~ Irina's P.O.V. ~
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*One month later - August 1965*
I was woken from a deep dreamless sleep as my stomach began to churn violently, the contents threatening to spill over.
I swallowed hard as I tried to suppress it. However, my efforts were to no avail as I felt the burning nauseating sensation flow upward in reverse peristalsis, beyond my control.
I threw off the covers and freed myself from Kit's tight grip as I ran to the bathroom across the hall, hovering over the toilet as last night's dinner spilled into the toilet. I gagged as the remnants spilled out of my mouth, scrunching up my face at the putrid smell before flushing the revolting concoction.
I put my hair back in a ponytail as I stood there brushing my teeth with the cinnamon flavored tooth paste in the dark bathroom, my catlike eyes reflecting translucently in the dark.
I have not been feeling well for the past couple of days. I've been vomiting primarily in the mornings and evenings, my brain unable to concentrate on anything. I've been moody, sleeping often.
As I wiped my mouth, tasting the cinnamon flavor against my palate, I suddenly felt the strong presence of a spirit drawing nearer and nearer. We've lived in this house for four months and no spirits have shown themselves, I thought to myself. No one died recently. Who the hell is trying to get my attention? Did something happen that I'm not aware of? Or is this someone I don't know? I sighed. I'm exhausted; I'll tend to them in the morning.
However, the presence was too strong to ignore as it seemed to hover directly above me, radiating strength and the desire to be known and acknowledged. I felt the itch in my brain return as what seemed to be static waves flowed through my mind, the type of static that occurs when a spirit attempts to communicate.
Hello? Is anybody there? Don't be afraid...
No answer.
I proceeded to take a walk around the house, clearing my head and trying to decipher what was happening. I pulled each of the ends of Kit's flannel that I was wearing close together across my bare torso, shielding my body from the crisp nighttime air. I paced around, my feet padding up the stairs and rounding corners, staring out the windows. Once my tired and groggy state subsided, I put two and two together, realizing that it was obvious what was going on: I was pregnant.
"I'm pregnant," I whispered to myself, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips as the truth hit me. "I'm really pregnant."
Maybe I should go to the doctor, I began to think, but then I realized that I trusted my own body above all.
At Briarcliff, I had learned that trusting my intuitive instincts was much more reliable at times than science. The same situation had happened when I had miscarried, though I did not have the pregnancy symptoms to accompany it yet. There was no doubt in my mind that a life growing inside me, mine and Kit's. I smiled at the thought of the genesis of life taking root in my very own body.
Despite my joy, I began to recall the chilling day after Christmas when I received the news of the unfortunate miscarriage.
"I also must warn you that this seems to be a complete miscarriage. The cramping and soreness in your back in its severity suggests that the fetus will likely be expelled at any given moment," the auburn haired nun warned me as she changed my underwear and inserted a cloth inside, situated a clean towel underneath me. "So heed the warning and be prepared for that. It may feel uncomfortable and...invoke a lot of emotions. Call one of us over when that happens or if you need anything else. Afterwards, I also must warn you that the bleeding will continue for a few days after today in a lesser volume, similarly to a period."
"Thank you," I whispered, glancing up at her. "Kit...Can I see him?"
"Is he the father of the baby?" she asked quietly.
"Yes," I nodded. "Kit Walker is the father. May I see him?"
"This is a woman's problem," she faltered. "I...I really don't think that's allowed..."
"It's not allowed," one of the other nuns shook her head.
"Please, I beg of you..." I tried to channel my voice to sound firm. "He needs to know."
Silence fell as the woman contemplated this, then whispered. "I'll fetch him. No one has to know. You seem like you're in so much pain; I want to do all I can for you."
I played over the events in my mind as another horrid memory infiltrated my conscience.
Kit got off the bed and I removed my underwear, waiting for the contents to be expelled from me. Indeed, it was the embryo itself, everything fully in tact aside from some of the tissue missing from around the amniotic sac.
The sac that had emerged was smooth and clear, surrounded by the chunks of tissue left. I held the wet slimy object in my hand as I looked all around it, trying to find the baby, the last remnants of mine and Kit's baby...
"Miss, I'd advise you not to look at that..." one of the nurses said sternly.
"Let her be," the auburn haired nurse said soothingly. "It will heal her."
