get attached to the island Haru, these white sandy beaches, peaceful summer afternoons and ocean views don't belong to you. This isn't your life."
"You called me Haru--" he began but she cut him off,
"Yes Isn't that what you asked Kat to call you?" She argued, and frustration built inside of him, "I know what you did that, stop trying to separate Sailor from Haru, you are one and the same. You cannot escape who you are outside of the island, you can't build a false persona here!"
"Why not?" Sailor retaliated as they were overcome by another wave, gently surfing over it. "Is that so wrong?"
"Yes! Because your mask is cracking and soon enough they're all going to know who you are." She threatened, "it's not fair on Kat, not fair on Khondwani to keep them in the dark this way."
"It was my choice to do that, you don't get to tell me when I'm ready to go back, you don't know what it was like for me back there." He rehashed and Sora was greatly offended by that statement.
"Oh, I don't know what it's like? Who the hell was there for you through everything, who covered for you when appa asked where you were after those tedious family dinners? Who scratched out all the labels, who was there to explain it to everyone everywhere we went so they didn't spread rumors? Sailor, I know you better than anyone, I feel your pain, it hurts me every time we go through the same thing every season!" Sora shouted over the thundering sky, her eyes streaked with tears, she wiped a tear away and scoffed. "See this, you never even cry."
Sailor's heart wrenched at the realization of everything he had put Sora through without even realizing it, he always tried to hide it, to never be a bother to anyone but he never realized that his sister had known from the beginning of it. Before the truth came out, before his little secret was on every newspaper headline and a cautionary tale for people everywhere. He didn't realize that Sora was made to carry this weight too and that awakened a new feeling of guilt inside of him. That he didn't know that all this time, she had to pause her life to make sure his was still moving.
"It's not the island." He spoke clearing his throat, "that makes me want to stay, honestly I could've gone anywhere."
"Then what is it?" Sora wondered,
"It's something deeper than that, something I've never experienced before, something that has consumed me Sora." He explained, garnering up the courage, to tell the truth. "Please don't make this any harder for me."
"Just tell me, you never tell me anything that's on your heart anymore." She sighed in defeat,
"I want to stay for Katayi." He confessed just as a wave churned up in the distance but the shock of it all had rendered them both silent. "I have feelings for her."
"Oh you've got to be fu-" just then the wave crashed into them both sending them both hurtling off of their boards and submerged into the sea.
They new how to swim despite being on the brink of drowning all their lives, and so despite the water in their lungs, they both managed to paddle back to shore, coughing up water for several minutes. Their cheeks flushed from the cold as the sky thundered threatening A relentless downpour.
"I should have known." Sora cried, "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. I've been insensitive towards you, you don't deserve that, you've always tried so hard to be there for me and I-- it's just that sometimes I don't know how to let people care about me, I'm scared that I'll let them down in the end. Like I did with eomma, and all the people waiting for me in Seoul, like I'm going to inevitably do with you too." Sailor expressed breathing heavily in an attempt to catch his breath, gripping the sand.
"You think that you let eomma down?" Sora wondered, as all at once everything started to make sense to her. "Oh Haru, you could never let me down, neomu salanghaeyo, jonjaeman-eulodo salanghae."
Her words warmed his freezing heart, I love you so much, I love you for just existing.
Sora leapt forward and wrapped her brother in a hug as he clung onto her, her head burying in his chest, holding his hand and attaching onto him like she did from the very first day they were born. This was familiar, this was comfort.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't know how, I didn't know what I was feeling at first." He assured her, "and you're right, I have been cold lately, ever since the scandal broke out, I shut everything out, I didn't mean to shut you out."
"Sailor I never would've been upset, I would've been happy that you had feelings for a girl like Katayi. She's good for you, she's smart, she's kind and she's the type of person I think would understand...everything about you. She talks about you a lot, she thinks you're the sun, I see this brightness in her eyes when she talks about you." Sora told him pulling away, "I'm happy for you."
"I asked her to be my girlfriend earlier last week, I took her to the old church, I told her about how my faith is important to me, I'm serious about this, about her." Sailor disclosed and Sora wasn't surprised, her brother wasn't the kind of person to get into a relationship if he wasn't certain about it.
"That's good, like I said I'm happy." Sora affirmed, "I pray and I hope with all my heart that God watches over you both, and that this relationship lasts a long time. I'd love to have her as a sister."
"I hope so too." Sailor smiled just as the thunder cracked and rain begun to fall, they both looked up at the sky and laughed at the irony.
"First Peter four verse eight." Sora sighed,
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Sailor quoted, knowing the truth in those words.
🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮
Later that night
I was seated on the kitchen counter watching Haru prepare dinner for us, for a person who was such a picky eater he sure did have a knack for cooking. He was making a Zambian dinner for us, my dad's idea, he wanted to test him and see if he was worthy of me or something. I'd come clean to him about my relationship with Haru yesterday and he's been surprisingly keen on it, perhaps even suspiciously so. He told me that he really liked Haru and knew he came from a family with good values and that he was a great kid. I'm pretty sure everyone knew now, I'd tell Merlea and Sokka when they came over tomorrow for a sleepover.
Haru was preparing nshima, kapenta (which are tiny fishes native to lake Tanganyika) and visashi which is chibwabwa (pumpkin leaves) and groundnut (peanut) powder. He was doing pretty well, it's been only a few minutes since my brother stopped hovering over him dictating his every move.
"Iweh, that's not how you stir a pot of nshima!" I scolded with a slight laugh as I leapt off the counter to help him. I wrapped my arms around him and helped him move more steadily, "you have to have a firmer grip, angel."
"Oh, thanks." He flushed looking deep into my eyes and I smiled, just then he winced. "Ouch!"
"Yeah, that's what happens when you cook nshima with cassava meal, the mixture gets really hot and jumpy," I warned him, grabbing hold of his thumb and leading him to the sink, running the red spot under cold water. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."
"It's okay, love." He reassured me as I lifted his thumb to my lips and planted a gentle kiss on it. "Do it again though, perhaps that was a deadly burn."
"Oh gosh, you're insufferable." I rolled my eyes and he let out a soft laugh.
"You're lying." He teased, "you like me."
"I'm absolutely smitten." I smiled as he placed a gentle hand on my cheek and leaned down slowly to meet my lips with his.
His lips were graceful against my own, like delicate raindrops sliding down a window pane, warm and wet and heated in every breath. Haru's mouth was tentative, as he wrapped his arms around my waist and I clung onto the fabric of his shirt, he backed me up against the sink but I knew he wouldn't go any further than that.
He never did.
Just then I heard someone drop a ladle on the floor and I immediately separated myself from Haru, to my surprise Khondwani was standing there in complete and utter shock. Oh yeah, he was the person we forgot to tell.
"Now what in the-" he began pacing around the kitchen like a madman, "what is going on!"
"Khondwa calm down we can explain," I assured him gently stepping away from Haru.
"Nuh uh there's nothing to explain, you were canoodling all up by the kitchen counter with my pal sailboat!" Khondwani accused and Haru let out a laugh. "Did she seduce you, there still time to escape?"
"I did not seduce him!" I excused throwing my hands up in the air.
"Well..." Haru teased and I punched his arm. "Ouch!"
"How long had this been going on?" Khondwani asked frantically pointing between us like we'd been caught in the middle of a bank robbery or something.
"Not long, canoodling takes time." Haru defended.
"I'm telling dad!" Khondwani panicked, "this is house inbreeding!"
"Woah there buddy who said anything about breeding of any kind!" I gasped as my brother slowly rubbed his temples.
"This makes you public enemy number one." My brother warned Haru, "both of you, I don't trust you guys!"
"Why?" Haru smirked lazily folding his arms, "you don't trust me with your baby sister?"
"I am not a baby, you were all up on me just a few seconds ago-" I attempted to defend but just then Sora walked into the kitchen.
"Woah there, who was all up on who?" Sora wondered stunned, then she glanced between us and gagged. "Lord help us."
"You're both overreacting, nothing happened." I excused waddling back towards Haru, wrapping my arms around him and hiding my face in his chest.
"Alright, that's enough guys." Haru hushed slowly rubbing my back, "dinner is almost ready, please help me with setting the table?"
"Sure!" Sora volunteered, "anything but this awkward situation right here."
"I'm watching you two!" Khondwani warned, grabbing plates from the drawer.
"We know!" Haru and I both shouted back at the same time, then looked back at each other when we realized we were in sync with our words, "aww!"
"Lord help us," Sora repeated with a groan.
Hiii omg this is so funny when I was writing this chapter I accidentally wrote Hyunjin instead of Sailor and I had to go back and edit everything 😭😭good Lord WHY AM I LIKE THIS??
Also I think I'm decided on which kpop albums I'm gonna order:
- maxident (obviously)
- oddinary
- new jeans
- enhyphens border
- born pink
I think I'm gonna get a Nintendo switch too, Nintendo games are such a HUGE part of my childhood and I miss playing Mario. I wanted a switch console for a very long time I just couldn't afford to buy it on my own but now I can! So that's really cool. What are you guys's favorite video games?
I discovered enhyphen and now I will never move on. I love Jake and Niki, but I think I'm gonna bias Jake just because he's 19 and I'm 17 and NIKI is 16 and he's a baby to me still😭😭 anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm doing a little better mentally which is great, a huge step for me.
THOUGHTS & FEELINGS<<<
PREDICTIONS <<<
Love u forever,
S