"No, I want to see it," I said without looking up, my eyes still scanning the sac. At last, I found it; it was the size of a pomegranate seed. I held up the sac close to my face and saw that it was indeed the embryo, though with the size it was nearly impossible to see every single part of it.
"Oh my..." Kit whispered, his face twitching with sorrow as he tried to hold back tears.
I dropped the sac on the sheets as I leaned my head back, tears rolling down my cheeks as Kit kissed them away tenderly.
Don't worry, Mama, my son reassured me from beyond. It's a much better place here. I can still be with you, but I am safer...
I felt salty tears trickle from my eyes as I caught one on my finger pad, dabbing the corners of my eyes with the thick wool fabric of the shirt I wore.
Mama, congratulations! I heard my little one from beyond speak to me in his childish, high pitched voice.
Thank you, sweetheart, I sighed. I'm very excited, but I'm so scared I will miscarry again. And no matter what, I'll never meet you. Is there a way for you to be reborn?
I don't think I can! He sobbed, my heart shattering. They said its very unlikely I will be born to you. I really want to be, mommy! You and daddy seem so caring and loving. I want to meet you two, to have you as my parents! I'm sad you never will be! Why does it have to be this way?
I don't know, I shook my head. I wish it wasn't, that you could come back. You'll always be my son, no matter what, darling.
I am happy for you both though, mommy. I know you and daddy will take good care of my sibling.
Thank you, I swallowed. We will. Can you tell anything about this child?
I could but would you like me to?
I just want you to please tell me, are they healthy? Can you know that much?
Yes, they are healthy.
Thank you, I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt his spirit fading, though the spirit of my currently developing child still remained.
"Irina?" I heard Kit whisper as he entered the kitchen, the glowing orange sun rising above the crests of the hills off in the distance which appeared black in the minimal light.
I turned to see him dressed in his work uniform, his hair parted and puffed up as he held a cup of freshly poured coffee in his pale hands marbled with veins. I saw his dark eyes flit down to my almost exposed chest, mesmerized by the sight.
"Morning, Kit," I smiled. He leaned down to kiss me and I stretched my neck to meet his tender lips. "I'm sorry, I didn't even see you come in."
"Deep in thought?" he smiled, accentuating the dips his dimples created in his cheeks.
"Mhm," I nodded as he sat down next in the chair next to me, grasping my hand as his thumb traced softly along the skin.
"Anything bad?" He rose his eyebrows as I stood up.
"A little," I lied. It wasn't entirely a lie; I was thinking of the brutal miscarriage.
"You can tell me darling. I don't like when you don't tell me how you feel," he stood up from his chair and grasped my shoulders, his hands holding me from the front as he pressed gentle urgent kisses against my cheek. I felt his eyelashes brush my cheek, his nose pressed flat against the side of my face. "It makes me feel like I can't protect my own family."
"Just about everything," I sighed, my eyes closed.
"Do you need me to stay home from work?" He asked as I turned around to face him.
"No," I shook my head, smiling. "But thank you, Kit. I'll be alright. Say I come and visit you for lunch?"
"Sounds excellent," he smiled, kissing me softly. "I've gotta go. I love you."
"I love you too," I whispered as he made his way into the foyer, quickly walking out the door.
I sighed, contemplating how to tell Kit about the baby. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be happy, but I wanted to make things special. I'll take it as it comes. The right time will present itself, perhaps over lunch.
I spent the day primarily around the house, cleaning and watching day time television on the small black and white television on the kitchen counter. I put together a basket of food and a blanket for lunch, closing the wicker lid as I made the way to the car. I ran a few errands before pulling into the dirt road of the gas station just down the street.
I parked the car on the grassy terrain beside the auto shop building, grabbing the basket containing our lunch and walking into the shop. I saw Kit sitting down at the desk inside the dark damp concrete room. His hair was still perfectly parted and fluffed up as he bent his head down, punching numbers into a large calculator with his left hand while writing small numbers in a chart with his right hand. The radio was on low in the background as he alternated between whistling and humming along to the tunes.
I walked up to him slowly, putting the basket down on the desk as I leaned in to capture his lips.
"Hey, sweetheart," he smiled against my parted lips, his eyes closing.
"Hey, yourself," I softly kissed him once more as he stood up from the chair, pulling me into a warm embrace.
"I've got stuff for lunch. I figured we could drive out to that little field across the way."
"Yeah, that sounds perfect," he nodded. "Let me just let Adam know that I'm clocking out."
"Okay."
"Adam!" He shouted, walking to the door that led to the convenience store. He opened the door, continuing to shout. "Adam! I'm going out to lunch!"
"What?" A man with gelled raven black hair and hawk like eyebrows poked his head through the door. "Why? You never take lunch?"
"I know, but my fiancee's here," he nodded over in my direction, leading Adam over to me. "This is my gorgeous fiancee, Irina Pashkova."
"Pashkova..." he mused, furrowing his eyebrows. "A Russian, huh?"
"Y-yes," I stuttered.
"Kit, man, you gotta be careful," he warned, his voice descending to a whisper. "They're onto us, those Russians - Communists. You sure she didn't put on a whole act, going in the asylum and winning your love, marrying you? Good thing she's not in Hollywood or she'd be on the Blacklist for sure."
"Don't fucking start with me man or I'll rip your god damn balls off," Kit shook his head, gritting his teeth as I saw the veins bulging and throbbing in his neck. "Irina's a wonderful kindhearted person. She'd never do such a thing. She's been here since she was two years old, so think before you god damn speak."
Adam appeared taken aback by Kit's rage, stepping back closer to the door. I felt the tears brimming and spilling over, unable to control them. It must be the pregnancy hormones, I thought to myself. I never would have gotten upset by this under normal circumstances.
"And now you made her cry, asshole," Kit hissed, his eyes cold and hateful as he stared at Adam. "Come on, Irina," He wrapped his arm around my body, pulling me close to him as we began to walk out of the shop. "Let's get out of here."
Grabbing the basket of food, I let Kit guide me out of the shop and to his red rusted truck. Kit helped me up the steep step to the passenger's seat, speeding down the narrow winding road without another word or a second glance back.
His face was red with anger as he stared ahead, looking over to where I sat puffy eyed in the next seat. He really would do anything for me.
"Are you okay?" His voice laced with growing worry. "I'm sorry I wasn't speaking or very comforting I just wanted to leave as soon as I possibly could, to get you away from that asshole. I have to protect you from him."
"No, it's okay," I whispered, listening to the rushing wind and hypnotic road noise. I stared out at the lush green scenery of rolling hills and dense forests, colonial saltbox homes lined up in neat rows close to the shoulder of the road. "I understand. Seeing you protect me was enough. It really means a lot."
"You just know how adamant I am about protecting you after everything you've gone through, that we've gone through. I know you're strong, but you're still so fragile," I saw him bite his lip as he looked at me passionately. "I love you so much."
"I love you too, Kit," I whispered, leaning in to kiss his cheek.
"He had no right to call you those things," he shook his head. "Sick bastard. If I didn't need that job, I'd never go back there. Ever."
Kit pulled over to the side of the road when we approached the field, the both of us walking out of the car as he pulled me close to him, kissing the top of my head.
"I - I just don't know why I got so upset," I lied, nestling into the warm comfort of his chest. "I never do."
"I know, but it's okay," he soothed me, massaging my back as a tingling sensation shot through my spine, warmth spreading throughout my body. He turned his face down to look at me, wiping away the remaining tears and loose strands of hair. "You okay to go eat?"
"Yeah," I smiled, nodding. "I'm already almost over it. Plus, this will help me take my mind off things."
"Good," he kissed the tip of my nose. "Let's go then."
Kit and I made our way through the tall amber grass via a man made pathway until we reached a vibrant green field blended with long wispy blades of grass and wild flowers. I laid out the soft blanket tucked within the wicker basket, setting up the radio and food there once Kit and I sat down.
"God, I'm starving," Kit said as he took a bite of the ham sandwich in his hands. "Mm, this is good."
"I'm glad," I laughed, popping a plump bright red strawberry between my lips.
We ate in silence for a few moments as I observed my surroundings. The scene was rather picturesque as I stared up at the crystal clear blue sky, white fluffy clouds only appearing on occasion. Houses and power lines were off in the distance amidst the small thickets of dense evergreens, the dying summer breeze rustling the tall grass. The air was still filled with the scent and the heat of summer, though the death of summer was evident on the cusp of the breeze as it was extra chilly.
"I used to come here all the time as a little kid and then a teenager," Kit said with his arm around me, slightly leaning back as we ate. As he took the last bite of his food, he removed a cigarette and lighter from his breast pocket. He shoved the cigarette between his lips, raising his lighter to ignite the tip.
"Don't smoke in this beautiful field, love," I removed the white slender cigarette from between his parted lips, tucking it back inside the pocket he had retrieved it from. I studied the slightly raised vein below his left eye twinged with blue beneath the pale skin.
"You're something," he chuckled.
"Thanks," I laughed. "I used to come here, too. In fact, this was the field where I had my first encounter with spirits..."
"What happened?" Kit turned to face me, licking his fingers.
"Some woman from the Salem Witch Trials appeared to me, then some kids, a man, a bunch of ghosts..." I recollected the memory, the horror I felt. "My sister, Natalia, was mortified, but she still had no right to treat me just as my mother did, especially as she was younger. I didn't understand, I was just a little girl...but then I knew what was happening to me. I couldn't control it; the spirits kept me up at night. My secret leaked out at school, which was why I had no friends. My religious parents hated me for this. I know you've heard all this before, but not the whole chain of events."
"I don't know why I never asked how it all started," He shrugged. "It just never dawned on me, I suppose."
"Well, know you know," I smiled, kissing him gently. "So, what did you do here as a kid?"
"Play ball with my friends mostly, tag, that sort of thing...there was always this little girl watching us from the trees when we got older," he turned to me, an alertness evident in his eyes.
"What?" I gasped.
"I should have know. She was you, wasn't she? She was tan with these great wide catlike green eyes. She would slink in the shadows, not speaking. She must have been only about seven or eight but we were in our teens, though we had been playing here since we were her age ourselves, even younger."
"I think that was me," I nodded. "I briefly remember that."
"I should have known the first time I met you, ever since I looked into your eyes but I just didn't even remember I had that memory at all..."
"It happens, Kit," I reassured him. "Don't worry. It's sweet that you remembered it at all."
"So we've technically met before," he smirked. "Who would've thought?"
"I don't know," I whispered, leaning in to kiss him. I enthusiastically threw myself into the intensity of the kiss, our lips greedily moving in harmony with one another's. I teased his bottom lip with the wet tip of my tongue as he parted his lips to allow me entrance. Our tongues entangled as they swayed intricately with one another, Kit holding my waist as he gently tugged on my plump bottom lip. He lay down and pulled me on top of him as I cupped the back of his neck in a fervent attempt to bring him closer to me, his lips crushing against mine. Kit left a trail of kisses down my neck as I gasped, finishing off by kissing across my exposed collarbones, his nose lightly brushing against them.
It was undeniable we were cliche and crazy about one another, but we deserved that much after being admitted to Briarcliff. Frankly, I couldn't give a shit what people said.
As I gazed into the serene comfort of Kit's wide dark brown eyes tainted with love and wisdom, I knew that now was the time.
"Kit, I have something I need to tell you..." I began fidgeting my fingers though they remained intertwined with his.
"What is it, Irina?" he asked apprehensively. "Is it something bad?"
"No, it's good news. It's partially why I got so emotional before back at the gas station..."
"Come on, darling, what is it?" A smile danced on his pale pink lips.
"I'm pregnant, Kit," I confessed, feeling my cheeks spread into an involuntary smile. "We're gonna have a baby."
The creases of worry etched onto Kit's features were erased, creating a smooth canvas of supple youthful skin. His eyes twinkled as he beamed at me, speechless.
"You are?" he managed to whisper.
I nodded. "Are you excited?"
"Of course! This is all I've been wanting, our little family."
"Me too," I sighed, feeling the joy spread throughout my body. "And now we get that chance at last. I just...I hope I don't...you know..." I purposefully skipped over the word that had caused me so much pain. "As you know, I haven't been feeling well lately. Well, this morning, I had the familiar sensation of the hovering spirit come into play on top of that. I was too tired to put everything together, but then I realized that there was no other reasonable explanation except that I could be pregnant."
"Wow..." he whispered. "But our son, did he talk to you?"
"He did," I swallowed. "He did. It was...very sad. He says he probably won't be born to us, but he wants to. The baby though...I told him I wanted everything to be a surprise, except for the baby's health. He said that the baby was healthy, thank God."
"Thank God is right," Kit sighed, kissing me once more as his hand traveled to my stomach, caressing it lovingly. "But I feel like we're more ready now, anyhow, though I miss him. I'm going to give this baby the best life he or she possibly could have. I won't disappoint them."
I smiled, running my fingers through his silky hair. Kit was going to be such a protective and caring father. All I could hope was that I could be a great mother.